Two Roads

A curious and adventurous traveler's worst nightmare: finding two roads diverged in a yellow wood.  

One must be chosen as they both cannot be traveled.  One seem safer.....more well trodden. Surely there is wisdom in that path, as many have taken it.  The other seems less so.  With no other reason than just that the traveler seeks the less used, seemingly lesser path.

As in life, aren't we faced with this place everyday?  We have a choice, everyday to select our path for that day.  Then when the day is over, we can review and consider what the consequences have been of that choice.  We either learn or we don't and are faced with a new set of decisions every next day. 

 Aren't we all just two shades of grey away on either side from being our very best selves or succumbing to our worst tendencies?  Maybe the road less traveled isn't the best one.  It might seem the most interesting, but may not suit us in the end.  Exploration and discovery are grand aren't they?  Yes, when it comes to new geography, culture, the fine arts or ideas.  When is comes to the seductive slopes of relative morality, maybe not so much.  Maybe they are just grand illusions -- or better yet, delusions of grandeur.  But, what is so difficult is that what used to be so clear about morality isn't anymore.  Morality is being redefined with each person's own experience. It's flexible and we tend to like to bend it towards what feels good.

I have found myself at this place, wondering which might be better.  It is shocking to see that just 1 or 2 degrees of difference can lead to wildly different experiences, trajectories and consequences on either side.  What if there really aren't two paths, but just one?  How would we know which to choose?  Is there such thing as a wrong or right one?  What if there are more paths than we can even number?  Is that better?

I think this fundamental question is at the heart of many of society's ills today.

I have shared my concern about the world seeming totally crazy right now in a previous post.  I think there is more to say....

Has there ever been in a time in your lifetime where right seemed wrong, and wrong right?  Everything seems upside down.  Never did I dream that in so few years how pervasive philosophies and ideologies of men would overtake common sense.  Gender confusion, intolerance of those learning to be more tolerant, extreme ideas that stoke anger and hate, the seduction of deeper mysteries and fringe beliefs amongst my own faith are just a few.  What is particularly difficult for me is to know that there cannot even be conversations about issues with different views any longer. There is little to no tolerance for debate, rhetoric and reason not only in politics and our educations systems, but increasingly with our own friends and family. It is starting to creep into work too....CEO's are faced with being more political in their stance than ever before.  And it seems that they cannot stay in the middle, they have to take one side or the other... what is most interesting is that if they lean to the right they will almost always be wrong!  So much for tolerance....

Some may argue that if the definition of truth which is,  “Knowledge of things as they are, and as they were, and as they are to come.” (D&C 93:24.)  is subject to interpretation. 

There are clearly those that would rewrite the knowledge of things as they were. They would like us to believe things that did happen never did happen.  Such as the idea that the holocaust never happened and that man never touched foot on the moon are just two examples.  

These same voices would also say that knowledge of things as they are, are totally relative to individual experience.  This is called moral relativism, which suggests that there isn’t one truth because there are an infinite number of valid systems of morality defined by every individual.  So not one truth, but many.  They would have us believe there are no standards for right and wrong because the premise is that nobody is right or wrong.  This philosophy suggests that there are not absolute rules to determine whether something is right or wrong.  This means that everyone ought be tolerate the behavior of others even when considerably large disagreements about the morality of particular things exist.  Without a code of what is right and wrong that unites us, there is allowance and justification for actions that are immoral like slavery, or genocide because they can be framed as cultural values.  Children can choose their gender because gender isn't biological or even spiritual, rather gender is a social construct.  If there is no right or wrong, then there is no need for God, or for the Devil.....right?  

The Book of Mormon teaches us a profound lesson about the adversary and his role as it relates to our earthly mortal existence:

“And behold, others he flattereth away, and telleth them there is no hell; and he saith unto them: I am no devil, for there is none—and thus he whispereth in their ears, until he grasps them with his awful chains, from whence there is no deliverance.” 2 Nephi 19 – 22

Interesting.... So compelling this point of view.  It is entirely confusing then......How do we know what is true?  How do we separate our own experience from that which is spiritually discerned or established to be "true".  

As we grow in our own knowledge and gain experience through our routines and trials do we not become increasingly more at risk of being duped by our own thoughts, our own understanding or the so called sophisticated and progressive thinking of men and women in our modern society with agendas.  Agendas that speak of equality but disguised by their subversive agenda of power and control. They want everyone to be the same, to have equal outcomes regardless of the equality of opportunity which is at the heart of agency and will.  

