Advice for Life.....for Free

I will never forget the first time I heard a most unusual and unique Pop hit called:

EVERBODY'S FREE (TO WEAR SUNSCREEN) 12/06/1999

I was in my car when I first heard it and found it so catchy. I had no idea who the artist was and like every other time I have heard a great song on the radio, the DJ's didn't announce the name at the end! (Ever happen to you?--drives me nuts!!) I remember how distinctively some of the words and concepts in the song immediately felt "right on" to me. I found myself trying really hard to listen intently while trying not to get in a wreck at the same time. It was hard...

When I finally found out it was Baz Luhrman I was thrown for a loop. I only knew him from his first movie "Strictly Ballroom" which is one of my favorites. (*Highly recommended)

So, hearing a tune by him was odd and out of place, but yet at the same time, it wasn't as he is such a versatile and creative individual. In fact, I am not sure if he ever released any other record since, although he is extremely musical and weaves it into all of his work. (Moulin Rouge was incredibly interesting and his noveau modern interpretation of Romeo+Juliet was another eccentric brilliant piece *Not for all).

I am not sure what hit me today that reminded me of this most interesting little record, but as I pulled it out of the "cold storage" for the first time in many many years I was hit by how much of it still resounded in my bones.

There are nuggets of truth here, at least for me and I see lots of application in my life. In fact, I found myself mentally highlighting particular words and/or phrases that have meaning for me. In ended up doing so in RED. Ironically, I must admit that I have actually taken and pondered much of his advice, which he openly acknowledges as "worthless", which is probably why I listened a bit more carefully from the onset.

I encourage you to click on the link above and see the video for yourself. I have posted the words below. I may elaborate on some highlighted sections over time. Some now and some later..... Still need to think about that.

I hope you enjoy as much as I have and if you don't, maybe it will still make you think and do a self check on your own life.....are you close or far? Noone says you have to be one or the other, but for me, I want to be "close", so I keep checking in on myself to see if I am still dancing.......no matter where I am.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’97Wear Sunscreen

 

"If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh never mind, you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now, how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked, you are not as fat as you imagine.

 

Don’t worry about the future, or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

 

Sing

 

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don’t waste your time on jealousy, sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind, the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults, if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life, the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

 

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t, Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, Maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary What ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.

 Enjoy your body, use it every way you can, don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Brother and sister together we'll make it through. Someday a spirit will take you and guide you there. I know you've been hurtin', but I've been waitin' to be there for you. And I'll be there just helping you out whenever I can.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings, they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard, Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel....

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

 Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, Maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

........But trust me on the sunscreen

Finishing Positions

Accidentally came across this on FB today... on my brother's page...... It is my Mom, in her teens doing hula. The skirt was made from soft rope sent her by her brother Milo from the Philippines while he was in the service. If I haven't mentioned it before, Mom was a professional dancer and teacher. She taught dance to hundreds of people all throughout the world all different styles of dance. My love of dance came from her love and passion for dance....

She put on more shows than you can count.  She loved the idea of performance -- not to show off, or to please her ego of the "guru" teacher, rather it was to show beauty.  She knew that her students wouldn't understand this lesson unless they performed.  Performance was to build their confidence to do something new and to take that beauty into their lives.  To create something beautiful and to share it with others. She understood that but probably never articulated it that way.....it was always built in to the dance itself.  The audience was also a benefactor by receiving that gift of performance.  To be inspired, to cause emotion, to feel the spirit....

So, me, being the audience of this photo, was completely caught off guard and wasn't prepared to receive the emotional wave of "saudade" that came over me. I had never in my life seen this picture of her before... How can one single perfect stance cause such a stir in my soul?

I was struck by her youthfulness and commitment to her craft. I always knew she loved Dance, but I never understood how much she loved "to" dance..... I knew it, but I realized I never saw her actually dance, other than with Dad informally.  So, it was always Mom the dance "teacher" never the "performer". This simple and oh so elegant photo is exquisite to me.

She always talked about the "details" of dance....like how the arms, hands and fingers were supposed to be positioned. She was a great believer in "follow through" with every dance step or motion. She was all about the total finished and polished ends of dance, not just the steps in between that got you through the dance. I can't remember how many times she would talk and teach these "finishing" principles to her students...(which more often included her kids than others...) 

Mom was not a great orator, speaker or communicator. Expressive, creative and enthusiastic..? Oh yes... but she struggled for the words at times off the dance floor.  The principles were the same regardless...she always taught us about doing the "basics" in life....like cleaning our rooms, dressing with clean clothes, brushing our teach, wearing good shoes, and "finishing" what we started..... she loved and respected people who "followed through". She wanted her kids to live their best lives.

