Hallmark Christmas

 

Christmas was extremely special this year.  There was something so beautiful about ending a tumultuous year on such a spiritual and serene note. 

We gathered together and we talked about the many names of Christ and why each is so important.  We introduced an "Emmanuel Wreath" which is 24 candles each representing different names associated with Jesus.  We each took one name and so we covered 8 names that night.  Each member of the family did such an amazing job sharing what the name meant in general and then on a persona note shared what the name meant in terms of their own lives.  There was a very special spirit as each person shared their personal testimonies of the Savior and brought new insights to each name.  We lit a candle for every name and placed each on in its' respective spot on the wooden wreath. We watched the flames flicker as we listened to each name.  It was a very spiritual experience and it left me realizing how much power there is a name, especially His name. I was taken by the depth of everyone's experiences in researching and then reflecting on how the name they were assigned had impacted their lives.

This was a special Christmas in that we were able to be together with Landon as he came up to see friends.  That was a wonderful time to reconnect and be a family.

It was a also special because it was probably the last time we will be with McKenna and Aaron for a while as they took off to San Antonio to start their new lives together.  We hugged a little tighter and our hearts were really full as we said good bye.

It was a special Christmas because we invited God to be part of our lives this year more abundantly.  We reflected and shared the many miracles that have happened to our family over the past few years.  When you look for and seek miracles, they do come.  We have a deeper testimony of that and we feel so blessed to count as many as we did.

I love this painting that McKenna did for her good friends this season.  I wasn't able to watch her paint it but I just love it. It instantly caught my attention with the color scheme and the fact that is wasn't perfectly detailed with facials and background.  There is a spirit that emanates from it despite not seeing the faces of each person. I love the humility of those around Him, seeking and wanting to learn.  The unfinished background is like a reminder of the simplicity of the manager where he was born.  As if it doesn't matter where they are, but rather that they are in His loving presence.  

Having Jaxon join our clan was super deluxe!  He has won our hearts and has inspired us as we learn more about him and to be able to meet his incredible Mother and siblings.  Everything was better with him there and we are so grateful for the incredible person he is.  He brought his own unique perspective and spirit to the family and it made a difference.

I love that Christmas came on a Sunday this year.  A quiet service full of music was just right.  Simple, peaceful and light.  I feel our burdens were lightened and our spirits burned a bit brighter  than normal.

They say that if you can find Christ in Christmas then you win the prize..... I believe we did find Him more intimately this season and it did make all the difference in the world.  The lasting ripples of that experience will linger in our hearts for sure....

Space is the Breath of Art

    ....said Frank Lloyd Wright once..... I am constantly in awe of what he could see, feel, then design.  Truly visionary and genius.

The more I see of his work the more I appreciate, art, design, architecture, space and light and how living in a home should be seen through his eyes.  

I have now seen more than two dozen of his designs in person and just when I think I have seen his best, I find something new and interesting and mostly I feel something inside that makes my heart jump and completely captures my imagination.

I just saw Hollyhock House in LA.  It had been closed for a long time and just opened a few months ago.  I have been wanting to see this one for a long time.  I have been fascinated with his Pre-Columbian, Mayan-esque designs in California.  He only did a few but they are all here and this is the only one that is open to the public

I have never seen LA with bluer skies and more  perfect weather.  From Olive hill, where Hollyhock House is built, you can see Griffiths Observatory, the Hollywood sign and an incredible view of downtown LA.  It is a very isolated and calm space in the middle of busy Hollywood.  There is a wide panoramic view that is unique.

The attention to detail was simply stunning. As per normal, I found myself wanting to spend a long time looking at everything  He was so intentional about how people should live and feel in his homes. He literally wanted to control the way you felt while being there.

 

You never know what you are going to find in his homes, but you can count on feeling things as much as you see them.  The way he sculpts light and weaves it and its shadows throughout a home is incredible.

The creativity and thoughtful way he incorporated the design of the Hollyhock flower, the favorite of the owner, throughout the exterior and interior.  Incredibly beautiful.

He creates connection through his design.  The motivation isn't the lines and shapes, it is the humans living within and how they related to each other in day to day life.  He connects people to people in his designs.  He had an innate sense of this.  I love this about him.

He specializes in making your eye follow long lines and creates incredible interest to explore more... to follow, reflect and then look back to see an entire different perspective.

I love that, looking at different angles in his homes.  They are unending.

He has helped me look at life from different angles as well.  I knew art was inspiring, but I never understood how architecture could do the same..... but it has....

The inner garden is amazing.  There are steps that lead up unto the roof where there are multiple levels.  I found myself feeling like a kid at the prospect of playing hide and seek with my brother running around the roof had we grown up there.

Incredible nostalgia for childhood swept me several times during this visit. 

 Oh! How I longed to run up the stairs and hope to see JJ beckoning me to a cool hiding spot he just found!

I am grateful for the artists part in this world.  I believe everyone developed talents and abilities before we ever came to earth.  Yes, we did live before we were born, in a spiritual state.  You were you and so was I.  We learned and we grew.  We worked at and acquired talents that we would then use here during out mortal lives.  

Before now, then.... that was our school to learn, and here, this world,  was our palette to apply what we learned up to that point.   To paint, draw, design, write, run, sing, throw, think, love and serve.

I like to think that God helped us understand what our talents are, and now we have the chance to master them here.  Why?  Maybe it was so we could beautify and inspire this world..... 

Has there ever been a time when the world needed more inspiration than now?  No, I don't think so....

We all need spiritual rejuvenation.... a wake up call to remember who we are, why we are here and to use our gifts and talents to contribute, each in our own small way, to lift others.  To cause hearts to stir, lumps to form in throats, bring chills to the surface, to quicken heartbeats and to remember why we do this...... because it is what God would do and as we do what He might do, we realize our full potential, become united with a greater purpose and our hearts expand to love more deeply and profoundly.  

FLW is an architect of the soul.  I am grateful for his talents and the way he painted his particular palette, all in a way for others to enjoy and experience. I can honestly say, that in every single house and building I have visited, I always, always, always, leave with my spirits lifted and am better for having experienced his talents.  It is a blessing and I cannot wait to see what he is designing now....

Getting chills all over again.....

 

                                                                        

A Simple Walk

 

One of my most favorite things to do in this great HOA I live in called Daybreak is to take walks.  They have miles of paths through interesting neighborhoods and around our own lake.  I try to vary the route with each walk which is very amusing to me.  It is in a very small way, it is a means for me to use my creativity and curiosity.  I can dream up a route as I walk it and it can be different every single day.

This day, I was walking and I came up on this man and his young son also taking a weekend stroll.  I normally don't pay that much attention to others who pass by.  My imagination was captured with this pair for some reason..... So I decided to slow down and just observe them for a while.   

