#Light of the World: The Christ Child

 

I have seen a hundred versions of the nativity in my life.  None have come close to impacting me the way this The Christ Child video has.  I think I have watched it 100 times, trying to absorb it as much as I can.  The acting, the music, and the unusual authentic feel to it make it so relatable that I find myself being drawn in emotionally and spiritually. 

There are a number of production elements that I find inspiring by the director and producer.  One is the fact that there are so few words, in fact when they do speak it is in Aramaic, an almost forgotten language that adds so much depth and meaning to the story.  To me, this is a story of quiet sober profundity.  It is impossible not to think if you were them, what thoughts would be constantly going through your head with almost every passing minute.  The knowing looks that Joseph and Mary share at the very first scene of the video is so hauntingly beautiful it literally steals my breath away.  I love that she has dirt on her face....

They know something that no one else in the world knows or every will.  The tremendous irony, is that they really don't know either....  But what is very clear, is their quiet sense of commitment to this holy and unique process of bringing the Savior of the World, into this world.  The wonderment of what would happen must of been all consuming to them at times and they must have also had enough faith to know that they were never alone as well.

And then the time comes... finally.  She wonders if she is ready.... She looks at him again for reassurance....He is there, all the way.  That is what she needed and then bore through the pain of childbirth.

 Joseph prepares a bed for the baby. He and Mary kneel together at the foot of what looks like an altar, as if offering the baby back to God.  It reminded me that the only gift he asks for is our heart.  Our offering to the altar is a broken heart and a contrite spirit -- one that reveres him enough to be willing to offer up our sins in order to know him. 

I love the looks between the shepherd girl and Mary, which were probably the same age.  The stirring testimony of the wise man that showed in his face overshadowed the incredible abundant gifts he brought. 

I love how this video made me feel and I appreciated every detail that went into it.  I hope you enjoy this as well. 

May this bring a special spirit into your heart and bear witness to you of his divinity and the reality of his life.

Friends....part II

Friends.....!!!  Unspeakable gratitude... 

I wrote about Friendship in a previous post. I am forever wrapped up in them, and them in me. For better or worse, it doesn't matter. It is both the better and worse that makes them so wonderful.

Although I have had many in my life, I have learned more about friendship this past year than in all my life put together. 

Just when I thought I was the "bestest" friend ever to someone, I found out that I was not actually at all.... But to me that means I am trying, not giving up or worse...not doing anything at all. 

I don't believe friendship can be passive. It can be hard and rocky, but that is why we hold hands together over those "speed bumps" and that when the green meadows open up, we can run free through them together as well. I am so grateful to God, for my friends....

Do you have that friend that texts you at 11:00pm and say's "hey, listen to this tune and let me know what you think"  Knowing that I will spend an hour listening to it over and over and then over-analyzing it for deeper meaning and then sharing those insights together.  

Do you have that friend that reminds you to have the best day ever?  That sends pics of their dog laying out by the pool?  That reminds you of a memory that brings back incredible feelings and warmth?

I do... I hope you do too....

I guess the question is, if friendship means that much to me, then am I that friend to them?  COVID is a great excuse to find one that you haven't found for awhile and to renew something great!

Happy meadows friend....!

Unburdened

While there has been a torrent of change, worry, and enormous stress during COVID 19 for many, I have had some extraordinary experiences I believe might not have happened without this terrible virus. The irony of this is not lost on me at all.  Being a fan of irony, I find the lessons of these experiences more sweet and powerful than normal.

Here is one...

I hear my phone ping this morning.  It is a text from"Sam X".  The text says: 

"Hi Aaron, (I hope this is still your number).  This is Sam, your old neighbor on 2nd South in Centerville.  I need to run something by you in person if that's possible.  Maybe I could swing by some time or meet somewhere.  I'll just need a couple of minutes of your time if that doable.  Hope all is well with you and family."

My mind does that rapid rewind to calibrate with the past.......  "Oh yeah, I remember, of course, Sam, a super friendly guy who lived in my old neighborhood."  Obviously, our contact has not been frequent as he doesn't even know I moved away over 2 years ago.  A moment of fleeting guilt passes through me.... "Dang, I should have visited him more or at least said goodbye.."

The odds of getting a text from Sam would be low anyway.  We really weren't that close.....Most of the relationship was in place due to my proactive efforts in extending friendship.  He was always willing to entertain a short visit, let my boys help him with his yard, or to inform him of our local church events and activities.

So, here he was reaching out after 3 years of zero contact.  My interest was piqued!....This didn't seem to be the routine "I could use some help in the yard" moment I could tell.  He needed to see me in person....  That was particularly interesting.

I called him back immediately and after saying hello, I told him of our new living situation and caught back up quickly.  I asked how I might help him......

.....He simply and humbly told me that during COVID he had a lot of time to reflect on his life, his kids, and his standing with God. This was not a religious man.  He was not part of our faith but occasionally participated in church social activities or service projects.  The part about his standing with God.....It struck me.... and that he was worried about it.  ( I made a quick mental note:  When was the last time I was worried about my standing with God...?)

