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Thursday, October 26, 2023

The Magic You are Looking For....

 What would your reaction be, if you heard this.....

The Magic you are looking for...
is in the work you are avoiding...

I would love to to have seen your face in real-time, in person, ao vivo!  I would have like to have seen you think for a minute as the words sunk in... As they found the right places in your mind and heart.  I would have loved to have seen your expression the moment it all made sense, in a flash instant.  Do you experience the sudden knowing like I did?  Or, did you have to reflect longer, maybe a day later when the haunting words that couldn't escape you finally landed.  

It if took longer I bet it was because you knew exactly what it meant... you knew that it hit the spot, the core of what makes you tick.....or not.  It hit that place that you have kept covered, spent time hiding, or tried to avoid all this time.  Or maybe, in your case, it was something dormant or unknown until these few key words shed light and were the keys to discovery, just like a light shining on something new you weren't aware of until now....

Or has it been many days now that you haven't been able to stop thinking about it.  Or is this going to be just one more quote from a million of others that pass through quickly and land in the landfill of all old quotes? One that you can't quite remember years later but somehow still has a flicker of familiarity?

If you find it lingers, you have my interest.  You have my curiosity.... I am dying to know what your work might be....I think about what it might be.....something dark, something light, something lost, something found, something painful, something joyous, something spiritual, something worldly, something desperate, something peaceful.

As for me, Wow....this gobsmacked me something powerful.  It shook me to my core.  I had to remember to breathe for a minute after reading.  It seemed to soak into my soul so quickly and found all the right places.  I knew in an instant what it meant and never had I heard truer words.  

to me...it is about:

1. Finding Grace

2. Forgiving myself and others

3. Making Peace with the raging fires within 

4. Accepting Healing

5. Holding onto truth

6. Letting go....and trusting Him.... letting go of fear

7. Not just listening to the still small voice, but finding ways to act quickly afterwards

8. Welcoming discipline in my life with a different mindset

All of these things I need so much....and in the end they all lead to a single solitary inevitable source.

At the end of the day, there is only one answer to me.  It is finding Christ.  He is the magic, he is the source, he is the well of never ending thirst.  He is the only balm that heals, that softens the mortar of hard brick walls we build to avoid him.  He is the only inevitable thing that ever will be.  He makes magic real, because He is magic.  He did the impossible, the unthinkable, the unfathomable.   He defies all description, His majesty unmatched.  They called the 3 Wise men who visited Him "mages".... Isn't that interesting.

Yes, the work both you and I need to do I believe, is about Him.  What keeps us then, from experiencing such a thing?  Just us....that's it...only us.  It is difficult to take this quote seriously and not feel like doing something about it.  It is like and affirmation that we didn't even know we needed, but immediately recognize as something we need to do..... at least, that is how I felt.  It will now haunt me as it should.  Would it be wrong for me to want the same to be for you....?

What if.....we decide to say these words again, I ask you... Shall we not act together, and do the work we need to do?  Shall we not find Christ together, you and I.  And then in some soon day coming, we can sit on some steps somewhere, and know that magic has filled our lives because we confronted the demons, the darkness, the dungeons of our fear and have done the work needed to save ourselves.

I know I need all the magic there ever existed, to get to where I want to get to.   I hope you do too....



Thursday, September 21, 2023

Salute to Coco: Humility in Victory

I recently watched the 2023 U.S. Open Finals match between Coco Gauff and Aryana Sabalenka.  Oh my... what a match! 

I had seen both of them play before and know they are both great.  I thought for sure, as did most, that Sabalenka would win the match.  She is a beast, tall, super strong and hits the ball harder than anyone else in Women's tennis right now.  You can see her picture there.....as the band Men At Work would say:  "She is full of muscle"... (Land Down Under)

It was seriously one of the best matches I have ever seen....and one the most emotional as well.  Sabalenka won the first set pretty handedly.  Somehow Coco found her footing and fought back to win the second and then sustained her momentum and won the 3rd and the match.  Her first Grandslam win.  It was really something else.  What is unique about the U.S. Open is it is hosted in NYC and most of the best matches are played at night.  The NY crowds are really amazing.  They cheer like no other.  The crowd felt every emotion of every shot from the start to the end.  Of course having a hometown favorite in Coco helped quite a bit too!

I was already sitting on the edge of the couch watching this match. Just when you did not think there was no way Coco could come back she started doing little things that won her points and started to frustrate her opponent.  Coco does have one superpower -- just like Carlos Alcaraz, the newest best men's tennis player does..... the abilty to play defense better than anyone else.  Coco kept getting balls back that normally would be easy winners for Sabalenka.  It was almost like she couldn't believe that these power balls she was banging across the net kept coming back time and time again.  It was like it wore her mentally out.  Coco, was relentless and always kept her cool.  You can probably imagine the crowd eating up how well she was running down impossible shots and getting them back.  They went wild!

So when Coco broke Aryana in the 3rd set everyone started to reliaze she could win this thing.... and she did!  It was incredible.  Very David and Goliath-esque, (minus the permanent death thing).

The announcers were so excited, the crowd on their feel and I felt the familiar emotions rise up in my body and into my eyes.  It was so cool to see the underdog overcome and with such style.

