Brasilia: The City Still Beckons

 

Rene Burri took this in 1960, the year Brasilia was born.   I love this photo so much.  It contrasts the down to earth, simple Candango with that of this incredibly modern future forward thinking architecture. 

Brasilia was never a travel destination... not even sure if it is today.  It was never a mecca of culture and entertainment.  Most of the time I lived there people were longing to leave the city, to get out to real Brazil.   It was never to draw people in.  If you worked for the government you were forced in.

And yet.... all these years later, I keep finding myself drawn to it.  Many of my school mates who spent years away are finding themselves returning.  Some to take care of their aging parents, others who still have family here and a few never left and settled their lives here.

This pic is amazing.  First, look at the vintage propeller plane - so cool and then the shot of one of the Eixos - the main residential wing of the city.  I lived in a building exactly like one of those in the cluster below.  SQS 113.  Even the address was modern...  

There was something about being able to walk and experience all the modern architecture without the normal barriers that you would normally find with government buildings.  I wonder if that has changed.  

 

"Scarcely any other twentieth-century monument is more spectacular and more photogenic than Brasilia. It is certainly not the only modern city to have been built from scratch, but with the exception of Chandigarh, the capital of the Indian state of Punjab that Le Corbusier had designed just a few years earlier, not one of these other new cities fired the imagination as did Brasilia"

I too fell the draw of the city.  The shapes and lines beckon.  Critics say the design is too modular, too antiseptic, too much of a postcard.  Yes, I can't lie, I agree... but yet is beckons.  It pulls on my emotions.  There are memories attached to these structures.  Names and faces come to mind as I think about Brasilia, not just the edifices.  Memories filled with my own photographs of this unique city.  Surely I will see her soon.....

Ate em breve cidade linda..... As saudades sao fortes demais!

The Fab 4: Lessons of Experience

I was reflecting a few nights ago about milestones and began thinking about my kids.  The more I thought about what this past year has been like for them all I could think about were the multitude of  milestones they had achieved.   As I started to mentally list them, I wondered if they had the same awareness as I did about them.  I am sure there are others that I am not actually aware of.  Regardless, I as I thought more about each one, I realized how significant they were, at least in my own mind.  I have learned that there is great value in spending time intentionally thinking about and noting not only the achievements, but also the lessons learned from each. The ability to critically identify the specific things we have learned from our experiences and then apply them forward is what accelerates growth.  

I spend most of my time at work on this concept in an attempt to identify high potential leaders and then to properly match them with the right development experiences that might accelerate their growth.  Sometimes we get lucky and we find ourselves fortuitous enough to be placed in a "stretch assignment" that enable us to learn some new skill or behavior or to expand our capacity to move forward faster.  Other times we leave an incredible amount of learning on the table because we never ask ourselves if or what we have learned from our experiences.  We just simply pass through them like  proverbial 'checkbox' moments and chalk it up as just one more task completed.  

The past couple of years have been a banner years for all of my kids.  They have hit significant milestones.  They have pursued their interests and dreams with high energy and perseverance.  It is amazing to witness... I hope they pause at times and consider if they are learning the right lessons from their experiences...

Here are a few:

• 
  
  Landon - Completed his first year of medical school.  I now know a bit more why so many don't pursue that route.  Many probably have the intellectual horsepower, but fewer have the guts and grit to actually plow through the sheer weight of the load and pace of content, research, testing and writing.  I am not going to try and compare this with any other field as they are all rugged and rigorous journeys in and of themselves, but med school is intense.  Landon has gone through many hard things in his life, but this is one of those unique stretching experiences that fundamentally changes you forever.  I simply do not know what he has been through and he has been kind enough to not try and explain because it is ridiculous to try.  What I see is that he has become accustomed to the weight, like becoming comfortable walking 100 miles with a 75 pound pack. We see the growth and the stamina step up. It is especially cool because it was self-inflicted.  He has enormous drive and a high octane orientation towards achievement.  Incredible year of hard hitting success.  Very impressive..... I am in awe of his sense of adventure and enthusiasm to go on the unbeaten path. 
• 
  
  

  
  
  McKenna - Graduated in Nursing with great grades, completed her ROTC requirements, competed in a national Army Ranger challenge resulting in 5th place from 60 global teams and commissioned into the Army as 2nd Lieutenant.  I remember clearly how she wasn't sure if she would get into the Nursing program, and then how soon after she was already trying to push their performance standards up even higher.  She wanted to be more challenged than she was.  She eats challenge for breakfast.  What capped off the year so far was the life changing milestone of getting married to her good friend and confidant - Aaron Campbell.  The incredible helicopter ride up the mountains, the special landing spot and the very sweet and simple ceremony capped the occasion.  I am not even sure how to count all the mile markers she passed in the last year.  There is nothing more fun to watch the world of opportunity open up to her and watch her squeal and squirm wondering which ones to prioritize.  She will always be able to do so many things..... It will be so great to see her choose.

• 
  
  Braden - Graduated U of U Engineering School with high honors and on Dean's list.  He doesn't seem to really care about that.  He is uncharacteristically cool that way.  His super cute wife, Abby graduated from BYU Law school. Not only might he move on to get a masters, but he also took the LSAT and is contemplating law school which by his score, he could get into.  He got a great internship at Micron while Abby is about to pass the bar exam.  I have lost count of the scholarships he has received.  He conducted some major research with a professor that was super intense and practically crushing.  I know he had to learn to deal with a lot of stress, which is not his favorite thing.  Balancing multiple courses, a crazy heavy research project, church responsibilities and still making the right calls in spending time with Abby I am sure was not always easy. He was stretched in many ways that I probably won't ever know, but he came through making it look easy, as he has an incredibly annoying knack of doing with most things in his life.  They both have have set new personal bests this year...