My first thoughts were that they were adorable.  What was interesting is that I noticed they didn't interact at all.  They just walked in a kind of unison that seemed normal but not at the same time.  Normally kids are running all around touching and exploring things.  Usually parents are coaxing/yelling at them to get back on the path or having to keep up with them.  This was very different.  This kid didn't seem to be more than 4.  He walked passively, eyes ahead, and straight ahead. He wasn't peppering his Dad with a thousand questions or pulling him this way or that.  Dad seemed to be in his own thoughts as well, not necessarily paying attention to the little guy too much.  But despite their lack of verbal communication, they seemed to be very in synch and unified.  There was a silent language between them, or maybe it would be better to say that there seemed to be a mutual understanding of how this walk was going to take place.   I thought maybe they had done this so many times that this rhythm was now an understood pattern.  They didn't need to talk.  They seemed entirely content just being together.  There was the occasional look back up to Dad maybe just to make sure that he was still there and that all was ok.  The Dad never said anything but maybe smiled back to reassure him that that he was doing well.

What I admired the most was the obvious but silent connection they had.  There was a deep mindfulness about it that struck me.  They had put forth the effort to make this walk.  They probably talked about it beforehand and my guess is that the boy was happy to go for a walk with Dad. There was a clear connection between them and I could feel it and I loved that I was enjoying what was taking place.

After a while, my thoughts reached out to new places like a ivy looking for what to climb next. I thought about the idea of walking quietly with someone..... not talking, just walking. Being together, but being just being..... still.  There is wonder in stillness.

I notice that most of us love to fill empty space with words when we are with someone else.  I think we can often feel like there has to be something to occupy that space.  I admire those that can be still and resist that urge to just fill the void with lots of words.  I love the idea of being together in spirit, communicating soul to soul, without words.

There aren't that many people I can do that with.  Don't get me wrong, I love walking and talking too!  That is usually a much better experience, but occasionally I wonder if we wouldn't all just benefit from a more walks like that. 

I walked behind them for 20 minutes and they kept this pattern flowing without interruption.  It was so simple, yet so cool.

I have wondered at times what it might be like to walk with Jesus.  I like to think that there might be some similarities to the two that I observed.  I find myself wondering if I had such a walk with him, might there be some long lingering pauses of no talking.....just being?  Just walking next to him, just basking in the feeling of being with someone with his majesty.  I am not even sure I know what I would say, and secretly I would hope that he would already know and so when I turned my head and looked at him into his eyes, maybe he would look back and have a knowing smile that would communicate everything I would need.....all the love that I would need to feel.....a sense of security and safety that the small boy felt when he felt the reaffirming gaze of his father.... that his Dad was there, close by.

I think that is what I would want the most.  To feel "ok" in his presence.  To have a glimpse that I might be walking the right path, that I was doing well.  Could all that be possible in one look?  Yes! I believe it with all my heart.  I know I would not want the burden of trying to find the right questions to ask him.  I would already know in my heart who he is, but would want to feel what it would be like to have the gaze of someone who knows you better than anyone every has or will, that is only willing to see the best of you, your greatest strengths, your best self, which seems so elusive for you or me to grasp with our mere mortal eyes.  To feel the perfect love he has for us.  The kind of love that he gave his life for.  I do not know that kind of love.  I do not understand it and I cannot comprehend it.  All I do know is that I have experienced a full heart, and have received spiritual feelings that seem to overflow the brim of my own body, my own capacity to hold it all in,  I simply don't know where to put it all, so it just runs over..... It is deep but it isn't the perfect love that only Jesus and God can understand and convey. Imagine feeling the magnitude of that type of love from a single focused look.... Ah! how good it hurts to ponder that. 

The truth is, he is right there now, walking with each me and you.  The reason it is quiet is because I am still a child trying to figure out how to hear him through the spirit instead of with words.

So, yes, when I saw that little boy look up to his dad a step or two behind him and saw the look back I knew in an instant that is what I need and would want.  I have had those looks from my own father,  Mr. Robert Brown. The look of approval with him was enough to get me through life, I hope that the simple reassuring gaze from Jesus will get me back to Heaven.

 

Reunited

 

I have always been a fan of reunions.  Typically they have been centered on family, but there have been others... friendships, school, and mission reunions.  Having lived overseas and moving around a lot meant that I was in the constant business of making and leaving friends.  I always felt a deep pang of loss when goodbye time came.  Those feelings would often linger for months and sometimes years. I had powerful saudades or longing feelings to see friends again.

I believe there is magic in reunions.... I know not all of them are perfect.  Some I hear are downright horrific, especially the High School ones.  I thankfully have been very blessed to have had really positive experiences with every single one I have attended.

It is because of my affinity for them that I re-watched a band reunion on YouTube recently.  Familiar feelings surfaced and I remembered back when I first watched it and some thoughts came back....

It was 2004, and I was on the road, traveling for work.  I can't remember where, but I was in my hotel channel surfing and I came across this show on VH1 called Bands Reunited.  I was super dubious because VH1 had stopped producing great music videos for a while and they had a bunch of not so great reality shows.  

I  had never heard of the show but quickly got the the general idea, that being this host would travel around tracking down members of these 80's bands that had broken up to see if they would be interested in a one time reunion and then to play a couple of their hits in a live concert setting to a small audience.  If each band member was up for it, they would sign the record album and the host would then track down the next person...... rinse and repeat until everyone had agreed to meet and reunite.  

In this episode the host was trying to reunite the band Berlin which my caught my interest because I really liked Berlin during the height of the 80's music scene.  They weren't my favorite band, but I did like some of their hits and of course "Take My Breath Away" put them on the map because it was in the first Top Gun movie.  My guess is most people never would have heard of Berlin without that single.

So, I became more and more interested in how this guy would take a camera crew and surprise each band member and put them on the spot to see if they would sit down and have a chat about the band etc....  It was very interesting to see how in Berlin's case 3 of the original band members were doing completely different things than music anymore..... one was running a small software company and another was working at an small airplane piloting school.  It was fun to see the different reactions to the VH1 guy.  Some were excited and others were immediately doubtful. During each band members' chat with the host they would go back in time and talk about the ups and downs of the band. Ultimately the topic of why they had broken up was addressed. It was clear that there were tensions and often they said that they might consider a reunion only if they got this particular one band member to say "yes".  So, there was this pent up anticipation to see if the main guy would be ok reuniting or not. In the case with Berlin, the tough one said yes and would reunite. So they were on!  Yay!

Fast forward to a little studio in LA where each band member showed up and went into a room.  I was very curious to see how each would react to each other as they all showed up.  It was heartwarming to see the smiles, embraces and hugs they each dealt out to each other after so many years of being apart.  I wasn't prepared for the level of emotion that was expressed and that I felt watching them literally "reunite."  The host then would have them all talk about what it was like to be in the band, to tour and ultimately what lead to the break up.  They were all so open and honest and they all acknowledged their own part of being immature and having too much ego among other things.  They were actually processing their feelings and did this amazing job of resolving this long overdue conflict they felt.  It was really incredible to see how in one instant, they all remembered who they were and why there were great together.