After falling to the ground in joy after the winning shot, she jumped up and literally ran with body guards up into the stands and hugged her parents, coaches and friends.  She came back down and thanked the crowd and then she did something I haven't really ever seen done as intentionally as this.....she went over to her chair, and knelt down and put her hands up and it was obvious she was saying a prayer.  The camera stayed on her for a few seconds and then pulled away. It was almost like an invasion of her privacy....

I was already emotional, but once I witnessed this I was overcome a bit with a different kind of emotion.  It was spiritual, it was private and very sacred despite being on the huge stage she found herself.   

Her simple but very deliberate act of giving gratitude to God was so prominent in her mind.  It was like, I don't really care if there are 10,000 people in the stands, still clapping and cheering, I have to let Him know how grateful I am.  

I have often heard many artists, musicians, actors thank God when they win awards.  I am sure you have too.  But this was different.  This wasn't an outward reference for the camera, it was an inner one from the soul. It was very much as if she could have been alone in her own room with no one watching at all.  

Can I just say how much I loved witnessing that as it was happening live. I saw the sequence of everything that led up to it.  My respect for her grew 10 fold......I forgot for a moment that she was actually a tennis player and that this was a major Grandslam event in her sport.  I found myself wondering what she was saying.  I knew there was some "talking" going on.  This wasn't a quick hand gesture of the sign of the cross and a look to heaven that I see most athletes do. When she knelt I remember saying out loud in the room by myself "Oh...she is going to pray!"  And then she did, and the next thought that came immediately to my mind was "Oh, how pleased must God be with her."  The parable of the 10 lepers came to mind... only one came back to his healer and gave thanks.  The others were just basking in the victory, missing the whole point of the "win" which was actually finding gratitude and humility vs what the world would call the victory.

The TV announcers finally had their change to ask Coco about her praying..... here is what she said:  

“.....I realized God puts you through tribulations and trials. This makes this moment even sweeter than I could imagine […] I don’t pray for results. I just ask that I get the strength to give it my all. Whatever happens, happens. I’m so blessed in this life.”

 I learned a bit later that before every tournament she prays with her father that she and her opponent will be safe..... Pretty cool.... pretty sweet, no?

I found her authentic and proud to share her faith, but not in a loud or "preachy" sort of way.  The way that I often feel I would like to share but hold back.  She didn't pray to win.... but I do think she prayed to be victorius but I think to her that meant to win with God, to win with humility and gratitude knowing full well His part of that victory.  She didn't even stutter on that one!  It was clear who she was aligning with......and it wasn't the world, it was Heaven.

I don't think I will ever forget that match or that ending.  It was powerful to me and yet so simple.  

Well done Coco Gauff, I am so inspired by you.  

So much so that I started searching other athletes of faith.  There are so many!!  It lifted my spirits to see these champions acknowledge God for their success.  One who really stood out to me was Sidney McLaughlin, the Olympic Gold medal winner of the women's 400 meter event.  She is something else.  I remember her winning this race so well.  This is what she posted after her historic run:

 “I pray my journey may be a clear depiction of submission and obedience to God. Even when it doesn’t make sense, even when it doesn’t seem possible. He will make a way out of no way. Not for my own gratification, but for His glory. I have never seen God fail in my life. In anyone’s life for that matter. Just because I may not win every race, or receive every one of my heart’s desires, does not mean God had failed. His will is PERFECT. And He has prepared me for a moment such as this. That I may use the gifts He has given me to point all the attention back to Him. 2x Olympian, Olympic Champion, World Record Holder, Thank. You. God. 🙏🏽”



 

I am already in so much awe when I watch physically gifted athletes.  They are truly beautiful to watch!  but my respect meter is what really surprises me more and more when I see how certain athletes win, not what they won.



Sunday, September 17, 2023

Jogo Bonito: The Beautiful Game

 I never knew what hit me....it took my legs out from under me.  His words literally took the breath out of me, like getting a soccer ball kicked in the stomach point blank unexpectedly.  

I was on my back, lying in the grass, people all around me looking down.  I saw the sky, there were some scattered clouds.... I could feel individual blades of grass pricking my fingers and arms.   Nothing to do but to gasp and wait for air to return while my senses were scrambled.

As I lay there the words flashed back.... those words that seemed so strange and foreign, yes, like a different language that my heart couldn't understand.  I couldn't compute...slowly, the words sunk in and registered.....down deep.  This wasn't just an errant kick...this was game over.  Strange, I wasn't even keeping score.... but I guess he was.  

What was it that he said...?  Oh yeah, that I was "getting better."  I knew I was trying so hard....but something was terribly wrong.  How could this happen just 30 days before the wedding...?  How come I didn't know sooner....  Could I have fixed it had I known?  What kept him from being truthful sooner?

You can imagine all the questions that besieged me, like a swarm of bats leaving a cave at dusk.  After giving him my heart, my love and my resources freely....  Oh what a fool I was, I thought... why did I give so much... even those moments of intimacy, all based upon a pledge and promise of unity? 