One road in the yellow wood says it guarantees you a particular outcome no matter what your circumstance or choice.  In essence, a forced ideology of group identity, not actually individual expression and differentiation which they pretend to espouse. Everything goes and therefor everything is right because there really is no wrong.....as long as it feels right.......Sounds pretty seductive.... It is.  I think it is dangerous too.

The other road, now the one less traveled by, is fraught with failure, mistake, error and ambiguity.  One of missteps, pain and suffering for sure.  But one that leans on faith based in a fixed state of morality of what right and wrong means. This idea that all societies should accept each other’s differing moral values, given that there are no universal moral principles is often challenged by most philosophers.  For example, just because bribery is okay in some cultures doesn’t mean that other cultures cannot rightfully condemn it.

In my search and experience I have found comfort, safety and confidence in a pattern that God has laid out at least in the faith that I subscribe to.  I don't know if it is for everyone.  Some have tried and have forsaken for the other road.  Just because it works for me doesn't automatically mean it will work for you.  It isn't the easiest by far.....But, because it has worked for me repeatedly, I share it in case it is helpful....

THE PATTERN ( The road less traveled)

There is good news.  God would never leave his children depressed or forsaken. He has established a pattern.   He shares with us a formula in the Doctrine and Covenants 9:8-9

8 But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right.

9 But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong.

I have sought this pattern many times in my life and while I make tons of mistakes, when I have really paid attention this formula has always guided me correctly.

Is this not a beautiful pattern?  To be promised sure guidance with the only ask of that being wanting to know if something is right or not.... to spend a bit of time really reflecting first and then making a choice and then asking if that choice is right.  The answer comes through feelings of the the heart mostly.  Sometimes it can come directly to your mind as pure intelligence as well.  It differs with each person.

He isn't going to just tell us which road to take.  That isn't His job.  It's ours to really think through, and then with real intent make a decision based upon our own discernment and judgment, yes, even spiritually because we are spiritual beings just happening to have a mortal existence....  Then we take that decision to Him and tell him why we have chosen and then we hope and have faith that an answer will come, most likely through our feelings via the Holy Ghost to our hearts.

I have come to appreciate the fact that people are asking good questions.  Really hard ones, about our church history, doctrine and beliefs.  The Lord has asked us to study things out in our minds and then inquire of him the answers.  If the answers were easy we wouldn't grow.  It is good to see the sides of issues, to have empathy for others' views.  At the end of the day, a side must be taken, a choice is made and consequences always follow.  We are free agents ultimately.  God will never mess with that gift.

Often when we have problems or questions, we turn to family or friends to seek their advice.  This is ok, in fact a great place to start as part of the process of studying things out.  But sometimes I wonder if we forget to inquire of the Lord.  And when others approach us for counsel, we maybe tempted to draw upon our own knowledge and experience and forget to point them to the One who knows all things.

Are we seeking truth from the correct sources of truth?  If I am serious about choosing the right path and getting answers to guide my actions and choices wouldn't I seek God, Buddha, Shiva or Muhammed vs man?  Maybe we aren't being honest in what we actually want....  Sometimes I know I have sought answers from other sources, like my own experience, so that I could feel better about my choices. 

It is perfectly understandable that if we do not like the answers from one source that we would look in other places until we did find some we were comfortable with.  There isn't anything wrong with looking in multiple places, but if  we are seeking spiritual things and we don't include God as at least one of them then we are very likely to follow our own understanding and twisting things to fit the narrative we want to hear.

I love how the Lord teaches us. His pattern is simple and easy.  The answers may not be what we want to hear, and if not careful, they too can feel “hard” like many who have chosen a different path when it got tough or inconvenient.

Has there ever been a time when we needed to know truly what is right and what is wrong more than today?  Not in my lifetime. Do you secretly hope that wrong is right or that right is wrong? I know I have entertained thoughts like that in certain times.  I have been found wrong every single time.  I for one don't want my beliefs to evolve with the social trends.  I want and need more certainty, not more  confusion.... 

 Yes, two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I have intentionally taken the one less traveled by...... and so far, 

it has made all the difference.

Fallingwater

 

I cannot recall the first time I saw "Fallingwater"... All I know is I was pretty young and that it left an indelible mark on me.  I have always loved this place and I never understood why.  It seemed so modern and yet it was built in the 1930's.  It has always maintained a timeless feel to me.  It conjured up some pretty special feelings that both moved and inspired me.  It was a place that I immediately identified with and wanted to see very much.  The idea that I could someday see this place seemed so unlikely..... a pipe dream.

