The Perks of being a Wallflower

I felt like sharing something that struck me like lightning tonight. I was watching this movie with my kids (yes...on clearplay) called "The Perks of being a Wallflower". I think it is very cool. The script, the acting and the direction is very very good. The music was very 80's which of course always makes me smile. There is a part in the film where the "wallflower" character asks his thoughtful and concerned English teacher: "Why do nice people choose the wrong people to date?" The English teacher replied:

"People accept the love they think they deserve"

I had to stop the DVD and write this down.... There is nothing new about it, I have heard 1,000 things that resemble the intent, but only this time did it hit and then sink in...... like thick paint running down a wall.

I will have to process this for a while because I know there is something both you and I can learn from this. But only after some reflection and honest self-evaluation.....

Sometimes I feel like I have so much love to give — but when others try to give it back I close up. I resist. And I don't know why.

Why do I do that? Am I not worthy? Not good enough? Did I make too many mistakes? Can't forgive myself? Is that it — I decided somewhere that I should just get less?

And is that the same wall between me and what Jesus already offered? Is that the difference — believing in Him versus actually believing Him? Believing that I deserve what He already paid for?

Maybe. I don't know. But I feel like there's something there.

What would it take to lower those walls? I'm not sure I know yet. Part of me worries that accepting love too freely feels arrogant — like I'm claiming something I haven't earned. But maybe that's exactly the wrong way to see it.

Nobody earns it. That's the whole point.

So maybe it starts small. A quiet "yes" when someone offers kindness. Letting it in without immediately explaining why I don't deserve it. And each time I do that — each time I accept rather than deflect — I think I'm not just becoming more open. I think I'm actually practicing faith. Trusting that what Christ said about my worth is true, even when I don't feel it yet.

That feels like the better destination. Not just a man with fewer walls — but a man who believes more deeply.

In Memoriam II

On paper his name was Earl....

I only knew him as Roland. 

He came endowed with unique gifts and talents. 

Some of which I came to know and love, some I saw from afar, and others I never came to truly understand or fully appreciate.

He was elusive, but present

He had a way of looking at things that you and I wouldn’t

His ideas were big, his heart was bigger, and his love of God won the day

He was kind in unusual ways:

1.     He was very humorous and funny which always put others at ease and made others feel very comfortable. 

2.     He was serious but never took himself too seriously which made him accessible to all

3.     He shared his love of art by sharing expressions he created with everyone

4.     He was intense and had complex ideas but at the end of the day he preferred simplicity

5.     He was scholarly, had a PhD, you never would have known it, as he was never pompous.

6.     He knew a lot and was very smart, but he never led with ego.

7.     He was a loner but always drew people into him…. You wanted to be around him.

8.     He taught me how to forgive: (see My cup runneth over post)

His kindness to me was “Immediate, simple and piercing”

He showed his love of God in the way he spent the last days of his life. 

He knew what was coming…

He demonstrated the kind of courage that you don’t see often, 

by refusing to let the cancer beat his spirit.  

He was so kind and loving in how he shielded us from that struggle.  

And in the way he quietly and reverently slipped from this life to the next.

We only felt the humor, the wit, the beauty of a life well lived.

“And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides,

that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?

Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.

And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.

And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.”  

 Khalil Gibran

Yes…. on paper he was Earl, but to me, he will always be “Roland”

May his beautiful life be celebrated forever.