• 
  Alexa - Not only did she get married to a great guy, Grant Gardner, but she also started a brand new career in the past year with the airline industry.  Delta.  She crushed all of her orientation and onboarding training, in fact, her supe said that she have never seen anyone learn as fast a Alexa. What makes this even better is that often she can work with her mom.  They see each other all the time, they swap shifts and tell the most outrageous stories and commiserate together.  Next to Landon, I am not sure I have seen anyone go after someone that treats herself or mom poorly.  She doesn't take anyone's nonsense (stuff) and has become a totally trusted agent.  Everyone comments on how great she is and how competent she has become.  Her smile melts Alaska and she has done an amazing job creating a career path for herself.  Way to go Alexa, you are shining big time!   Another milestone is surviving somehow living with mom and dad for extended periods of time.  She has taught us a lot about how to keep your life organized and tidy.  She has definitely attained the Domestic Goddess title.  If folding perfect clothes got you into Heaven, she would be translated immediately!!!   When she is not home we know that if we don't clean it she will get after us when she gets home.... It's crazy to feel that pressure! She has grown in so many ways it has been an amazing experience having her close by.  Big props to Alexa for her achievements and growth!  She is so quietly capable and I know there isn't a hurdle she can't leap over.

These are just a few....It is gratifying to see through my eyes.  I may not have gotten every hurdle perfectly correct, but I see what I see.  They say you should bring your kids up to surpass yourselves as parents.  They all came this way with so many of these qualities hardwired.  Maybe mix in a bit of parental influence and love and then just wind them up and let them run with their superpowers.

They are and will always be the Fantastic 4 super heroes in my book.  Keep learning the lessons of your experience and nothing will get in your way.....

“EVERYONE FAILS AT WHO THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE, THOR. THE MEASURE OF A PERSON, OF A HERO…IS HOW WELL THEY SUCCEED AT BEING WHO THEY ARE.”

 

- FRIGGA, AVENGERS: ENDGAME

Hey Mom and Dad, What Do I Do Now...?

 

The kids grew up and I mistakenly thought my role as parent would be different.... Smaller, less intense, easier, somehow... I figured they would need me less, maybe Sunday dinners here, "can you watch the kids" there and the occasional "loan" would be the routine.  

Not so much...

I thought the years of experience, the accumulated wisdom of living life, overcoming challenges, attending 1,000 soccer games, writing 100 college entrance exam essays would somehow qualify me for some kind of parental certification or graduate degree that would have next level recognition and benefits.

Not so much....

I thought my  mistakes would be fewer, that the likelihood of "offensive fouls" would be minimized.  I thought I would be so wise as to really understand each kid, to know what would be best for them, to always dispense incredibly valuable advice.

Not so much...

“People never learn anything by being told, they have to find out for themselves.”

― Paulo Coelho

I thought I would be prepared to answer their big person questions.  I thought I would understand what they would be going through.  I thought I would know the right things to say and to say things right.  I thought I would be a pro at knowing when to stop talking and just listen by now. I thought I new my own hypocrisy, that I wouldn't let it get in the way... I thought I may have learned the lessons of my own experience  to better guide them to learn from their own.

Not so much...

This isn't adding up to be a great batting average is it?

I never anticipated not knowing so much now as an "adult" parent.  I thought that was reserved for "rookie" fathers.  How is it that the fumbling for answers feels constant now?....Why hasn't it gotten easier?  Why does it feel overwhelming and so often confusing?  How can the reservoir of the well of my life's wisdom so often seem dry when I thought it would be deep?

As I scratch for scraps of answers to these fleeting questions I am reminded constantly of other parents that struggled as well.  Adam and Eve, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joshua, Saul, David, Solomon and a host of others.  They all made their choices, and when they leaned on their own wisdom, they didn't parent as well.  When they caved to the voices of the world (social imperatives of the day) they missed.  They failed their kids as a result.

Could it be that is what gets in my way?  The thinking and belief that I have to know how to do all these things.  That I should have the answers because of my own life's experience or because I am in this role of "Father"?  What happens when I am wrong?  What happens when the kids see through me?  

God Confidence

I am realizing that in my own chase for "self" confidence that I am barking up the wrong tree.  What I need is a lot more "God" confidence instead.  I need to rely on His experience and wisdom -- not mine.  Mine is terribly suspect and full of error.  I need to figure out a way to let Him prevail in my life and a little bit less of me prevailing in my life.

The irony is that just when I think my kids may not need as much parenting from me, I realize just how much I need from mine right now, maybe more than I ever had! 

I wonder if God nurtures a secret hope that his kids will hit that  independent adult milestone where He, and most of us dream of saying: "Ahh, Nice.... the kids are gone, I can relax and have control of the remote all to myself"  Does He ever tire of handling our "drama" moments?  Does he play hurtful games when things don't go his way?  Does he ever get weary of repeated disobedience?   Somehow, when I think of Him I just can't see him refusing to ever throw up his arms and say "Whatever, I am done!" .....No, He never will and will always be there perfectly for us.  

“Affirming words from moms and dads are like light switches. Speak a word of affirmation at the right moment in a child’s life and it’s like lighting up a whole roomful of possibilities.”

I can recall a half a dozen affirming words my parents spoke to me that have made all the difference. I also saw their gaps, I saw their spirits sag at times, I saw when their faith wasn't brimming brightly and in the end I saw what they were able to do despite themselves.  I saw God take over and bring them to the finish line because they were willing to stay in the game and never quit. The affirmations live on forever with me..... Do they, will they with my kiddos?

I am counting on it.....

I have always known that my kids weren't mine. They are His. 

"Behold all souls are mine."  Ezekiel 18:4

The bible reminds us and even Gibran did too when I read this so long ago and it continues to have meaning for me.

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

I have no claim, no rights, no contractual agreements other than a sacred covenant I made with God to do so with their mom.  The accountability is still with me.  The charge seemed simple enough--Bring them to this pasture (Earth), keep them safe from danger and enemies, feed and nurture them, help them grow and mature through the normal milestones of life.  Included in the job description was some language about hoping to instill a remembrance of where they came from, their purpose for being here and some desire to return to that heavenly home, and that  would at some point in time be their choice.....not mine.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them,

but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

 

Does this mean my kids are crazy and messed up.  No, the opposite.  They are all succeeding in their pursuit of happiness and success. They have certainly acknowledged our help and love which is a blessing.  This reflection is more about the realization that time passage doesn't equal maturity.  Tenure doesn't equal wisdom, length of service does not automatically bring the answers.  

......Somehow, in my little brain I thought they might.....

This is the musing of a sometimes lost kid who realizes that I need my parents as much as I ever did.  Its about accepting what the grey hair means with more grace, more humility and vulnerability.   .

