Blindspots

 The irony didn't hit me until about episode 4 or 5 of "The Dog Whisperer."  

Don't ask me why I started watching this series.....I didn't grow up with dogs and so it makes my watching it even more puzzling. How I became fascinated with this particular show I can't say except there was something quite remarkable about Cesar Milan and his ability to help solve a variety of "dog problems".  

It was after when Cesar said he said that what he does has little to do with the dogs and a lot more about training the humans. It seemed subtle, but that hit me. 

When I heard those words that something clicked inside.  I instantly recognized my attraction.  It was exactly that.... that what he was doing was using his knowledge of dogs to help train, discipline and rehabilitate the human.....interesting. It wasn't really about the dogs so much.

It changed how I watched all subsequent episodes. I began focusing through a different lens to watch him do his thing. The irony is that the human owners really didn't see it that often.  They didn't know they were paying Cesar to help them vs their dog.  They only saw the different behavior of the dog vs. their own.  They knew they had to do different things, put new habits into place, but I am not sure how often they realized that they were the cause of their poor dogs behavior. 

I loved that idea....  The seemingly mystifying "dog magic" was really about intuitive sense of people who had the wrong mindset, belief windows and behaviors that was causing a variety of problems with their dogs.  They often were at their wits end and desperate for some relief.  They often couldn't just see their own blindspots.

I completely realize this show is not shattering revelation to most people.  I am actually probably catching up with everyone else--Yes, slow poke.  What I loved being reminded of is that those dog owners are just like us, even if we don't have dogs.  The idea that we all need to have someone see us for who we are and then at times, when we really need it to be open to feedback.  

How often are we causing grief for others and we don't even know we are the cause?  Are we those parents causing unnecessary interference for our kids?  Do we think we are always right?  Do we feel justified in our friendships and other relationships or would it be helpful to have a "Cesar Milan" in our lives show up and be able to point things out to us, in a helpful way that we just can't see?  Maybe a peek into a mirror to get sense of equilibrium and truth.  We may not always like what we hear or see.  We sometimes won't face the pain because the truth may hurt too much. What are the implications if we don't?  Do we pay much more later as a result of postponing a change of heart, a belief or changing a particular behavior?

It is incredible to see how the human dog owners show up with so much more happiness, confidence and spirit when after a few adjustments, the so called bad behavior of the dog no longer exists.  It is a beautiful thing to see....  

I think that is why I relate to the humanness of these non-human shows... We identify with the tears, the fears and the dreams they all have. We want their success maybe because we secretly believe we can also win in our own little circles of life, whether that be a dog, horse or cat.  They are just metaphors for learning more about ourselves and trying to improve all the while.

It is ironic that we can't seem to get through this life just by ourselves as well as when we are open to others helping us. Thank heaven for people with talent to see in us what we can't.  And the courage they show to tell it like they see it.  Even if they aren't always right, it is helpful to see a different point of view. 

Is it not a beautiful think to feel the reward of having someone point something out that you do so well that you never thought was there or would have ever believed was possible? Or to show the mirror back to you about something you did that got in the way that you didn't know you were doing?  Kind of like having your foot caught in a trap that you couldn't free yourself from alone.  Then feeling the release of such a prison, by letting yourself listen, letting the feedback enter your mind, trickle down to your heart and then to feel the honesty and truth.  Then hopefully , letting yourself to actually believe it and see different results.....

Pretty powerful magic.....

I wonder if the world could use a little more Cesar Milan.

Hmmm.....Maybe I will get a dog afterall.

 

Mom

Hi Mom,

It's been a while.  But your birthday was just here and I found some time to sit back and think about you. 

I went to this portrait Roland was inspired to draw you the morning you passed into the next life.  I love looking at you.  I see so many of your grandkids in your countenance. 

I like to think that your asthma was bothering you too much back then.  You had all the energy of a dancing sprite would need to have.  I think about where you have fixed your gaze.  It must be a place of light because that is where your spirit always was--in Light, even when you weren't always surrounded by it, it was what always brought you back.

I miss your expressiveness.  I miss watching you look at others and feeling so many strong feelings.  I miss when you would put the edge of your bic pen up against your bottom lip when you were deep in thought.  I miss how you would wipe your mouth quickly with both hands before giving a kiss... even if there wasn't anything there to wipe away.  Always ready to hug, to love and to encourage and support.....No matter what.  