Commercial break.....

Have you ever experienced this feeling of remembering who you were?  I have and maybe that is why this show appealed to me so much.  What I didn't realize was that with each subsequent move and goodbye I made throughout my life was like leaving a piece of me behind.....like a memory.  I can't quite explain it very well, but all I know is that when I went back to my first high school reunion which was like 13 years post graduation, I will never forget walking into that Marriott Hotel and seeing so many familiar faces and friends altogether at once.  With each embrace I literally felt myself becoming whole again....like all the pieces I had left in Brazil came snapping back into place all over again.  I had no idea that was going to happen.  My intent was not to go to the reunion to find myself, rather see and celebrate friends and talk good times.  The reality is that I had an entirely new perspective and picture of myself and I liked it..... I liked me with them, my friends.  It was almost like I was a better me...realizing that I was remembering who I was.  And I knew it wasn't just because of just one or two good friends.  No,  I needed all of these people to remind me and to see me as they did, like they did back in high school.  

I can't honestly characterize the experience or feeling as a religious experience, but it was very profound and it left a deep permanent impression.  I realized that I hadn't quite found my own rhythm and footing despite having finally settled in the U.S.  I was still this Third Culture Kid trying to adapt to his passport country which wasn't very easy.  I had put a few unresolved feelings in cold storage because I didn't have the tools to help myself transition well.  The reunion was like putting on familiar clothing that fit so comfortably well.  Familiar again with my own skin.

So, if this resonates with you at all, keep that in mind as we return to Berlin's reunion....

So, here were these band members, who has spent years together in a very 'family-like' environment, traveling all over performing and dealing with lots of pressure at a very young age.  In some ways I remember thinking it surely is a miracle that any band survives more than a couple of years because of the intensity of the closeness, the huge pressure to deliver hits, having to perform night after night to please their fans  and then dealing with instant fame which usually is too overwhelming for young people. 

In Berlin's case, it was astounding to that in just a few seconds all the reasons why they broke up suddenly seemed meaningless and melted away with a few simple hugs, big smiles and warm embraces.  In this episode and in others a common theme from band members that talk about an feelings of closure that takes place amongst them..... Closing old wounds that somehow managed to always stay open through the years. It was clear to see that the band Berlin definitely wanted and needed closure.  They wanted to feel the love and familiarity again, but they just needed the right catalyst to make that happen.  They just didn't seem to be able to do it on their own... they needed a bit of help. It occurred to me how beautiful it was......to have closure, to let go of unhelpful feelings, to shed the burden and weight of so many years.  It was amazing to it happen in real time during these reunions.

Another common comment shared was "I never thought this would every happen again... in this lifetime."  That too struck an emotional chord.  I remember wondering if the producers had any idea of just how instrumental they would be in inviting in incredible amounts of psychological and spiritual healing vs thinking of the commercial reasons of getting a band back together.   Whether intentional or accidental, they made magic happen aside from hearing nostalgic 80's hits again. Cosmic....! These people were not your stereotypical church faring folk...no, they led pretty hard and raucous lives on the road.  All the vices you can imagine they immersed themselves in and yet when the right time came, they saw and accepted each other as-is and shared a lot of love and caring. It hurt good to watch and it was easy to get caught up in the joy of their reunion.

Two years ago, here in Daybreak (The world's best HOA) Berlin came and performed right down the street.  It was so awesome to see the band together again, singing those same hits. The audience was bigger than normal. The songs were amazing and they still had that unique sound.  At some point during their performance, it hit me.... They wouldn't be performing all these years later if that reunion hadn't happened on VH1.  Wow!  It was like they all had a second wind.... because they had a second chance to do what they loved doing together.  

If this post sparks any interest here is the link. Check it out...

Through the miracle of social media I have had so many miraculous reunion moments with all my previous good bye friends.... Those associations mean a great deal to me.  They fuel me and give me fire at times.  There is deep meaning in strong connections.  We are all connected together and I love that.

Of the many goodbyes I have had to say goodbye to my brother and both my parents.  I feel the haunting longing and the burden of having to be patient for that reunion.  Through the miracle of Jesus Christ's atoning sacrifice, I know that reunion will take place again.  It is clear and calming to me to not only have that hope but the confidence and assurance that it will take place.  That the joyous embrace of family will wet my eyes, lift my heart and spiral my spirit upwards forever... and then I will truly know and remember who I really am all over again and that will be truly amazing.  

......And just think... We will never have to plan for another reunion again!

Brasilia: The City Still Beckons

 

Rene Burri took this in 1960, the year Brasilia was born.   I love this photo so much.  It contrasts the down to earth, simple Candango with that of this incredibly modern future forward thinking architecture. 

Brasilia was never a travel destination... not even sure if it is today.  It was never a mecca of culture and entertainment.  Most of the time I lived there people were longing to leave the city, to get out to real Brazil.   It was never to draw people in.  If you worked for the government you were forced in.

And yet.... all these years later, I keep finding myself drawn to it.  Many of my school mates who spent years away are finding themselves returning.  Some to take care of their aging parents, others who still have family here and a few never left and settled their lives here.

This pic is amazing.  First, look at the vintage propeller plane - so cool and then the shot of one of the Eixos - the main residential wing of the city.  I lived in a building exactly like one of those in the cluster below.  SQS 113.  Even the address was modern...  

There was something about being able to walk and experience all the modern architecture without the normal barriers that you would normally find with government buildings.  I wonder if that has changed.  

 

"Scarcely any other twentieth-century monument is more spectacular and more photogenic than Brasilia. It is certainly not the only modern city to have been built from scratch, but with the exception of Chandigarh, the capital of the Indian state of Punjab that Le Corbusier had designed just a few years earlier, not one of these other new cities fired the imagination as did Brasilia"

I too fell the draw of the city.  The shapes and lines beckon.  Critics say the design is too modular, too antiseptic, too much of a postcard.  Yes, I can't lie, I agree... but yet is beckons.  It pulls on my emotions.  There are memories attached to these structures.  Names and faces come to mind as I think about Brasilia, not just the edifices.  Memories filled with my own photographs of this unique city.  Surely I will see her soon.....

Ate em breve cidade linda..... As saudades sao fortes demais!

The Fab 4: Lessons of Experience

I was reflecting a few nights ago about milestones and began thinking about my kids.  The more I thought about what this past year has been like for them all I could think about were the multitude of  milestones they had achieved.   As I started to mentally list them, I wondered if they had the same awareness as I did about them.  I am sure there are others that I am not actually aware of.  Regardless, I as I thought more about each one, I realized how significant they were, at least in my own mind.  I have learned that there is great value in spending time intentionally thinking about and noting not only the achievements, but also the lessons learned from each. The ability to critically identify the specific things we have learned from our experiences and then apply them forward is what accelerates growth.  