Maybe you have seen it too... I wonder what your experience was?  I hope it was like mine. 

I have always love Frank Lloyd Wright's architecture though not much of a student until recently.  I have become very connected with his philosophy and enamored with the principles he espoused.  He seemed way ahead of his time and has heavily influenced the way at least American's live through bringing his beliefs to life through his architecture.  He loved architecture, he loved nature, he loved the principles around humanity.  He didn't seem to get into God from a religious perspective, but I believe nature was his deity.

I know nothing of architecture, construction or engineering....  I do know a bit about design, not in the technical sense of the areas listed above, but more so from a organizational design perspective which I do at work quite a bit.  The idea of envisioning feels comfortable to me and I think that is partly why I identify so strongly with this most amazing structure.  This particular design mirrored what in my world is called systems thinking.  Something that I have tried to apply to organizational design.

This mindset is very much aligned with FLW's philosophy.  I believe the objective of Fallingwater was to interconnect with nature in such a way that it transformed the structure and the landscape equally.   Through thoughtful design seamlessly integrated with its natural setting, the building, its furnishings, and the surroundings become cohesive parts of one unified, interrelated composition.  

FLW captured my imagination because I happened to visit Taliesen West in AZ with my daughter.  It was completely enthralling and I became a member and have done my best to travel to as many of his sites as I can to really capture what I have been learning about him.  I have seen about 8 of his homes now including Taliesin in WI and Taliesen West.  I had never been to Fallingwater, until recently.

Many say Fallingwater was FLW's greatest achievement.  Fallingwater is the consummation of his organic architecture philosophy of merging design with nature in a way that leaves nature even better than it was before. Fallingwater is FLW's declaration that in nature man finds his spiritual as well as his physical energies, that a harmonious response to nature yields the poetry and joy that nourish human living.  This is demonstrated so well with his invitation to the Kaufmann's who owned the home: 

"I want you to live with the waterfall, not just to look at it, but for it to become an integral part of your lives."

Frank Lloyd Wright to the Kaufmanns, ca 1935

Only after being there, experiencing the home for myself, engaging all my sense do I finally realize that Fallingwater to me is spiritual, not just beautiful.  I am not sure how he did that, but he was able to do this with other designs as well.

I won't forget the anticipation I felt as I walked the path from the visitor's center through the forest imagining what I would see first.  I didn't know what to expect.  When it came into view I felt the goosebumps form on my arms and shoulders.  There it was.... it was real after all, not just this fantasy I had imagined for so long.  Seeing it emerge through the trees was very cool.

This is such an unusual house because you are using all of your senses in a heightened way.  What you see, hear, touch and feel is magnified.  You are literally walking in the forest over a waterfall as you walk through the house. It just isn't the same as any proverbial cabin in the woods.  It is different. 

The cars could drive up and through the house underneath these amazing latticed beams that tied directly into the limestone walls. The road goes right up to the guest quarters and pool that was added later. 

The guest rooms rooms are very cool

One of the absolute genius elements is the staircase that goes from inside the home to the edge of the stream that flows underneath the home right above the falls.  You can dip your feet into the water or just jump in and swim around.  The water is always present.  The sound of water is constant.....Amazing!

He left the floor uneven to mirror the unevenness of the floor of the woods and trails outside.  He didn't want the owners to forget where they were.  He made the granite shiny to seem wet like the stones outside in the river.

He designed an almost secret stair case directly from the master bedroom that ended up in a small natural plunge pool.  FLW didn't like swimming pools but allowed it here as long it was naturally fed from spring water.

 On hot days it probably was wonderful to sneak down, dip and then then run back up to the room without anyone seeing.

 Here is another gem from the mind of FLW.  If you notice there is a basin of slow running water that naturally flows from spring and if you look close, there is a bar of white soap on a chain.  This seems way ahead of its time.   (Remember soap on the rope ?) The idea was to quickly dip your feet in the pool and clean them off before entering the home.  No spigot, just natural water that flows back down into the river. 

Of course the best way to see the entire house is only from this one famous spot where everyone goes to take a pic.  To think that he designed this home in less than 4 hours after the Kaufmanns told him they were on their way to see him and the design of the home.  He sketched it out and had his drafts people finish as the door bell rang. He visited the site beforehand, but it had been a while so most of it was in his head.  Pure genius.

Is it not absolutely incredible?  Fora do comum one would say in Portuguese. Unique and timeliness....

