I braced myself for an array politically and socially charged themes to stir me up emotionally. It happened, I did get stirred up emotionally--big time! My heart was affected, but not my views on politics or social issues. I was so pleasantly surprised to experience the movie purely.....as someone fairly ignorant of the mental illness continuum. Someone who hasn't spent enough time thinking about how immense mental illness truly is. The lyrics of the first song choked me up quickly. I must have been ready to just let the performances seep into me without filtering too much. It made all the difference. I can't imagine anyone being able to perform and sing the way Ben did. His range is ridiculous but to also sing while acting in character was very special.
I was blown away by the performances. The songs were so knowingly written and were delivered perfectly. I found myself empathetic to all the characters. They made it easy to soar and then to also feel the terrible dread in the pit of my stomach knowing that the fall would come.... I just didn't know how hard the fall would be. I almost turned my head thinking of the horrible implications of his lying narrative being exposed to so many people. I didn't think he would could recover. But he did. That was one of the great lessons for me:
Never quit! When it feels like you are at the bottom of a bottomless pit of despair and there isn't even a sliver of light, grit your teeth, take it all in and stand up......Do not quit. It was a miracle that he didn't take his life.
"I am left with a loneliness so overpowering it threatens to seep from my eyes. I have no one."
I know I have felt alone at times in my life. I am sure you have too. I have felt lonely as well. I cannot say I have felt the pervasive feeling of loneliness that must accompany those that live with the permanence of mental illness. Debilitating isn't even the right word.... like the song says: "Words fail, words fail..." How does one start to explain their plight and suffering? It's not possible. And yet, there is a spark in everyone, in every soul in every heart. Maybe it can't always be found in this life, but the eventuality of Christ being able to heal every single instance on the never ending continuum of mental illness is something I do believe in. I don't understand how it happens, but I believe He is the source of all light and that light beckons all of us to him one way or another. We may not know his name, or we might call his name something else, but it all comes back to Him.
"Even if you never get around to doing some remarkable thing, that doesn't mean that you're not worth remembering."
The movie underscored how important each of us are, just as we are. That we are worth every drop of our Savior's atoning blood. Whether or not we believe it, He always will. I have to take comfort in that and with each passing year realize that the eternal worth of every soul is of paramount interest to Christ and God. In fact, it is their only focus and mission.
These troubling times are putting an enormous strain on everyone everywhere. We are all probably at some peril on the mental illness continuum. Love, light, tolerance, acceptance, deeper empathy and understanding are the only things that will get us through.
Thank you Evan Hansen, for showing me what the struggle is really like for so many...
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