I miss our talks.  You were always so easy to share with.  You listened......You often fumbled for answers, thinking you needed to always have the right ones, but you were a beautiful listener.  

I miss going to McDonalds and always getting most of your fries!  You loved the Filet-o'fish.  It because of you I still get those once in a while. And just like you, I still get a little splotch of tartar sauce on me somewhere.

I miss hearing your stories of how you grew up and how fond you were of your Dad. 

I miss coming home--where ever that was, from college to spend time with you and Dad.  I felt as comfortable hanging out with you than any of my friends.  Going shopping, meeting new people that you liked so much.  Watching great shows and playing games.  You made it hard to want to go back... I always wanted to linger.....

I was thinking about if you were here today what would life be like?  There are some things that would blow your mind.  The mass success of your posterity is mind numbing.  Dad could barely take it in before he left.  I think you must be in awe even now looking down.  While I thought there would be so many wonderful things about you being here I was reminded of what state you might be in and I can't see anything good with that.  I secretly always hoped you wouldn't have to find your amazing spontaneous soul being confined by the confounding corrosive disease that you spent your entire life trying to ignore and conquer.  I don't know if I would be a terrible person to think that it was a tender mercy of God to take you when He did.  Was it too early?  Yes, for sure.  Would I have wanted many more years?  Yes, to see and know my incredible kids..... yet, I hesitate because that is the selfish me wanting that.  To believe that you are still part of all of our lives brings me enormous peach of mind.  In some ways, I feel that you are able to enjoy them even more without the debilitating demon of a partner that you had causing you to always wonder when you might be fighting for your next breath.

I am grateful to have had one small moment with you since then.... You know what I am talking about too... I will never forget that day.   I  hold that experience so dear to my heart.  It was enough to give me a glimpse into who you really are.  The person I knew here wasn't everything I thought you were after all.  You are strong, confident, full of spirit and even keeled in knowing who you are.  You are busy doing good.  

You were a great Mom and always will be.  You enabled me to be the person I am becoming.  I couldn't have reached where I am without you.  No way....  

Keep smiling Mom, keep teaching, keep watching over us....  We need you more than ever!

Happy birthday!

 

Beauty doesn't fade

 I find it extraordinary that beauty can be defined in so many ways.  It can be found in a variety of literal, symbolic and metaphysical definitions. I have been thinking about what beauty is to me, my own definition and where the source of that meaning comes from.  

Like many, over the years, I have tried to develop a deeper appreciation for what is beautiful that doesn't come from purely a physical phenomena.  I have glimpsed more deeply beyond the surface and consider what else is going on that isn't just "skin deep."

Have you ever known very attractive people that seem by all cultural standards seem to fit a certain definition of what beautiful is and then through observing their character and actions their "physical" beauty doesn't seem to be so alluring after all?.... Have you ever noticed how quickly that can change your perspective...Like literally in 5 seconds?

And what about the converse situation-the one where you see someone that may not fit that same physical definition of beautiful but as you take a deeper look, and wander around in their heart and observe the way they think, the way they see the world, the way they treat others, you find that their physical beauty seems to grow in leaps and bounds?  I find the irony so fascinating.... and so...... beautiful itself.

I learned this recently again.... 

Someone I became acquainted with didn't dress right, didn't have all the emotional intelligence skills, they suffered with some social skills and seemed to have imperfect timing of telling a joke that wasn't really funny but didn't know it.  They wouldn't probably be posting a lot of selfies on Instagram let's say...  I remember framing a certain perspective of this person over some period of time and felt I had them "pegged."  It was during a trust building game at work when I learned the hardships this person had experienced and overcome during their life.  They never knew their parents, went through the foster care system with 3 different families.  Never had lunch money for school. Didn't have the resources that most others had.  I learned they had a younger sister that had to be watched over as well.  This person would bring popsicles in a portable thermos freezer to school and sell them to kids to get lunch money for the both of them.  The foster parents never knew.  They managed to graduate from high school and then somehow managed to put themselves through college and received a degree.  They were painfully aware of their poor communication skills and were deathly afraid of speaking to others.  So in college this person intentionally took a comedy improvisation class to force herself to face inherent fears of public speaking and being put on the spot.  This was all told during different rounds of this game.  I listened very intently and literally before the end of the game I saw something completely different than when I started.  I noticed there wasn't a hint of victim stance, no martyr behavior, no complaints, no "woe is me" talk.  Just straightforward sharing..... I was blown a way.  I felt a bit ashamed of how I had so quickly formed those opinions.  I felt the lump in the throat come as I listened and tried to imagine challenges that I will never understand or known in my life.  I saw courage,  bravery, and commitment that was uncommon.   I saw this incredibly beautiful person instead.  