I can't believe I finally got there.  It was all that I hoped it would be and more....

Sometimes when you see something you fantasize about for so long it can be disappointing in real life.  I wondered how it would be for me..... It turned out to be perfect.  To have been able to touch the uneven wet walls, listen to the ever present sound of rushing of water and to see the leaves fall across the open verandas was a childhood dream come true.  And to finally stand where he did when he first looked at the waterfall and envisioned an incredible dream was very special.  

“Space is the breath of art.”

― Frank Lloyd Wright

 

What I learned from Dear Evan Hansen

 

I knew nothing about this musical until I saw the move last week.  I was glad I hadn't heard anything to skew my experience.  I didn't even know who Ben Platt was. 

I braced myself for an array politically and socially charged themes to stir me up emotionally.  It happened, I did get stirred up emotionally--big time!  My heart was affected, but not my views on politics or social issues.  I was so pleasantly surprised to experience the movie purely.....as someone fairly ignorant of the mental illness continuum.  Someone who hasn't spent enough time thinking about how immense mental illness truly is.  The lyrics of the first song choked me up quickly.  I must have been ready to just let the performances seep into me without filtering too much.  It made all the difference.  I can't imagine anyone being able to perform and sing the way Ben did.  His range is ridiculous but to also sing while acting in character was very special.

I was blown away by the performances.  The songs were so knowingly written and were delivered perfectly.  I found myself empathetic to all the characters.  They made it easy to soar and then to also feel the terrible dread in the pit of my stomach knowing that the fall would come.... I just didn't know how hard the fall would be.  I almost turned my head thinking of the horrible implications of his lying narrative being exposed to so many people. I didn't think he would could recover.  But he did.  That was one of the great lessons for me:  

Never quit!  When it feels like you are at the bottom of a bottomless pit of despair and there isn't even a sliver of light, grit your teeth, take it all in and stand up......Do not quit.  It was a miracle that he didn't take his life.

"I am left with a loneliness so overpowering it threatens to seep from my eyes. I have no one."

I know I have felt alone at times in my life. I am sure you have too.  I have felt lonely as well. I cannot say I have felt the pervasive feeling of loneliness that must accompany those that live with the permanence of mental illness.  Debilitating isn't even the right word.... like the song says: "Words fail, words fail..."  How does one start to explain their plight and suffering?  It's not possible.  And yet, there is a spark in everyone, in every soul in every heart.  Maybe it can't always be found in this life, but the eventuality of Christ being able to heal every single instance on the never ending continuum of mental illness is something I do believe in.  I don't understand how it happens, but I believe He is the source of all light and that light beckons all of us to him one way or another.  We may not know his name, or we might call his name something else, but it all comes back to Him.  

"Even if you never get around to doing some remarkable thing, that doesn't mean that you're not worth remembering."

The movie underscored how important each of us are, just as we are.  That we are worth every drop of our Savior's atoning blood. Whether or not we believe it, He always will.  I have to take comfort in that and with each passing year realize that the eternal worth of every soul is of paramount interest to Christ and God.  In fact, it is their only focus and mission.

These troubling times are putting an enormous strain on everyone everywhere.  We are all probably at some peril on the mental illness continuum.  Love, light, tolerance, acceptance, deeper empathy and understanding are the only things that will get us through.

Thank you Evan Hansen, for showing me what the struggle is really like for so many...

The Desert

 

My last post was about the Vatican, a very religious space. I want to talk about another religious and spiritual place--The Sahara.  It wasn't on the bucket list, but somehow we found ourselves there... The path that took us there was through Morocco - another amazing country and culture.

At first glance, the differences are obvious between the two places from a physical properties perspective, but the similarities ended up being so close it surprised me.

Of course these weren't my first thoughts, but once I acclimated to the camel's gangly strides, had soaked in enough of the astonishing vista, taken in the beauty of unending sand dunes and filled my eyes with the blue blue sky, my reflective juices started to flow...