It didn't take long, my teammates and coaches came to my rescue.  They helped me up off of that turf, brushed the grass off, rubbed my knees for a minute, wiped my eyes, and then trotted off the field.

I didn't feel like playing for a bit.  I felt sadness and regret for my part of the mess.  I wasn't playing my best game, but I was hoping he would help me with that. In the end, he couldn't, he wasn't honest and he wasn't ready.  

If one decides to play at a high level, the games get harder, and players have to risk more in order to win.  I had a lot to learn about playing at that level, just as in life.

Feelings of loneliness and sadness evolved into courage and conviction, of who I was and what I could become.  I circled myself with believers, those who could truly see the player I could become.  I turned to Heaven and wrestled a bit with God.  Was he there I wondered for a few moments.....?  Why did I have to learn in such hard ways I wondered....? I wasn't sure of the answers, but I stuck with Him and He started to clear the path and brighten the road ahead.  I started seeing further with more clarity... I looked briefly behind me and saw smoke and mists that may have clouded my play.  I decided to not look back again, only forward, and with the brightness of the road ahead, I picked up my pace, held my head up, set the grit firmly in my teeth, and started moving forward, picking up speed like a locomotive building steam, creating momentum and gaining ground.

I stepped onto the pitch with a new outlook and felt the energy through my body.... This felt familiar, this felt good to play again with such a new perspective, a new mindset.  I shed the past with each step, and when I struck the ball it felt strong, as if renewed.  I played with new confidence that I hadn't possessed or believed in before.  It flows more effortlessly with each passing day....

Yes, that particular game could have been beautiful, but it ended way to early...... I guess he will never know.  I have no regrets.  No, I am not bitter, maybe a little madder because I see now some things through the fog.....but that is turning more into this hopeful kind of sad which is a pretty good description.  I am not 100% yet, but I am not the same player now, and know I am willing to do the work to win the long game.  

Funny, it is starting to occur to me that maybe, just maybe the best thing that ever happened was the brutal blunt kick in the stomach.  The one that ended that game.  The one which seemed like the best one ever.... Not so much now I think....No, I see a different game now.... a truly beautiful game, Yes!  It will be as the Brazilians say... "Um jogo bonito."  Maybe then...... I can leave this sadness behind and embrace just the hope of all things again.


Monday, August 28, 2023

Let Me Sit With You in Darkness

 

“Sometimes someone isn’t ready to see the bright side. Sometimes they need to sit with the shadow first. So be a friend and sit with them. Make the darkness beautiful.”― Victoria Erickson

I have heard of people who do this...I have always admired them. I have never felt I have done this very well.  I almost always find myself at a loss, because words don't work or don't seem to matter in the dark moments.  People never really hear them as they are intended, they are like dead darts that drop to the ground, unnoticed, dissipating into nothing. 

Learning to shift the energy from my mouth to my heart has been a lifelong pursuit.  To silence the lips, push back all the carefully crafted words I love to form so quickly and swallow them is most difficult.  It is in these moments when even if your words are good ones, true and right, it doesn't matter......they are wrong.  

Anytime two people set out to add a child to their union they will most certainly be confronted with many moments when they will be confronted with a variety of dark places and suffering  The first impulse is always to fix.  Isn't that what having life experience is all about?  To learn how to solve increasingly more complex problems as they accumulate in life?  How ironic, that when the darkest suffering comes, less is more..... despite having more wisdom from experience.  Maybe the greatest lessons of suffering are not about how to successfully navigate and overcome them.... I wonder more now if it is more about just having much deeper compassion, understanding, and unconditional empathy for others.  As if the deeper that well is the better....not a full box of tools to better "fix" people.

Learning how to "sit" with them in their grief is a herculean feat.  The conviction required to resist the almost overpowering force to take on their burden is nearly impossible.  Isn't it okay to want to take on someone else's burden?  To lessen the pain?    I grew up with a particular scripture in mind that said 

"Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God." Mosiah 8:19

In fact, I am reminded that I made a promise, when I was 8 years old to do this.  This scripture was part of my decision to be baptized.  This was one of the conditions of that covenant.....That I would somehow figure out and learn to sit with others in grief and darkness as a way to mourn with them when they mourned and to comfort those in need of comfort. I can tell you right now that message didn't sink in until many years later.   I learned that it becomes easier to mourn with others when you yourself have passed through fire and hellish experiences.  In fact, It is almost impossible to do it genuinely without having your own fair share of disappointment and discouragement.  I can say, that when I have tried to apply this scripture as authentically as I can over the years, I have seen it work. 

The best way to describe this principle and promise is to experience first yourself.  Think about one of your worst moments, you might have been sad, heartbroken, or distraught with despair...... Was the only thing that made it okay something so small or simple as a knowing smile, the hug that had a little extra in it, the tears in a friend's or parents' eyes, that came without words reflecting some semblance of understanding?  It wasn't the profound words someone said at the moment, was it?  Often, words come landing softly later, connecting the dots and finding a home of meaning, but not usually in the midst of the darkness.

Another thing I have learned is that it is often easier to model this with friends but much more difficult with your own kids.  If you haven't built up a pattern of sitting with them in their grief vs. talking your way through solutions then it isn't surprising parents are so ill-equipped to change their approach.