He went on:  "Aaron, I need to clear something up that has been on my conscience for a number of years" I quickly scanned the memory banks and no anomalies surfaced.  He then said......."I made a comment once when you were over here for an Easter breakfast when I first moved into the neighborhood and I have regretted it ever since.  I made a glib remark about your not having a job, (which I didn't at the time), which was disparaging to you in front of others and it has bothered me.  I want to tell you that I am sorry that I said that."  

Hnm....I did remember vaguely something like that but I don't remember feeling poorly about it at all.  He didn't know me well enough and he didn't really mean anything by it.

I quickly shared with him that it had no effect on me, I barely remembered it and would love for him to quickly to forget that ever happened and thanked him for his thoughtfulness and courage.

I felt a glimpse, a small moment, what it might be like for Christ--to want to immediately and with much energy and great love help each of us to unburden ourselves of sin, ridding oneself of unnecessary weight.  What he did in that garden many years ago enabled us to forever to let go of past faults and wrongdoings.  The key is to have that reflection and pang of sorrow to be alleviated from shame and guilt and a desire to not repeat.

I almost felt desperate for Sam to immediately never think about this again and to move on and feel freer than before.  I can't remember being happier to help someone feel unburdened by such a thing.  Imagine.....carrying that weight for 10 years.....  Maybe you have done the same.  I know I have.

"We cannot repent for someone else. But we can forgive someone else, refusing to hold hostage those whom the Lord seeks to set free!"

--Neal A. Maxwell

He did make me think... what if I had been offended from that one comment.  What if I had decided to load up my own back with a bunch of unnecessary rocks, nurturing, and nursing dissatisfaction to my soul.... I could have been bitter, angry, and even hateful.  If I had been that Aaron instead, what would have been my reaction?  Would I have accepted his apology?  Would I have let go?  Would I have wanted to let go?

I don't see a lot of Sam X's right now.....people wanting to let go of hurt as much...I see the opposite. I see more hate, and less tolerance, empathy, and love.  It is an interesting thing to examine one's life in that way -- to take inventory of saved up sentiments, the one that keep dissatisfaction alive.  The ones that we pretend to forgive others of that actually linger, they never really go because we haven't really wanted to let go.  We know which ones those are don't we. I have heard people say:  "I forgive them, but I will never forget what they did."  I think they haven't let go.  The desire to cling to these poisoned apples is altogether another irony of life.  They only hurt us, they only cause weight, the canker the soul, and yet our grasp can be oh so tight.....

We are so weak and feeble and terribly insecure, aren't we?  Does that mean we are bad?  I don't think so, it just means we can't do it alone.  We need each other, we need a redeemer....We have one.  He lived, He forgave all of us for everything forever.  We need to feel the cleansing wash of forgiveness and we need to deliver that to others by freely forgiving them.... with a willingness to forget, forever.

"Ever keep in exercise the principle of mercy, and be ready to forgive our brother on the first intimations of repentance, and asking forgiveness; and should we even forgive our brother, or even our enemy, before he repent or ask forgiveness, our heavenly Father would be equally as merciful unto us."      --The Prophet Joseph Smith,

I would like to think that I would have forgiven Sam even if I had taken offense.  Then Sam would have blessed me as well in return because I would have let go of something that I needed to as well.  We both would have.  Isn't that incredible!  Maybe this is magic of repentance and forgiveness... it cures in miraculously beautiful ways.

"With faith in the merciful Redeemer and His power, potential despair turns to hope. One’s very heart and desires change, and the once-appealing sin becomes increasingly abhorrent. A resolve to abandon and forsake the sin and to repair, as fully as one possibly can, the damage he or she has caused now forms in that new heart. This resolve soon matures into a covenant of obedience to God. With that covenant in place, the Holy Ghost, the messenger of divine grace, will bring relief and forgiveness."    --D. Todd Christofferson,

It was apparent to me that this thing that Sam had carried all these years had become increasingly abhorrent to him... he had to rid himself of it enough to reach out and in person, if he could, look me in the eye and apologize.  How brave, how courageous, how beautiful that experience was for me.  To participate in the process that scriptures and prophets profess.  To feel closer to Jesus Christ while doing so.  

Sam's stature grew immensely to me as a result of that simple and sweet exchange.  I was so grateful that he called me, that he would trust me and actually hope for a reconciliation.  This was a man who was trying to live his life according to his conscience, not because he had to for any religious reason, but because he knew it was the right thing to do.  I love Sam more than ever.  I reminded him that he was exactly following the admonition of the Savior and how much God must be pleased with his calling me.

Yes, he inspired me. 

Do you think I started looking inside myself after that call?  Would you?

Does the Lord waste any disaster or pandemic to help his children learn?  I don't think so.  They might be the best learning opportunities He has, as too often we don't lean his way when things are going well.

This is one experience that has given me a new perspective on COVID 19.  I am grateful for that...

I  knew in my heart upon ending the call that I needed Sam's call just as much as he needed me.....

An Uncommon Love

I would like to introduce you to Braden Aaron Brown and Abigail Elizabeth Wadley. 

Braden + Abby

Two extraordinary people.  The type of people that would wince at my suggesting that word....(which already says loads about them)......The type of people that thrive in absolute zero attention space. The type of people that somehow manage to distance themselves from the accolades that seem to shower around them consistently.  What is most uncommon is that they both never let themselves truly "inhale" the compliments.......Rather, they say thank you.....smile--because they are smart enough to know that you, the giver, needs to feel good for giving the compliment, and then they "snap back to grid" to that place where superlatives do not exist.  In essence, they are quietly gracious.......Uncommon?   I would say yes.