Beauty cannot be objectified or envisioned—it must be understood, felt.

I find it ironic that I can't see my own beauty as much as I can see yours....In fact, I may go to great lengths to dismiss it, not even letting myself tinker with the idea. It has something to do with not being able to accept compliments in a way that is truly believing.  If we did, we would just say "Thank you" and be done with it.  But, if you are like me, I find myself weaving some long-winding tapestry of unhelpful dialogue that attempts to pass it off as something that isn't really part of me, like it was a fluke or something that would never really show up again.  I want to say that I am getting better at not doing this.  I have developed a keener sense that when I do it is not a beautiful thing.  It gets in the way of the reality that there is beauty in offering an honest and authentic compliment.  It is not a graceful thing to not accept that, despite our own misgivings or disagreement.  Even that is ironic.....

It is very interesting to learn that so many apparently "attractive" people almost never believe it.  It isn't actually helpful to tell them or remind them.  It almost seems like a burden they bear most of their lives because they have bought into a definition the world has imposed or determined is accurate.  They even might believe that they are not worthy of the love that they are deserving of because they do not see their own beauty in a holistic spiritual way. 

I know many that would hold onto their physical appearance with all their might, such as they go to great lengths to stay the hands of father time as if engaged in an inevitable elusive tug-of-war with each tick tock of the clock. Is there anything wrong with that?  No, of course not.  I think how we take care of ourselves if vitally important for our own self-worth. It builds confidence that can enhance the beautiful things that we think, say and do.

And a poet said, Speak to us of Beauty.

     And he answered:

     Where shall you seek beauty, and how

shall you find her unless she herself be your

way and your guide?

     And how shall you speak of her except

she be the weaver of your speech?

Beauty doesn't fade... it gets revealed through our dispositions, attitudes and actions.  It only fades if we stop being who we are and we give into the wrong definitions.  

 People of Orphalese, beauty is life when

life unveils her holy face.

     But you are life and you are the veil.

     Beauty is eternity gazing at itself in

 a mirror.

     But you are eternity and you are 

the mirror.

It only fades if you want it to.... I choose to always see the beauty in you.

The Hearts We Handle

 

I don’t think I will ever stop thinking—or writing—about friendship.

It has been an essential thread in the fabric of my life. There is nothing quite like the feeling when we get friendship right…and nothing quite like the pain when we get it wrong.

No matter which side we are on.

The hurt deliverer.

The hurt receiver.

Is it possible to be both at the same time?

I think it is.

Maybe that is one of the hardest truths about friendship. We can genuinely love another person and still wound them. We can feel injured by something they did while remaining painfully aware that we have also contributed to the distance between us.

Neither person feels completely innocent.

Neither person feels completely understood.

That is not the kind of “hurts good” I have written about before. There is nothing especially noble or beautiful about watching a meaningful friendship slip quietly toward the edge.

Sometimes a friendship changes without either person announcing that it has changed.

A message goes unanswered.

An invitation does not come.

Something once said easily becomes difficult to say.

One person grows quieter. The other notices but does not ask why. Both wait for the other to cross the distance…and eventually the distance itself becomes the message.

How does that happen?

Why do we push away people we genuinely love?

Maybe we do it because friendship feels like an investment, and meaningful investment always carries risk. We fear putting more into the relationship than we will receive. We worry that we care more deeply than the other person does. We hesitate to show how much the friendship matters because doing so gives another person the power to hurt us.

So we protect ourselves.

We step back before they can.

We create the very distance we are afraid they might create.

Sometimes we push people away because we do not know what we want—or even who we are becoming.

We convince ourselves that we should have everything figured out. We want our decisions to make sense. We want our lives to follow logical timelines and reach responsible benchmarks. We want our families to believe we are doing well and our friends to think we know where we are going.

But we do not always know.

We lose our sense of direction. We become uncertain about which path to take, and we assume no one else could possibly understand the confusion inside us.

Figuring life out can be lonely…but it does not always have to be.

Isn’t that partly what friends are for?

Friends may not be able to choose the road for us, but perhaps they can walk beside us while we search for it. They can remind us that uncertainty does not make us unworthy of companionship.

