The Glorious Aching

Hola Papi!  Como vai andando....?  Tem sido um ano que voce decidiu partir daqui pra fazer um passeio com sua querida Jennie. 

Hi Dad!  How's it going....?  It's been a year since you decided to leave here and take a walk with your sweet Jennie.  I spent the day thinking about you.... It was profoundly quiet and yet so full of incredible memories.....

It isn't the same without you, but I bet Mom felt the same way for a lot longer... I know who is going to win that battle for sure... I couldn't be happier for you!

I have a couple of images that I carry around with me of you: One is this picture of Don Quixote.  I read part of his story today stopping often to picture how you would react to different parts of this beloved story you identified with so much.   I thought I saw your smile and heard your familiar laughter.  That was pretty fun to experience again.  I re-read "Or I'll Dress You in Mourning" and found you all over the place.   I wish I had talked to you more about that book and what it meant to you.  I know it was deep and you connected with Cordobes' plight in a personal way.  I believe it is your deep empathy of the "underdog".  I have looked at underdogs with a different perspective since you parted and I hope that I feel what you may have as you so often rooted in their behalf with great hope for anyone that found themselves resembling or fully wearing that title.

I miss you..... terribly!

How grateful I am for.....the early Saturday morning trips to the AERA Club to play tennis all morning in Jakarta.  Often, it was just you me driving in that huge station wagon in the early gray mornings.  I loved watching you play even before I knew how.....What was at least as much fun was listening to you socialize in the clubhouse with all the people in between matches.  Your wit made the time pass so well for all.  I remember the crazy spins you would make on the court completely driving people crazy... I think you loved that even more than winning!

Those early days shaped my own love for tennis. Remember later in Brasilia, when we would make those late night runs to the Embassy courts where we would play for hours?  Saturdays there were even funner because I got to play with you... How many doubles matches did we play?  Many!  How lucky was I...?  Completely!

I miss the lazy Sunday afternoons in Monterrey when you would get on the piano, which was rare and play your own special versions of chord progressions and turn them into sonatas and etudes extraordinaire!

I loved being around you... you didn't say much often, but there were those long deep drinking sessions where you would reveal everything and a new universe opened up to me.  To get a peek into your heart and mind was so special to me.  Normally the only way there was through your poems.  But I will treasure forever the you and me late niters that were like drinking from a deep cold clear well of water.

Today I thought of you and thirsted mightily again.... Oh! The need for another long drink with you is so strong I can feel it.  I know you would if you could.  I will close my eyes and pretend that you are right here, quietly and knowingly listening to all the contents of my heart and then with great kindness watch you blow the chaff away.... leaving only that which is bright and pure to shine light and your particular brand of big picture perspective into my life, reminding me how I should see things and consider others.

....I just want you to know that you will always be so close by to me.  I lean into you often and I know you know that.  I appreciate your help when things get hard here.  I feel you close and it means a lot.

Maybe I can find you in the woods for a stroll one day.  I know a place..... Not sure if you will be there, but I will try.  I will let you know so you can put in your calendar ok?

I miss you Dad.  The aching continues.... and will always burn in the very best of ways.  It is certainly glorious....


Much love and affection,
Aaronius Maximus, your 5th

Trigonometry and Trisonomy 21

It was early Saturday morning.....I had just jumped on McKenna's bed to wake her up!  She was already awake, as if just waiting for the right catalyst to the next adventure.  We decided to go see Landon's and Alexa's BYU intramural soccer games.  Both of them were on teams in the playoffs.  I hadn't seen a game all season so this seemed like a perfect time to go.

We arrived and they were both there in the huge indoor football arena on campus.  Sitting with them was Andrew, a young man of 14 that Landon tutors.  Andrew has Down's syndrome.  When Landon first met Andrew he wasn't sure if he was up for a sustained part-time tutoring gig.  Andrew's parents, knowing how hard it was to find people that would care enough and that would that would stick with Andrew over time, asked Landon if he would tutor Andrew. A year and a half later, Landon is still there, as always for Andrew.  Landon has forged a wonderful relationship with him and has a number of really special experiences with him.

This was my first time meeting "Drew" and he shook my hand and sat back down in the cross legged position on the soft green artificial turf.  He didn't say anything.  He had a BYU tank top and athletic shorts on with white socks pulled up and slip on deck shoes.  He had a well worn, shredded nerf football in his hands.  He was sweet and pretty quiet, but his eyes and ears were active!

