10 months into Landon being gone serving as a missionary in Edmonton, Canada I continue to struggle to find the right words to describe the joy I feel, because of the joy that Landon is experiencing. His experiences thus far shatter all my expectations by a mile. I was hoping for a positive experience that would help him grow and stretch by learning to work hard, solidifying his knowledge of the the doctrines of his faith, and above all else help find those in need that could benefit from learning about Jesus and His gospel. He not only has done all of the above, but has embarked on an intense journey of personal discovery that has drawn him very close to His Savior and has caused deep and penetrating reflection that has left me realizing I am the "student" and he the "teacher." I know I cannot share enough context to allow any casual reader to understand what this has truly meant to him, his siblings, to me and his mother. He is in the proverbial "zone". That place that is not often found, so difficult to illustrate with words and really can only be experienced while there. Even though I also served a mission and can easily empathize with 90% of what he goes through on a day to day basis, there is this very special 10% that is reserved for those that have somehow in life acquired the taste and unquenchable thirst for knowledge--to learn by completely devoting 100% of ones soul into that "thing" that is to be studied, pondered and learned. I would even say there have been a few times where I actually felt that he was in a "spiritual pain" because being in the zone was so good that he could finally see that he needed more and couldn't get more....it hurt because he couldn't ingest fast enough. This just blows my mind. If I am honest with myself, I am not even sure if I have ever been in that zone. I believe I have come close and maybe dipped my toe in the water. Landon has jumped in feet first, proactively seeking what it is he needs to learn.
This past week he had the blessing of being asked by this good man, named Aaron (ha! He must be awesome!! : ) to be baptized. This actually wasn't the main thing Landon shared with us. It was what the baptism meant to him symbolically and spiritually. I share just a bit of what he said because I love the feeling I get when I read his words and it excites me to want to be in the 'learning mode" with him. Here are some of his reflections regarding "Forgiveness":
It was so special to have a baptism on Easter weekend, and it was very symbolic to me of new starts and clean beginnings. So cool to know that we can always have those, whenever we are willing to give our hearts to Christ.... but it is especially powerful around Easter.
I have continued to read some of the books you sent me Mom, and I am loving "The Peacegiver" .... the story of David on his way to Carmel and the intervention of Abigail has been a pretty incredibly powerful story for me to relate to. I have always struggled with forgiveness and the process of forgiving..... and have always seen it as a way to get back at others by withholding my forgiveness...... I mean honestly, I don't think I'm doing that in the moment, but when I analyze myself fairly that is what I have found..... it hurts.... but you have to start at the bottom. I have learned to see it more as forgiving Christ and seeing that forgiveness is really for the one who forgives. It has been important for me to realize that Christ is standing in between me and the person I am forgiving to realize just how that process works. Just powerful stuff.
As a family, we have begun studying the miracles of Christ each week during Family Home Evening. We have covered His first two miracles. We read them in the Bible then we look online and in books for other context to uncover the great lessons that have deeper meaning and application than just the face value of the story/parable. We have really learned some amazing things and we have been sharing this with Landon.
He says:
I love hearing about the details you are pulling out of the miracles of Christ with the family recently... those are awesome for me to hear. Keep telling me the details of what you learn, cuz I am right in this with you : ) And I'm starving for application! : ).....
There are similarities in all of the miracles...... they all preach to notice Christ is there, to recognize He is the way to change, repent and experience the change that must occur, and then experience the immediate healing of Christ. Then we continue on following in His ways till the day we die. It is simple, powerful, and meaningful.
And just to close this post today, some more of his incredible journey:
Well Dad, if there is anything I would want you to know is that I am just throwing myself at it right now. I may not be the best missionary, the most eloquent, the most skilled, the most talented etc,.... but you know how I get when I'm in the zone and want to accomplish something. Like school, or my band thing, etc...... and that's my attitude towards missionary work right now. I'm passionate about it and driven..... there will always be ruts I'll fall into from time to time, but for right now I'm flying, and all I can do is control the here and now right? So that's what's important.
Can you imagine what happens to my heart when this Dad reads these kinds of things? It is a new kind of joy that I have never experienced. I am SO grateful for how he has awakened me and inspired me to reach a bit higher in my life. At a time when I so need to better understand Christ myself, he has helped me turn my thoughts and heart towards Him. I hope that I can even taste a teaspoon full of what he is inhaling right now. Thank you Elder Brown,
............may you never stop soaring
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