And yet fear has a strange way of convincing us that no one will ever understand.

So we create our own belief windows about why other people do what they do. We assign motives that were never voiced. We take silence and give it meaning. We interpret hesitation as rejection and distance as proof that the friendship was never as real as we thought.

But we do not see motives.

We see only their shadows reflected through behavior.

Behaviors do send messages, of course. Active ones do…and apparently passive ones do too. Silence affects people. Absence communicates something, even when it was never intended to communicate anything at all.

But the message received is not always the message sent.

Sometimes we push friends away because we quietly believe that we do not deserve them.

We wonder whether they need something we cannot provide. We compare what they offer with what we believe we bring and conclude that the exchange is uneven.

They are too good.

Too patient.

Too accomplished.

Too full of life.

Why would someone like that continue to choose someone like me?

We begin to wonder whether our presence makes their life better or heavier. We ask whether they would be happier, freer, or more complete without the burden of trying to understand us.

Instead of allowing them to answer, we answer for them.

We retreat.

Maybe we tell ourselves it is an act of generosity. Maybe we think we are releasing them from something difficult.

But perhaps we are simply afraid that if they examine us too closely, they will eventually reach the same conclusion we have already reached about ourselves.

So we leave first…even when neither person really wants to go.

Sometimes the pushing becomes a test.

Will they come after me?

Will they notice I am gone?

Will they fight for the friendship?

Is their affection real—or was it fake all along?

But what if the real test is not whether they follow us?

What if the real test is whether the push itself was real?

Do we truly want them to leave…or are we hoping they will somehow hear the unspoken request underneath our behavior?

Please understand me.

Please reassure me.

Please don’t give up on me.

That is a dangerous way to communicate love.

Perhaps instead of testing whether someone will leave, we could simply allow them to stay. We could speak more honestly about our fears. We could meet one another where we actually are—not where we think the other person should be and not only under conditions designed to make us feel safe.

There is also an important difference between pushing someone away as a test and establishing a necessary boundary.

Love does not require us to accept cruelty, manipulation, abuse, or continual disregard. A boundary can protect what is good in us without requiring hatred toward the person on the other side of it.

Maybe a boundary says:

I cannot continue in this pattern.

I cannot pretend this does not hurt.

I cannot give you the same access to my life while this remains unchanged.

But it does not have to say:

You never mattered.

I hope you suffer.

Nothing between us was real.

That distinction matters.

I think about the way Christ loved.

His love was unconditional, but it was never without truth. He extended mercy without pretending that choices did not matter. He invited repentance. He honored agency. He corrected people, withdrew at times, and allowed some to walk away.

But He never began with:

“If they do this, then I will love them.”

Love simply flowed from Him.

Even while being crucified, He asked the Father to forgive those who tortured Him because “they know not what they do.”

What kind of mercy is that?

Can we do that?

You and I are not Christ. We find ourselves painfully bereft at times of the grace required to love one another that way.

With our collective insecurities, doubts, fears, and idiosyncrasies, we blunder through relationships—hoping we get more right than wrong while knowing that none of us is batting anywhere close to perfection.

Perhaps Christlike love does not require us to remove every boundary.

Perhaps it asks us to keep hatred from becoming one of them.

I pray that I will be as merciful as I can and extend as much grace as possible to people who are special to me—even when they disappoint or hurt me, intentionally or otherwise.

I also pray that others might extend that grace to me.

I will not survive without it.

I have wronged people in my life, and despite my best intentions, I will probably do so again. I have misunderstood motives, allowed fear to direct my behavior, remained quiet when I should have spoken, and spoken when silence might have been kinder.

I hope I can forgive myself for those moments.

I hope the people I have hurt can forgive me too.

But I am learning that repentance, forgiveness, reconciliation, and restored trust are not the same thing.

Repentance is the work I must do.

Forgiveness belongs to the person who was injured and cannot be demanded on my timetable.

Reconciliation requires both people.

Trust may return slowly…or perhaps not at all.

Some hurts may be beyond our ability to repair. The person we wounded may never allow us the same place in their life again. We do not get to insist that our sorrow should erase their pain.

But even when reconciliation is no longer possible, repentance still is.

We can tell the truth.

We can accept the consequences.

We can offer whatever repair remains possible.

We can become safer, kinder, and more honest.

We can refuse to make the same wound in someone else.

Maybe that is how grace continues its work when a friendship cannot continue in the way we once hoped.