The kids were excited we came to see them play.  Landon's team played first and did really well.  He scored 3 times and they ended up crushing the other team.  It was super fun to see him play with such enthusiasm and fun.  Alexa's team was next.  They were in a higher division and had some awesome players.  They played a hard fought game and came out on top 2-0.  Both games reminded me of the years of practice they went through as kids, through high school and club.  The repetitive drills of passing and ball handling techniques.  

Soccer is a game of angles and the relationships they create.  In fact, one might say that it is a game of trigonometry.  That subject that seemed so elusive to my non-mathematical high school mind made for a beautiful game (jogo bonito) when applied to a real life application.  It was beautiful to watch the angles play out with feet and ball like an choreographed dance.

What was most interesting however wasn't the soccer games we came to see.  It was watching all 3 kids interact with Drew throughout the time we were there.  One of the first things Alexa said to me quietly was how cute he was.  McKenna couldn't resist and found herself throwing the football back and forth with him.  He could really throw a spiral--amazing!  Lexi joined in several times.  It was simple enough but then it seemed to trigger these 30 yard spontaneous sprints he would make.  His legs all gangly and awkward but his face intense and focused as if he was running an Olympic 100 yd dash! He would stop, and then do it again.  He was his own person for sure, but it was evident though that his interactions with the kids would prompt a variety of spontaneous activities in him.  Landon, who knows him best would get him so excited and run around and play with him.  Throwing for sure won the day as top activity, but he mentioned that Andrew was in a really good mood.  I watched the kids the whole time, the small things they would do.  Each of them, without talking, without a plan, would simply find ways to connect with him.  I noticed one time when McKenna sat down cross-legged once and taught him a "patty cake" type hand clapping game.  He would get embarrassed and put his face down over his legs to hide for a while.  He would then show us how he could stretch and be so flexible and limber.  It was his body was made of rubber.  He would do all these poses with different angles.  Pretty amazing.

It didn't hit me until later, that there was another application of trigonometry -- Because he has this one extra chromosone called Trisonomy 21, his body is free from tight tendons and muscles that keep you and I a bit more rigid.  Andrew's body can do all kinds of trigonometry that you and I cannot. We watched the unusual angles he produced and marveled what he could do.

What got me emotional though, was watching the care and love each of my kids had for Andrew through their interactions with him.  It just seemed to flow from them.  I really didn't remember teaching them anything specific about this, but early contact with a cousin with similar "gifts" certainly shaped their feelings.  They had profound respect for his limitations and could laugh and enjoy the trigonometry he could create.  Not just the angles of his body, but the relationship of the "angles" and connections he created with each of the kids, because of one little miniscule chromosone.  They wanted him to be happy and were willing to take the time to spend with him, for him.  Not for anyone to see.  It revealed their hearts to me.  I was so inspired.  I felt that familiar warmth creep up from inside and felt the emotion rise in my heart and eyes.  They threw the ball back and forth, they ran races together, talked with him, and tried to engage with him throughout the time we were there. 

I thought of the countless hours Landon has now spent with Andrew over the past year and a half wondered all the things he has learned from him.  I learned a lot in a few hours watching and interacting with Andrew.  I learned about him, about my kids and a little bit about myself.  Mostly though I learned another little lesson about how scientific things like Trigonometry and Trisonomy 21 have meaningful application to our lives and can find a way to make more room in our hearts for things we do not understand.

While many might not consider one extra chromosone a gift from God, when seen through a different perspective, that one small add can make all the difference in the world.  Trisonomy 21, packaged just right, and perfectly placed with the right person, can change the trajectory of the heart.... of at least three people that I know.  I wonder how many others Drew has changed and influenced.  
What myriad of angles has he orchestrated in his own "jogo bonito" or beautiful life that has inspired understanding,  patience, love and many other virtues in others.  

I cannot say what happens in that beautifully quiet and misunderstood mind of his, but I would not be surprised if he isn't really just here to help us re-imagine the trigonometry of our own lives so that we create the more meaningful angles or connections to others.  Life is a game of angles and the relationships they create....

....Yes, I thought I came to watch a couple of soccer games.... I did....But that isn't what I will remember.  I will remember how I felt.... a little bit closer to heaven and I thank Drew for bringing out the best in me and my kids.  One day he will know if he doesn't somehow already.

.....Maybe I will have to re-think the whole "I hate Math" thing--Trigonometry is pretty cool after all.....