Pages

Saturday, December 21, 2013

The Perks of being a Wallflower

I felt like sharing something that struck me like lightning tonight.  I was watching this movie with my kids (yes...on clearplay) called "The Perks of being a Wallflower".   I think it is very cool. The script, the acting and the direction is very very good.  The music was very 80's which of course always makes me smile.

There is a part in the film where the "wallflower" character asks his thoughtful and concerned English teacher:  "Why do nice people choose the wrong people to date?"

The English teacher replied:

"People accept the love they think they deserve"
I had to stop the DVD and write this down....  There is nothing new about it,  I have heard 1,000  things that resemble the intent, but only this time did it hit and then sink in like thick paint
running down a wall.

I will have to process this for a while because I know there something both you and I can to learn from this.  But only after some reflection and honest self-evaluation.....

Sometimes I feel like I have so much love that I want to share with others, but then when it comes to receiving love from others I close up, I resist, I don't feel worthy, I don't feel deserving?  I wonder why....
do I limit the amount of love I could feel from others that are trying so hard to give it because I don't think I am worthy or good enough.  Maybe because I made some mistakes and now I can't forgive myself so I think I should get less?  

Is this what keeps me from accepting the love that Jesus intended through His atonement? Is this what it means to believe Jesus vs believing in Jesus.  Until I believe I am worthy of his atoning sacrifice I will not be able to properly receive the full measure of His love that I absolutely deserve.  All of us do...

What would it take for me to remove all of my own self-placed filters and walls I have built up and simply accept all the love that can be given?

Do I believe in myself?  Do I believe that I can be loved for exactly who I am.   I can say that I have felt this once....there is nothing like it.  I wish everyone could feel it and it gives me tremendous hope to be able to accept all love from anyone that wishes to give it.  I need to open up more and look forward to it, embrace it when it comes and never apologize for it.








Monday, December 16, 2013

In Memoriam II

On paper his name was Earl....
I only knew him as Roland. 
He came endowed with unique gifts and talents. 
Some of which I came to know and love, some I saw from afar, and others I never came to truly understand or fully appreciate.
He was elusive, but present
He had a way of looking at things that you and I wouldn’t
His ideas were big, his heart was bigger, and his love of God won the day

He was kind in unusual ways:

1.     He was very humorous and funny which always put others at ease and made others feel very comfortable. 
2.     He was serious but never took himself too seriously which made him accessible to all
3.     He shared his love of art by sharing expressions he created with everyone
4.     He was intense and had complex ideas but at the end of the day he preferred simplicity
5.     He was scholarly, had a PhD, you never would have known it, as he was never pompous.
6.     He knew a lot and was very smart, but he never led with ego.
7.     He was a loner but always drew people into him…. You wanted to be around him.
8.     He taught me how to forgive: (see My cup runneth over post)

His kindness to me was “Immediate, simple and piercing”

He showed his love of God in the way he spent the last days of his life. 
He knew what was coming…
He demonstrated the kind of courage that you don’t see often, 
by refusing to let the cancer beat his spirit.  
He was so kind and loving in how he shielded us from that struggle.  
And in the way he quietly and reverently slipped from this life to the next.
We only felt the humor, the wit, the beauty of a life well lived.

“And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides,
that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?


Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.

And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.

And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.”  


 Khalil Gibran

Yes…. on paper he was Earl, but to me, he will always be “Roland”

May his beautiful life be celebrated forever.