I spend most of my time at work on this concept in an attempt to identify high potential leaders and then to properly match them with the right development experiences that might accelerate their growth.  Sometimes we get lucky and we find ourselves fortuitous enough to be placed in a "stretch assignment" that enable us to learn some new skill or behavior or to expand our capacity to move forward faster.  Other times we leave an incredible amount of learning on the table because we never ask ourselves if or what we have learned from our experiences.  We just simply pass through them like  proverbial 'checkbox' moments and chalk it up as just one more task completed.  

The past couple of years have been a banner years for all of my kids.  They have hit significant milestones.  They have pursued their interests and dreams with high energy and perseverance.  It is amazing to witness... I hope they pause at times and consider if they are learning the right lessons from their experiences...

Here are a few:

• 
  
  Landon - Completed his first year of medical school.  I now know a bit more why so many don't pursue that route.  Many probably have the intellectual horsepower, but fewer have the guts and grit to actually plow through the sheer weight of the load and pace of content, research, testing and writing.  I am not going to try and compare this with any other field as they are all rugged and rigorous journeys in and of themselves, but med school is intense.  Landon has gone through many hard things in his life, but this is one of those unique stretching experiences that fundamentally changes you forever.  I simply do not know what he has been through and he has been kind enough to not try and explain because it is ridiculous to try.  What I see is that he has become accustomed to the weight, like becoming comfortable walking 100 miles with a 75 pound pack. We see the growth and the stamina step up. It is especially cool because it was self-inflicted.  He has enormous drive and a high octane orientation towards achievement.  Incredible year of hard hitting success.  Very impressive..... I am in awe of his sense of adventure and enthusiasm to go on the unbeaten path. 
• 
  
  

  
  
  McKenna - Graduated in Nursing with great grades, completed her ROTC requirements, competed in a national Army Ranger challenge resulting in 5th place from 60 global teams and commissioned into the Army as 2nd Lieutenant.  I remember clearly how she wasn't sure if she would get into the Nursing program, and then how soon after she was already trying to push their performance standards up even higher.  She wanted to be more challenged than she was.  She eats challenge for breakfast.  What capped off the year so far was the life changing milestone of getting married to her good friend and confidant - Aaron Campbell.  The incredible helicopter ride up the mountains, the special landing spot and the very sweet and simple ceremony capped the occasion.  I am not even sure how to count all the mile markers she passed in the last year.  There is nothing more fun to watch the world of opportunity open up to her and watch her squeal and squirm wondering which ones to prioritize.  She will always be able to do so many things..... It will be so great to see her choose.

• 
  
  Braden - Graduated U of U Engineering School with high honors and on Dean's list.  He doesn't seem to really care about that.  He is uncharacteristically cool that way.  His super cute wife, Abby graduated from BYU Law school. Not only might he move on to get a masters, but he also took the LSAT and is contemplating law school which by his score, he could get into.  He got a great internship at Micron while Abby is about to pass the bar exam.  I have lost count of the scholarships he has received.  He conducted some major research with a professor that was super intense and practically crushing.  I know he had to learn to deal with a lot of stress, which is not his favorite thing.  Balancing multiple courses, a crazy heavy research project, church responsibilities and still making the right calls in spending time with Abby I am sure was not always easy. He was stretched in many ways that I probably won't ever know, but he came through making it look easy, as he has an incredibly annoying knack of doing with most things in his life.  They both have have set new personal bests this year...

• 
  Alexa - Not only did she get married to a great guy, Grant Gardner, but she also started a brand new career in the past year with the airline industry.  Delta.  She crushed all of her orientation and onboarding training, in fact, her supe said that she have never seen anyone learn as fast a Alexa. What makes this even better is that often she can work with her mom.  They see each other all the time, they swap shifts and tell the most outrageous stories and commiserate together.  Next to Landon, I am not sure I have seen anyone go after someone that treats herself or mom poorly.  She doesn't take anyone's nonsense (stuff) and has become a totally trusted agent.  Everyone comments on how great she is and how competent she has become.  Her smile melts Alaska and she has done an amazing job creating a career path for herself.  Way to go Alexa, you are shining big time!   Another milestone is surviving somehow living with mom and dad for extended periods of time.  She has taught us a lot about how to keep your life organized and tidy.  She has definitely attained the Domestic Goddess title.  If folding perfect clothes got you into Heaven, she would be translated immediately!!!   When she is not home we know that if we don't clean it she will get after us when she gets home.... It's crazy to feel that pressure! She has grown in so many ways it has been an amazing experience having her close by.  Big props to Alexa for her achievements and growth!  She is so quietly capable and I know there isn't a hurdle she can't leap over.

These are just a few....It is gratifying to see through my eyes.  I may not have gotten every hurdle perfectly correct, but I see what I see.  They say you should bring your kids up to surpass yourselves as parents.  They all came this way with so many of these qualities hardwired.  Maybe mix in a bit of parental influence and love and then just wind them up and let them run with their superpowers.

They are and will always be the Fantastic 4 super heroes in my book.  Keep learning the lessons of your experience and nothing will get in your way.....

“EVERYONE FAILS AT WHO THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE, THOR. THE MEASURE OF A PERSON, OF A HERO…IS HOW WELL THEY SUCCEED AT BEING WHO THEY ARE.”

 

- FRIGGA, AVENGERS: ENDGAME

Hey Mom and Dad, What Do I Do Now...?

 

The kids grew up and I mistakenly thought my role as parent would be different.... Smaller, less intense, easier, somehow... I figured they would need me less, maybe Sunday dinners here, "can you watch the kids" there and the occasional "loan" would be the routine.  

Not so much...

I thought the years of experience, the accumulated wisdom of living life, overcoming challenges, attending 1,000 soccer games, writing 100 college entrance exam essays would somehow qualify me for some kind of parental certification or graduate degree that would have next level recognition and benefits.

Not so much....

I thought my  mistakes would be fewer, that the likelihood of "offensive fouls" would be minimized.  I thought I would be so wise as to really understand each kid, to know what would be best for them, to always dispense incredibly valuable advice.

Not so much...

“People never learn anything by being told, they have to find out for themselves.”

― Paulo Coelho

I thought I would be prepared to answer their big person questions.  I thought I would understand what they would be going through.  I thought I would know the right things to say and to say things right.  I thought I would be a pro at knowing when to stop talking and just listen by now. I thought I new my own hypocrisy, that I wouldn't let it get in the way... I thought I may have learned the lessons of my own experience  to better guide them to learn from their own.

Not so much...

This isn't adding up to be a great batting average is it?

I never anticipated not knowing so much now as an "adult" parent.  I thought that was reserved for "rookie" fathers.  How is it that the fumbling for answers feels constant now?....Why hasn't it gotten easier?  Why does it feel overwhelming and so often confusing?  How can the reservoir of the well of my life's wisdom so often seem dry when I thought it would be deep?

