And the People Stayed Home

The world has exploded and everything is upside down... I have never lived through something so surreal or globally impacting this scale other than 9/11.  While that had more shock and awe which subsided, there doesn't seem to be a known end to this scenario.... a lot of uncertainty.

As I have been dealing with my own mental and emotional stress of work, family, preparedness.  I have been practicing thinking in a more positive way.  It takes a minute, but it works -- at least right now it is.

I have been trying to see any silver lining of this pandemic.   I wonder..... are there fewer wars, less fighting, less crime, and maybe even less sickness now than ever despite the cause of our global hibernation being a virus?  Is it possible that some good can come from the whole world at being at home, at the same time? If trying to figure out how to cope with cabin fever seclusion and togetherness is one of the new challenges, well.... is that necessarily a bad thing?  Hard for some I am sure... but wonderful too at the same time.

While I find the current situation to be surreal in many ways, I cannot help but reflect on many things as I find myself with more time working from home and trying to be a good steward of social distancing -- the two most important words in the whole world right now.... our new normal.

I have managed to stop listening to the "worst-case always" news and social media as much -- now I just drop in a couple of times a day to catch any new details to stay on top of what I need to be aware of and informed about.   With that, I am practicing thinking about the big picture, what matters most and take stock of life's priorities.   I find myself wondering and worrying about a lot of people I know across the world.  I catch myself frequently saying little prayers on their behalf, not knowing what is really going on, but hoping they are healthy and not under undue stress.

Reflection is the act of purposeful learning. With practice, we can learn how to learn from experiences in our work and our lives. This requires us to be curious and inquisitive about our experiences and actions, as well as the feedback we receive from others.

Looking back allows us to identify and expand upon what really matters because we receive ideas on how to move forward in a way that better serves our greater purpose.

I read this today and loved it.  I thought if I shared it might help another with perspective.  Kitty O'Meara just wrote this a few days/weeks ago and she is already heralded as the poet laureate of the Pandemic:

"And the people stayed home. And read books, and listened, and rested, and exercised, and made art, and played games, and learned new ways of being, and were still. And listened more deeply. Some meditated, some prayed, some danced. Some met their shadows. And the people began to think differently. And the people healed. And, in the absence of people living in ignorant, dangerous, mindless, and heartless ways, the earth began to heal. And when the danger passed, and the people joined together again, they grieved their losses, and made new choices, and dreamed new images, and created new ways to live and heal the earth fully, as they had been healed."

Kitty O'Meara

Dear friends, the potential for healing as a people is tremendous in the challenges we now face! And so many beautiful opportunities as well.

I wish you so well.....

Learning to Be Still during a Pandemic

I would be lying if I told you I have been just fine during this pandemic.  I have not.....

Despite enjoying extraordinary comforts and conveniences such as a 2-year food storage, electricity, water, sound shelter after a fairly decent earthquake, gainful employment, all my family healthy and kids still able to do school and work while many cannot.

I am struggling mentally and emotionally with the stress knowing the entire world is facing one single common enemy--The Corona Virus.  The myriad of questions come like a fast-moving river, 

• "Will the stores close down?"
• "How do I keep all my team members at work engaged and feeling positive?"
• "How long will my job last?" 
• "Are we financially prepared for worse?"
• "How are friends and family dealing with it all?" 
• "Will Braden be able to get married to Abby or will it be postponed?"
• "Have I truly prepared my family for a prolonged shutdown and social distancing?"

Then, through all the noise, confusion, surrealism one clear question pierces through the surface:

"Are you ready spiritually to guide your family through uncertainty?"

For the first time in my life, I haven't been able to congregate with members of my faith.  To some, it may be good tidings, not having to dress up and attend meetings on Sunday.  To me, it is not.  Not for the social aspect, but for the feeling I get when I attend and partake of the Sacrament each week in an attempt to wipe the slate clean, put on a fresh coat of hope and renewal and look and then striving to live in a way to keep the constant companionship of the Spirit to guide me to make the right decisions and recover more quickly when I don't.

I have tried to keep some semblance of the Sabbath at home these past few Sundays.  It seems like it should be easy, but it isn't.  I feel the weight of wondering what should I be saying to my kids to keep a positive reassuring vibe, while at the same time helping them think about where they stand in relation to Heaven during times like this.  I wonder what might be going through their minds.  What emotions are being triggered?  Do they feel scared?  Are their hearts being pricked in the right ways to reflect on the solidity of their own faith?  

Stripping away all the brick and mortar,  machinery, programming, socialization, and production the Church so beautifully furnishes I find myself realizing how much those things really don't matter during a time like this. The prospect has forced me to ask one single solitary inescapable question:

Where is your faith? 