At times darkness arrives as adversity, persistently knocking on our front door begging to be invited in, other times we invite it in quickly through self-inflicted choices.  And there are those times when it comes unsuspectingly, cutting through the heart so easily beating the living breath out of us and knocking us flat on the floor.

It was poignant to read about Job in the Old Testament recently.  He didn't ask for his trials, they were heaped upon him as a test of his faithfulness.  I read with more interest than ever before when his friends gathered from afar, tore their robes, and just sat with him for 7 days.

 So they sat down with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his grief was very great. Job 2:13


I closed my eyes and tried very hard to imagine being one of them and what that would have looked like in real terms.  It was powerful to role play in my mind's eye what I would have felt after barely recognizing him with the boils on his body and face much less the loss of all his property and family.  The jaw-dropping scope of his loss is almost unimaginable to comprehend.  Then I thought about 7 days...not 15 min, not 2 hours, or even 8 that they spent.  But 7 days.  I loved that the author put a timeframe in there.  It came to me that it wasn't about an exact time, but rather it was very much about the commitment and diligence in living that covenantal promise.  Feeling truly sorry for someone is human, sustaining the ability to mourn with others over time is Godly.

Yeah, I am an adolescent in this space.  I would very much like to be an expert right now, because there are those.......yes, those that are so dear to me that I would gladly trade my place with theirs, to escape the biting winds of doubt, the terrible feelings of loneliness, or the crushing weight of confusion they are experiencing.  The dread in their gut is almost paralyzing.  Oh! That I could take that upon myself and give them relief....  But that isn't the answer.  If that really could be done I understand now, that I would only be robbing them of the experience they need to travel in the dark, to feel the weight, to walk with confusion so they can ultimately know of the relief that comes from such travels.

Rejoice not against me, O mine enemy: when I fall, I shall arise; when I sit in darkness, the LORD shall be a light unto me.

Wherever you sit, I shall sit with you.....wherever you feel alone,  I will be close by, just out of arms reach, but close enough.  So, I will look for you there.... I will rent my robe, fill my eyes with tears, and sit silently with you in your grief. Whether it be 7 seconds, 7 days, or 7 years.  

When you feel the pangs of what might have been, I will take that ride with you, knowing that it is futile maybe somehow we can find beauty in the dark, suffering together knowing that it will lead to light, to Him, the only one that can take our burdens and replace the darkness with light.  

Yes, maybe it is worth it after all if that is where the end game leads us.  

Saturday, January 28, 2023

Alert: Clear and Present Danger Ahead


Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my distinct privilege to present: 


Alexa Chelta Brown


Take a peek, Yep.... Little Lexi Lu has gotten all grown up and is about to launch her new career as a flight attendant for Delta.  Tomorrow she leaves for Atlanta, GA for some heavy duty training for about 2 months.  She is ready to rumble into her next adventure.

This will be the first time she has truly left home.  She has traveled the world but this is a bit different.  This isn't just about a fun trip, no, this is about her career.  Serious business, no? 

As I thought of a good title for this post, this one kept coming to me.  I couldn't think of a more fitting statement to title this post.  She is no longer little and has far outgrown the cute nickname of earlier years.... 

She has always been a force to be reckoned with but now, she is now more armed and ready then ever as she recently just paid dearly for about 7 years of life experience squeezed into about 1.5 years.  Things that would have knocked most onto their back side not wanting to get up, she basically brushed her self off, looked up and outward and resolutely took major steps forward as if nothing had happened at all.  She has taught us all a great lesson in how to take a lump, swallow hard no matter how jagged the pill, and then to straighten up and take life on with style and grace.

She has been through refining fire and has come out with more red in her hair, deep resolve, stronger resilience, a bigger heart and confidence that is scary strong.  

Case in point, you know those recent posts of terrible passengers that get unruly?  Well, let me just say that they will not want to mess with Alexa Chelta Brown.... she has a lion's heart and and tiger's fierceness that will rock you if you dare cross the line.....  Yes, she might need a tiny boost pushing someone's overweight bag into the overhead bin, but she will "slice you up and spit you out" in any other category of messing around!  There will absolutely no "Mobbing with Mids" in her world.  This is why she wears the title so well...anyone who thinks they can get away with anything should be very very afraid.

She will single-handedly make flying safe again for everyone, which is pretty cool considering the quality of passengers these days. We can all take a deep sigh of relief as a result!  

We couldn't be more excited for her.  I hope you join me in wishing her the very best of success and happiness as she launches and lifts off her new career. 

So, Alexa, here you go... Jump forward, spread your wings and soar the skies with all you got girl.  You will be so great! 

It is both wonderful and terrible to see your youngest grow up so fast.....Terrible, that Little Lexi Lu is gone, but wonderful that she has become what she has -- an amazingly talented woman, with so much heart, potential and power.

As I think ahead and imagine in my mind being on some random flight in the future, and I look up and there she is, pushing the cart down the aisle serving everyone in her super deluxe uniform.  My eyes will definitely will well up and I can feel that ol' throat thing happening for sure....Yes, I almost hope she doesn't see me... how much fun would that be? 

