An Uncommon Love

I would like to introduce you to Braden Aaron Brown and Abigail Elizabeth Wadley. 

Braden + Abby

Two extraordinary people.  The type of people that would wince at my suggesting that word....(which already says loads about them)......The type of people that thrive in absolute zero attention space. The type of people that somehow manage to distance themselves from the accolades that seem to shower around them consistently.  What is most uncommon is that they both never let themselves truly "inhale" the compliments.......Rather, they say thank you.....smile--because they are smart enough to know that you, the giver, needs to feel good for giving the compliment, and then they "snap back to grid" to that place where superlatives do not exist.  In essence, they are quietly gracious.......Uncommon?   I would say yes.

They have known each other since they were in grade school.  They became friends in 7th grade.  Braden, painfully shy, someone who would do almost anything to keep any attention or notice directed his way, showed up in a way that caught this young girl's attention.   His gift was that he knew who he was at a very young age.  He found his footing early and has never veered since.  He was a young man that had decided early in life, that he was going to "go about and do good" (Acts 10:38) in every interaction, in every relationship, in every thought and deed.  It is no small thing to remember who this scripture referred to and the profound parallels it has to Braden.   While we witnessed Braden's behavior and interactions with our own eyes, we didn't have the advantage of seeing Abby growing up but, we have had strong inklings she followed a similar code of life by the way Braden felt drawn to her.  I wouldn't be surprised a bit if her parents saw similar motivations and patterns in their home.....

Uncommon?  I would have to say yes. 

Most young people struggle to navigate the awkwardness of early "teenageship",  Braden seamlessly glided through those messy crags and crevices with an amazing amount of ease and solidity. I am sure he might describe it differently, but it was clear to us that somehow his roots went deeper, and when the wind blew, he was steadfast.....never allowing the tempestuous winds of junior high temptations that blew his way to alter his focus, or his path.  It didn't matter what the world threw at him to try and knock him off his feet, it never worked.....I am sure it was frustrating to those that tried.  What was especially cool was that no one really wanted to.... He managed to be totally integrated with academics, sports, music, friends and yet was able to fly adeptly under the mainstream radar exquisitely with the sophistication of a trained fighter pilot. An unusual talent for high schooler..... Uncommon?  I would say yes.

 And there is this Abby person.... Wow!  You would love her!  You would probably only need about 5 minutes to find out too.  A smile that would melt an iceberg, a differentiated disposition honed her entire life to be loving, kind, and generous.... the kind of generosity that flows freely.  When she pays attention, she really does.....no fake smiles or laughs.  She is so smart, intellectual, precise in her calculations--whatever they may be (lots of spreadsheets!!) and perfectly balanced with her constant beautiful smile and wonderful sense of humor.  She has super high emotional intelligence -- she is able to adeptly walk into a situation, observe the room, the situation, the people, and react just right.  Mostly it works because she wears a  countenance that puts you at ease........ immediately.

Uncommon....To me, yes.

You see Abby, equally extraordinary, was observing from afar.... she wasn't looking for the typical Junior High School boys most girls would.... it wasn't the sports, the clothes, the neighborhood or the car (The car was cool however..!) .....No, she had a different gaze.... it was deeper and went under the surface of stuff.  It took more time, more consideration, more precision, but she saw something that was not obvious to almost everyone else.  She saw Braden's heart early on.  She watched him act quietly.  He didn't say much, but his actions, how he interacted with others, and how he carried himself was loud and clear.  She zero'd in on a different target.......and set things in motion that forever change both their trajectories....... and Braden didn't seem to complain too much! 

It happened quietly, without commotion, and very little noise......This thing....this uncommon love.  How two 7th graders could be so stealthy--so wise, so young?  I don't know.....Did they see this coming way back then?  The idea that maybe there was this very tiny seed of an idea... that germinated into a possibility of something more is irresistible.....and very cool.   I would like to believe that maybe these little post it notes of possibilities would come to them, maybe while eating lunch on the sidewalk at school each day, or thinking of each other during class......that this precious thing they were growing, could eventually lead to something as incredible as the eternal union they will be forming today.  

I love the way they found each other, grew together and found love.  While this may not sound that different than other love stories, The way they did it was uniquely theirs....special,  intimate, powerful and uncommon.  

What they will do next will be no less impressive.  They have framed a perfect  and precise blueprint of how they want to live their lives.  I think about the vise grips pliers I have in my toolbox.  The kind that once locked on--don't come off......That is what these two have done.  They have locked their "vise grips" tight around how they want to live leaving no question in anyone's mind about what will result.....They will go about doing good for the rest of their lives.

Talk about an intentional life! 