I do not want anyone I have loved to carry an unnecessary burden because of me. But I also understand that I do not get to decide what another person should be ready to release.

All I can do is acknowledge the heart that was placed, however briefly, within my reach—and try to become someone who handles it more carefully.

Perhaps that is friendship’s hardest lesson:

Love does not make us incapable of hurting one another.

It gives us a reason to return with humility when we do.

#Light of the World: The Christ Child

 

I have seen a hundred versions of the nativity in my life.  None have come close to impacting me the way this The Christ Child video has.  I think I have watched it 100 times, trying to absorb it as much as I can.  The acting, the music, and the unusual authentic feel to it make it so relatable that I find myself being drawn in emotionally and spiritually. 

There are a number of production elements that I find inspiring by the director and producer.  One is the fact that there are so few words, in fact when they do speak it is in Aramaic, an almost forgotten language that adds so much depth and meaning to the story.  To me, this is a story of quiet sober profundity.  It is impossible not to think if you were them, what thoughts would be constantly going through your head with almost every passing minute.  The knowing looks that Joseph and Mary share at the very first scene of the video is so hauntingly beautiful it literally steals my breath away.  I love that she has dirt on her face....

They know something that no one else in the world knows or every will.  The tremendous irony, is that they really don't know either....  But what is very clear, is their quiet sense of commitment to this holy and unique process of bringing the Savior of the World, into this world.  The wonderment of what would happen must of been all consuming to them at times and they must have also had enough faith to know that they were never alone as well.

And then the time comes... finally.  She wonders if she is ready.... She looks at him again for reassurance....He is there, all the way.  That is what she needed and then bore through the pain of childbirth.

 Joseph prepares a bed for the baby. He and Mary kneel together at the foot of what looks like an altar, as if offering the baby back to God.  It reminded me that the only gift he asks for is our heart.  Our offering to the altar is a broken heart and a contrite spirit -- one that reveres him enough to be willing to offer up our sins in order to know him. 

I love the looks between the shepherd girl and Mary, which were probably the same age.  The stirring testimony of the wise man that showed in his face overshadowed the incredible abundant gifts he brought. 

I love how this video made me feel and I appreciated every detail that went into it.  I hope you enjoy this as well. 

May this bring a special spirit into your heart and bear witness to you of his divinity and the reality of his life.

Friends....part II

Friends.....!!!  Unspeakable gratitude... 

I wrote about Friendship in a previous post. I am forever wrapped up in them, and them in me. For better or worse, it doesn't matter. It is both the better and worse that makes them so wonderful.

Although I have had many in my life, I have learned more about friendship this past year than in all my life put together. 

Just when I thought I was the "bestest" friend ever to someone, I found out that I was not actually at all.... But to me that means I am trying, not giving up or worse...not doing anything at all. 

I don't believe friendship can be passive. It can be hard and rocky, but that is why we hold hands together over those "speed bumps" and that when the green meadows open up, we can run free through them together as well. I am so grateful to God, for my friends....

Do you have that friend that texts you at 11:00pm and say's "hey, listen to this tune and let me know what you think"  Knowing that I will spend an hour listening to it over and over and then over-analyzing it for deeper meaning and then sharing those insights together.  

Do you have that friend that reminds you to have the best day ever?  That sends pics of their dog laying out by the pool?  That reminds you of a memory that brings back incredible feelings and warmth?

I do... I hope you do too....

I guess the question is, if friendship means that much to me, then am I that friend to them?  COVID is a great excuse to find one that you haven't found for awhile and to renew something great!

Happy meadows friend....!

Unburdened

I hear my phone ping one morning. It is a text from someone listed in my contacts as "Sam X." The text reads:

"Hi Aaron, (I hope this is still your number). This is Sam, your old neighbor on 2nd South in Centerville. I need to run something by you in person if that's possible. Maybe I could swing by some time or meet somewhere. I'll just need a couple of minutes of your time if that's doable. Hope all is well with you and family."

My mind does that rapid rewind to calibrate with the past. Oh yeah. Sam. Super friendly guy from my old neighborhood. Warm, easy to talk to. The kind of neighbor you always meant to visit more than you did.

Obviously, our contact had not been frequent — he didn't even know I had moved away over two years ago. A small flash of guilt. Dang. I should have said goodbye.

The odds of getting a text from Sam were low to begin with. We were friendly but not close. Most of what existed between us came from my side — dropping by, inviting him to things, letting my boys help him with his yard. He was always genuinely glad to see me. But he never initiated. Which is why this text was interesting. He needed to see me in person. That was particularly interesting.