It reminds me of a recent trip to Holland where we visited the Anne Frank house.  It was most reverent and spiritual.  At the end of it all Anne's father is the sole survivor of the family.  It was only years later that he finally could muster reading her diary.  When asked what he learned about the holocaust, the death camps, the blight of misery and hate, the seclusion and hiding... experiencing it all, he replied with this:

“And my conclusion is, as I had been in very, very good terms with Anne, that most parents don’t know, really, their children.” --Otto Frank

It really isn't about me after all is it?  It comes back to God Confidence.  It is so much more about Him and the answers to everything He has provided through his son Jesus Christ.  I just need to continue to find ways to tap into that well of wisdom, the owner of which is the only one that truly knows us.

"Behind every young child who believes in himself, is a parent who believed in him first."

My parents didn't have to know who I was, they just needed to believe in me..... and they did, fiercely, with all of their might, with all of their hearts and with all of their lives..... 

Maybe I can aspire to do the same?

 

2nd Lieutenant Brown

A few days ago I experienced another major milestone in one of my kids life.  My daughter, McKenna, received her commission into the army at the rank of 2nd Lieutenant.  It was an amazing experience for her and it left me and her Mom without proper words, hand over heart, breathless, and in awe.

I really didn't understand what commissioning really meant.  McKenna tried to explain it and so I thought I thought maybe it would be like a graduation ceremony.  It is one thing to understand what a commission is 'on paper' and altogether another thing to experience it for real, live, up close....

It is a powerful ceremony that transfers real power and authority from the U.S. Government to newly commissioned cadets as the newest officers in the Army.  The people of this nation have just symbolically raised their arms to the square to ratify McKenna as one that has shown the commitment to lead and command others in times of peace and conflict in defense of our liberty and freedom.

Hearing the responsibility and weight of the pledge she took was very serious.  This is a commitment to put oneself in harms way for her country.  It forced me to reflect and think about if I could ever do what she was doing.  As I waited for the ceremony to begin, I quickly threw that question out to the universe in my mind and the answer came back as, probably not.   That made me think deeper about what McKenna and the other cadets were made that would inspire them to overcome the natural resistance that many people might feel about joining the military.  While I believe I am a patriot, the idea of joining up is different.  I was so unprepared at that age and McKenna is totally prepared..... to be honest, I a not sure I am prepared now or ever would be....

She took the oath as seriously as you can imagine, no smiles, no laughter, repeating the words with resolute determination. This was McKenna at her finest, at her best, to serve God and country without hesitation.

Anyone who knows me it doesn't take much for me to get misty eyed.  Of course I felt the familiar feelings and emotions come to the surface, but it was much deeper in this case.  This was a profound feeling that had greater depth and magnitude.  Why?  Not just because any patriot would feel proud of t their son or daughter being commissioned, but because we know that if McKenna could have her wish, which God has shown a strong pattern of granting her, she would love to be deployed as a nurse anesthetist attached so a special forces unit.  Secretly she has always wanted to do infantry. They way she wants this epitomizes the saying when you want something so bad you can "taste it".  So, we are confronted with the vey real possibility of those implications which are both redeeming and alarming all at the same time.

The circumstances under which she received her commission were extraordinary..... yes, one might even say miraculous.  In fact, let me just come out and say that it was a miracle and that I know that God knows that I know.  It was a miracle wrought by belief, faith, courage, grit and a special kind of tenacity that McKenna has had the privilege of learning fairly early in her life.  She understands physical and mental adversity in a special way and has demonstrated great proficiency in overcoming both.

McKenna tore both ACL's within a couple of years of each other playing soccer for high school and college.  She knew the pain of injury, the physical battle of recuperation, the mental lessons of patience and the emotional journey of heartache and disappointment. 

She has been on her ROTC Ranger Team, which is an elite competitive team that competes regionally and nationally.  The team placed 17th last year at Sandhurst, the name of the annual competition held at West Point NY each year.  The team had been upping their game all year to place more favorably in the competition. 

If you want to witness good examples of people with tunnel vision come over to my house and watch any one of my kids or my wife. (Notice how it is not me....) They all have developed an exceptional ability to focus with precision on particular interests they have.  They all got this from their mother.  It is a gigantic understatement to say that McKenna had been hyper-focused on getting ready for Sandhurst and for commissioning, which came only a few day later.  There was little else to talk about or consider in her world.   With Sandhurst quickly approaching, only a couple of weeks away, she felt something pop in her knee while playing a soccer game and not even on the field, but as she was walking off.  She knew instantly that it was probably a meniscus tear or another torn ACL.  She somehow made it through the night and came home the next day.  It would be a gigantic understatement to say that the disappointment and heartbreak she was experiencing was off the charts.  She could barely walk and there was a lot of pain. The prospect meant not only would she not be able to compete with her Ranger team at Sandhurst, but she would not be able to commission either, which would postpone a number of her future plans.  This was truly devastating news....letting her team down, which had to have 2 girls on the team and the burden that would place on them.  They would have to find a replacement.  And then to think of not commissioning.... Ugh! It was too much.

A couple of week earlier we had listened to our Church leaders in a world-wide televised conference share counsel on how to navigate our lives, live with more faith and to align our choices with God.  Our leader, President Nelson gave some very specific counsel to all members that I felt was very inspiring.  He invited us to adopt 5 practices into our daily routines:

1. Get on the covenant path (Remember the promises you made at baptism and in the temple)

2. Discover the joy of daily repentance

3. Learn about God and how He works

4. Seek and expect miracles

5. End any conflict in your personal life

As we were consoling McKenna that morning considering the inevitable consequences I found myself already bracing myself for the hard journey ahead that she would have to take and how I would need to be strong and positive.  One of the special things about our church is that we believe that God has delegated his power to worthy men on earth called the priesthood.  The express purpose of this delegated authority is to serve others, not self.  This is often manifest in the blessing of the sick and afflicted by placing hands on their heads and uttering a special prayer to invite the healing powers of heaven to help the person being administered to.  The most important part of this process is that of faith.  The confidence and hope both parties have that through their faith, God actually does participate in the healing process.  In fact, it is mostly by faith that people are healed.  This is what Jesus taught and demonstrated many many times in his ministry and often asked the people if they believed that He could heal them.  He is the one that said "by your faith are you healed."