As I scratch for scraps of answers to these fleeting questions I am reminded constantly of other parents that struggled as well.  Adam and Eve, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joshua, Saul, David, Solomon and a host of others.  They all made their choices, and when they leaned on their own wisdom, they didn't parent as well.  When they caved to the voices of the world (social imperatives of the day) they missed.  They failed their kids as a result.

Could it be that is what gets in my way?  The thinking and belief that I have to know how to do all these things.  That I should have the answers because of my own life's experience or because I am in this role of "Father"?  What happens when I am wrong?  What happens when the kids see through me?  

God Confidence

I am realizing that in my own chase for "self" confidence that I am barking up the wrong tree.  What I need is a lot more "God" confidence instead.  I need to rely on His experience and wisdom -- not mine.  Mine is terribly suspect and full of error.  I need to figure out a way to let Him prevail in my life and a little bit less of me prevailing in my life.

The irony is that just when I think my kids may not need as much parenting from me, I realize just how much I need from mine right now, maybe more than I ever had! 

I wonder if God nurtures a secret hope that his kids will hit that  independent adult milestone where He, and most of us dream of saying: "Ahh, Nice.... the kids are gone, I can relax and have control of the remote all to myself"  Does He ever tire of handling our "drama" moments?  Does he play hurtful games when things don't go his way?  Does he ever get weary of repeated disobedience?   Somehow, when I think of Him I just can't see him refusing to ever throw up his arms and say "Whatever, I am done!" .....No, He never will and will always be there perfectly for us.  

“Affirming words from moms and dads are like light switches. Speak a word of affirmation at the right moment in a child’s life and it’s like lighting up a whole roomful of possibilities.”

I can recall a half a dozen affirming words my parents spoke to me that have made all the difference. I also saw their gaps, I saw their spirits sag at times, I saw when their faith wasn't brimming brightly and in the end I saw what they were able to do despite themselves.  I saw God take over and bring them to the finish line because they were willing to stay in the game and never quit. The affirmations live on forever with me..... Do they, will they with my kiddos?

I am counting on it.....

I have always known that my kids weren't mine. They are His. 

"Behold all souls are mine."  Ezekiel 18:4

The bible reminds us and even Gibran did too when I read this so long ago and it continues to have meaning for me.

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

I have no claim, no rights, no contractual agreements other than a sacred covenant I made with God to do so with their mom.  The accountability is still with me.  The charge seemed simple enough--Bring them to this pasture (Earth), keep them safe from danger and enemies, feed and nurture them, help them grow and mature through the normal milestones of life.  Included in the job description was some language about hoping to instill a remembrance of where they came from, their purpose for being here and some desire to return to that heavenly home, and that  would at some point in time be their choice.....not mine.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them,

but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

 

Does this mean my kids are crazy and messed up.  No, the opposite.  They are all succeeding in their pursuit of happiness and success. They have certainly acknowledged our help and love which is a blessing.  This reflection is more about the realization that time passage doesn't equal maturity.  Tenure doesn't equal wisdom, length of service does not automatically bring the answers.  

......Somehow, in my little brain I thought they might.....

This is the musing of a sometimes lost kid who realizes that I need my parents as much as I ever did.  Its about accepting what the grey hair means with more grace, more humility and vulnerability.   .

It reminds me of a recent trip to Holland where we visited the Anne Frank house.  It was most reverent and spiritual.  At the end of it all Anne's father is the sole survivor of the family.  It was only years later that he finally could muster reading her diary.  When asked what he learned about the holocaust, the death camps, the blight of misery and hate, the seclusion and hiding... experiencing it all, he replied with this:

“And my conclusion is, as I had been in very, very good terms with Anne, that most parents don’t know, really, their children.” --Otto Frank

It really isn't about me after all is it?  It comes back to God Confidence.  It is so much more about Him and the answers to everything He has provided through his son Jesus Christ.  I just need to continue to find ways to tap into that well of wisdom, the owner of which is the only one that truly knows us.

"Behind every young child who believes in himself, is a parent who believed in him first."

My parents didn't have to know who I was, they just needed to believe in me..... and they did, fiercely, with all of their might, with all of their hearts and with all of their lives..... 

Maybe I can aspire to do the same?

 

2nd Lieutenant Brown

A few days ago I experienced another major milestone in one of my kids life.  My daughter, McKenna, received her commission into the army at the rank of 2nd Lieutenant.  It was an amazing experience for her and it left me and her Mom without proper words, hand over heart, breathless, and in awe.

I really didn't understand what commissioning really meant.  McKenna tried to explain it and so I thought I thought maybe it would be like a graduation ceremony.  It is one thing to understand what a commission is 'on paper' and altogether another thing to experience it for real, live, up close....

It is a powerful ceremony that transfers real power and authority from the U.S. Government to newly commissioned cadets as the newest officers in the Army.  The people of this nation have just symbolically raised their arms to the square to ratify McKenna as one that has shown the commitment to lead and command others in times of peace and conflict in defense of our liberty and freedom.

Hearing the responsibility and weight of the pledge she took was very serious.  This is a commitment to put oneself in harms way for her country.  It forced me to reflect and think about if I could ever do what she was doing.  As I waited for the ceremony to begin, I quickly threw that question out to the universe in my mind and the answer came back as, probably not.   That made me think deeper about what McKenna and the other cadets were made that would inspire them to overcome the natural resistance that many people might feel about joining the military.  While I believe I am a patriot, the idea of joining up is different.  I was so unprepared at that age and McKenna is totally prepared..... to be honest, I a not sure I am prepared now or ever would be....

She took the oath as seriously as you can imagine, no smiles, no laughter, repeating the words with resolute determination. This was McKenna at her finest, at her best, to serve God and country without hesitation.

Anyone who knows me it doesn't take much for me to get misty eyed.  Of course I felt the familiar feelings and emotions come to the surface, but it was much deeper in this case.  This was a profound feeling that had greater depth and magnitude.  Why?  Not just because any patriot would feel proud of t their son or daughter being commissioned, but because we know that if McKenna could have her wish, which God has shown a strong pattern of granting her, she would love to be deployed as a nurse anesthetist attached so a special forces unit.  Secretly she has always wanted to do infantry. They way she wants this epitomizes the saying when you want something so bad you can "taste it".  So, we are confronted with the vey real possibility of those implications which are both redeeming and alarming all at the same time.

The circumstances under which she received her commission were extraordinary..... yes, one might even say miraculous.  In fact, let me just come out and say that it was a miracle and that I know that God knows that I know.  It was a miracle wrought by belief, faith, courage, grit and a special kind of tenacity that McKenna has had the privilege of learning fairly early in her life.  She understands physical and mental adversity in a special way and has demonstrated great proficiency in overcoming both.