They have known each other since they were in grade school.  They became friends in 7th grade.  Braden, painfully shy, someone who would do almost anything to keep any attention or notice directed his way, showed up in a way that caught this young girl's attention.   His gift was that he knew who he was at a very young age.  He found his footing early and has never veered since.  He was a young man that had decided early in life, that he was going to "go about and do good" (Acts 10:38) in every interaction, in every relationship, in every thought and deed.  It is no small thing to remember who this scripture referred to and the profound parallels it has to Braden.   While we witnessed Braden's behavior and interactions with our own eyes, we didn't have the advantage of seeing Abby growing up but, we have had strong inklings she followed a similar code of life by the way Braden felt drawn to her.  I wouldn't be surprised a bit if her parents saw similar motivations and patterns in their home.....

Uncommon?  I would have to say yes. 

Most young people struggle to navigate the awkwardness of early "teenageship",  Braden seamlessly glided through those messy crags and crevices with an amazing amount of ease and solidity. I am sure he might describe it differently, but it was clear to us that somehow his roots went deeper, and when the wind blew, he was steadfast.....never allowing the tempestuous winds of junior high temptations that blew his way to alter his focus, or his path.  It didn't matter what the world threw at him to try and knock him off his feet, it never worked.....I am sure it was frustrating to those that tried.  What was especially cool was that no one really wanted to.... He managed to be totally integrated with academics, sports, music, friends and yet was able to fly adeptly under the mainstream radar exquisitely with the sophistication of a trained fighter pilot. An unusual talent for high schooler..... Uncommon?  I would say yes.

 And there is this Abby person.... Wow!  You would love her!  You would probably only need about 5 minutes to find out too.  A smile that would melt an iceberg, a differentiated disposition honed her entire life to be loving, kind, and generous.... the kind of generosity that flows freely.  When she pays attention, she really does.....no fake smiles or laughs.  She is so smart, intellectual, precise in her calculations--whatever they may be (lots of spreadsheets!!) and perfectly balanced with her constant beautiful smile and wonderful sense of humor.  She has super high emotional intelligence -- she is able to adeptly walk into a situation, observe the room, the situation, the people, and react just right.  Mostly it works because she wears a  countenance that puts you at ease........ immediately.

Uncommon....To me, yes.

You see Abby, equally extraordinary, was observing from afar.... she wasn't looking for the typical Junior High School boys most girls would.... it wasn't the sports, the clothes, the neighborhood or the car (The car was cool however..!) .....No, she had a different gaze.... it was deeper and went under the surface of stuff.  It took more time, more consideration, more precision, but she saw something that was not obvious to almost everyone else.  She saw Braden's heart early on.  She watched him act quietly.  He didn't say much, but his actions, how he interacted with others, and how he carried himself was loud and clear.  She zero'd in on a different target.......and set things in motion that forever change both their trajectories....... and Braden didn't seem to complain too much! 

It happened quietly, without commotion, and very little noise......This thing....this uncommon love.  How two 7th graders could be so stealthy--so wise, so young?  I don't know.....Did they see this coming way back then?  The idea that maybe there was this very tiny seed of an idea... that germinated into a possibility of something more is irresistible.....and very cool.   I would like to believe that maybe these little post it notes of possibilities would come to them, maybe while eating lunch on the sidewalk at school each day, or thinking of each other during class......that this precious thing they were growing, could eventually lead to something as incredible as the eternal union they will be forming today.  

I love the way they found each other, grew together and found love.  While this may not sound that different than other love stories, The way they did it was uniquely theirs....special,  intimate, powerful and uncommon.  

What they will do next will be no less impressive.  They have framed a perfect  and precise blueprint of how they want to live their lives.  I think about the vise grips pliers I have in my toolbox.  The kind that once locked on--don't come off......That is what these two have done.  They have locked their "vise grips" tight around how they want to live leaving no question in anyone's mind about what will result.....They will go about doing good for the rest of their lives.

Talk about an intentional life! 

So, with the help of a little tune we like to sing at home, we send you off into your heart shaped sea.

"All I needed was the love you gave

All I needed for another day

And all I ever knew

Only you...."

The Amazing Worlwide Fast for COVID 19

President Russel M. Nelson, the leader of my church invited all members of my faith last Sunday during General Conference to join in a worldwide fast so:

".....that the present pandemic may be controlled, caregivers protected, the economy strengthened, and life normalized.”   

The results have been absolutely amazing to me!  I had no idea the ripple effect this has had on the world and on my own heart.

We practice fasting on a regular basis in my church.  We fast every first Sunday for 24 hours and give the money we normally would spend to those who have less or none.  However, it is unusual for the entire worldwide church to fast together.  There have been a few occasions that I remember in my lifetime.  This was by far the most memorable given the situation.  What made this fast so incredibly different was that because of the blessing of technology, his invitation literally went out to the world.  a FB page was organized and about 600K people joined, creating an instant global community.  What was unexpected was how many people not of my faith joined and supported this fast.  All religions and even some who have no following.  The stories they have shared have been so inspiring to me and I was brought to tears many many times in reading the special experiences they shared. 