The topic came up of my giving her a blessing and we talked about President Nelson's recent talk where he shared the importance of our seeking and expecting miracles.  Never had those words become more powerful and alive than in that moment.  We talked about our own faith and we decided that we would apply the counsel from our Prophet and put our faith in God and seek and expect a miracle.  The words came flowing through my mind as I laid my hands on her head and I remember blessing her with the faith to seek and expect miracles.  I knew I would have to have the same level of confidence as well.

She immediately got MRI's and Dr's counsel.  Yes, there was a meniscus tear and it would need to be operated on. She continued to get additional opinions and within a day or two she had a breakthrough discussion with her old high school trainer.  Someone who had extensive knowledge in this particular area with professional athletes.  He heard everything and then proceeded to tell her how she could, with the right techniques and conditioning, make it through Sandhurst.  She couldn't believe it but somehow she knew this guy knew her situation even just over the phone.  It was like he could see the xray and knew exactly what she needed to do.  He literally walked through all these different scenarios of how she could compete despite this injury.  By the time the call was done, she was in a completely different mindset.  She know she wouldn't be able to do many of the events, but she would still have to ruck (army term for running for freakin' miles with heavy pack) on every event for two days.  

So, she had to tell her team.  She asked them to please consider the impact of her injury and then vote to see if they wanted to get someone else.  They all voted her "in".  They know McKenna, she would not give up even if she left her leg on the field and came home with only one.  She  then had to tell her  commanding officer that although she was hurt that she would be commissioning and he said that she would need to provide a Dr's letter stating that she could. Part of the miracle came next in somehow through a myriad of phone calls, working different angles and finally finding the right people,  she got a letter that confirmed that she was well enough to commission.  I don't even want to know how all that happened but it did.  

Suddenly, she could walk and then started jogging and within a day was rucking and working out with her team.  She wasn't 100% well and had a gimp and it hurt a ton, but she was heading for Sandhurst!

Just seeing what transpired in 2-3 days was miraculous... but it got better.....

We went to Sandhurst to support and cheer the team on.  There were about 60 other teams.  It was unbelievably agonizing as parents to watch her do movements with the team and to witness each event.  She couldn't compete in many of them but was always there providing leadership, support and the mental grit of not giving up despite the pain she was feeling.  At the end of day 1 they had to do an 8 mile ruck up hill after about 20 miles of events before hand.  Our faith wavered a bit to be honest... would she be able to make that last hardest movement?  We prayed constantly all day long.

She texted us at 11:30pm saying that she and team had made it!  We were overjoyed.  We only found out later what a crucible that was for her. To run for hours on that knee that was not supposed to be working at all and the agonizing pain she endured.  She finally shared with us that she had to scream and cry out loud during the ruck to just let go of the pent up emotions and pain she was feeling.  The team couldn't believe that she was able to finish that 8 miles.  Many of them said that is what kept them going, knowing that she would never ever give up until she physically couldn't do it.  The mental grit she exerted is something I will never know or understand.  I am not sure I want to. But I knew that God knew how important this was to her.  He sustained her and got her through the worst.

...The team was in 5th place... another small miracle.  They were the best ROTC unit competing with military academy's: West Point and AirForce's elite teams. Here is a great article BYU RANGER TEAM

We readied ourselves for Day 2.  We had been through our own ringer and knew that we would need to keep up our own energy to keep up with the team.  They competed incredibly well all day, McKenna was great! To see her do her thing in multiple events like shooting and medical situations was awesome.  They ended up in 5th.  The best placement BYU has ever had. They earned the respect of many other teams that day.  Somehow, some way McKenna persevered, she achieved her goal and the team prevailed.  Yes, I can say literally that we witnessed a miracle.  The feelings inside were particularly sacred.  I will not forget what I saw and felt during that weekend.  The feelings of seeing hundreds of young men and women dedicating their lives to our freedom.  To feel their great spirit when interacting with them.  They were entirely impressive.  It was an honor to walk West Point hallowed grounds and to see soldiers in action.  I was different by the time I left.  

The miracle had length to it.  It wasn't just the physical part that she needed for Sandhurst, rather it extended into her commissioning a few days later.  You saw the picture above.... Yes, she did it.  She had no doubt that this could be done and I hope more than anything that she will remember that huddle we had that morning when we decided to seek and expect miracles.  I hope that she will remember those words came from a living Prophet, that God is aware of the minute details of her life, of all our lives, that He will do many things we think are impossible if we are willing to take a few steps forward first, expecting the miracle will follow.

What if we all pledged, as she and many many other cadets did in their commissioning to live a good life, to love our neighbors as ourselves, to love God and to serve Him and others.  That was I felt inspired to do, to recommit to what I already know in my heart and mind is true but that I don't always honor through my actions and words.    

I am grateful for young people.  They are the future.  They are our hope.  They will be the miracle we need in this country  I believe to overcome the challenges we face.  I proudly salute you 2nd Lieutenant Brown, for your courage to live and honor the pledge you have taken and for seeking and expecting miracles. You have inspired me to do the same. 

Cyrano

Oh! I loved this movie!  It is terribly romantic but not sappy and oddly relatable.  I am a fan.

If you haven't seen Cyrano, you might want to.  I found a profound reflective moment immersing myself into this movie during a time of great chaos, war and hate around me.  The world continues to rage on fire....It was a refreshing drink of water and in the process I found myself a bit as as result.

 It isn't for everyone, that is for sure.  But, it can be for anyone that has felt misunderstood, alone, tortured, afraid, and brashly foolish for ever letting their heart live on their sleeve.

My intent is not to critique the performances, the plot or direction, rather to comment on the impact it had on my heart.  It hit hard and it hurt very good. I was unapologetically moved.   I found the emotions emanating effortlessly as I let myself be drawn in.  An impossible love story that has a way of worming its way into you and causes you to empathize with each character equally as you try and figure out how you really feel about the whole thing.  

The music surprised me... I was not expecting songs, but ended up loving them the most.  They triggered the most emotion. They were the catalyst for the masterfully crafted messages of the movie.  They were different for sure....They weren't quite Broadway and they weren't quite rock ballads....but something definitely in between.  They worked perfectly for me.  I hope they do for you too.

