Holding Back Time

Here is Beauty holding back Time..... an absolutely beautiful piece of art.  One can feel the tension of forward momentum that Time is showing, even a bit anxious..... to be moving on.

Have you ever felt this way?  Wishing you could hold back the hands of time.....or lingering too long in the way things were?

I spent a good chunk of time in my youth trying to hold back the past.  I kept going back in my mind's eye.... I had too many beautiful experiences in too many foreign lands to let go of so easily.

I was that teenager practicing soaking in moments, memorizing each detail, the smells, the air, cloud formations, what people were wearing, what things looked like.

Time.... Sometimes it moves so slowly -- waiting at the DMV for an eternity (especially those days before smart phones!) But then contrasting that with your own kids.....Way different.... with kids it is one quick moment, whisking by like a cat's whisker faster than we can see, faster than we are every ready for -- when my first graduated from High School I only realized then that in just 4 more years all the of rest of them would be out of the house.

We say things like:  "Don't waste time"....  "Make the best of each moment"  Time is important.  We associate it with how long we will live...to some it defines not only life, but their existence as well.   Some "experts' say don't live in the past....forget what happened, only look forward.

We use time to measure all kinds of things... maybe it is God's way of thinking we are in control... setting limits for tests and teenage curfews, pregnancies, detention and time outs, when we are done with school etc....

 I think time is just a measure of a memory... when an experience begins and ends.

What if time were a series of innumerable books on an eternal bookshelf.  Not chronological.  No, just recorded "moments" yes...even "memories".  All of them already lived out and recorded.  And anytime we could just go to that "moment" and see ourselves living it out.  learning by watching ourselves in that moment.

Is time just something that brushes past us fleetingly?  It seems as if we are constantly struggling against it.  Like a the pull of a tide....constant pressure, misunderstood tension.  We let it do terrible things like measure goodness and badness, often it is a heaviness of regret, dormant dreams, drowned desires.....things not done.

Or are they just things that did get done.... the 10,000 activities, tasks, so that we could say things like "we did it" , "see how much we accomplished"......Life's mother of all checklists.

I think time should be savored, like a delicious sips of chocolate milk....  sipping a thousand memories....

So I say let time fly! .... release him... your beauty won't fade.  Your beauty is in the memories themselves... carved in, never to fade.  Being your best self in every moment is the way to go... ride time like a bronco buster...!!  Why not?  don't hold back, don't look back.... don't sell yourself short by always wishing the ride was just a minute longer.....  Run to the next one and ride it hard and ride it beautifully..... then sip on the memory later... it tastes better that way.

Post it Notes from Heaven

11 years ago we moved to Centerville, UT from upstate New York.  We bought this fun old historic home.  We moved in Nov' 95 and took this picture on the left with the kids on this grand staircase.  It turned out to be one of those 'keepers.'  We have looked at it a lot over the years.  It represented a new beginning then....  a wonderful new beginning that lasted 11 years.  In Aaron years that is like 2 lifetimes.  Almost left once but held on.  Glad we did.... 
11 years of jam packed life experiences and memories.  The kids are all 'grown up' now... yes, even Lexi... the punk kid is as feisty now as she was then...!    

We are about to close out the final chapter here in this part of the world.  I have a new job that is taking me to San Francisco and leaving the family here in Utah.  I didn't hunt down this job, it really came to me.... It worked itself out as the last couple of opportunities have done... an interesting side story....Just as I was working out details before the offer came through we had a hand written note suddenly show up on our door from a family living in Indiana... Here is what they wrote:

" You don't know us but we have been admiring your home for over 20 years.  We don't know your situation, but if you ever wanted to sell it, we would love to buy it from you."

Woah... Talk about timing... Maybe a coincidence....?  No, we see through coincidences much better these days....  Back in the 90's they may have tripped us up a bit... but not so much anymore.
We felt it was the second little post it note from Heaven nudging us forward.  We have since wrapped up the deal.  I move out in Jan and we all move out of this home in Mar.  So, I try and reflect upon this rapidly closing chapter in our lives.  There are a lot of moving parts to try and hang on to....like a really fast merrygo round....we are mostly just trying to hold on tighter.  But when you are married to the world's greatest project manager, it all comes together pretty nicely.

One unique way we have begun to close this chapter was to take another photo... same place....same clothes..(almost!).... same pose.... same stairs.... but not so same kids.  Landon did a fab job by going to a second hand clothing store to find as close to the same things they wore originally.  We positioned the bears just so too.....  Seeing them all sitting there now, side by side to the original is quite the scene to take in.  One can get caught up in the details of shades of color, smiles aren't quite the same, shadows here but not there, etc... etc...

 I don't see those things.....

I see brothers and sisters that grew together over those years... working things out, helping each others, getting in each other's way at times....fighting over all the same cliche things that every family deals with. They all 4 played all 4 years of High School soccer.  They cheered each others games, they went to each others' plays.  They terrorized the neighborhood together.  Their personalities went in all different directions.  Despite that, they learned to pray, they learned to get a long.  They excelled in everything they chose to do. .  Together they conquered all that was placed in front of them.  They achieved their goals.  Most importantly, they all grew testimonies of Jesus Christ each in their own way, in their own pace, in their own space.  They have blessed so many lives just be being their best selves, most of all their Mom and Dad. 

I look at them and see the same togetherness and love that has glued them altogether through this collective experience we have had together.  It feels right... it hurts good.

So, we try and find the last few words on this the last page......  Each one carries a world of emotion, each one reflects the immense gratitude we feel to God, for guiding us here, and for everything we found and did.  We close it not with regret, not with longing or looking backward... we pause to pose, one last time to close out this chapter with a picture... a picture that conveys a thousand words. Well done kids.... thanks for making it so perfect!