The most special stories were those of children who, although not expected to fast, did so on many accounts.  Young children who once they learned about the fast, asked their parents to join in.  There were some stories where some of the kids actually wanted to fast longer than their parents thought they should. 

One, in particular, tried to fast until 3:00pm on Friday.  When it came time they went out to the yard, kneeled down, and then asked God to help them have the strength to fast for one more hour.  This was not a singular story, I read of several of these types of stories.  This blew me away.  I remember when I started fasting at 8 years old how hard it was.  These little kids are on a different plane I think.  I read texts coming from my nieces and nephews sharing similar stories about how their little kids pleaded to be part of the fast. What is going inside these kids?  What is stirring their little souls?  What is beckoning them?  I think the answer is more a question of "Who" is beckoning them....  I believe it is Jesus.

"And a little child shall lead them."  (Isaiah 3:6)  

There is a wonderful talk about this from President Thomas S. Monson.

The point I think I would like to make is that once again, events like this pandemic, create windows of opportunity, experiences and challenges us that invite the best in us to come out.  Qualities and characteristics that might not otherwise be surfaced and shared that need to be.  

I loved being part of this worldwide effort.  I felt connected to the world in a way that I probably never have before.  The world became smaller, more conceivable that we are really together, bound by a common cause.  I loved being inspired by all--especially these children.  I feel like I understand better that my preparation and ability to traverse these types of life's challenges have a lot more to with my spiritual readiness than how much food, water, and fuel I can acquire.  

.....The parable of the ten virgins takes on new meaning....

Am I ready?

And the People Stayed Home

The world has exploded and everything is upside down... I have never lived through something so surreal or globally impacting this scale other than 9/11.  While that had more shock and awe which subsided, there doesn't seem to be a known end to this scenario.... a lot of uncertainty.

As I have been dealing with my own mental and emotional stress of work, family, preparedness.  I have been practicing thinking in a more positive way.  It takes a minute, but it works -- at least right now it is.

I have been trying to see any silver lining of this pandemic.   I wonder..... are there fewer wars, less fighting, less crime, and maybe even less sickness now than ever despite the cause of our global hibernation being a virus?  Is it possible that some good can come from the whole world at being at home, at the same time? If trying to figure out how to cope with cabin fever seclusion and togetherness is one of the new challenges, well.... is that necessarily a bad thing?  Hard for some I am sure... but wonderful too at the same time.

While I find the current situation to be surreal in many ways, I cannot help but reflect on many things as I find myself with more time working from home and trying to be a good steward of social distancing -- the two most important words in the whole world right now.... our new normal.

I have managed to stop listening to the "worst-case always" news and social media as much -- now I just drop in a couple of times a day to catch any new details to stay on top of what I need to be aware of and informed about.   With that, I am practicing thinking about the big picture, what matters most and take stock of life's priorities.   I find myself wondering and worrying about a lot of people I know across the world.  I catch myself frequently saying little prayers on their behalf, not knowing what is really going on, but hoping they are healthy and not under undue stress.

Reflection is the act of purposeful learning. With practice, we can learn how to learn from experiences in our work and our lives. This requires us to be curious and inquisitive about our experiences and actions, as well as the feedback we receive from others.

Looking back allows us to identify and expand upon what really matters because we receive ideas on how to move forward in a way that better serves our greater purpose.

I read this today and loved it.  I thought if I shared it might help another with perspective.  Kitty O'Meara just wrote this a few days/weeks ago and she is already heralded as the poet laureate of the Pandemic:

"And the people stayed home. And read books, and listened, and rested, and exercised, and made art, and played games, and learned new ways of being, and were still. And listened more deeply. Some meditated, some prayed, some danced. Some met their shadows. And the people began to think differently. And the people healed. And, in the absence of people living in ignorant, dangerous, mindless, and heartless ways, the earth began to heal. And when the danger passed, and the people joined together again, they grieved their losses, and made new choices, and dreamed new images, and created new ways to live and heal the earth fully, as they had been healed."

Kitty O'Meara

Dear friends, the potential for healing as a people is tremendous in the challenges we now face! And so many beautiful opportunities as well.

I wish you so well.....

Learning to Be Still during a Pandemic

I would be lying if I told you I have been just fine during this pandemic.  I have not.....

Despite enjoying extraordinary comforts and conveniences such as a 2-year food storage, electricity, water, sound shelter after a fairly decent earthquake, gainful employment, all my family healthy and kids still able to do school and work while many cannot.

I am struggling mentally and emotionally with the stress knowing the entire world is facing one single common enemy--The Corona Virus.  The myriad of questions come like a fast-moving river, 

• "Will the stores close down?"
• "How do I keep all my team members at work engaged and feeling positive?"
• "How long will my job last?" 
• "Are we financially prepared for worse?"
• "How are friends and family dealing with it all?" 
• "Will Braden be able to get married to Abby or will it be postponed?"
• "Have I truly prepared my family for a prolonged shutdown and social distancing?"

Then, through all the noise, confusion, surrealism one clear question pierces through the surface:

"Are you ready spiritually to guide your family through uncertainty?"