McKenna tore both ACL's within a couple of years of each other playing soccer for high school and college.  She knew the pain of injury, the physical battle of recuperation, the mental lessons of patience and the emotional journey of heartache and disappointment. 

She has been on her ROTC Ranger Team, which is an elite competitive team that competes regionally and nationally.  The team placed 17th last year at Sandhurst, the name of the annual competition held at West Point NY each year.  The team had been upping their game all year to place more favorably in the competition. 

If you want to witness good examples of people with tunnel vision come over to my house and watch any one of my kids or my wife. (Notice how it is not me....) They all have developed an exceptional ability to focus with precision on particular interests they have.  They all got this from their mother.  It is a gigantic understatement to say that McKenna had been hyper-focused on getting ready for Sandhurst and for commissioning, which came only a few day later.  There was little else to talk about or consider in her world.   With Sandhurst quickly approaching, only a couple of weeks away, she felt something pop in her knee while playing a soccer game and not even on the field, but as she was walking off.  She knew instantly that it was probably a meniscus tear or another torn ACL.  She somehow made it through the night and came home the next day.  It would be a gigantic understatement to say that the disappointment and heartbreak she was experiencing was off the charts.  She could barely walk and there was a lot of pain. The prospect meant not only would she not be able to compete with her Ranger team at Sandhurst, but she would not be able to commission either, which would postpone a number of her future plans.  This was truly devastating news....letting her team down, which had to have 2 girls on the team and the burden that would place on them.  They would have to find a replacement.  And then to think of not commissioning.... Ugh! It was too much.

A couple of week earlier we had listened to our Church leaders in a world-wide televised conference share counsel on how to navigate our lives, live with more faith and to align our choices with God.  Our leader, President Nelson gave some very specific counsel to all members that I felt was very inspiring.  He invited us to adopt 5 practices into our daily routines:

1. Get on the covenant path (Remember the promises you made at baptism and in the temple)

2. Discover the joy of daily repentance

3. Learn about God and how He works

4. Seek and expect miracles

5. End any conflict in your personal life

As we were consoling McKenna that morning considering the inevitable consequences I found myself already bracing myself for the hard journey ahead that she would have to take and how I would need to be strong and positive.  One of the special things about our church is that we believe that God has delegated his power to worthy men on earth called the priesthood.  The express purpose of this delegated authority is to serve others, not self.  This is often manifest in the blessing of the sick and afflicted by placing hands on their heads and uttering a special prayer to invite the healing powers of heaven to help the person being administered to.  The most important part of this process is that of faith.  The confidence and hope both parties have that through their faith, God actually does participate in the healing process.  In fact, it is mostly by faith that people are healed.  This is what Jesus taught and demonstrated many many times in his ministry and often asked the people if they believed that He could heal them.  He is the one that said "by your faith are you healed."

The topic came up of my giving her a blessing and we talked about President Nelson's recent talk where he shared the importance of our seeking and expecting miracles.  Never had those words become more powerful and alive than in that moment.  We talked about our own faith and we decided that we would apply the counsel from our Prophet and put our faith in God and seek and expect a miracle.  The words came flowing through my mind as I laid my hands on her head and I remember blessing her with the faith to seek and expect miracles.  I knew I would have to have the same level of confidence as well.

She immediately got MRI's and Dr's counsel.  Yes, there was a meniscus tear and it would need to be operated on. She continued to get additional opinions and within a day or two she had a breakthrough discussion with her old high school trainer.  Someone who had extensive knowledge in this particular area with professional athletes.  He heard everything and then proceeded to tell her how she could, with the right techniques and conditioning, make it through Sandhurst.  She couldn't believe it but somehow she knew this guy knew her situation even just over the phone.  It was like he could see the xray and knew exactly what she needed to do.  He literally walked through all these different scenarios of how she could compete despite this injury.  By the time the call was done, she was in a completely different mindset.  She know she wouldn't be able to do many of the events, but she would still have to ruck (army term for running for freakin' miles with heavy pack) on every event for two days.  

So, she had to tell her team.  She asked them to please consider the impact of her injury and then vote to see if they wanted to get someone else.  They all voted her "in".  They know McKenna, she would not give up even if she left her leg on the field and came home with only one.  She  then had to tell her  commanding officer that although she was hurt that she would be commissioning and he said that she would need to provide a Dr's letter stating that she could. Part of the miracle came next in somehow through a myriad of phone calls, working different angles and finally finding the right people,  she got a letter that confirmed that she was well enough to commission.  I don't even want to know how all that happened but it did.  

Suddenly, she could walk and then started jogging and within a day was rucking and working out with her team.  She wasn't 100% well and had a gimp and it hurt a ton, but she was heading for Sandhurst!

Just seeing what transpired in 2-3 days was miraculous... but it got better.....

We went to Sandhurst to support and cheer the team on.  There were about 60 other teams.  It was unbelievably agonizing as parents to watch her do movements with the team and to witness each event.  She couldn't compete in many of them but was always there providing leadership, support and the mental grit of not giving up despite the pain she was feeling.  At the end of day 1 they had to do an 8 mile ruck up hill after about 20 miles of events before hand.  Our faith wavered a bit to be honest... would she be able to make that last hardest movement?  We prayed constantly all day long.

She texted us at 11:30pm saying that she and team had made it!  We were overjoyed.  We only found out later what a crucible that was for her. To run for hours on that knee that was not supposed to be working at all and the agonizing pain she endured.  She finally shared with us that she had to scream and cry out loud during the ruck to just let go of the pent up emotions and pain she was feeling.  The team couldn't believe that she was able to finish that 8 miles.  Many of them said that is what kept them going, knowing that she would never ever give up until she physically couldn't do it.  The mental grit she exerted is something I will never know or understand.  I am not sure I want to. But I knew that God knew how important this was to her.  He sustained her and got her through the worst.

...The team was in 5th place... another small miracle.  They were the best ROTC unit competing with military academy's: West Point and AirForce's elite teams. Here is a great article BYU RANGER TEAM

We readied ourselves for Day 2.  We had been through our own ringer and knew that we would need to keep up our own energy to keep up with the team.  They competed incredibly well all day, McKenna was great! To see her do her thing in multiple events like shooting and medical situations was awesome.  They ended up in 5th.  The best placement BYU has ever had. They earned the respect of many other teams that day.  Somehow, some way McKenna persevered, she achieved her goal and the team prevailed.  Yes, I can say literally that we witnessed a miracle.  The feelings inside were particularly sacred.  I will not forget what I saw and felt during that weekend.  The feelings of seeing hundreds of young men and women dedicating their lives to our freedom.  To feel their great spirit when interacting with them.  They were entirely impressive.  It was an honor to walk West Point hallowed grounds and to see soldiers in action.  I was different by the time I left.  

