Hey Roland.....

.....I was looking for you today.  It started this morning in the car.  Not sure what prompted it, but you were there, maybe you were the one calling me hoping I would answer.  Sometimes I wonder just how two-way the process actually might be.....

I began talking to you in my mind....maybe not exactly talking out loud, but mind-talking,which ended up more like just showing you all my thoughts vs actually saying them.

I wondered how you were doing...  I wondered what your feelings might be as you watch Reece leave on his mission.  It must be amazing for you.  I am sure you have shared so much with Mom.  I can only imagine what you two must be sharing together and wishing we could be with you.....but you have to wait huh?  So often it seems that when we, humans, lose people here that we want them back.  I wonder if the sentiment is the same for you there.... do you wish we were there or not?  If things are what I imagine, then you must be crazy not to have us all there with you...

It has been several months since you left.  I have had many conversations with you.... I am going to pretend that you know them all and are right there in the moment with me.  I am so grateful for that.

I miss you... 

That is mostly what I wanted to tell you.  I thought of Cheryl the other day and I immediately called her.  We got through the normal catch-up chatter and then rode a "Roland" wave for about an hour.  We walked through everything again.  We laughed, cried and enjoyed all of you that we could through a phone.   Cheryl hadn't heard all the things that happened those final days. It was really good for me to walk through them again.  I let all the emotions surface and it was like a cool fountain of water as they sprung upwards and then came down all over me.  It was as if we both bathed in Roland rain.  The sadness didn't win the day, your light and energy did!  We ended the call, purged, washed and clean, grateful for you and your life.  You are missed.... you are loved.  Your life continues to be a gift to us.  That is what I wanted to tell you....

I miss you...

.... and to let you know that I accept your gift and all your love you had inside for all, for me.  Thank you for sharing.  I love that you are now always there no matter when I need you.... 

So grateful.... please accept all my love.