How deep are the roots of your tree of faith?  

There is nothing else.....just you and the Lord.  I wonder if the feeling I felt was at all like the one Adam experienced when God came looking to speak with him after eating the forbidden fruit.....

Looking into that mirror has caused some of the stressful feelings.... some guilty, some panicky, mostly reassurance and also a lot of hope and love. I have tried to use this incredibly challenging situation to figure out where I really stand.  I have spent more time than normal contemplating all that I have been taught, remembering promises and covenants I have made, where I have steered wrong and gone off the path.  I have thought about all my parents taught me.  I have thought about what I have learned from my kids.  I have even thought through the gauge by which I should measure this contemplation....  How will I know?

Today I found that way.......  again.   It has been a while, too long in fact....which is another lesson for another day....

I found it through being quiet as I possibly could. Peeling back all the layers around me like an onion.  Letting go of work, food, news, entertainment, music, cleaning, the noise of kids being home.  Finding that place where I could be "still".  Learning to listen with different ears.  Feeling being the new way of listening.

“Be still and know that I am God..."  Psalm 46:10 

I have been invited recently by the leader of our Church to "hear Him".  Today I did.  While completing a 24 hour church-wide fast with my family to help stem the tide of the virus, and offer prayers to calm the inflicted and suffering I "heard" a strong affirmation of feeling in my heart that caused a deep impression on me of the love my Heavenly Father has for me.  I cannot explain the feeling only that it made all the difference and gave me a new perspective.  I wasn't expecting the way it came, but no matter.  I am grateful for that tender mercy.

The resolve I feel as a result is a quiet one.  It is clear that I should not and cannot depend upon the world for my happiness.  I must find it only in the life, mission, and atonement of Jesus Christ.  I felt Him today.  

What started out as a hope for direction has turned into clear knowledge that I did indeed "hear Him" this day.  Surely I am so blessed for that knowledge.

I did learn today that I don't want to wait for the next disaster to find the motivation and reason for this particular search.  Unfortunately, it took more effort than it needed to for me to have this experience this day. That tells me something about my standing I think.  The strong look in the mirror today gave me some much needed constructive and honest feedback.  A most loving and gentle kick in the butt.

I pray for the strength to maintain the focus I know I will need, to Be Still through all that will certainly come forward in our uncertain future.....

Please pray for me....!

How it used to be

 CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL THE KIDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE 1920's, 30's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes or cervical cancer. Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets or shoes, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking. As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or airbags. Riding in the back of a truck on a warm day was always a special treat. We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. Take away food was limited to fish and chips, no pizza shops, McDonalds, KFC, Subway or Red Robin. Even though all the shops closed at 6.00pm and didn't open on the weekends, somehow we didn't starve to death! We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this. We could collect old drink bottles and cash them in at the corner store and buy fruit tingles and some firecrackers to blow up frogs with. We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soft drinks with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because...... WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K. We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. We built tree houses and cubby houses and played in creek beds with matchbox cars. We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no videotape movies, no surround sound, no mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them! We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. Only girls had pierced ears!

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever. You could only buy Easter Eggs and Hot Cross buns at Easter time.......no really! We were given BB guns and sling shots for our 10th birthdays, We drank milk laced with Strontium 90 from cows that had eaten grass covered in nuclear fallout from the atomic testing at Maralinga in 1956. We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them! Mum didn't have to go to work to help dad make ends meet!

Football had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! Our teachers used to belt us with big sticks and leather straps and bullies always ruled the playground at school. The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

Our parents got married before they had children and didn't invent unusual names for their kids like 'Kiora' and 'Blade' This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 70 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!  And YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS! You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before lawyers, universities and the government regulated our lives for our own so-called good. And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.

Hopes

Not sure why I never posted this.....thought I would.  Brought back some good feels.

2013 began with many big ideas, lots of hope, and tons of energy.

Don't all years start that way?

Thank goodness for that.... I am not one that looks forward to ending a particular year so that somehow magically a new one rushes in to "save" me from what might have not gone that well with the last one.  I welcome all the years.  I am made from the results of all of them.  They are like pillars that line my past like a photo album.

There are those special hallmark years, however.... the few that stand out.  The ones wherein we remember, sometimes all too vividly....things..... where we were, what time of day it was, what we were wearing, who we were with, the exact moment, frozen forever in our memories. These are they that become tattooed to our souls.  They cannot be changed, forgotten or removed.

