Brasilia: The City Still Beckons

 

Rene Burri took this in 1960, the year Brasilia was born.   I love this photo so much.  It contrasts the down to earth, simple Candango with that of this incredibly modern future forward thinking architecture. 

Brasilia was never a travel destination... not even sure if it is today.  It was never a mecca of culture and entertainment.  Most of the time I lived there people were longing to leave the city, to get out to real Brazil.   It was never to draw people in.  If you worked for the government you were forced in.

And yet.... all these years later, I keep finding myself drawn to it.  Many of my school mates who spent years away are finding themselves returning.  Some to take care of their aging parents, others who still have family here and a few never left and settled their lives here.

This pic is amazing.  First, look at the vintage propeller plane - so cool and then the shot of one of the Eixos - the main residential wing of the city.  I lived in a building exactly like one of those in the cluster below.  SQS 113.  Even the address was modern...  

There was something about being able to walk and experience all the modern architecture without the normal barriers that you would normally find with government buildings.  I wonder if that has changed.  

 

"Scarcely any other twentieth-century monument is more spectacular and more photogenic than Brasilia. It is certainly not the only modern city to have been built from scratch, but with the exception of Chandigarh, the capital of the Indian state of Punjab that Le Corbusier had designed just a few years earlier, not one of these other new cities fired the imagination as did Brasilia"

I too fell the draw of the city.  The shapes and lines beckon.  Critics say the design is too modular, too antiseptic, too much of a postcard.  Yes, I can't lie, I agree... but yet is beckons.  It pulls on my emotions.  There are memories attached to these structures.  Names and faces come to mind as I think about Brasilia, not just the edifices.  Memories filled with my own photographs of this unique city.  Surely I will see her soon.....

Ate em breve cidade linda..... As saudades sao fortes demais!

The Fab 4: Lessons of Experience

I was reflecting a few nights ago about milestones and began thinking about my kids.  The more I thought about what this past year has been like for them all I could think about were the multitude of  milestones they had achieved.   As I started to mentally list them, I wondered if they had the same awareness as I did about them.  I am sure there are others that I am not actually aware of.  Regardless, I as I thought more about each one, I realized how significant they were, at least in my own mind.  I have learned that there is great value in spending time intentionally thinking about and noting not only the achievements, but also the lessons learned from each. The ability to critically identify the specific things we have learned from our experiences and then apply them forward is what accelerates growth.  

I spend most of my time at work on this concept in an attempt to identify high potential leaders and then to properly match them with the right development experiences that might accelerate their growth.  Sometimes we get lucky and we find ourselves fortuitous enough to be placed in a "stretch assignment" that enable us to learn some new skill or behavior or to expand our capacity to move forward faster.  Other times we leave an incredible amount of learning on the table because we never ask ourselves if or what we have learned from our experiences.  We just simply pass through them like  proverbial 'checkbox' moments and chalk it up as just one more task completed.  

The past couple of years have been a banner years for all of my kids.  They have hit significant milestones.  They have pursued their interests and dreams with high energy and perseverance.  It is amazing to witness... I hope they pause at times and consider if they are learning the right lessons from their experiences...

Here are a few:

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  Landon - Completed his first year of medical school.  I now know a bit more why so many don't pursue that route.  Many probably have the intellectual horsepower, but fewer have the guts and grit to actually plow through the sheer weight of the load and pace of content, research, testing and writing.  I am not going to try and compare this with any other field as they are all rugged and rigorous journeys in and of themselves, but med school is intense.  Landon has gone through many hard things in his life, but this is one of those unique stretching experiences that fundamentally changes you forever.  I simply do not know what he has been through and he has been kind enough to not try and explain because it is ridiculous to try.  What I see is that he has become accustomed to the weight, like becoming comfortable walking 100 miles with a 75 pound pack. We see the growth and the stamina step up. It is especially cool because it was self-inflicted.  He has enormous drive and a high octane orientation towards achievement.  Incredible year of hard hitting success.  Very impressive..... I am in awe of his sense of adventure and enthusiasm to go on the unbeaten path. 
• 
  
  

  
  
  McKenna - Graduated in Nursing with great grades, completed her ROTC requirements, competed in a national Army Ranger challenge resulting in 5th place from 60 global teams and commissioned into the Army as 2nd Lieutenant.  I remember clearly how she wasn't sure if she would get into the Nursing program, and then how soon after she was already trying to push their performance standards up even higher.  She wanted to be more challenged than she was.  She eats challenge for breakfast.  What capped off the year so far was the life changing milestone of getting married to her good friend and confidant - Aaron Campbell.  The incredible helicopter ride up the mountains, the special landing spot and the very sweet and simple ceremony capped the occasion.  I am not even sure how to count all the mile markers she passed in the last year.  There is nothing more fun to watch the world of opportunity open up to her and watch her squeal and squirm wondering which ones to prioritize.  She will always be able to do so many things..... It will be so great to see her choose.