........But, just in case she does see me, I hope, maybe.... just maybe, the Red Headed Terror might consider giving me the whole can of Coke instead of the measly cup with two sips!  

Here to wishing for full can of Coke!







Friday, December 30, 2022

Hallmark Christmas

 

Christmas was extremely special this year.  There was something so beautiful about ending a tumultuous year on such a spiritual and serene note. 

We gathered together and we talked about the many names of Christ and why each is so important.  We introduced an "Emmanuel Wreath" which is 24 candles each representing different names associated with Jesus.  We each took one name and so we covered 8 names that night.  Each member of the family did such an amazing job sharing what the name meant in general and then on a persona note shared what the name meant in terms of their own lives.  There was a very special spirit as each person shared their personal testimonies of the Savior and brought new insights to each name.  We lit a candle for every name and placed each on in its' respective spot on the wooden wreath. We watched the flames flicker as we listened to each name.  It was a very spiritual experience and it left me realizing how much power there is a name, especially His name. I was taken by the depth of everyone's experiences in researching and then reflecting on how the name they were assigned had impacted their lives.

This was a special Christmas in that we were able to be together with Landon as he came up to see friends.  That was a wonderful time to reconnect and be a family.

It was a also special because it was probably the last time we will be with McKenna and Aaron for a while as they took off to San Antonio to start their new lives together.  We hugged a little tighter and our hearts were really full as we said good bye.

It was a special Christmas because we invited God to be part of our lives this year more abundantly.  We reflected and shared the many miracles that have happened to our family over the past few years.  When you look for and seek miracles, they do come.  We have a deeper testimony of that and we feel so blessed to count as many as we did.

I love this painting that McKenna did for her good friends this season.  I wasn't able to watch her paint it but I just love it. It instantly caught my attention with the color scheme and the fact that is wasn't perfectly detailed with facials and background.  There is a spirit that emanates from it despite not seeing the faces of each person. I love the humility of those around Him, seeking and wanting to learn.  The unfinished background is like a reminder of the simplicity of the manager where he was born.  As if it doesn't matter where they are, but rather that they are in His loving presence.  

Having Jaxon join our clan was super deluxe!  He has won our hearts and has inspired us as we learn more about him and to be able to meet his incredible Mother and siblings.  Everything was better with him there and we are so grateful for the incredible person he is.  He brought his own unique perspective and spirit to the family and it made a difference.

I love that Christmas came on a Sunday this year.  A quiet service full of music was just right.  Simple, peaceful and light.  I feel our burdens were lightened and our spirits burned a bit brighter  than normal.

They say that if you can find Christ in Christmas then you win the prize..... I believe we did find Him more intimately this season and it did make all the difference in the world.  The lasting ripples of that experience will linger in our hearts for sure....



Saturday, November 12, 2022

Space is the Breath of Art


    ....said Frank Lloyd Wright once..... I am constantly in awe of what he could see, feel, then design.  Truly visionary and genius.

The more I see of his work the more I appreciate, art, design, architecture, space and light and how living in a home should be seen through his eyes.  

I have now seen more than two dozen of his designs in person and just when I think I have seen his best, I find something new and interesting and mostly I feel something inside that makes my heart jump and completely captures my imagination.

I just saw Hollyhock House in LA.  It had been closed for a long time and just opened a few months ago.  I have been wanting to see this one for a long time.  I have been fascinated with his Pre-Columbian, Mayan-esque designs in California.  He only did a few but they are all here and this is the only one that is open to the public


I have never seen LA with bluer skies and more  perfect weather.  From Olive hill, where Hollyhock House is built, you can see Griffiths Observatory, the Hollywood sign and an incredible view of downtown LA.  It is a very isolated and calm space in the middle of busy Hollywood.  There is a wide panoramic view that is unique.

The attention to detail was simply stunning. As per normal, I found myself wanting to spend a long time looking at everything  He was so intentional about how people should live and feel in his homes. He literally wanted to control the way you felt while being there.
 
You never know what you are going to find in his homes, but you can count on feeling things as much as you see them.  The way he sculpts light and weaves it and its shadows throughout a home is incredible.

The creativity and thoughtful way he incorporated the design of the Hollyhock flower, the favorite of the owner, throughout the exterior and interior.  Incredibly beautiful.

He creates connection through his design.  The motivation isn't the lines and shapes, it is the humans living within and how they related to each other in day to day life.  He connects people to people in his designs.  He had an innate sense of this.  I love this about him.






He specializes in making your eye follow long lines and creates incredible interest to explore more... to follow, reflect and then look back to see an entire different perspective.


I love that, looking at different angles in his homes.  They are unending.

He has helped me look at life from different angles as well.  I knew art was inspiring, but I never understood how architecture could do the same..... but it has....
The inner garden is amazing.  There are steps that lead up unto the roof where there are multiple levels.  I found myself feeling like a kid at the prospect of playing hide and seek with my brother running around the roof had we grown up there.

Incredible nostalgia for childhood swept me several times during this visit. 

 Oh! How I longed to run up the stairs and hope to see JJ beckoning me to a cool hiding spot he just found!