I called him back immediately, told him about our move, caught up quickly. Then I asked how I could help.

He told me simply and humbly that he had spent a lot of time during the past year reflecting on his life, his kids, and his standing with God. This was not a religious man. He was not part of my faith, though he occasionally joined us for social activities or service projects. But the part about his standing with God — that struck me. That he was worried about it.

I made a quiet mental note: When was the last time I was worried about my standing with God?

He continued. "Aaron, I need to clear something up that has been on my conscience for a number of years." I scanned the memory banks quickly. Nothing surfaced. He said: "I made a comment once when you were over for an Easter breakfast — I made a glib remark about you're not having a job at the time, which was disparaging to you in front of others. I have regretted it ever since. I want to tell you that I am sorry."

I remembered vaguely something like that. I didn't remember feeling poorly about it at all. He hadn't known me well enough yet and hadn't really meant anything by it.

I told him quickly — it had no effect on me, I barely remembered it, and I would love for him to forget it ever happened. I thanked him for his courage in calling.

What happened next inside me I wasn't expecting.

I felt a glimpse — just a small moment — of what it might feel like to be Christ. To want immediately, with great energy and great love, to help someone unburden themselves. To want desperately for the weight to just be gone. What He did in that garden so many years ago was exactly this — enabling us to let go, permanently, of the things we carry that were never meant to be permanent.

I almost felt frantic for Sam to never think about this again. I cannot remember being happier to help someone feel lighter. Imagine carrying that for ten years. Maybe you have. I know I have.

"We cannot repent for someone else. But we can forgive someone else, refusing to hold hostage those whom the Lord seeks to set free." — Neal A. Maxwell

It made me think — what if I had been offended by that comment all those years ago? What if I had loaded my own back with unnecessary rocks, nursing that dissatisfaction, letting it canker quietly? I could have been bitter. I could have been hateful. And if I had been that Aaron — would I have accepted his apology? Would I have been able to let go? Would I have even wanted to?

I don't see enough Sam X's in the world right now. People willing to look someone in the eye and put something down. I see the opposite more often — hurt held onto, dissatisfaction kept alive, forgiveness offered in words but never really released. We know which ones those are, don't we. The poisoned apples we keep reaching for. They only hurt us. They only add weight. And yet our grip can be so tight.

We are weak and feeble and terribly insecure, aren't we. But I don't think that makes us bad. It just means we can't do it alone. We need each other. We need a Redeemer. We have one.

Sam's stature grew enormously to me from that one phone call. Here was a man living according to his conscience — not because any religion required it of him, but because he knew it was right. I reminded him that he was following the admonition of the Savior almost to the letter, and how pleased God must be with him.

Yes, he inspired me.

And here is the thing I have sat with ever since. I needed that call just as much as he did. Maybe more. Because Sam didn't just come to be forgiven. He came to remind me what it looks like when someone decides the weight isn't worth it anymore. When someone chooses, quietly and without fanfare, to put it down.

I want to be that person. I think we all do.

I knew it the moment I hung up the phone — Sam called me to unburden himself. And somehow, without either of us planning it, I walked away lighter too.

Isn't that the miracle of it. It cures in both directions.

An Uncommon Love

I would like to introduce you to Braden Aaron Brown and Abigail Elizabeth Wadley. 

Braden + Abby

Two extraordinary people.  The type of people that would wince at my suggesting that word....(which already says loads about them)......The type of people that thrive in absolute zero attention space. The type of people that somehow manage to distance themselves from the accolades that seem to shower around them consistently.  What is most uncommon is that they both never let themselves truly "inhale" the compliments.......Rather, they say thank you.....smile--because they are smart enough to know that you, the giver, needs to feel good for giving the compliment, and then they "snap back to grid" to that place where superlatives do not exist.  In essence, they are quietly gracious.......Uncommon?   I would say yes.

They have known each other since they were in grade school.  They became friends in 7th grade.  Braden, painfully shy, someone who would do almost anything to keep any attention or notice directed his way, showed up in a way that caught this young girl's attention.   His gift was that he knew who he was at a very young age.  He found his footing early and has never veered since.  He was a young man that had decided early in life, that he was going to "go about and do good" (Acts 10:38) in every interaction, in every relationship, in every thought and deed.  It is no small thing to remember who this scripture referred to and the profound parallels it has to Braden.   While we witnessed Braden's behavior and interactions with our own eyes, we didn't have the advantage of seeing Abby growing up but, we have had strong inklings she followed a similar code of life by the way Braden felt drawn to her.  I wouldn't be surprised a bit if her parents saw similar motivations and patterns in their home.....