• 
  
  Braden - Graduated U of U Engineering School with high honors and on Dean's list.  He doesn't seem to really care about that.  He is uncharacteristically cool that way.  His super cute wife, Abby graduated from BYU Law school. Not only might he move on to get a masters, but he also took the LSAT and is contemplating law school which by his score, he could get into.  He got a great internship at Micron while Abby is about to pass the bar exam.  I have lost count of the scholarships he has received.  He conducted some major research with a professor that was super intense and practically crushing.  I know he had to learn to deal with a lot of stress, which is not his favorite thing.  Balancing multiple courses, a crazy heavy research project, church responsibilities and still making the right calls in spending time with Abby I am sure was not always easy. He was stretched in many ways that I probably won't ever know, but he came through making it look easy, as he has an incredibly annoying knack of doing with most things in his life.  They both have have set new personal bests this year...

• 
  Alexa - Not only did she get married to a great guy, Grant Gardner, but she also started a brand new career in the past year with the airline industry.  Delta.  She crushed all of her orientation and onboarding training, in fact, her supe said that she have never seen anyone learn as fast a Alexa. What makes this even better is that often she can work with her mom.  They see each other all the time, they swap shifts and tell the most outrageous stories and commiserate together.  Next to Landon, I am not sure I have seen anyone go after someone that treats herself or mom poorly.  She doesn't take anyone's nonsense (stuff) and has become a totally trusted agent.  Everyone comments on how great she is and how competent she has become.  Her smile melts Alaska and she has done an amazing job creating a career path for herself.  Way to go Alexa, you are shining big time!   Another milestone is surviving somehow living with mom and dad for extended periods of time.  She has taught us a lot about how to keep your life organized and tidy.  She has definitely attained the Domestic Goddess title.  If folding perfect clothes got you into Heaven, she would be translated immediately!!!   When she is not home we know that if we don't clean it she will get after us when she gets home.... It's crazy to feel that pressure! She has grown in so many ways it has been an amazing experience having her close by.  Big props to Alexa for her achievements and growth!  She is so quietly capable and I know there isn't a hurdle she can't leap over.

These are just a few....It is gratifying to see through my eyes.  I may not have gotten every hurdle perfectly correct, but I see what I see.  They say you should bring your kids up to surpass yourselves as parents.  They all came this way with so many of these qualities hardwired.  Maybe mix in a bit of parental influence and love and then just wind them up and let them run with their superpowers.

They are and will always be the Fantastic 4 super heroes in my book.  Keep learning the lessons of your experience and nothing will get in your way.....

“EVERYONE FAILS AT WHO THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE, THOR. THE MEASURE OF A PERSON, OF A HERO…IS HOW WELL THEY SUCCEED AT BEING WHO THEY ARE.”

 

- FRIGGA, AVENGERS: ENDGAME

Hey Mom and Dad, What Do I Do Now...?

 

The kids grew up and I mistakenly thought my role as parent would be different.... Smaller, less intense, easier, somehow... I figured they would need me less, maybe Sunday dinners here, "can you watch the kids" there and the occasional "loan" would be the routine.  

Not so much...

I thought the years of experience, the accumulated wisdom of living life, overcoming challenges, attending 1,000 soccer games, writing 100 college entrance exam essays would somehow qualify me for some kind of parental certification or graduate degree that would have next level recognition and benefits.

Not so much....

I thought my  mistakes would be fewer, that the likelihood of "offensive fouls" would be minimized.  I thought I would be so wise as to really understand each kid, to know what would be best for them, to always dispense incredibly valuable advice.

Not so much...

“People never learn anything by being told, they have to find out for themselves.”

― Paulo Coelho

I thought I would be prepared to answer their big person questions.  I thought I would understand what they would be going through.  I thought I would know the right things to say and to say things right.  I thought I would be a pro at knowing when to stop talking and just listen by now. I thought I new my own hypocrisy, that I wouldn't let it get in the way... I thought I may have learned the lessons of my own experience  to better guide them to learn from their own.

Not so much...

This isn't adding up to be a great batting average is it?