For the first time in my life, I haven't been able to congregate with members of my faith.  To some, it may be good tidings, not having to dress up and attend meetings on Sunday.  To me, it is not.  Not for the social aspect, but for the feeling I get when I attend and partake of the Sacrament each week in an attempt to wipe the slate clean, put on a fresh coat of hope and renewal and look and then striving to live in a way to keep the constant companionship of the Spirit to guide me to make the right decisions and recover more quickly when I don't.

I have tried to keep some semblance of the Sabbath at home these past few Sundays.  It seems like it should be easy, but it isn't.  I feel the weight of wondering what should I be saying to my kids to keep a positive reassuring vibe, while at the same time helping them think about where they stand in relation to Heaven during times like this.  I wonder what might be going through their minds.  What emotions are being triggered?  Do they feel scared?  Are their hearts being pricked in the right ways to reflect on the solidity of their own faith?  

Stripping away all the brick and mortar,  machinery, programming, socialization, and production the Church so beautifully furnishes I find myself realizing how much those things really don't matter during a time like this. The prospect has forced me to ask one single solitary inescapable question:

Where is your faith? 

How deep are the roots of your tree of faith?  

There is nothing else.....just you and the Lord.  I wonder if the feeling I felt was at all like the one Adam experienced when God came looking to speak with him after eating the forbidden fruit.....

Looking into that mirror has caused some of the stressful feelings.... some guilty, some panicky, mostly reassurance and also a lot of hope and love. I have tried to use this incredibly challenging situation to figure out where I really stand.  I have spent more time than normal contemplating all that I have been taught, remembering promises and covenants I have made, where I have steered wrong and gone off the path.  I have thought about all my parents taught me.  I have thought about what I have learned from my kids.  I have even thought through the gauge by which I should measure this contemplation....  How will I know?

Today I found that way.......  again.   It has been a while, too long in fact....which is another lesson for another day....

I found it through being quiet as I possibly could. Peeling back all the layers around me like an onion.  Letting go of work, food, news, entertainment, music, cleaning, the noise of kids being home.  Finding that place where I could be "still".  Learning to listen with different ears.  Feeling being the new way of listening.

“Be still and know that I am God..."  Psalm 46:10 

I have been invited recently by the leader of our Church to "hear Him".  Today I did.  While completing a 24 hour church-wide fast with my family to help stem the tide of the virus, and offer prayers to calm the inflicted and suffering I "heard" a strong affirmation of feeling in my heart that caused a deep impression on me of the love my Heavenly Father has for me.  I cannot explain the feeling only that it made all the difference and gave me a new perspective.  I wasn't expecting the way it came, but no matter.  I am grateful for that tender mercy.

The resolve I feel as a result is a quiet one.  It is clear that I should not and cannot depend upon the world for my happiness.  I must find it only in the life, mission, and atonement of Jesus Christ.  I felt Him today.  

What started out as a hope for direction has turned into clear knowledge that I did indeed "hear Him" this day.  Surely I am so blessed for that knowledge.

I did learn today that I don't want to wait for the next disaster to find the motivation and reason for this particular search.  Unfortunately, it took more effort than it needed to for me to have this experience this day. That tells me something about my standing I think.  The strong look in the mirror today gave me some much needed constructive and honest feedback.  A most loving and gentle kick in the butt.

I pray for the strength to maintain the focus I know I will need, to Be Still through all that will certainly come forward in our uncertain future.....

Please pray for me....!

How it used to be

 CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL THE KIDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE 1920's, 30's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes or cervical cancer. Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets or shoes, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking. As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or airbags. Riding in the back of a truck on a warm day was always a special treat. We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. Take away food was limited to fish and chips, no pizza shops, McDonalds, KFC, Subway or Red Robin. Even though all the shops closed at 6.00pm and didn't open on the weekends, somehow we didn't starve to death! We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this. We could collect old drink bottles and cash them in at the corner store and buy fruit tingles and some firecrackers to blow up frogs with. We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soft drinks with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because...... WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K. We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. We built tree houses and cubby houses and played in creek beds with matchbox cars. We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no videotape movies, no surround sound, no mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them! We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. Only girls had pierced ears!

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever. You could only buy Easter Eggs and Hot Cross buns at Easter time.......no really! We were given BB guns and sling shots for our 10th birthdays, We drank milk laced with Strontium 90 from cows that had eaten grass covered in nuclear fallout from the atomic testing at Maralinga in 1956. We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them! Mum didn't have to go to work to help dad make ends meet!

Football had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! Our teachers used to belt us with big sticks and leather straps and bullies always ruled the playground at school. The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

Our parents got married before they had children and didn't invent unusual names for their kids like 'Kiora' and 'Blade' This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 70 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!  And YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS! You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before lawyers, universities and the government regulated our lives for our own so-called good. And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.

Hopes

Not sure why I never posted this.....thought I would.  Brought back some good feels.

2013 began with many big ideas, lots of hope, and tons of energy.

Don't all years start that way?

Thank goodness for that.... I am not one that looks forward to ending a particular year so that somehow magically a new one rushes in to "save" me from what might have not gone that well with the last one.  I welcome all the years.  I am made from the results of all of them.  They are like pillars that line my past like a photo album.

There are those special hallmark years, however.... the few that stand out.  The ones wherein we remember, sometimes all too vividly....things..... where we were, what time of day it was, what we were wearing, who we were with, the exact moment, frozen forever in our memories. These are they that become tattooed to our souls.  They cannot be changed, forgotten or removed.