The miracle had length to it.  It wasn't just the physical part that she needed for Sandhurst, rather it extended into her commissioning a few days later.  You saw the picture above.... Yes, she did it.  She had no doubt that this could be done and I hope more than anything that she will remember that huddle we had that morning when we decided to seek and expect miracles.  I hope that she will remember those words came from a living Prophet, that God is aware of the minute details of her life, of all our lives, that He will do many things we think are impossible if we are willing to take a few steps forward first, expecting the miracle will follow.

What if we all pledged, as she and many many other cadets did in their commissioning to live a good life, to love our neighbors as ourselves, to love God and to serve Him and others.  That was I felt inspired to do, to recommit to what I already know in my heart and mind is true but that I don't always honor through my actions and words.    

I am grateful for young people.  They are the future.  They are our hope.  They will be the miracle we need in this country  I believe to overcome the challenges we face.  I proudly salute you 2nd Lieutenant Brown, for your courage to live and honor the pledge you have taken and for seeking and expecting miracles. You have inspired me to do the same. 

Cyrano

Oh! I loved this movie!  It is terribly romantic but not sappy and oddly relatable.  I am a fan.

If you haven't seen Cyrano, you might want to.  I found a profound reflective moment immersing myself into this movie during a time of great chaos, war and hate around me.  The world continues to rage on fire....It was a refreshing drink of water and in the process I found myself a bit as as result.

 It isn't for everyone, that is for sure.  But, it can be for anyone that has felt misunderstood, alone, tortured, afraid, and brashly foolish for ever letting their heart live on their sleeve.

My intent is not to critique the performances, the plot or direction, rather to comment on the impact it had on my heart.  It hit hard and it hurt very good. I was unapologetically moved.   I found the emotions emanating effortlessly as I let myself be drawn in.  An impossible love story that has a way of worming its way into you and causes you to empathize with each character equally as you try and figure out how you really feel about the whole thing.  

The music surprised me... I was not expecting songs, but ended up loving them the most.  They triggered the most emotion. They were the catalyst for the masterfully crafted messages of the movie.  They were different for sure....They weren't quite Broadway and they weren't quite rock ballads....but something definitely in between.  They worked perfectly for me.  I hope they do for you too.

It starts with this theme:

"Have you ever wanted something, so badly you cannot breathe....." (Link Madly)

My guess is you have, whether or not you would use this specific metaphor to describe your particular desire is another thing, but I can say I have felt that way.  It can be a terrifying thing to feel and an exhilarating emotion as well.  Terrifying because it makes you so vulnerable to hope for something so desperately because the fall is so deep and cold if that want is unrealized.  The question that is posed to Cyrano is the same for us... "are we willing to bare our souls at such a great risk?"

"Have you have ever loved someone..... madly" 

The second theme reminds us what this feels like through the eyes of each character in this mad ironic love triangle.  What are you and I willing to do if we really feel this way?  Hopefully not to such tragic consequences as portrayed in this story.  It was difficult for me not to think about my own efforts when I have experiences similar emotions.  

The movie helps clarify what true love is and a bit of what it is not. There have been times for me when my actions were defined by desperate pursuit, and other times when it seemed so counterintuitive and impossible, yet the best and most "mad" action of love was to show great restraint, stop and withhold.

" I might lose everything if I...... lose the pain"(Link Overcome)

Have you ever believed something so much, especially if you found out later that it was a lie, but you grasped onto it tight fisted for years because it became a place of comfort despite the pain it caused.  The idea of letting go of resentment, hate, jealously or pain is not so easy even though you might think that it is expressly because of the pain you would quickly want to rid yourself of it, but you find you can't.  I think about the One Ring in the LOTR books.  Isildur and Frodo both couldn't let go of the ring even though the only thing they had to do was open their hand let the ring drop.  It is so emblematic of how we can't let go of what might be most painful to us.  We let the pain become so part of us that we find room and we make it comfortable somehow.  Are we too prideful to realize we need help in the end?

Cyrano cannot fathom the idea that Roxanne would every truly accept him for who he really is.  He can't give it up. In his mind, if he does he loses everything.  It leads to a tragic ending that seems so senseless.  Is it possible that we want to keep the wrong things so close to our vests as well?  

"Every morning I am overcome" (Link Your Name)

I love how this theme is placed and interpreted in the story,  It reaches out to the viewer and gently persuades them to internalize and examine where they are today and where they need to be tomorrow.  

Each character in this story has much to overcome in order to become something different in the end. What actually happens if we do let go?  If we forgive?  If we offer up hurtful feelings to each other or to  heaven?  Usually transformation happens.  We change, we become something different.  It is the great promise of anyone who really believes in God.

                                     "Look at what I have become"  

Does that not speak to you?  It does to me..... I don't have to carry this weight by myself or for so long.  The reminder of what I can become lifted my spirit.  Redemption is a remarkable miracle that I don't understand but while words fail me to describe it, I know the sweetness when I have allowed myself to receive it. 

They don't become what they could have in this story, but they get beautifully close to it..... to what might have been.  So tragic on one hand, but inspiring and hopeful on the other because with a small change of heart, adopting a few degrees of a different perspective, and some simple actions a wildly different outcome is possible, the best one ever.

Just when I think I am not holding on to anything unhelpful, I find that I am .....  Maybe I will feel inspired enough to let go, to be willing to lose everything.......  Because if I keep holding on to that dear friend I have made a home for, I might actually lose everything if I don't.....

Two Roads

A curious and adventurous traveler's worst nightmare: finding two roads diverged in a yellow wood.  

One must be chosen as they both cannot be traveled.  One seem safer.....more well trodden. Surely there is wisdom in that path, as many have taken it.  The other seems less so.  With no other reason than just that the traveler seeks the less used, seemingly lesser path.

As in life, aren't we faced with this place everyday?  We have a choice, everyday to select our path for that day.  Then when the day is over, we can review and consider what the consequences have been of that choice.  We either learn or we don't and are faced with a new set of decisions every next day. 

 Aren't we all just two shades of grey away on either side from being our very best selves or succumbing to our worst tendencies?  Maybe the road less traveled isn't the best one.  It might seem the most interesting, but may not suit us in the end.  Exploration and discovery are grand aren't they?  Yes, when it comes to new geography, culture, the fine arts or ideas.  When is comes to the seductive slopes of relative morality, maybe not so much.  Maybe they are just grand illusions -- or better yet, delusions of grandeur.  But, what is so difficult is that what used to be so clear about morality isn't anymore.  Morality is being redefined with each person's own experience. It's flexible and we tend to like to bend it towards what feels good.

I have found myself at this place, wondering which might be better.  It is shocking to see that just 1 or 2 degrees of difference can lead to wildly different experiences, trajectories and consequences on either side.  What if there really aren't two paths, but just one?  How would we know which to choose?  Is there such thing as a wrong or right one?  What if there are more paths than we can even number?  Is that better?

I think this fundamental question is at the heart of many of society's ills today.

I have shared my concern about the world seeming totally crazy right now in a previous post.  I think there is more to say....