2013 was one such year:

We sent our first out into the world...ok, it was only Canada...that still counts right?  He left a vacancy I wasn't quite prepared for.  The loss is made up for by the work he is doing, which fulfills us all.   We are filled by the mission Landon is serving. It tastes a lot like the "living water" Christ speaks about.  The kind that makes you..... "thirst not".

Funny how hope or lack thereof can change our view of the world so quickly.  With it, we see no limits, everything is possible, we ask:  "What can't I do?".  Without it, we can barely see past a day, we wonder why we get up in the morning and we ask:  "Why should I get dressed?"

Hope is like fuel.  A big stash of wood that feeds a raging fire... it drives us. It makes us stretch.  It makes us do things we normally wouldn't do. It creates desire, momentum,
and speed. Hope makes us chase dreams.

Highlights:
1. Travis Wall and Amy dancing to "Wicked Game" on SYTYCD.  This was such an amazing performance and I will always remember how it brought out such emotion in me.

Amy and Travis

Army Strong

This little girl informed us that she just signed up for the Army today.  She is now officially a member of the armed forces hoping to be part of something much bigger than herself.  

I found this early picture of McKenna -- Look at her closely..... her eyes say it all!!!  They have always been steely and determined despite her good-natured personality.  She already looks as if she is standing at attention ready for her orders.....Fast forward a couple of years and there she is, standing at attention ready for anything!

When she called to share the details it was obvious how excited she was.  She is in the nursing program and has been flirting with the idea of signing up for a few years now.... this past weekend a wonderful recruiter closed the deal as stopped his booth during a campus visit to BYU's nursing program.  She spent the weekend at home, wanting to talk through everything.....McKenna was SO ready....  I didn't know what it could feel like, to have one of your kids join the military community.  I do now...  My heart is completely full and the great sense of pride is difficult to ignore.   Funny as it may seem,  I feel like saluting her every time I see her now.  It is truly an amazing feeling.

On the Army website one of the first pages shows this question.  It immediately hit me hard......

When she was just about 6 weeks old, a couple of weeks before her Grandmother passed, McKenna had a special blessing given to her by her father.  The first thing he did was to present this infant back to God, in a humble attitude of prayer, with her grandfather and uncles in a united circle with hands placed under her, supporting the packaged blanket she was wrapped up in.  So little, so new, so innocent...

Her name was given:  McKenna Lynn Brown.  a 3rd generation "Lynn" coming from her father and Grandfather, both present in that special circle.

The words that followed were unrehearsed, unpracticed, and unknown up until the second they slipped through his mouth and uttered in this prayer to God asking for His special blessing of this new little girl.  That she would grow up in the grace of His Son, with a desire to do good and to seek the best things in life.  A plea that she might have courage to face life's challenges and to be strong in her values and beliefs.  At one point, there was a pause, and his voice cracked filled with emotion feeling new and powerful words come to his mind so clearly.......

He blessed her that she might be a

  "warrior of righteousness that would battle against the adversary"

Odd words for a newborn baby girl? ...... maybe....maybe not.... I didn't know McKenna that well yet, but these words when they came to me, were like a revelation of light and like lightning that instantly struck my heart.  Somehow I knew in that instant that this was a girl that would fight fiercely throughout her life.  I didn't know to what extent or in what contexts, but I knew then, as I know now that she would be a quiet fighter, relentless and would overcome all that got in her way.  She has done it her whole life....

She has overcome physical battles: hundreds of soccer games, 2 ACL surgeries (Recoveries were worse), a couple of broken noses, a concussion.  She volunteered to go to Uruguay and learn a new language and champion a new culture and stand up for the poorest and humblest of folk, helping guide them towards Jesus Christ.  She wrestled with isolation, heat and in very close to the end of her time there, she suffered painful appendicitis in a small city that didn't have the best medical support, and still managed to fight to finish her mission as if nothing ever happened.

So... yes, "Army Strong" seems very fitting for McKenna.  She has become that warrior she was foreordained to be so many years ago.   If you knew her, you wouldn't first describe her that way, but as soon as you hear these words, you will nod your head vigorously knowing that it sums her spirit perfectly.

That young father.... older now, didn't fully know what those words really meant until today, when McKenna shared the news.  The instant emotion that came reminded me exactly of the same feelings I felt then, not understanding why those words came so powerfully but always wondering how they would play out in her life. McKenna has become a warrior for the depressed, downtrodden, feeble and those that ail in life.  She disdains fighting, but, you would not want to be on the wrong side of her if she needed to.

She is representing all of America now and I know in her heart she welcomes that burden willingly.  The Army just got better.....

I salute you Soldier