It starts with this theme:

"Have you ever wanted something, so badly you cannot breathe....." (Link Madly)

My guess is you have, whether or not you would use this specific metaphor to describe your particular desire is another thing, but I can say I have felt that way.  It can be a terrifying thing to feel and an exhilarating emotion as well.  Terrifying because it makes you so vulnerable to hope for something so desperately because the fall is so deep and cold if that want is unrealized.  The question that is posed to Cyrano is the same for us... "are we willing to bare our souls at such a great risk?"

"Have you have ever loved someone..... madly" 

The second theme reminds us what this feels like through the eyes of each character in this mad ironic love triangle.  What are you and I willing to do if we really feel this way?  Hopefully not to such tragic consequences as portrayed in this story.  It was difficult for me not to think about my own efforts when I have experiences similar emotions.  

The movie helps clarify what true love is and a bit of what it is not. There have been times for me when my actions were defined by desperate pursuit, and other times when it seemed so counterintuitive and impossible, yet the best and most "mad" action of love was to show great restraint, stop and withhold.

" I might lose everything if I...... lose the pain"(Link Overcome)

Have you ever believed something so much, especially if you found out later that it was a lie, but you grasped onto it tight fisted for years because it became a place of comfort despite the pain it caused.  The idea of letting go of resentment, hate, jealously or pain is not so easy even though you might think that it is expressly because of the pain you would quickly want to rid yourself of it, but you find you can't.  I think about the One Ring in the LOTR books.  Isildur and Frodo both couldn't let go of the ring even though the only thing they had to do was open their hand let the ring drop.  It is so emblematic of how we can't let go of what might be most painful to us.  We let the pain become so part of us that we find room and we make it comfortable somehow.  Are we too prideful to realize we need help in the end?

Cyrano cannot fathom the idea that Roxanne would every truly accept him for who he really is.  He can't give it up. In his mind, if he does he loses everything.  It leads to a tragic ending that seems so senseless.  Is it possible that we want to keep the wrong things so close to our vests as well?  

"Every morning I am overcome" (Link Your Name)

I love how this theme is placed and interpreted in the story,  It reaches out to the viewer and gently persuades them to internalize and examine where they are today and where they need to be tomorrow.  

Each character in this story has much to overcome in order to become something different in the end. What actually happens if we do let go?  If we forgive?  If we offer up hurtful feelings to each other or to  heaven?  Usually transformation happens.  We change, we become something different.  It is the great promise of anyone who really believes in God.

                                     "Look at what I have become"  

Does that not speak to you?  It does to me..... I don't have to carry this weight by myself or for so long.  The reminder of what I can become lifted my spirit.  Redemption is a remarkable miracle that I don't understand but while words fail me to describe it, I know the sweetness when I have allowed myself to receive it. 

They don't become what they could have in this story, but they get beautifully close to it..... to what might have been.  So tragic on one hand, but inspiring and hopeful on the other because with a small change of heart, adopting a few degrees of a different perspective, and some simple actions a wildly different outcome is possible, the best one ever.

Just when I think I am not holding on to anything unhelpful, I find that I am .....  Maybe I will feel inspired enough to let go, to be willing to lose everything.......  Because if I keep holding on to that dear friend I have made a home for, I might actually lose everything if I don't.....

Two Roads

A curious and adventurous traveler's worst nightmare: finding two roads diverged in a yellow wood.  

One must be chosen as they both cannot be traveled.  One seem safer.....more well trodden. Surely there is wisdom in that path, as many have taken it.  The other seems less so.  With no other reason than just that the traveler seeks the less used, seemingly lesser path.

As in life, aren't we faced with this place everyday?  We have a choice, everyday to select our path for that day.  Then when the day is over, we can review and consider what the consequences have been of that choice.  We either learn or we don't and are faced with a new set of decisions every next day. 

 Aren't we all just two shades of grey away on either side from being our very best selves or succumbing to our worst tendencies?  Maybe the road less traveled isn't the best one.  It might seem the most interesting, but may not suit us in the end.  Exploration and discovery are grand aren't they?  Yes, when it comes to new geography, culture, the fine arts or ideas.  When is comes to the seductive slopes of relative morality, maybe not so much.  Maybe they are just grand illusions -- or better yet, delusions of grandeur.  But, what is so difficult is that what used to be so clear about morality isn't anymore.  Morality is being redefined with each person's own experience. It's flexible and we tend to like to bend it towards what feels good.

I have found myself at this place, wondering which might be better.  It is shocking to see that just 1 or 2 degrees of difference can lead to wildly different experiences, trajectories and consequences on either side.  What if there really aren't two paths, but just one?  How would we know which to choose?  Is there such thing as a wrong or right one?  What if there are more paths than we can even number?  Is that better?

I think this fundamental question is at the heart of many of society's ills today.

I have shared my concern about the world seeming totally crazy right now in a previous post.  I think there is more to say....

Has there ever been in a time in your lifetime where right seemed wrong, and wrong right?  Everything seems upside down.  Never did I dream that in so few years how pervasive philosophies and ideologies of men would overtake common sense.  Gender confusion, intolerance of those learning to be more tolerant, extreme ideas that stoke anger and hate, the seduction of deeper mysteries and fringe beliefs amongst my own faith are just a few.  What is particularly difficult for me is to know that there cannot even be conversations about issues with different views any longer. There is little to no tolerance for debate, rhetoric and reason not only in politics and our educations systems, but increasingly with our own friends and family. It is starting to creep into work too....CEO's are faced with being more political in their stance than ever before.  And it seems that they cannot stay in the middle, they have to take one side or the other... what is most interesting is that if they lean to the right they will almost always be wrong!  So much for tolerance....

Some may argue that if the definition of truth which is,  “Knowledge of things as they are, and as they were, and as they are to come.” (D&C 93:24.)  is subject to interpretation. 

There are clearly those that would rewrite the knowledge of things as they were. They would like us to believe things that did happen never did happen.  Such as the idea that the holocaust never happened and that man never touched foot on the moon are just two examples.  

These same voices would also say that knowledge of things as they are, are totally relative to individual experience.  This is called moral relativism, which suggests that there isn’t one truth because there are an infinite number of valid systems of morality defined by every individual.  So not one truth, but many.  They would have us believe there are no standards for right and wrong because the premise is that nobody is right or wrong.  This philosophy suggests that there are not absolute rules to determine whether something is right or wrong.  This means that everyone ought be tolerate the behavior of others even when considerably large disagreements about the morality of particular things exist.  Without a code of what is right and wrong that unites us, there is allowance and justification for actions that are immoral like slavery, or genocide because they can be framed as cultural values.  Children can choose their gender because gender isn't biological or even spiritual, rather gender is a social construct.  If there is no right or wrong, then there is no need for God, or for the Devil.....right?  

