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Sunday, July 31, 2011

Hall of Fame pt. 2

Prelude:  I wanted to write this post first, but realized when I started that I had to go back to the original and give proper context by writing Hall of Fame pt. 1 first.  This post would be more meaningful as a result.....

Part 1 was all about looking through the eyes of the "son" about the "father".  Part 2 is now reversed.  The "son" has now grown up and is now the "father" having an experience with his "son". In other unnecessary words, this is told through the eyes of the "son-who-is-now-the-father".  (I know you didn't need all that, but now it sounds like a cool native American name huh?)

Story:  On a more serious note....A few months ago, I found myself with my head in my hands and my heart aching as a result of a poorly orchestrated "conversation" with my oldest son.  There are other words for that kind of exchange:  argument, confrontation, knock-down-drag-out, etc.... in the end it doesn't matter what it was labeled, the only proper label for it was...."Horrible"

I had violated my own rules of not getting "loud", not bringing up the "past" and by not getting all the details first before exploding.

It is difficult to come to terms with the truth about you being the one who loses trust with a loved one.  I had already gone through the normal but unhelpful process of trying to justify every position and comment I had made.  I was older, knew more and therefore was "right" by these and the virtue of being the "Father".

As my head lowered with each successive "replay" I came to the realization that all my "expertise" and "experience" weren't worth a hill of beans.  In fact, it was if they didn't matter at all.  The only thing that had mattered was the slowly creeping-in sensation that maybe somehow I was "wrong".  No matter how much I pushed the idea away, it would not back down.  It made itself known and silently presented itself for what it was.....Truth!   

Sidenote:  Isn't Truth the ultimate "face job"?  Revenge pretends to be the one that owns the tagline "Hah, right back at you Jerk"  but, I think not.  Truth owns it outright.  It doesn't have to explain itself, it doesn't justify itself.... it doesn't have to. It just "IS".  I have come to love Truth more in my life as I make more mistakes and realize I fall short.  Truth pierces like no other and it will not be denied.  We can pretend to not "see" it, which we all do, but at the end of the day, it will be seen by all.

The time came many hours later, sitting on the couch in the dark, when my heart finally won over my head, and I let truth in to teach me yet again.  The feelings of remorse came, the burn of tears through pained eyes and the right kind of authentic hurt was felt.

It was during the latter part of this stage when my youngest son, Braden came over, through the dark and sat down next to me.  He then said: "How are you doing?"  I said: "Not great".. He then did something he has never done before or since...... he began to simply ask questions about work, what was going on there, he remembered small things that he shouldn't have even known about.  He continued with just a few of these questions that took me so off guard, yet I knew that they were heartfelt and not contrived just to "change the subject" if you know what I mean.  I was so startled by his maturity and willingness to go where he normally never went.  It completely diffused the heavy feelings I was having and it "broke the bad juju" spell I was under.  He was so quiet, unassuming and yet he knew that was what he needed to do to help Dad.  He somehow knew down deep that he couldn't do many things, but he could just innocently reach out and ask a few sincere questions.  

The affect was immediate and powerful.  I was able to process from that point quickly and then proceeded to make amends with my oldest son soon after.  But what lingered from this experience was what Braden did....not all the stuff in between, but that single, simple well intentioned act of Love he rendered in my behalf.  Yes, one might say that my heart transitioned from feeling "bad" to "hurting good".  You saved me that day.

Braden, you jumped into my Hall of Fame in that instant and it made all the difference in the world.  Sounds strangely "familiar".......like an echo of 25 years ago.

So, that is all, that is it. One simple story, one of many arguments before and since, yet that one will always stand out to me.

Postlude:  I have since thought a lot about the notion of being "Saved".   In a very real way, Braden "saved" me from that situation.  I have been saved by my wife and a few others during the course of my life.  In my mind they are all simply examples of the ultimate Savior, Jesus Christ.  The truth is, He already did it for me...in fact he did it for all of us.  He "saved" us all in every way.  If He were here today, he would be doing the work that Braden did for me. In His wisdom he allows each one of us to be angels to one another by exemplifying His eternal mercy and love through small simple acts of love.  I have a profound feeling of honor and respect for Braden.  Thank you son, for your example.......  I hope I can return the favor one day.