I am grateful for the artists part in this world.  I believe everyone developed talents and abilities before we ever came to earth.  Yes, we did live before we were born, in a spiritual state.  You were you and so was I.  We learned and we grew.  We worked at and acquired talents that we would then use here during out mortal lives.  

Before now, then.... that was our school to learn, and here, this world,  was our palette to apply what we learned up to that point.   To paint, draw, design, write, run, sing, throw, think, love and serve.


I like to think that God helped us understand what our talents are, and now we have the chance to master them here.  Why?  Maybe it was so we could beautify and inspire this world..... 

Has there ever been a time when the world needed more inspiration than now?  No, I don't think so....

We all need spiritual rejuvenation.... a wake up call to remember who we are, why we are here and to use our gifts and talents to contribute, each in our own small way, to lift others.  To cause hearts to stir, lumps to form in throats, bring chills to the surface, to quicken heartbeats and to remember why we do this...... because it is what God would do and as we do what He might do, we realize our full potential, become united with a greater purpose and our hearts expand to love more deeply and profoundly.  

FLW is an architect of the soul.  I am grateful for his talents and the way he painted his particular palette, all in a way for others to enjoy and experience. I can honestly say, that in every single house and building I have visited, I always, always, always, leave with my spirits lifted and am better for having experienced his talents.  It is a blessing and I cannot wait to see what he is designing now....

Getting chills all over again.....


 

                                                                        


Wednesday, September 28, 2022

A Simple Walk

 

One of my most favorite things to do in this great HOA I live in called Daybreak is to take walks.  They have miles of paths through interesting neighborhoods and around our own lake.  I try to vary the route with each walk which is very amusing to me.  It is in a very small way, it is a means for me to use my creativity and curiosity.  I can dream up a route as I walk it and it can be different every single day.

This day, I was walking and I came up on this man and his young son also taking a weekend stroll.  I normally don't pay that much attention to others who pass by.  My imagination was captured with this pair for some reason..... So I decided to slow down and just observe them for a while.   

My first thoughts were that they were adorable.  What was interesting is that I noticed they didn't interact at all.  They just walked in a kind of unison that seemed normal but not at the same time.  Normally kids are running all around touching and exploring things.  Usually parents are coaxing/yelling at them to get back on the path or having to keep up with them.  This was very different.  This kid didn't seem to be more than 4.  He walked passively, eyes ahead, and straight ahead. He wasn't peppering his Dad with a thousand questions or pulling him this way or that.  Dad seemed to be in his own thoughts as well, not necessarily paying attention to the little guy too much.  But despite their lack of verbal communication, they seemed to be very in synch and unified.  There was a silent language between them, or maybe it would be better to say that there seemed to be a mutual understanding of how this walk was going to take place.   I thought maybe they had done this so many times that this rhythm was now an understood pattern.  They didn't need to talk.  They seemed entirely content just being together.  There was the occasional look back up to Dad maybe just to make sure that he was still there and that all was ok.  The Dad never said anything but maybe smiled back to reassure him that that he was doing well.

What I admired the most was the obvious but silent connection they had.  There was a deep mindfulness about it that struck me.  They had put forth the effort to make this walk.  They probably talked about it beforehand and my guess is that the boy was happy to go for a walk with Dad. There was a clear connection between them and I could feel it and I loved that I was enjoying what was taking place.

After a while, my thoughts reached out to new places like a ivy looking for what to climb next. I thought about the idea of walking quietly with someone..... not talking, just walking. Being together, but being just being..... still.  There is wonder in stillness.

I notice that most of us love to fill empty space with words when we are with someone else.  I think we can often feel like there has to be something to occupy that space.  I admire those that can be still and resist that urge to just fill the void with lots of words.  I love the idea of being together in spirit, communicating soul to soul, without words.

There aren't that many people I can do that with.  Don't get me wrong, I love walking and talking too!  That is usually a much better experience, but occasionally I wonder if we wouldn't all just benefit from a more walks like that. 

I walked behind them for 20 minutes and they kept this pattern flowing without interruption.  It was so simple, yet so cool.


I have wondered at times what it might be like to walk with Jesus.  I like to think that there might be some similarities to the two that I observed.  I find myself wondering if I had such a walk with him, might there be some long lingering pauses of no talking.....just being?  Just walking next to him, just basking in the feeling of being with someone with his majesty.  I am not even sure I know what I would say, and secretly I would hope that he would already know and so when I turned my head and looked at him into his eyes, maybe he would look back and have a knowing smile that would communicate everything I would need.....all the love that I would need to feel.....a sense of security and safety that the small boy felt when he felt the reaffirming gaze of his father.... that his Dad was there, close by.