Uncommon?  I would have to say yes. 

Most young people struggle to navigate the awkwardness of early "teenageship",  Braden seamlessly glided through those messy crags and crevices with an amazing amount of ease and solidity. I am sure he might describe it differently, but it was clear to us that somehow his roots went deeper, and when the wind blew, he was steadfast.....never allowing the tempestuous winds of junior high temptations that blew his way to alter his focus, or his path.  It didn't matter what the world threw at him to try and knock him off his feet, it never worked.....I am sure it was frustrating to those that tried.  What was especially cool was that no one really wanted to.... He managed to be totally integrated with academics, sports, music, friends and yet was able to fly adeptly under the mainstream radar exquisitely with the sophistication of a trained fighter pilot. An unusual talent for high schooler..... Uncommon?  I would say yes.

 And there is this Abby person.... Wow!  You would love her!  You would probably only need about 5 minutes to find out too.  A smile that would melt an iceberg, a differentiated disposition honed her entire life to be loving, kind, and generous.... the kind of generosity that flows freely.  When she pays attention, she really does.....no fake smiles or laughs.  She is so smart, intellectual, precise in her calculations--whatever they may be (lots of spreadsheets!!) and perfectly balanced with her constant beautiful smile and wonderful sense of humor.  She has super high emotional intelligence -- she is able to adeptly walk into a situation, observe the room, the situation, the people, and react just right.  Mostly it works because she wears a  countenance that puts you at ease........ immediately.

Uncommon....To me, yes.

You see Abby, equally extraordinary, was observing from afar.... she wasn't looking for the typical Junior High School boys most girls would.... it wasn't the sports, the clothes, the neighborhood or the car (The car was cool however..!) .....No, she had a different gaze.... it was deeper and went under the surface of stuff.  It took more time, more consideration, more precision, but she saw something that was not obvious to almost everyone else.  She saw Braden's heart early on.  She watched him act quietly.  He didn't say much, but his actions, how he interacted with others, and how he carried himself was loud and clear.  She zero'd in on a different target.......and set things in motion that forever change both their trajectories....... and Braden didn't seem to complain too much! 

It happened quietly, without commotion, and very little noise......This thing....this uncommon love.  How two 7th graders could be so stealthy--so wise, so young?  I don't know.....Did they see this coming way back then?  The idea that maybe there was this very tiny seed of an idea... that germinated into a possibility of something more is irresistible.....and very cool.   I would like to believe that maybe these little post it notes of possibilities would come to them, maybe while eating lunch on the sidewalk at school each day, or thinking of each other during class......that this precious thing they were growing, could eventually lead to something as incredible as the eternal union they will be forming today.  

I love the way they found each other, grew together and found love.  While this may not sound that different than other love stories, The way they did it was uniquely theirs....special,  intimate, powerful and uncommon.  

What they will do next will be no less impressive.  They have framed a perfect  and precise blueprint of how they want to live their lives.  I think about the vise grips pliers I have in my toolbox.  The kind that once locked on--don't come off......That is what these two have done.  They have locked their "vise grips" tight around how they want to live leaving no question in anyone's mind about what will result.....They will go about doing good for the rest of their lives.

Talk about an intentional life! 

So, with the help of a little tune we like to sing at home, we send you off into your heart shaped sea.

"All I needed was the love you gave

All I needed for another day

And all I ever knew

Only you...."

The Amazing Worlwide Fast for COVID 19

President Russel M. Nelson, the leader of my church invited all members of my faith last Sunday during General Conference to join in a worldwide fast so:

".....that the present pandemic may be controlled, caregivers protected, the economy strengthened, and life normalized.”   

The results have been absolutely amazing to me!  I had no idea the ripple effect this has had on the world and on my own heart.

We practice fasting on a regular basis in my church.  We fast every first Sunday for 24 hours and give the money we normally would spend to those who have less or none.  However, it is unusual for the entire worldwide church to fast together.  There have been a few occasions that I remember in my lifetime.  This was by far the most memorable given the situation.  What made this fast so incredibly different was that because of the blessing of technology, his invitation literally went out to the world.  a FB page was organized and about 600K people joined, creating an instant global community.  What was unexpected was how many people not of my faith joined and supported this fast.  All religions and even some who have no following.  The stories they have shared have been so inspiring to me and I was brought to tears many many times in reading the special experiences they shared. 