The Book of Mormon teaches us a profound lesson about the adversary and his role as it relates to our earthly mortal existence:

“And behold, others he flattereth away, and telleth them there is no hell; and he saith unto them: I am no devil, for there is none—and thus he whispereth in their ears, until he grasps them with his awful chains, from whence there is no deliverance.” 2 Nephi 19 – 22

Interesting.... So compelling this point of view.  It is entirely confusing then......How do we know what is true?  How do we separate our own experience from that which is spiritually discerned or established to be "true".  

As we grow in our own knowledge and gain experience through our routines and trials do we not become increasingly more at risk of being duped by our own thoughts, our own understanding or the so called sophisticated and progressive thinking of men and women in our modern society with agendas.  Agendas that speak of equality but disguised by their subversive agenda of power and control. They want everyone to be the same, to have equal outcomes regardless of the equality of opportunity which is at the heart of agency and will.  

One road in the yellow wood says it guarantees you a particular outcome no matter what your circumstance or choice.  In essence, a forced ideology of group identity, not actually individual expression and differentiation which they pretend to espouse. Everything goes and therefor everything is right because there really is no wrong.....as long as it feels right.......Sounds pretty seductive.... It is.  I think it is dangerous too.

The other road, now the one less traveled by, is fraught with failure, mistake, error and ambiguity.  One of missteps, pain and suffering for sure.  But one that leans on faith based in a fixed state of morality of what right and wrong means. This idea that all societies should accept each other’s differing moral values, given that there are no universal moral principles is often challenged by most philosophers.  For example, just because bribery is okay in some cultures doesn’t mean that other cultures cannot rightfully condemn it.

In my search and experience I have found comfort, safety and confidence in a pattern that God has laid out at least in the faith that I subscribe to.  I don't know if it is for everyone.  Some have tried and have forsaken for the other road.  Just because it works for me doesn't automatically mean it will work for you.  It isn't the easiest by far.....But, because it has worked for me repeatedly, I share it in case it is helpful....

THE PATTERN ( The road less traveled)

There is good news.  God would never leave his children depressed or forsaken. He has established a pattern.   He shares with us a formula in the Doctrine and Covenants 9:8-9

8 But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right.

9 But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong.

I have sought this pattern many times in my life and while I make tons of mistakes, when I have really paid attention this formula has always guided me correctly.

Is this not a beautiful pattern?  To be promised sure guidance with the only ask of that being wanting to know if something is right or not.... to spend a bit of time really reflecting first and then making a choice and then asking if that choice is right.  The answer comes through feelings of the the heart mostly.  Sometimes it can come directly to your mind as pure intelligence as well.  It differs with each person.

He isn't going to just tell us which road to take.  That isn't His job.  It's ours to really think through, and then with real intent make a decision based upon our own discernment and judgment, yes, even spiritually because we are spiritual beings just happening to have a mortal existence....  Then we take that decision to Him and tell him why we have chosen and then we hope and have faith that an answer will come, most likely through our feelings via the Holy Ghost to our hearts.

I have come to appreciate the fact that people are asking good questions.  Really hard ones, about our church history, doctrine and beliefs.  The Lord has asked us to study things out in our minds and then inquire of him the answers.  If the answers were easy we wouldn't grow.  It is good to see the sides of issues, to have empathy for others' views.  At the end of the day, a side must be taken, a choice is made and consequences always follow.  We are free agents ultimately.  God will never mess with that gift.

Often when we have problems or questions, we turn to family or friends to seek their advice.  This is ok, in fact a great place to start as part of the process of studying things out.  But sometimes I wonder if we forget to inquire of the Lord.  And when others approach us for counsel, we maybe tempted to draw upon our own knowledge and experience and forget to point them to the One who knows all things.

Are we seeking truth from the correct sources of truth?  If I am serious about choosing the right path and getting answers to guide my actions and choices wouldn't I seek God, Buddha, Shiva or Muhammed vs man?  Maybe we aren't being honest in what we actually want....  Sometimes I know I have sought answers from other sources, like my own experience, so that I could feel better about my choices. 

It is perfectly understandable that if we do not like the answers from one source that we would look in other places until we did find some we were comfortable with.  There isn't anything wrong with looking in multiple places, but if  we are seeking spiritual things and we don't include God as at least one of them then we are very likely to follow our own understanding and twisting things to fit the narrative we want to hear.

I love how the Lord teaches us. His pattern is simple and easy.  The answers may not be what we want to hear, and if not careful, they too can feel “hard” like many who have chosen a different path when it got tough or inconvenient.

Has there ever been a time when we needed to know truly what is right and what is wrong more than today?  Not in my lifetime. Do you secretly hope that wrong is right or that right is wrong? I know I have entertained thoughts like that in certain times.  I have been found wrong every single time.  I for one don't want my beliefs to evolve with the social trends.  I want and need more certainty, not more  confusion.... 

 Yes, two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I have intentionally taken the one less traveled by...... and so far, 

it has made all the difference.

Fallingwater

 

I cannot recall the first time I saw "Fallingwater"... All I know is I was pretty young and that it left an indelible mark on me.  I have always loved this place and I never understood why.  It seemed so modern and yet it was built in the 1930's.  It has always maintained a timeless feel to me.  It conjured up some pretty special feelings that both moved and inspired me.  It was a place that I immediately identified with and wanted to see very much.  The idea that I could someday see this place seemed so unlikely..... a pipe dream.

Maybe you have seen it too... I wonder what your experience was?  I hope it was like mine. 

I have always love Frank Lloyd Wright's architecture though not much of a student until recently.  I have become very connected with his philosophy and enamored with the principles he espoused.  He seemed way ahead of his time and has heavily influenced the way at least American's live through bringing his beliefs to life through his architecture.  He loved architecture, he loved nature, he loved the principles around humanity.  He didn't seem to get into God from a religious perspective, but I believe nature was his deity.