I think that is what I would want the most.  To feel "ok" in his presence.  To have a glimpse that I might be walking the right path, that I was doing well.  Could all that be possible in one look?  Yes! I believe it with all my heart.  I know I would not want the burden of trying to find the right questions to ask him.  I would already know in my heart who he is, but would want to feel what it would be like to have the gaze of someone who knows you better than anyone every has or will, that is only willing to see the best of you, your greatest strengths, your best self, which seems so elusive for you or me to grasp with our mere mortal eyes.  To feel the perfect love he has for us.  The kind of love that he gave his life for.  I do not know that kind of love.  I do not understand it and I cannot comprehend it.  All I do know is that I have experienced a full heart, and have received spiritual feelings that seem to overflow the brim of my own body, my own capacity to hold it all in,  I simply don't know where to put it all, so it just runs over..... It is deep but it isn't the perfect love that only Jesus and God can understand and convey. Imagine feeling the magnitude of that type of love from a single focused look.... Ah! how good it hurts to ponder that. 

The truth is, he is right there now, walking with each me and you.  The reason it is quiet is because I am still a child trying to figure out how to hear him through the spirit instead of with words.

So, yes, when I saw that little boy look up to his dad a step or two behind him and saw the look back I knew in an instant that is what I need and would want.  I have had those looks from my own father,  Mr. Robert Brown. The look of approval with him was enough to get me through life, I hope that the simple reassuring gaze from Jesus will get me back to Heaven.



 

Friday, August 5, 2022

Reunited

 

I have always been a fan of reunions.  Typically they have been centered on family, but there have been others... friendships, school, and mission reunions.  Having lived overseas and moving around a lot meant that I was in the constant business of making and leaving friends.  I always felt a deep pang of loss when goodbye time came.  Those feelings would often linger for months and sometimes years. I had powerful saudades or longing feelings to see friends again.

I believe there is magic in reunions.... I know not all of them are perfect.  Some I hear are downright horrific, especially the High School ones.  I thankfully have been very blessed to have had really positive experiences with every single one I have attended.

It is because of my affinity for them that I re-watched a band reunion on YouTube recently.  Familiar feelings surfaced and I remembered back when I first watched it and some thoughts came back....

It was 2004, and I was on the road, traveling for work.  I can't remember where, but I was in my hotel channel surfing and I came across this show on VH1 called Bands Reunited.  I was super dubious because VH1 had stopped producing great music videos for a while and they had a bunch of not so great reality shows.  

I  had never heard of the show but quickly got the the general idea, that being this host would travel around tracking down members of these 80's bands that had broken up to see if they would be interested in a one time reunion and then to play a couple of their hits in a live concert setting to a small audience.  If each band member was up for it, they would sign the record album and the host would then track down the next person...... rinse and repeat until everyone had agreed to meet and reunite.  

In this episode the host was trying to reunite the band Berlin which my caught my interest because I really liked Berlin during the height of the 80's music scene.  They weren't my favorite band, but I did like some of their hits and of course "Take My Breath Away" put them on the map because it was in the first Top Gun movie.  My guess is most people never would have heard of Berlin without that single.

So, I became more and more interested in how this guy would take a camera crew and surprise each band member and put them on the spot to see if they would sit down and have a chat about the band etc....  It was very interesting to see how in Berlin's case 3 of the original band members were doing completely different things than music anymore..... one was running a small software company and another was working at an small airplane piloting school.  It was fun to see the different reactions to the VH1 guy.  Some were excited and others were immediately doubtful. During each band members' chat with the host they would go back in time and talk about the ups and downs of the band. Ultimately the topic of why they had broken up was addressed. It was clear that there were tensions and often they said that they might consider a reunion only if they got this particular one band member to say "yes".  So, there was this pent up anticipation to see if the main guy would be ok reuniting or not. In the case with Berlin, the tough one said yes and would reunite. So they were on!  Yay!

Fast forward to a little studio in LA where each band member showed up and went into a room.  I was very curious to see how each would react to each other as they all showed up.  It was heartwarming to see the smiles, embraces and hugs they each dealt out to each other after so many years of being apart.  I wasn't prepared for the level of emotion that was expressed and that I felt watching them literally "reunite."  The host then would have them all talk about what it was like to be in the band, to tour and ultimately what lead to the break up.  They were all so open and honest and they all acknowledged their own part of being immature and having too much ego among other things.  They were actually processing their feelings and did this amazing job of resolving this long overdue conflict they felt.  It was really incredible to see how in one instant, they all remembered who they were and why there were great together.

Commercial break.....

Have you ever experienced this feeling of remembering who you were?  I have and maybe that is why this show appealed to me so much.  What I didn't realize was that with each subsequent move and goodbye I made throughout my life was like leaving a piece of me behind.....like a memory.  I can't quite explain it very well, but all I know is that when I went back to my first high school reunion which was like 13 years post graduation, I will never forget walking into that Marriott Hotel and seeing so many familiar faces and friends altogether at once.  With each embrace I literally felt myself becoming whole again....like all the pieces I had left in Brazil came snapping back into place all over again.  I had no idea that was going to happen.  My intent was not to go to the reunion to find myself, rather see and celebrate friends and talk good times.  The reality is that I had an entirely new perspective and picture of myself and I liked it..... I liked me with them, my friends.  It was almost like I was a better me...realizing that I was remembering who I was.  And I knew it wasn't just because of just one or two good friends.  No,  I needed all of these people to remind me and to see me as they did, like they did back in high school.  