The most special stories were those of children who, although not expected to fast, did so on many accounts.  Young children who once they learned about the fast, asked their parents to join in.  There were some stories where some of the kids actually wanted to fast longer than their parents thought they should. 

One, in particular, tried to fast until 3:00pm on Friday.  When it came time they went out to the yard, kneeled down, and then asked God to help them have the strength to fast for one more hour.  This was not a singular story, I read of several of these types of stories.  This blew me away.  I remember when I started fasting at 8 years old how hard it was.  These little kids are on a different plane I think.  I read texts coming from my nieces and nephews sharing similar stories about how their little kids pleaded to be part of the fast. What is going inside these kids?  What is stirring their little souls?  What is beckoning them?  I think the answer is more a question of "Who" is beckoning them....  I believe it is Jesus.

"And a little child shall lead them."  (Isaiah 3:6)  

There is a wonderful talk about this from President Thomas S. Monson.

The point I think I would like to make is that once again, events like this pandemic, create windows of opportunity, experiences and challenges us that invite the best in us to come out.  Qualities and characteristics that might not otherwise be surfaced and shared that need to be.  

I loved being part of this worldwide effort.  I felt connected to the world in a way that I probably never have before.  The world became smaller, more conceivable that we are really together, bound by a common cause.  I loved being inspired by all--especially these children.  I feel like I understand better that my preparation and ability to traverse these types of life's challenges have a lot more to with my spiritual readiness than how much food, water, and fuel I can acquire.  

.....The parable of the ten virgins takes on new meaning....

Am I ready?

And the People Stayed Home

The world has exploded and everything is upside down... I have never lived through something so surreal or globally impacting this scale other than 9/11.  While that had more shock and awe which subsided, there doesn't seem to be a known end to this scenario.... a lot of uncertainty.

As I have been dealing with my own mental and emotional stress of work, family, preparedness.  I have been practicing thinking in a more positive way.  It takes a minute, but it works -- at least right now it is.

I have been trying to see any silver lining of this pandemic.   I wonder..... are there fewer wars, less fighting, less crime, and maybe even less sickness now than ever despite the cause of our global hibernation being a virus?  Is it possible that some good can come from the whole world at being at home, at the same time? If trying to figure out how to cope with cabin fever seclusion and togetherness is one of the new challenges, well.... is that necessarily a bad thing?  Hard for some I am sure... but wonderful too at the same time.

While I find the current situation to be surreal in many ways, I cannot help but reflect on many things as I find myself with more time working from home and trying to be a good steward of social distancing -- the two most important words in the whole world right now.... our new normal.

I have managed to stop listening to the "worst-case always" news and social media as much -- now I just drop in a couple of times a day to catch any new details to stay on top of what I need to be aware of and informed about.   With that, I am practicing thinking about the big picture, what matters most and take stock of life's priorities.   I find myself wondering and worrying about a lot of people I know across the world.  I catch myself frequently saying little prayers on their behalf, not knowing what is really going on, but hoping they are healthy and not under undue stress.

Reflection is the act of purposeful learning. With practice, we can learn how to learn from experiences in our work and our lives. This requires us to be curious and inquisitive about our experiences and actions, as well as the feedback we receive from others.

Looking back allows us to identify and expand upon what really matters because we receive ideas on how to move forward in a way that better serves our greater purpose.

I read this today and loved it.  I thought if I shared it might help another with perspective.  Kitty O'Meara just wrote this a few days/weeks ago and she is already heralded as the poet laureate of the Pandemic:

"And the people stayed home. And read books, and listened, and rested, and exercised, and made art, and played games, and learned new ways of being, and were still. And listened more deeply. Some meditated, some prayed, some danced. Some met their shadows. And the people began to think differently. And the people healed. And, in the absence of people living in ignorant, dangerous, mindless, and heartless ways, the earth began to heal. And when the danger passed, and the people joined together again, they grieved their losses, and made new choices, and dreamed new images, and created new ways to live and heal the earth fully, as they had been healed."

Kitty O'Meara

Dear friends, the potential for healing as a people is tremendous in the challenges we now face! And so many beautiful opportunities as well.

I wish you so well.....