The Beginning

It took all day to get to the Sahara....  That by itself created a heightened anticipation of what the desert would be like.  I had dreamed about the Sahara as a kid.  Some of my favorite stories were tales of the 1000 Arabian Nights.  The many hours on the road getting there gave me time to create a lot of images in my mind.  I won't lie when I say that I didn't get goose bumps when the driver finally pointed to the horizon to show the faint and far away pink dunes rising above the desert plain.  They looked like mountains but weren't the same..... yes, they were mountains, just of sand. The color wasn't quite right.  They were a desert rose color.  They seemed unreal and mystical.  My heart beat a bit faster as we got nearer. It was incredibly romantic, but not in the typical ways, rather, more like the notions that I remembered reading those stories of far away Arabian places.  I let my mind conjure of visions of high adventure and mystical caravans.                                                                          

                                                                        

                                                                        Arrival

I got out of the van, it wasn't hot, but cool.  Winter in the desert is beautiful.  It felt wonderful too. The sun was out, casting an amazing array of light and shadows across the dunes.  It was that time of day when things were settling down, the calm before sunset. There wasn't any noise.....it was so quiet and  so vast.... really peaceful.

Caravan

We met our camels quickly.  Mine was named Bob Marley, which made me laugh!  What interesting creatures they are.  Getting up on and down on one is an adventure all by itself.  After only a few minutes it became so clear that these animals were designed for the desert.  No other animal seemed to make sense being out there.  They are perfectly designed to seamlessly navigate the shifting sands of the Sahara.  (I was sore in places I hadn't been before.....)

The desert is constantly changing.  You have new perspectives every 5 minutes.  The color of the sand seemed to shift as well.   The caravan lines of the camels seemed completely right....there is no other way to travel those dunes.  The slow plodding of each camel's step made ground quickly.  Within a few minutes civilization was nowhere to be found and I had no idea of direction.  I was fascinated by the shapes of the sand, the way the sunlight played off of the landscape.  There was no wind and it was very peaceful.

It was that perfect time of day, when the sun decided to make its own movie by reflecting the picture perfect silhouettes of the caravan against the desert itself -- as if it each dune was it's own projection movie screen.....casting light and shadow whenever it wanted to telling its own story.

It wasn't difficult at all to imagine age old caravans crossing thousands of miles of desert to connect humans to other humans, carrying small samples of their respective cultures in their wares, their food, their language and beliefs.   

This quickly became a place where I didn't want to be a tourist any more....no, I wanted to be local suddenly, with the ability to speak Arabic, talk to camels and know the ways of the desert.  I wanted to shed my skin and go native, like I tried to do in every country I lived in. 

Sunset

We stopped, and walked to the top of a dune.  We sat in the cooling sand watched the sunset which was gorgeous.  The dark orange red sun blazing as it descended out of sight cast a warm glow across the sky.  The Berber camel guides lit a small dry bush on fire and it glowed like a desert lantern.

 “What draws us into the desert is the search for something intimate in the remote.”

Deserts almost devoid of water and life.  In the scriptures, many passages speak of literal deserts and wildernesses, but desert images are also often employed as an opportunity to reflect on our relationship to God.  Our deserts can be literal or metaphorical, but in the Bible we learn they can be the very places where God finally finds us and calls us back to life in him.

“The desert does not mean the absence of men, it means the presence of God”. 

- Carlo Carretto

I came to realize deserts are special places....places that we must travel in order to find ourselves and often, God.  We all have deserts inside of us.  I started to realize the times in my life where there had been spiritual droughts.  Times when I wasn't aligned, questioned my beliefs and even strayed from things I knew were true.  It hit me that these were my desert journeys.  Often they seem isolated and alone.  But they almost always have been temporary, at least for me.  They were like proving grounds, requiring a bit of personal desolation and sacrifice in order to find something clearer on the other side.  They have been bridges linking not knowing to knowing,... from confusion to confidence..... from hurt to healing, from sin to sanctity, and from misery to mercy.  

Haven't you been through your own desert?  

Here are a few who have....

•  "And the child continued to grow and to become strong in spirit, and he lived in the deserts until the day of his public appearance to Israel." Luke 1:80

• "Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil." Matthew 4:1

• "Then John the Baptist appeared in the wilderness, preaching a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins." Mark 1:4

The deserts of our lives are undoubtedly troubling places of both temptation and doubt, but they can also be the occasion for deep spiritual renewal.

"What makes the desert beautiful is that somewhere it hides a well." - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

I cam to love the Sahara for all of the normal reasons anyone would, amazed by it physical magnificence and majesty, which I expected.

However I left loving the Sahara for all the unconventional reasons anyone would, amazed by its spiritual magnificence and majesty, which I didn't expect.

I have experienced the other end of the wilderness...I have found that well the Little Prince talked about.  And yet, I know that I am not through with my desert sojourns.... more are coming, I know, because I am human and full of faults, but I welcome them more now as I have a deeper appreciation for why I must pass through them.

May your desert journeys be as amazing as mine....