Has there ever been in a time in your lifetime where right seemed wrong, and wrong right?  Everything seems upside down.  Never did I dream that in so few years how pervasive philosophies and ideologies of men would overtake common sense.  Gender confusion, intolerance of those learning to be more tolerant, extreme ideas that stoke anger and hate, the seduction of deeper mysteries and fringe beliefs amongst my own faith are just a few.  What is particularly difficult for me is to know that there cannot even be conversations about issues with different views any longer. There is little to no tolerance for debate, rhetoric and reason not only in politics and our educations systems, but increasingly with our own friends and family. It is starting to creep into work too....CEO's are faced with being more political in their stance than ever before.  And it seems that they cannot stay in the middle, they have to take one side or the other... what is most interesting is that if they lean to the right they will almost always be wrong!  So much for tolerance....

Some may argue that if the definition of truth which is,  “Knowledge of things as they are, and as they were, and as they are to come.” (D&C 93:24.)  is subject to interpretation. 

There are clearly those that would rewrite the knowledge of things as they were. They would like us to believe things that did happen never did happen.  Such as the idea that the holocaust never happened and that man never touched foot on the moon are just two examples.  

These same voices would also say that knowledge of things as they are, are totally relative to individual experience.  This is called moral relativism, which suggests that there isn’t one truth because there are an infinite number of valid systems of morality defined by every individual.  So not one truth, but many.  They would have us believe there are no standards for right and wrong because the premise is that nobody is right or wrong.  This philosophy suggests that there are not absolute rules to determine whether something is right or wrong.  This means that everyone ought be tolerate the behavior of others even when considerably large disagreements about the morality of particular things exist.  Without a code of what is right and wrong that unites us, there is allowance and justification for actions that are immoral like slavery, or genocide because they can be framed as cultural values.  Children can choose their gender because gender isn't biological or even spiritual, rather gender is a social construct.  If there is no right or wrong, then there is no need for God, or for the Devil.....right?  

The Book of Mormon teaches us a profound lesson about the adversary and his role as it relates to our earthly mortal existence:

“And behold, others he flattereth away, and telleth them there is no hell; and he saith unto them: I am no devil, for there is none—and thus he whispereth in their ears, until he grasps them with his awful chains, from whence there is no deliverance.” 2 Nephi 19 – 22

Interesting.... So compelling this point of view.  It is entirely confusing then......How do we know what is true?  How do we separate our own experience from that which is spiritually discerned or established to be "true".  

As we grow in our own knowledge and gain experience through our routines and trials do we not become increasingly more at risk of being duped by our own thoughts, our own understanding or the so called sophisticated and progressive thinking of men and women in our modern society with agendas.  Agendas that speak of equality but disguised by their subversive agenda of power and control. They want everyone to be the same, to have equal outcomes regardless of the equality of opportunity which is at the heart of agency and will.  

One road in the yellow wood says it guarantees you a particular outcome no matter what your circumstance or choice.  In essence, a forced ideology of group identity, not actually individual expression and differentiation which they pretend to espouse. Everything goes and therefor everything is right because there really is no wrong.....as long as it feels right.......Sounds pretty seductive.... It is.  I think it is dangerous too.

The other road, now the one less traveled by, is fraught with failure, mistake, error and ambiguity.  One of missteps, pain and suffering for sure.  But one that leans on faith based in a fixed state of morality of what right and wrong means. This idea that all societies should accept each other’s differing moral values, given that there are no universal moral principles is often challenged by most philosophers.  For example, just because bribery is okay in some cultures doesn’t mean that other cultures cannot rightfully condemn it.

In my search and experience I have found comfort, safety and confidence in a pattern that God has laid out at least in the faith that I subscribe to.  I don't know if it is for everyone.  Some have tried and have forsaken for the other road.  Just because it works for me doesn't automatically mean it will work for you.  It isn't the easiest by far.....But, because it has worked for me repeatedly, I share it in case it is helpful....

THE PATTERN ( The road less traveled)

There is good news.  God would never leave his children depressed or forsaken. He has established a pattern.   He shares with us a formula in the Doctrine and Covenants 9:8-9

8 But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right.

9 But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong.

I have sought this pattern many times in my life and while I make tons of mistakes, when I have really paid attention this formula has always guided me correctly.

Is this not a beautiful pattern?  To be promised sure guidance with the only ask of that being wanting to know if something is right or not.... to spend a bit of time really reflecting first and then making a choice and then asking if that choice is right.  The answer comes through feelings of the the heart mostly.  Sometimes it can come directly to your mind as pure intelligence as well.  It differs with each person.

He isn't going to just tell us which road to take.  That isn't His job.  It's ours to really think through, and then with real intent make a decision based upon our own discernment and judgment, yes, even spiritually because we are spiritual beings just happening to have a mortal existence....  Then we take that decision to Him and tell him why we have chosen and then we hope and have faith that an answer will come, most likely through our feelings via the Holy Ghost to our hearts.

I have come to appreciate the fact that people are asking good questions.  Really hard ones, about our church history, doctrine and beliefs.  The Lord has asked us to study things out in our minds and then inquire of him the answers.  If the answers were easy we wouldn't grow.  It is good to see the sides of issues, to have empathy for others' views.  At the end of the day, a side must be taken, a choice is made and consequences always follow.  We are free agents ultimately.  God will never mess with that gift.

Often when we have problems or questions, we turn to family or friends to seek their advice.  This is ok, in fact a great place to start as part of the process of studying things out.  But sometimes I wonder if we forget to inquire of the Lord.  And when others approach us for counsel, we maybe tempted to draw upon our own knowledge and experience and forget to point them to the One who knows all things.

Are we seeking truth from the correct sources of truth?  If I am serious about choosing the right path and getting answers to guide my actions and choices wouldn't I seek God, Buddha, Shiva or Muhammed vs man?  Maybe we aren't being honest in what we actually want....  Sometimes I know I have sought answers from other sources, like my own experience, so that I could feel better about my choices. 

It is perfectly understandable that if we do not like the answers from one source that we would look in other places until we did find some we were comfortable with.  There isn't anything wrong with looking in multiple places, but if  we are seeking spiritual things and we don't include God as at least one of them then we are very likely to follow our own understanding and twisting things to fit the narrative we want to hear.

I love how the Lord teaches us. His pattern is simple and easy.  The answers may not be what we want to hear, and if not careful, they too can feel “hard” like many who have chosen a different path when it got tough or inconvenient.

Has there ever been a time when we needed to know truly what is right and what is wrong more than today?  Not in my lifetime. Do you secretly hope that wrong is right or that right is wrong? I know I have entertained thoughts like that in certain times.  I have been found wrong every single time.  I for one don't want my beliefs to evolve with the social trends.  I want and need more certainty, not more  confusion.... 

 Yes, two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I have intentionally taken the one less traveled by...... and so far, 

it has made all the difference.