I never anticipated not knowing so much now as an "adult" parent.  I thought that was reserved for "rookie" fathers.  How is it that the fumbling for answers feels constant now?....Why hasn't it gotten easier?  Why does it feel overwhelming and so often confusing?  How can the reservoir of the well of my life's wisdom so often seem dry when I thought it would be deep?

As I scratch for scraps of answers to these fleeting questions I am reminded constantly of other parents that struggled as well.  Adam and Eve, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joshua, Saul, David, Solomon and a host of others.  They all made their choices, and when they leaned on their own wisdom, they didn't parent as well.  When they caved to the voices of the world (social imperatives of the day) they missed.  They failed their kids as a result.

Could it be that is what gets in my way?  The thinking and belief that I have to know how to do all these things.  That I should have the answers because of my own life's experience or because I am in this role of "Father"?  What happens when I am wrong?  What happens when the kids see through me?  

God Confidence

I am realizing that in my own chase for "self" confidence that I am barking up the wrong tree.  What I need is a lot more "God" confidence instead.  I need to rely on His experience and wisdom -- not mine.  Mine is terribly suspect and full of error.  I need to figure out a way to let Him prevail in my life and a little bit less of me prevailing in my life.

The irony is that just when I think my kids may not need as much parenting from me, I realize just how much I need from mine right now, maybe more than I ever had! 

I wonder if God nurtures a secret hope that his kids will hit that  independent adult milestone where He, and most of us dream of saying: "Ahh, Nice.... the kids are gone, I can relax and have control of the remote all to myself"  Does He ever tire of handling our "drama" moments?  Does he play hurtful games when things don't go his way?  Does he ever get weary of repeated disobedience?   Somehow, when I think of Him I just can't see him refusing to ever throw up his arms and say "Whatever, I am done!" .....No, He never will and will always be there perfectly for us.  

“Affirming words from moms and dads are like light switches. Speak a word of affirmation at the right moment in a child’s life and it’s like lighting up a whole roomful of possibilities.”

I can recall a half a dozen affirming words my parents spoke to me that have made all the difference. I also saw their gaps, I saw their spirits sag at times, I saw when their faith wasn't brimming brightly and in the end I saw what they were able to do despite themselves.  I saw God take over and bring them to the finish line because they were willing to stay in the game and never quit. The affirmations live on forever with me..... Do they, will they with my kiddos?

I am counting on it.....

I have always known that my kids weren't mine. They are His. 

"Behold all souls are mine."  Ezekiel 18:4

The bible reminds us and even Gibran did too when I read this so long ago and it continues to have meaning for me.

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

I have no claim, no rights, no contractual agreements other than a sacred covenant I made with God to do so with their mom.  The accountability is still with me.  The charge seemed simple enough--Bring them to this pasture (Earth), keep them safe from danger and enemies, feed and nurture them, help them grow and mature through the normal milestones of life.  Included in the job description was some language about hoping to instill a remembrance of where they came from, their purpose for being here and some desire to return to that heavenly home, and that  would at some point in time be their choice.....not mine.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them,

but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

 

Does this mean my kids are crazy and messed up.  No, the opposite.  They are all succeeding in their pursuit of happiness and success. They have certainly acknowledged our help and love which is a blessing.  This reflection is more about the realization that time passage doesn't equal maturity.  Tenure doesn't equal wisdom, length of service does not automatically bring the answers.  

......Somehow, in my little brain I thought they might.....

This is the musing of a sometimes lost kid who realizes that I need my parents as much as I ever did.  Its about accepting what the grey hair means with more grace, more humility and vulnerability.   .

It reminds me of a recent trip to Holland where we visited the Anne Frank house.  It was most reverent and spiritual.  At the end of it all Anne's father is the sole survivor of the family.  It was only years later that he finally could muster reading her diary.  When asked what he learned about the holocaust, the death camps, the blight of misery and hate, the seclusion and hiding... experiencing it all, he replied with this:

“And my conclusion is, as I had been in very, very good terms with Anne, that most parents don’t know, really, their children.” --Otto Frank

It really isn't about me after all is it?  It comes back to God Confidence.  It is so much more about Him and the answers to everything He has provided through his son Jesus Christ.  I just need to continue to find ways to tap into that well of wisdom, the owner of which is the only one that truly knows us.

"Behind every young child who believes in himself, is a parent who believed in him first."

My parents didn't have to know who I was, they just needed to believe in me..... and they did, fiercely, with all of their might, with all of their hearts and with all of their lives..... 

Maybe I can aspire to do the same?