I can't honestly characterize the experience or feeling as a religious experience, but it was very profound and it left a deep permanent impression.  I realized that I hadn't quite found my own rhythm and footing despite having finally settled in the U.S.  I was still this Third Culture Kid trying to adapt to his passport country which wasn't very easy.  I had put a few unresolved feelings in cold storage because I didn't have the tools to help myself transition well.  The reunion was like putting on familiar clothing that fit so comfortably well.  Familiar again with my own skin.

So, if this resonates with you at all, keep that in mind as we return to Berlin's reunion....

So, here were these band members, who has spent years together in a very 'family-like' environment, traveling all over performing and dealing with lots of pressure at a very young age.  In some ways I remember thinking it surely is a miracle that any band survives more than a couple of years because of the intensity of the closeness, the huge pressure to deliver hits, having to perform night after night to please their fans  and then dealing with instant fame which usually is too overwhelming for young people. 

In Berlin's case, it was astounding to that in just a few seconds all the reasons why they broke up suddenly seemed meaningless and melted away with a few simple hugs, big smiles and warm embraces.  In this episode and in others a common theme from band members that talk about an feelings of closure that takes place amongst them..... Closing old wounds that somehow managed to always stay open through the years. It was clear to see that the band Berlin definitely wanted and needed closure.  They wanted to feel the love and familiarity again, but they just needed the right catalyst to make that happen.  They just didn't seem to be able to do it on their own... they needed a bit of help. It occurred to me how beautiful it was......to have closure, to let go of unhelpful feelings, to shed the burden and weight of so many years.  It was amazing to it happen in real time during these reunions.

Another common comment shared was "I never thought this would every happen again... in this lifetime."  That too struck an emotional chord.  I remember wondering if the producers had any idea of just how instrumental they would be in inviting in incredible amounts of psychological and spiritual healing vs thinking of the commercial reasons of getting a band back together.   Whether intentional or accidental, they made magic happen aside from hearing nostalgic 80's hits again. Cosmic....! These people were not your stereotypical church faring folk...no, they led pretty hard and raucous lives on the road.  All the vices you can imagine they immersed themselves in and yet when the right time came, they saw and accepted each other as-is and shared a lot of love and caring. It hurt good to watch and it was easy to get caught up in the joy of their reunion.

Two years ago, here in Daybreak (The world's best HOA) Berlin came and performed right down the street.  It was so awesome to see the band together again, singing those same hits. The audience was bigger than normal. The songs were amazing and they still had that unique sound.  At some point during their performance, it hit me.... They wouldn't be performing all these years later if that reunion hadn't happened on VH1.  Wow!  It was like they all had a second wind.... because they had a second chance to do what they loved doing together.  

If this post sparks any interest here is the link. Check it out...

Through the miracle of social media I have had so many miraculous reunion moments with all my previous good bye friends.... Those associations mean a great deal to me.  They fuel me and give me fire at times.  There is deep meaning in strong connections.  We are all connected together and I love that.

Of the many goodbyes I have had to say goodbye to my brother and both my parents.  I feel the haunting longing and the burden of having to be patient for that reunion.  Through the miracle of Jesus Christ's atoning sacrifice, I know that reunion will take place again.  It is clear and calming to me to not only have that hope but the confidence and assurance that it will take place.  That the joyous embrace of family will wet my eyes, lift my heart and spiral my spirit upwards forever... and then I will truly know and remember who I really am all over again and that will be truly amazing.  

......And just think... We will never have to plan for another reunion again!




Monday, July 11, 2022

Brasilia: The City Still Beckons

 

Rene Burri took this in 1960, the year Brasilia was born.   I love this photo so much.  It contrasts the down to earth, simple Candango with that of this incredibly modern future forward thinking architecture. 


Brasilia was never a travel destination... not even sure if it is today.  It was never a mecca of culture and entertainment.  Most of the time I lived there people were longing to leave the city, to get out to real Brazil.   It was never to draw people in.  If you worked for the government you were forced in.

And yet.... all these years later, I keep finding myself drawn to it.  Many of my school mates who spent years away are finding themselves returning.  Some to take care of their aging parents, others who still have family here and a few never left and settled their lives here.


This pic is amazing.  First, look at the vintage propeller plane - so cool and then the shot of one of the Eixos - the main residential wing of the city.  I lived in a building exactly like one of those in the cluster below.  SQS 113.  Even the address was modern...  





There was something about being able to walk and experience all the modern architecture without the normal barriers that you would normally find with government buildings.  I wonder if that has changed.  


 

"Scarcely any other twentieth-century monument is more spectacular and more photogenic than Brasilia. It is certainly not the only modern city to have been built from scratch, but with the exception of Chandigarh, the capital of the Indian state of Punjab that Le Corbusier had designed just a few years earlier, not one of these other new cities fired the imagination as did Brasilia"



I too fell the draw of the city.  The shapes and lines beckon.  Critics say the design is too modular, too antiseptic, too much of a postcard.  Yes, I can't lie, I agree... but yet is beckons.  It pulls on my emotions.  There are memories attached to these structures.  Names and faces come to mind as I think about Brasilia, not just the edifices.  Memories filled with my own photographs of this unique city.  Surely I will see her soon.....

Ate em breve cidade linda..... As saudades sao fortes demais!