2013 was one such year:

We sent our first out into the world...ok, it was only Canada...that still counts right?  He left a vacancy I wasn't quite prepared for.  The loss is made up for by the work he is doing, which fulfills us all.   We are filled by the mission Landon is serving. It tastes a lot like the "living water" Christ speaks about.  The kind that makes you..... "thirst not".

Funny how hope or lack thereof can change our view of the world so quickly.  With it, we see no limits, everything is possible, we ask:  "What can't I do?".  Without it, we can barely see past a day, we wonder why we get up in the morning and we ask:  "Why should I get dressed?"

Hope is like fuel.  A big stash of wood that feeds a raging fire... it drives us. It makes us stretch.  It makes us do things we normally wouldn't do. It creates desire, momentum,
and speed. Hope makes us chase dreams.

Highlights:
1. Travis Wall and Amy dancing to "Wicked Game" on SYTYCD.  This was such an amazing performance and I will always remember how it brought out such emotion in me.

Amy and Travis

Army Strong

This little girl informed us that she just signed up for the Army today.  She is now officially a member of the armed forces hoping to be part of something much bigger than herself.  

I found this early picture of McKenna -- Look at her closely..... her eyes say it all!!!  They have always been steely and determined despite her good-natured personality.  She already looks as if she is standing at attention ready for her orders.....Fast forward a couple of years and there she is, standing at attention ready for anything!

When she called to share the details it was obvious how excited she was.  She is in the nursing program and has been flirting with the idea of signing up for a few years now.... this past weekend a wonderful recruiter closed the deal as stopped his booth during a campus visit to BYU's nursing program.  She spent the weekend at home, wanting to talk through everything.....McKenna was SO ready....  I didn't know what it could feel like, to have one of your kids join the military community.  I do now...  My heart is completely full and the great sense of pride is difficult to ignore.   Funny as it may seem,  I feel like saluting her every time I see her now.  It is truly an amazing feeling.

On the Army website one of the first pages shows this question.  It immediately hit me hard......

When she was just about 6 weeks old, a couple of weeks before her Grandmother passed, McKenna had a special blessing given to her by her father.  The first thing he did was to present this infant back to God, in a humble attitude of prayer, with her grandfather and uncles in a united circle with hands placed under her, supporting the packaged blanket she was wrapped up in.  So little, so new, so innocent...

Her name was given:  McKenna Lynn Brown.  a 3rd generation "Lynn" coming from her father and Grandfather, both present in that special circle.

The words that followed were unrehearsed, unpracticed, and unknown up until the second they slipped through his mouth and uttered in this prayer to God asking for His special blessing of this new little girl.  That she would grow up in the grace of His Son, with a desire to do good and to seek the best things in life.  A plea that she might have courage to face life's challenges and to be strong in her values and beliefs.  At one point, there was a pause, and his voice cracked filled with emotion feeling new and powerful words come to his mind so clearly.......

He blessed her that she might be a

  "warrior of righteousness that would battle against the adversary"

Odd words for a newborn baby girl? ...... maybe....maybe not.... I didn't know McKenna that well yet, but these words when they came to me, were like a revelation of light and like lightning that instantly struck my heart.  Somehow I knew in that instant that this was a girl that would fight fiercely throughout her life.  I didn't know to what extent or in what contexts, but I knew then, as I know now that she would be a quiet fighter, relentless and would overcome all that got in her way.  She has done it her whole life....

She has overcome physical battles: hundreds of soccer games, 2 ACL surgeries (Recoveries were worse), a couple of broken noses, a concussion.  She volunteered to go to Uruguay and learn a new language and champion a new culture and stand up for the poorest and humblest of folk, helping guide them towards Jesus Christ.  She wrestled with isolation, heat and in very close to the end of her time there, she suffered painful appendicitis in a small city that didn't have the best medical support, and still managed to fight to finish her mission as if nothing ever happened.

So... yes, "Army Strong" seems very fitting for McKenna.  She has become that warrior she was foreordained to be so many years ago.   If you knew her, you wouldn't first describe her that way, but as soon as you hear these words, you will nod your head vigorously knowing that it sums her spirit perfectly.

That young father.... older now, didn't fully know what those words really meant until today, when McKenna shared the news.  The instant emotion that came reminded me exactly of the same feelings I felt then, not understanding why those words came so powerfully but always wondering how they would play out in her life. McKenna has become a warrior for the depressed, downtrodden, feeble and those that ail in life.  She disdains fighting, but, you would not want to be on the wrong side of her if she needed to.

She is representing all of America now and I know in her heart she welcomes that burden willingly.  The Army just got better.....

I salute you Soldier

Taliesen West

This past President's holiday weekend McKenna and I decided to take a quick trip to get out of the cold Utah winter.  As usual, we basically looked up the warmest locations and narrowed the list.  We found ourselves on a night flight to Phoenix.  It was perfect.....!  73 degrees.

As we thought about what next steps I remembered that Taliesin West was actually out in the Scottsdale desert and I had never seen it.

