Something happened yesterday that is a first for our family. We had noticed that Blossom, our cat of 8 years wasn't around after a day and night. This is very unusual for her. She was a very curious cat, but only within a 10 foot circle.....meaning, she was very cautious and never roamed the streets or neighborhood like other cats. She was very afraid of other cats and usually did not fare well in spats. We often found ourselves "saving" her at night when others would wander into her space. We always vehemently tried to shoo the others away to protect Blossom. She was one of the more friendly and socialble felines I have known. She loved being part of the family. Often we would go on walks and she would come thinking she was part of the pack. She didn't like to be alone and was gracious with her time by taking turns with all the kids, sleeping on their beds for a portion of the night. Early on she would do more biting and scratching, but she finally grew out of that. She was naturally restless during winters, being cooped up inside and would race around the house to rid herself of nervous idle energy. The kids adored her. I was the most aloof. I didn't ever have a pet, other than birds that for the most part weren't emotionally connected to me very much.
Having grown up overseas, I was trained in my youth to pick up a rock when I saw a dog or a cat.....as they were usually living in the streets, often diseased and rabid and not looking for a nice "pupppy" moment, rather their next meal! I never developed a feeling of empathy or love for an animal in particular. Most of the time I remember being afraid of dogs and just not liking cats. I wasn't Blossom's best friend.... I didn't cuddle with her or pet her very much. My allergies didn't help engender any affection either..... I would occasionally pet her when noone was looking in order to maintain the reputation of being the "big bad Dad who didn't like her". Some of that was true, but not all..... I didn't know how much until she was gone.
So after 2 days we started to worry and put up signs. We called the pound and then we went looking. The dread feeling in the pit of the stomach began to form and Chelta and I braced ourselves for the worst. Yesterday afternnoon the kids found her not too far from home silent in the street after being hit by a car. They came back home crying with shock and were unconsolable in their grief as they told us. We hugged them fiercely and let them cry. Some caring neighbors helped us retrieve Blossom's body and we placed her in a towel and we buried her in our yard. There was a special spot under some trees. We said a prayer of thanks and wished her well on her next journey..... They kids were very cute and made some creative heastones which are now placed on her resting spot. A very fitting restspot.
What I wasn't prepared for at all was the pang of loss that I felt. It was clear to me that I was "involved" and did feel something after all. It was actually kind of encouraging for me to know that I wasn't completely devoid of all feeling even though I invested so little. Part of it was empathy for the kids, but there was definitely a hollower spot inside me.... I have come to the realization that I only have Blossom to blame for this...it is her fault that I actually did come to admire her and her ways with people. I am thankful for that "pang" of hurt, of loss.
It reminded me that although I may not like everyone in this world, I can't really completely divorce myself from all feeling or total lack of association. Even fools have their bright spots.... they even have Mom's that love them! I am not sure if I would have drawn this conclusion had she stayed... I never reflected on what a cat might be teaching me!!! Heavens..... I would never spend time on that..... but in her absence, I found myself digging down deep and feeling these nuggets of sorrow and she ended up teaching me something valuable about my relationships with others....especially those that may not be in my personal "hall of fame" but that I must love regardless..... and look for those things that are positive and enlightening, even if I have to look deep to find them. Blossom, you crafty ol cat... you have earned my respect and love after all..... touche! Happy journeys.....ate a proxima visita.
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