So, with the help of a little tune we like to sing at home, we send you off into your heart shaped sea.

"All I needed was the love you gave

All I needed for another day

And all I ever knew

Only you...."

Quality:Time

What is QUALITY ? I remember distinctly in a college Org Behavior class when I first heard this question as it was posed to us by our professor..... in the end he said QUALITY = The CUSTOMER I remember pondering that for a long time....at first it didn't make sense to me intuitively. I always associated Quality with words like: The best, high competence, expensive, durable, reliable, excellent....

So, there are many definitions. Here is a generic one that I will use for the purpose of my post today:

Measure of excellence or state of being free from defects, deficiencies, and significant variations. or in other words: "The totality of features and characteristics of a product or service that bears its ability to satisfy stated or implied needs."

So, ultimately, only the customer can say what is or is not "Excellent"....not the producer of said service or product, even if they continuously improve that product or service again and again....it is not up to them to know, rather it is up to the "consumer" or Customer to decide if their needs are truly met or not. That is why some feel McDonalds is high quality - because they know exactly what they get every time they go. Others would disagree and relegate McD's to be on the "low" side of quality. Just as some would rate a Ferrari as extremely high quality, there are others who value reliability, do not.

The other day, I learned something about QUALITY TIME . I was at my in-laws out on their deck, which overlooks the 11th fairway of a golf course. A very peaceful and serene setting with the Red Rocks of Southern Utah as the backdrop against lush green grass and trees of the 11th hole. I was laying down on a comfy lawn recliner allowing the warmth and natural ambient noise gently waft me to a near dozing state. My son Braden came out (10) and he came over and gently moved onto the recliner with me and snuggled in. It was a wordless moment and I put my arm around him securing him in. 1/2 hour passed and we both fell into our own respective dream states and slept. When one of us stirred, it woke the other and as silently as he slipped in, he snuck out and went on his way. No words were spoken, yet I felt incredibly fulfilled and satisfied and my sense was that he did too.

That small experience told me that "The totality of features and characteristics of a product or service that bears its ability to satisfy stated or implied needs" had been accomplished. I wasn't "selling" anything to him...in this case being "quality time" with kids...but rather a service was rendered unconsciously that satisfied impled needs of both of us...not just Braden.

It forced me to re-think what the world calls "quality time". Is there a difference between a spending "time" vs "quality time" with kids? Does spending 12 hours in a car going to Disneyland automatically mean you are spending "quality time" with your kids? Or, the promise of spending a "day" together that is mostly about getting "check boxes" checked off and less of any real interaction? Have you ever spent "time" doing a puzzle or game with a kid, while your mind and heart are really somewhere else? Isn't that still Quality Time?

I don't think the Parent "producer" gets to define what Quality Time is or means......the Kid "customer" does. All the planning for the best "product/service" in a parents mind for quality time will most likely fall short if it doesn't meet the stated or implied needs of the customer. How easy for me to fall into that trap of self-deception convincing myself that by spending "time" with my kids that I would automatically be "filling their needs"....

Sometimes I may get lucky, but maybe it is time for me to start surveying my customers a bit better....spending more time getting insight from Heaven on what their "implied" needs might be, and listening to those they are "stating" that I often gloss over and less about what I think they need...

ab imo pectore....

I find myself at a loss when it comes to articulating that which I am most thankful for....There are the obvious usual suspects: Family, faith, kids, house, freedom and safety etc..... Even though we should treat everyday as Christmas, I for one, typically fall short. But, I am grateful that events like Thanksgiving and Christmas gently "nudge" my soul into remembrance....This year it felt more like a "kick in the pants" so, I figured I would spend a bit of time reflecting and capturing a few special things not often found on the "Top 10" list that I am particularly grateful for:

- Each Breath.... I inherited Mom's asthma, although it took her life, I am grateful she shared some of it with me. At times....when I find myself struggling for air and breath, I find a quiet dark place to relax, focus and recover..... it is in these moments I often feel close to her and draw upon her courage to get through.

- Water....particularly of the "Hot" kind. I find water amazing -- Earth's blood. I have strong vivid memories of playing in the very warm rains of Indonesia with my younger brother. We would climb trees, play basketball and explore during great rainfalls thinking we were great adventurers impervious to the elements! The blueness of cold water and the "green glassnessness" of Lake Powell.... In the end Hot showers when cold are when I like it the most....



- Empathy.... Heinz Kohut defined empathy as:
“the capacity to think and feel oneself into the inner life of another person.”

To those who show me they understand me, I am extremely grateful......as not many do genuinely. I have found it cannot be faked, often mistaken with Sympathy and can draw people close to you, even when you only know a smidgeon about them. It has been a good friend to me both on the receiving and the delivery -- as the "Empathy Symbol" illustrates so well it is a 2 way street, can't really be done in selfishness and fosters more love for others when implemented.