I know nothing of architecture, construction or engineering....  I do know a bit about design, not in the technical sense of the areas listed above, but more so from a organizational design perspective which I do at work quite a bit.  The idea of envisioning feels comfortable to me and I think that is partly why I identify so strongly with this most amazing structure.  This particular design mirrored what in my world is called systems thinking.  Something that I have tried to apply to organizational design.

This mindset is very much aligned with FLW's philosophy.  I believe the objective of Fallingwater was to interconnect with nature in such a way that it transformed the structure and the landscape equally.   Through thoughtful design seamlessly integrated with its natural setting, the building, its furnishings, and the surroundings become cohesive parts of one unified, interrelated composition.  

FLW captured my imagination because I happened to visit Taliesen West in AZ with my daughter.  It was completely enthralling and I became a member and have done my best to travel to as many of his sites as I can to really capture what I have been learning about him.  I have seen about 8 of his homes now including Taliesin in WI and Taliesen West.  I had never been to Fallingwater, until recently.

Many say Fallingwater was FLW's greatest achievement.  Fallingwater is the consummation of his organic architecture philosophy of merging design with nature in a way that leaves nature even better than it was before. Fallingwater is FLW's declaration that in nature man finds his spiritual as well as his physical energies, that a harmonious response to nature yields the poetry and joy that nourish human living.  This is demonstrated so well with his invitation to the Kaufmann's who owned the home: 

"I want you to live with the waterfall, not just to look at it, but for it to become an integral part of your lives."

Frank Lloyd Wright to the Kaufmanns, ca 1935

Only after being there, experiencing the home for myself, engaging all my sense do I finally realize that Fallingwater to me is spiritual, not just beautiful.  I am not sure how he did that, but he was able to do this with other designs as well.

I won't forget the anticipation I felt as I walked the path from the visitor's center through the forest imagining what I would see first.  I didn't know what to expect.  When it came into view I felt the goosebumps form on my arms and shoulders.  There it was.... it was real after all, not just this fantasy I had imagined for so long.  Seeing it emerge through the trees was very cool.

This is such an unusual house because you are using all of your senses in a heightened way.  What you see, hear, touch and feel is magnified.  You are literally walking in the forest over a waterfall as you walk through the house. It just isn't the same as any proverbial cabin in the woods.  It is different. 

The cars could drive up and through the house underneath these amazing latticed beams that tied directly into the limestone walls. The road goes right up to the guest quarters and pool that was added later. 

The guest rooms rooms are very cool

One of the absolute genius elements is the staircase that goes from inside the home to the edge of the stream that flows underneath the home right above the falls.  You can dip your feet into the water or just jump in and swim around.  The water is always present.  The sound of water is constant.....Amazing!

He left the floor uneven to mirror the unevenness of the floor of the woods and trails outside.  He didn't want the owners to forget where they were.  He made the granite shiny to seem wet like the stones outside in the river.

He designed an almost secret stair case directly from the master bedroom that ended up in a small natural plunge pool.  FLW didn't like swimming pools but allowed it here as long it was naturally fed from spring water.

 On hot days it probably was wonderful to sneak down, dip and then then run back up to the room without anyone seeing.

 Here is another gem from the mind of FLW.  If you notice there is a basin of slow running water that naturally flows from spring and if you look close, there is a bar of white soap on a chain.  This seems way ahead of its time.   (Remember soap on the rope ?) The idea was to quickly dip your feet in the pool and clean them off before entering the home.  No spigot, just natural water that flows back down into the river. 

Of course the best way to see the entire house is only from this one famous spot where everyone goes to take a pic.  To think that he designed this home in less than 4 hours after the Kaufmanns told him they were on their way to see him and the design of the home.  He sketched it out and had his drafts people finish as the door bell rang. He visited the site beforehand, but it had been a while so most of it was in his head.  Pure genius.

Is it not absolutely incredible?  Fora do comum one would say in Portuguese. Unique and timeliness....

I can't believe I finally got there.  It was all that I hoped it would be and more....

Sometimes when you see something you fantasize about for so long it can be disappointing in real life.  I wondered how it would be for me..... It turned out to be perfect.  To have been able to touch the uneven wet walls, listen to the ever present sound of rushing of water and to see the leaves fall across the open verandas was a childhood dream come true.  And to finally stand where he did when he first looked at the waterfall and envisioned an incredible dream was very special.  

“Space is the breath of art.”

― Frank Lloyd Wright

 

What I learned from Dear Evan Hansen

 

I knew nothing about this musical until I saw the move last week.  I was glad I hadn't heard anything to skew my experience.  I didn't even know who Ben Platt was. 

I braced myself for an array politically and socially charged themes to stir me up emotionally.  It happened, I did get stirred up emotionally--big time!  My heart was affected, but not my views on politics or social issues.  I was so pleasantly surprised to experience the movie purely.....as someone fairly ignorant of the mental illness continuum.  Someone who hasn't spent enough time thinking about how immense mental illness truly is.  The lyrics of the first song choked me up quickly.  I must have been ready to just let the performances seep into me without filtering too much.  It made all the difference.  I can't imagine anyone being able to perform and sing the way Ben did.  His range is ridiculous but to also sing while acting in character was very special.

I was blown away by the performances.  The songs were so knowingly written and were delivered perfectly.  I found myself empathetic to all the characters.  They made it easy to soar and then to also feel the terrible dread in the pit of my stomach knowing that the fall would come.... I just didn't know how hard the fall would be.  I almost turned my head thinking of the horrible implications of his lying narrative being exposed to so many people. I didn't think he would could recover.  But he did.  That was one of the great lessons for me:  

Never quit!  When it feels like you are at the bottom of a bottomless pit of despair and there isn't even a sliver of light, grit your teeth, take it all in and stand up......Do not quit.  It was a miracle that he didn't take his life.

"I am left with a loneliness so overpowering it threatens to seep from my eyes. I have no one."

I know I have felt alone at times in my life. I am sure you have too.  I have felt lonely as well. I cannot say I have felt the pervasive feeling of loneliness that must accompany those that live with the permanence of mental illness.  Debilitating isn't even the right word.... like the song says: "Words fail, words fail..."  How does one start to explain their plight and suffering?  It's not possible.  And yet, there is a spark in everyone, in every soul in every heart.  Maybe it can't always be found in this life, but the eventuality of Christ being able to heal every single instance on the never ending continuum of mental illness is something I do believe in.  I don't understand how it happens, but I believe He is the source of all light and that light beckons all of us to him one way or another.  We may not know his name, or we might call his name something else, but it all comes back to Him.  

