Unburdened

While there has been a torrent of change, worry, and enormous stress during COVID 19 for many, I have had some extraordinary experiences I believe might not have happened without this terrible virus. The irony of this is not lost on me at all.  Being a fan of irony, I find the lessons of these experiences more sweet and powerful than normal.

Here is one...

I hear my phone ping this morning.  It is a text from"Sam X".  The text says: 

"Hi Aaron, (I hope this is still your number).  This is Sam, your old neighbor on 2nd South in Centerville.  I need to run something by you in person if that's possible.  Maybe I could swing by some time or meet somewhere.  I'll just need a couple of minutes of your time if that doable.  Hope all is well with you and family."

My mind does that rapid rewind to calibrate with the past.......  "Oh yeah, I remember, of course, Sam, a super friendly guy who lived in my old neighborhood."  Obviously, our contact has not been frequent as he doesn't even know I moved away over 2 years ago.  A moment of fleeting guilt passes through me.... "Dang, I should have visited him more or at least said goodbye.."

The odds of getting a text from Sam would be low anyway.  We really weren't that close.....Most of the relationship was in place due to my proactive efforts in extending friendship.  He was always willing to entertain a short visit, let my boys help him with his yard, or to inform him of our local church events and activities.

So, here he was reaching out after 3 years of zero contact.  My interest was piqued!....This didn't seem to be the routine "I could use some help in the yard" moment I could tell.  He needed to see me in person....  That was particularly interesting.

I called him back immediately and after saying hello, I told him of our new living situation and caught back up quickly.  I asked how I might help him......

.....He simply and humbly told me that during COVID he had a lot of time to reflect on his life, his kids, and his standing with God. This was not a religious man.  He was not part of our faith but occasionally participated in church social activities or service projects.  The part about his standing with God.....It struck me.... and that he was worried about it.  ( I made a quick mental note:  When was the last time I was worried about my standing with God...?)

He went on:  "Aaron, I need to clear something up that has been on my conscience for a number of years" I quickly scanned the memory banks and no anomalies surfaced.  He then said......."I made a comment once when you were over here for an Easter breakfast when I first moved into the neighborhood and I have regretted it ever since.  I made a glib remark about your not having a job, (which I didn't at the time), which was disparaging to you in front of others and it has bothered me.  I want to tell you that I am sorry that I said that."  

Hnm....I did remember vaguely something like that but I don't remember feeling poorly about it at all.  He didn't know me well enough and he didn't really mean anything by it.

I quickly shared with him that it had no effect on me, I barely remembered it and would love for him to quickly to forget that ever happened and thanked him for his thoughtfulness and courage.

I felt a glimpse, a small moment, what it might be like for Christ--to want to immediately and with much energy and great love help each of us to unburden ourselves of sin, ridding oneself of unnecessary weight.  What he did in that garden many years ago enabled us to forever to let go of past faults and wrongdoings.  The key is to have that reflection and pang of sorrow to be alleviated from shame and guilt and a desire to not repeat.

I almost felt desperate for Sam to immediately never think about this again and to move on and feel freer than before.  I can't remember being happier to help someone feel unburdened by such a thing.  Imagine.....carrying that weight for 10 years.....  Maybe you have done the same.  I know I have.

"We cannot repent for someone else. But we can forgive someone else, refusing to hold hostage those whom the Lord seeks to set free!"

--Neal A. Maxwell

He did make me think... what if I had been offended from that one comment.  What if I had decided to load up my own back with a bunch of unnecessary rocks, nurturing, and nursing dissatisfaction to my soul.... I could have been bitter, angry, and even hateful.  If I had been that Aaron instead, what would have been my reaction?  Would I have accepted his apology?  Would I have let go?  Would I have wanted to let go?

I don't see a lot of Sam X's right now.....people wanting to let go of hurt as much...I see the opposite. I see more hate, and less tolerance, empathy, and love.  It is an interesting thing to examine one's life in that way -- to take inventory of saved up sentiments, the one that keep dissatisfaction alive.  The ones that we pretend to forgive others of that actually linger, they never really go because we haven't really wanted to let go.  We know which ones those are don't we. I have heard people say:  "I forgive them, but I will never forget what they did."  I think they haven't let go.  The desire to cling to these poisoned apples is altogether another irony of life.  They only hurt us, they only cause weight, the canker the soul, and yet our grasp can be oh so tight.....

We are so weak and feeble and terribly insecure, aren't we?  Does that mean we are bad?  I don't think so, it just means we can't do it alone.  We need each other, we need a redeemer....We have one.  He lived, He forgave all of us for everything forever.  We need to feel the cleansing wash of forgiveness and we need to deliver that to others by freely forgiving them.... with a willingness to forget, forever.

"Ever keep in exercise the principle of mercy, and be ready to forgive our brother on the first intimations of repentance, and asking forgiveness; and should we even forgive our brother, or even our enemy, before he repent or ask forgiveness, our heavenly Father would be equally as merciful unto us."      --The Prophet Joseph Smith,

I would like to think that I would have forgiven Sam even if I had taken offense.  Then Sam would have blessed me as well in return because I would have let go of something that I needed to as well.  We both would have.  Isn't that incredible!  Maybe this is magic of repentance and forgiveness... it cures in miraculously beautiful ways.

"With faith in the merciful Redeemer and His power, potential despair turns to hope. One’s very heart and desires change, and the once-appealing sin becomes increasingly abhorrent. A resolve to abandon and forsake the sin and to repair, as fully as one possibly can, the damage he or she has caused now forms in that new heart. This resolve soon matures into a covenant of obedience to God. With that covenant in place, the Holy Ghost, the messenger of divine grace, will bring relief and forgiveness."    --D. Todd Christofferson,

It was apparent to me that this thing that Sam had carried all these years had become increasingly abhorrent to him... he had to rid himself of it enough to reach out and in person, if he could, look me in the eye and apologize.  How brave, how courageous, how beautiful that experience was for me.  To participate in the process that scriptures and prophets profess.  To feel closer to Jesus Christ while doing so.  

Sam's stature grew immensely to me as a result of that simple and sweet exchange.  I was so grateful that he called me, that he would trust me and actually hope for a reconciliation.  This was a man who was trying to live his life according to his conscience, not because he had to for any religious reason, but because he knew it was the right thing to do.  I love Sam more than ever.  I reminded him that he was exactly following the admonition of the Savior and how much God must be pleased with his calling me.

Yes, he inspired me. 

Do you think I started looking inside myself after that call?  Would you?

Does the Lord waste any disaster or pandemic to help his children learn?  I don't think so.  They might be the best learning opportunities He has, as too often we don't lean his way when things are going well.

This is one experience that has given me a new perspective on COVID 19.  I am grateful for that...

I  knew in my heart upon ending the call that I needed Sam's call just as much as he needed me.....