Taliesin West is a most interesting part of FLW's story.... in 1930's, with his 3 piece suit and at 70 years of age, he picked a place literally in the desert on the brow of a mountainous hill far from any services at the time, which were scanty at best and with his small army of apprentices from all over the world and 37 vehicles of supplies he carved out a masterpiece in the desert called Taliesin West.  He was tired of cold Wisconsin winters and fell in love with the desert landscape environment of Arizona.  He experimented and created a most incredible community and home.  It still to this day attracts architects to its' offices hoping to further his philosophy of "Organic Architecture" which he is a pioneer of and as recently recognized continues to further his reach on how design should continue to shape the way people live.

We had a little time to kill before the tour so we immersed ourselves in the book store where we learned alot.  An amazing talent that really did change the way Americans and others live their lives.  If you ever have had a "great room" in your home, you can thank him for that design....  Who doesn't now?

He did things here that were unbelievable.....He used all the natural resources to build Taliesin West, and we got to tour it, touch it and sit in many of its rooms for a couple of hours.  Here are some pics because it is hard to describe.  You just have to experience it first hand

The square red box symbol showing intersecting lines in this picture is the brand logo for Taliesin West.  It as taken from an actual indian petroglyph that is still on the property signifying hands clasping.  It was so cool to see the original stone:

There is something quite extraordinary when you make the physical transition from the outside into the inside of one of his structures or rooms.  There is instant calm, perfect lighting, a sense of openness and even if there are 20 people in the room, it feels as if you could fit more....

He is a master of light and geometry among other talents.  Those two, in particular, are constantly at play.  He uses triangles everywhere, especially in places where the light will cast interesting shadows to cause interest and reflection.  He does this everywhere.....  

He mirrors the slant of a roof line with that of the backdrop of hills and plays with many interesting angles, even fireplaces in almost every room.

Everything about Taliesin West makes you want to linger, and not go.....  I felt similarly at Macchu Pichu, Borobodur, Mont St. Michel or Iguacu Falls.  Places where time seems to stop and the majesty and magic of nature combined with structure is perfect.    

How cool that there are 7 more now to see on this world heritage tour.  In a coming day, I will see the "one" that has been in my imagination forever -- Fallingwater.  The anticipation is growing, and I get pretty excited just thinking that it is within grasp like never before.  Surely I am blest....!

I wonder what Gibran would have written had he hung out here for a while... makes me wonder, mostly it makes me smile.  Being there has inspired me to write, and I can't even write very well.... imagine what it did for these enthusiastic aspiring architects...!  Wow, it must have been amazing to hear FLW teach as they ate dinner at 'camp' as he called it.

McKenna, we made a great memory together no? :  )   I will never forget...!

"He was 30 feet up and he wasn't coming down...."

This is Landon, my oldest, 25 years ago... I remember this time well.  Something about the first one that seems to make a sharper indent on the memory.  Everything is a first....

This little guy had his whole life in front of him.  At the moment, he had just woken up from a nap which took a minute to recover from.... His brow was a bit furrowed, probably worried about something very important..... either what flavor of Gerber he was going to get next or already worrying about the prospect of applying for medical school.   I know now that it was definitely the latter.  He somehow knew back then that the process would be painful and he didn't want to face it...... Boy was it!

None of us could really anticipate what that application process would exact from him and a bit from Mom and Dad.   What is a few essays after all?  How many would he punch out throughout high school and college? A hundred at least....? 

How could I begin to explain what I think the process was really like for Landon?  I can't....  He bore the brunt.   All I can say is what it felt like to me was when you have a seriously long bad nightmare, the kind that feels like you have lived an entire life in that dream, and then you wake up breathing hard, sweating with your hands clenched on the sheets of your bed, scared to believe that you might actually be safe from the sheer terror then just in case, you pinch yourself, and then you actually do wake up and it is much worse in real life!   

That, is what writing 1,000 essays for medical school is like.   I won't say more because I wasn't the guy writing them.... I was just observing and that is how I felt!


There is a quote: 

When you feel like quitting

Think about why you started

What started out as a fairly straightforward process regressed fairly quickly into an ongoing, never-ending agonizing mechanical pounding out of blocks of text, with too many paragraphs, too many words, not always connecting, not always synching --  trying to say too many things.  Sometimes squeezing meaning into fewer and fewer words as the word count consistently said "Over limit". The struggle to sych together the right level of meaning at the right place in each essay... Very difficult that felt like climbing up a staircase of disjointed steps, not knowing where your foot would land next......

Something happened along the way.... unexpected, unintended but so cool.  In the many hours of listening, reading, editing, brainstorming and reflecting on his life for specific experiences that might be useful in these essays I became familiar with a whole host of things about Landon I never knew before.  There were other things that I knew already, but fun to remember all over again.  I came to know Landon in a way that I hadn't before and was grateful he included me in the process.  Some kids can't stand to have their parents involved in their "homework" much less writing about personal experiences and feelings.  Somehow, Landon genuinely leaned on us to support him which was an incredible experience.  I really did so little at the end of the day, but I was overwhelmed often at what I learned.   It was super great to help him find his voice to properly story tell the amazing experiences he had acquired over the years.  I couldn't ignore the array of so many great choices he had made throughout his life which were often the reason why he had something meaningful to write about.  The commitment to athletics, service, his faith and genuine care for others produced wonderful stories that he was now sharing, of all places, med school applications.   It was like pouring over his personal diary of things that mattered the most to him.  I became much more aware of what was really important to him and how carefully he wanted to portray the true meaning of these experiences.  He took great care to word everything just right.  It was really really special to get to know him on a deeper level in such an unexpected way.