"Even if you never get around to doing some remarkable thing, that doesn't mean that you're not worth remembering."

The movie underscored how important each of us are, just as we are.  That we are worth every drop of our Savior's atoning blood. Whether or not we believe it, He always will.  I have to take comfort in that and with each passing year realize that the eternal worth of every soul is of paramount interest to Christ and God.  In fact, it is their only focus and mission.

These troubling times are putting an enormous strain on everyone everywhere.  We are all probably at some peril on the mental illness continuum.  Love, light, tolerance, acceptance, deeper empathy and understanding are the only things that will get us through.

Thank you Evan Hansen, for showing me what the struggle is really like for so many...

The Desert

 

My last post was about the Vatican, a very religious space. I want to talk about another religious and spiritual place--The Sahara.  It wasn't on the bucket list, but somehow we found ourselves there... The path that took us there was through Morocco - another amazing country and culture.

At first glance, the differences are obvious between the two places from a physical properties perspective, but the similarities ended up being so close it surprised me.

Of course these weren't my first thoughts, but once I acclimated to the camel's gangly strides, had soaked in enough of the astonishing vista, taken in the beauty of unending sand dunes and filled my eyes with the blue blue sky, my reflective juices started to flow...

The Beginning

It took all day to get to the Sahara....  That by itself created a heightened anticipation of what the desert would be like.  I had dreamed about the Sahara as a kid.  Some of my favorite stories were tales of the 1000 Arabian Nights.  The many hours on the road getting there gave me time to create a lot of images in my mind.  I won't lie when I say that I didn't get goose bumps when the driver finally pointed to the horizon to show the faint and far away pink dunes rising above the desert plain.  They looked like mountains but weren't the same..... yes, they were mountains, just of sand. The color wasn't quite right.  They were a desert rose color.  They seemed unreal and mystical.  My heart beat a bit faster as we got nearer. It was incredibly romantic, but not in the typical ways, rather, more like the notions that I remembered reading those stories of far away Arabian places.  I let my mind conjure of visions of high adventure and mystical caravans.                                                                          

                                                                        

                                                                        Arrival

I got out of the van, it wasn't hot, but cool.  Winter in the desert is beautiful.  It felt wonderful too. The sun was out, casting an amazing array of light and shadows across the dunes.  It was that time of day when things were settling down, the calm before sunset. There wasn't any noise.....it was so quiet and  so vast.... really peaceful.

Caravan

We met our camels quickly.  Mine was named Bob Marley, which made me laugh!  What interesting creatures they are.  Getting up on and down on one is an adventure all by itself.  After only a few minutes it became so clear that these animals were designed for the desert.  No other animal seemed to make sense being out there.  They are perfectly designed to seamlessly navigate the shifting sands of the Sahara.  (I was sore in places I hadn't been before.....)

The desert is constantly changing.  You have new perspectives every 5 minutes.  The color of the sand seemed to shift as well.   The caravan lines of the camels seemed completely right....there is no other way to travel those dunes.  The slow plodding of each camel's step made ground quickly.  Within a few minutes civilization was nowhere to be found and I had no idea of direction.  I was fascinated by the shapes of the sand, the way the sunlight played off of the landscape.  There was no wind and it was very peaceful.

It was that perfect time of day, when the sun decided to make its own movie by reflecting the picture perfect silhouettes of the caravan against the desert itself -- as if it each dune was it's own projection movie screen.....casting light and shadow whenever it wanted to telling its own story.

It wasn't difficult at all to imagine age old caravans crossing thousands of miles of desert to connect humans to other humans, carrying small samples of their respective cultures in their wares, their food, their language and beliefs.   

This quickly became a place where I didn't want to be a tourist any more....no, I wanted to be local suddenly, with the ability to speak Arabic, talk to camels and know the ways of the desert.  I wanted to shed my skin and go native, like I tried to do in every country I lived in. 

Sunset

We stopped, and walked to the top of a dune.  We sat in the cooling sand watched the sunset which was gorgeous.  The dark orange red sun blazing as it descended out of sight cast a warm glow across the sky.  The Berber camel guides lit a small dry bush on fire and it glowed like a desert lantern.

 “What draws us into the desert is the search for something intimate in the remote.”

Deserts almost devoid of water and life.  In the scriptures, many passages speak of literal deserts and wildernesses, but desert images are also often employed as an opportunity to reflect on our relationship to God.  Our deserts can be literal or metaphorical, but in the Bible we learn they can be the very places where God finally finds us and calls us back to life in him.

“The desert does not mean the absence of men, it means the presence of God”. 

- Carlo Carretto

I came to realize deserts are special places....places that we must travel in order to find ourselves and often, God.  We all have deserts inside of us.  I started to realize the times in my life where there had been spiritual droughts.  Times when I wasn't aligned, questioned my beliefs and even strayed from things I knew were true.  It hit me that these were my desert journeys.  Often they seem isolated and alone.  But they almost always have been temporary, at least for me.  They were like proving grounds, requiring a bit of personal desolation and sacrifice in order to find something clearer on the other side.  They have been bridges linking not knowing to knowing,... from confusion to confidence..... from hurt to healing, from sin to sanctity, and from misery to mercy.  

Haven't you been through your own desert?  

Here are a few who have....

•  "And the child continued to grow and to become strong in spirit, and he lived in the deserts until the day of his public appearance to Israel." Luke 1:80

• "Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil." Matthew 4:1

• "Then John the Baptist appeared in the wilderness, preaching a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins." Mark 1:4

The deserts of our lives are undoubtedly troubling places of both temptation and doubt, but they can also be the occasion for deep spiritual renewal.

"What makes the desert beautiful is that somewhere it hides a well." - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

I cam to love the Sahara for all of the normal reasons anyone would, amazed by it physical magnificence and majesty, which I expected.

However I left loving the Sahara for all the unconventional reasons anyone would, amazed by its spiritual magnificence and majesty, which I didn't expect.

I have experienced the other end of the wilderness...I have found that well the Little Prince talked about.  And yet, I know that I am not through with my desert sojourns.... more are coming, I know, because I am human and full of faults, but I welcome them more now as I have a deeper appreciation for why I must pass through them.

May your desert journeys be as amazing as mine....