- Music.... What can I say? I know people who console themselves with pets.... especially

during sad times..... For me it has always been music. Music has taken me to places that are not on "Mapquest"....Music is the Sister of Imagination... Music often ignites my imagination and then takes me on fantastical journeys. I can say I know what it is to fly, because music has given me wings. Music inspires, comforts, enobles, and has been a light in dark times. It speaks to my spirit and stirs my soul in inexplicable ways..... I love getting lost in its' spell....




- The perfect pair of jeans.... So vain..I know, but it is true. They only come around ever decade or so, maybe even a lifetime.....and you know when you have them.....because all your others ones "aren't them"..... right? You try to hang on as long as society lets' you (ahh...the holes) and the way they just make you feel.....well, it is like you can do no wrong!! My best are still folded up....
unwearable, but a man can dream right....?

“Blue jeans are the most beautiful things since the gondola.”




- Discovering paths less travelled.... no explanation needed..... Here is one of my faves .... The Gardens of Versailles, France. I got lost this day....but "found" some important things in the end. I am grateful for parents who loved getting "lost" and experiencing new things..... what wonderful doors they opened up to me. I haven't yet found a door that I didn't find "interesting".....





- The right Dance with the right Music with the right People..... well, the perfect Trifecta! (oh yeah...with the right jeans) *see previous blog post about Dancing. I am thankful that it is ok to express the joie de vivre through dance. That it is ok to do anywhere and anytime with no apologies....even if your kids call you weird. I am convinced there will be dancing in Heaven






- Spending a night with my good friend Francisco at "Chez Frankie" in Atlanta.... We have literally talked all night, slept, brunched, and resumed talking, listened to music, reminisced on old times, talked about life and the pursuit of happiness, shared secrets and our hearts..... We have done it about a 1/2 dozen times....Hallmark memories for me. (*I discovered Gibran on my first visit to Chez Frankie's in Atlanta.) I can't wait to come to his housewarming party as he intiaties his new home.





- Memories..... To me they are a lifeline, a constant reminder that I have lived and loved others...that I have mattered even as a tiny dot in a big world...that my heart was engaged, that I contributed....not only "consumed". They validate my existence and help me remember who I am.

"Mister God this is Anna".... Is it too silly to keep a childhood dream alive by hoping I can meet Anna one day? Few things have broken my heart open and turned it inside out as Anna did in this book. She was meant for another world and time.....but I am grateful for the few moments God shared her with us.....and how she spoke directly to me, I will never forget.







Chelta..... No ordinary love, from an extraordinary woman....only a few know how much she is willing to sacrifice and......only 1 knows how she can "save" someone from the depths of despair. God's consumate daughter. Beauty that takes your breath away, a spirit that will shake your soul and clarity of purpose that never wavers. She is unmovable, unquenchable and possesses a fire for life that never flickers. How I am with her I will never fully understand......

te amo ab imo pectore

Famous Last Words....

This past Saturday I attended the funeral of my uncle Bill. He was a couple of years younger than my Dad, but always seemed more of a big brother to him. Without going into details, he was an incredible man. His life full of service to church, family and community. Those who gave him tribute spoke of a man that quietly and persistently "endured to the end" and left a large wake of touched lives. I felt so inpsired listening to all that was said of him and found myself unconsciously reflecting upon my own life and then jumping forward in my minds eye to my own funeral...."what would be said of Aaron Brown?"

What would I really want to be said of me? Many things came to my mind in a flash, but they all fell short. I realized that many would probably say things like "he was fun", "always smiled", "easy to get a long with" etc..... As I listened to myself vette these out, I realized it wasn't enough. I wanted to hear stories where I did things for others that went "unnoticed" and anonymous, like I was hearing about Uncle Bill....I wanted to hear stories from my kids that said "I watched my Dad help others and led by quiet example" or "My Dad often gave more than he really had the means to give". I didn't want to hear about "things" but rather a lot about "people".

I was very grateful for a few quiet introspective moments that helped me sift all these thoughts and recalibrate my heart and priorities. I realized it was time to shift into a gear higher than every day mediocrity and stretch myself to do more, but quietly. To love for charity sake, not because of duty or because someone would notice. I left rejuvenated and realized I understood that funerals can provide a wonderful opportunity to evaluate oneself--to take stock, check and measure where one stands. Not compare....but rather, take the best of those who have passed on and strive to apply it to our own lives to be better. Thank you Uncle Bill for a consecrated life of enduring example. I won't get up at 4am and milk cows like you did, but I can certainly do better in my own modern realm.