It started with a story about Drew, who I have written about before.  Andrew was a special needs kid who Landon had worked with for years.  The first story he ever told on his first application and first essay began with: 

   "He was 30ft up in a tree and he wasn't coming down.  No one else could coax him down from his perch.  How in the world was I going to do anything different....."

The story goes on to describe how Landon did get him down and he did with amazing intellect and skill.  Talents he honed well so early in life.  I had never heard that story before.  That was the beginning....

I learned a few things going through this process....  I learned he had some talents I would never have, not in a million years.  I learned that he knew what those were and that they were important in his life.  Mostly what I learned was that the true purpose of that mind-numbing application process might have a lot more to do with him learning about himself than any school he might get into.  That was the magic of it all.  I am not sure if he saw this like I did, maybe one day he might.

I read this quote recently and thought it was so fitting of his multi-dimensional character:

“A doctor should be a clown at heart, a scientist at brain and a mother at conscience.”

As we wait to see who reads those stories and ultimately decides his fate, this grateful father is content to know the contents of his sons' heart regardless of the outcome.    

Landon, you are a great writer, an excellent storyteller and a most excellent human being.  In a coming day, when you find yourself scrubbing up before heading into some complicated surgery, I hope Drew's story comes to you and inspires you as you go work magic again on someone else in need.  

I will remember that long summer of med school essays..... 

"it was the worst of times, it was the best of times...!!"

Desert Reflections

The landscape was stark and lifeless but bright, so bright it hurt the eyes.  So bright, yet nothing to see.... The Utah desert is incredibly varied.  Some parts have blistering white sand and azure blue skies. The bonneville salt flats.


Have you walked in the desert?  Movie scenes are conjured up in my mind from adolescent movies.  The one that sears the most is Lawrence of Arabia.  A powerful film that left a deep impression on me that included amazing desert scenes that I hadn't seen before.  

What I noticed most, but didn't understand at the time, was when Peter O' Toole decided to cross part of a desert that was supposedly impassable.  Somehow he made it, but almost died.   It enabled him to help conquer a particular coastal city as a result.  That journey though, changed him.

I tend to favor forests but deserts have a certain appeal.  They have hidden lessons....Many who have traveled them find them....I am reading about a family who traveled the desert wilderness for 8 years. A guy named Nephi tells most of the story.  Moses was another.  40 years wandering with thousands.... I guess it took longer for them to learn what they needed to. John the Baptist was raised in the desert.  He learned what he needed to..... and although I hesitate to mention so close to other biblical names....... but I must, Mad Max also learned a few things out there as well.....

 What is it about the desert?

“God takes everyone he loves through a desert. 

It is his cure for our wandering hearts, restlessly searching for a new Eden...

The best gift of the desert is God's presence... 

The protective love of the Shepherd gives me courage to face the interior journey.”

                                                                                                                         ― Paul E. Miller,

I find this fascinating.  The day this picture was taken I wasn't taking any spiritual journey, I wasn't doing a reflective retreat with a solo experience, rather I was taking some pictures of things that caught my inner eye.  I did feel it beckoning though..... The solace of being in the middle of a desert is an awesome thing to consider.

“The thing about tears is that they can be as quiet as a cloud floating across the desert sky.”

Do we have to go there?  Will I know the time and place?

I have been to the desert.  Many times.  I believe this quote.  I believe it is one of the things we each must do in life is traverse our own wilderness and personal desert.  There are lessons that can only be learned there.  It is supposed to be solitary, strange, soulful and scarce.  

“I shivered in those
solitudes
when I heard
the voice
of
the salt
in the desert.”
― Pablo Neruda

One of my all-time favorite books is "The Little Prince."  The entire story practically takes place in the desert.  We get an inside glimpse of a most remarkable person who finds his way, and more importantly, we find such deep life meaning with a simple plane crash (reminiscent of the "English Patient" themes) in the desert with just a few interactions this solitary figure experiences.  Reading it again makes me wonder if it was just a dream--just lovely hallucinations, yet I know in my heart the lessons are absolutely real.

“I have always loved the desert. One sits down on a desert sand dune, sees nothing, hears nothing. Yet through the silence, something throbs, and gleams...”
― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

It creates a certain kind of vulnerability where we are stripped of all things and we are laid bare in our essence to our creator.  It is a purifying walk.  No one can help us.  It is the ultimate solo gig.  If you haven't traveled across your internal desert yet, you will. I believe it comes to all of us.  I think some of my own are traveling it now.... they may not know it, but it has occurred to me.  I can sense it.  I am anxious to see how they come out on the other side.  Is it ok for me to hope they find God there?  I am praying they will, as I know I have....


“But in the desert, in the pure clean atmosphere, in the silence – there you can find yourself. And unless you begin to know yourself, how can you even begin to search for God?”
― Father Dioscuros

If you are in your desert right now...May you find, after experiencing the rough grist of wind-whipped sand, the strength to carry on with the clarity,  peace, and purpose that you need to look forward with new light and new eyes.