It is so ironic that only now, as I see this photo that I realize that what she taught in Dance class was what she taught us in life.  She wanted us to "end well" not just get through, but to do the basic things that would help us be successful later, to reach our full potential....or in other words to "finish" life's dance with the right positions. She knew that if we could get the basics down pat, then the little nuances of a finger position, a crook of the neck etc... would complete the dance and bring the full performance to perfection.... which I am sure she hoped would be mirrored in our lives.


So, what caught my eye dramatically when I saw this picture? ........It was the absolutely perfect right arm position. The elbow turned so gracefully with a completely "finished" right hand and finger position.....So beautiful and simple it gave me chills.

...She actually "KNEW" what she was talking about... she knew it because she felt it inside and made it apart of her. She never danced sloppily or lazily.....and she didn't want me living my life any differently.... To think she knew this at such a very young age was special. It took my breath away to see her arm, hand and fingers this way for the very first time in my life, only now....ironically,  so many years after she is gone.

I realized in this moment, that I thought Mom was teaching the world to dance, but I realize now that she was teaching us all how to live.

With tears streaming down my face I find myself wanting to let her know that now I know what she meant....... about finishing, ......about doing the basic little details that will ultimately complete the dance of life she had given me. I feel that I now have to reflect on my life and see if I am finishing in a way that she would be pleased with and following through will all the "steps" she taught me...... She left a legacy of her life that far surpassed her greatest performance on stage. She was a consumate artist, but she knew in the end, what was most important were finishing life's and God's steps and movements..... She "finished" her life's dance in perfect dance position and that has made all the difference to me.....

......Mom, I never missed you more than right now.

What a Cat actually taught me

Something happened yesterday that is a first for our family. We had noticed that Blossom, our cat of 8 years wasn't around after a day and night. This is very unusual for her. She was a very curious cat, but only within a 10 foot circle.....meaning, she was very cautious and never roamed the streets or neighborhood like other cats. She was very afraid of other cats and usually did not fare well in spats. We often found ourselves "saving" her at night when others would wander into her space. We always vehemently tried to shoo the others away to protect Blossom. She was one of the more friendly and socialble felines I have known. She loved being part of the family. Often we would go on walks and she would come thinking she was part of the pack. She didn't like to be alone and was gracious with her time by taking turns with all the kids, sleeping on their beds for a portion of the night. Early on she would do more biting and scratching, but she finally grew out of that. She was naturally restless during winters, being cooped up inside and would race around the house to rid herself of nervous idle energy. The kids adored her. I was the most aloof. I didn't ever have a pet, other than birds that for the most part weren't emotionally connected to me very much.



Having grown up overseas, I was trained in my youth to pick up a rock when I saw a dog or a cat.....as they were usually living in the streets, often diseased and rabid and not looking for a nice "pupppy" moment, rather their next meal! I never developed a feeling of empathy or love for an animal in particular. Most of the time I remember being afraid of dogs and just not liking cats. I wasn't Blossom's best friend.... I didn't cuddle with her or pet her very much. My allergies didn't help engender any affection either..... I would occasionally pet her when noone was looking in order to maintain the reputation of being the "big bad Dad who didn't like her". Some of that was true, but not all..... I didn't know how much until she was gone.




So after 2 days we started to worry and put up signs. We called the pound and then we went looking. The dread feeling in the pit of the stomach began to form and Chelta and I braced ourselves for the worst. Yesterday afternnoon the kids found her not too far from home silent in the street after being hit by a car. They came back home crying with shock and were unconsolable in their grief as they told us. We hugged them fiercely and let them cry. Some caring neighbors helped us retrieve Blossom's body and we placed her in a towel and we buried her in our yard. There was a special spot under some trees. We said a prayer of thanks and wished her well on her next journey..... They kids were very cute and made some creative heastones which are now placed on her resting spot. A very fitting restspot.

What I wasn't prepared for at all was the pang of loss that I felt. It was clear to me that I was "involved" and did feel something after all. It was actually kind of encouraging for me to know that I wasn't completely devoid of all feeling even though I invested so little. Part of it was empathy for the kids, but there was definitely a hollower spot inside me.... I have come to the realization that I only have Blossom to blame for this...it is her fault that I actually did come to admire her and her ways with people. I am thankful for that "pang" of hurt, of loss.

It reminded me that although I may not like everyone in this world, I can't really completely divorce myself from all feeling or total lack of association. Even fools have their bright spots.... they even have Mom's that love them! I am not sure if I would have drawn this conclusion had she stayed... I never reflected on what a cat might be teaching me!!! Heavens..... I would never spend time on that..... but in her absence, I found myself digging down deep and feeling these nuggets of sorrow and she ended up teaching me something valuable about my relationships with others....especially those that may not be in my personal "hall of fame" but that I must love regardless..... and look for those things that are positive and enlightening, even if I have to look deep to find them. Blossom, you crafty ol cat... you have earned my respect and love after all..... touche! Happy journeys.....ate a proxima visita.

Birthday Memories

Just had my birthday and got this card....from "Paco". It was hilarious and I loved it. Not only does one benefit from the visual image of Paco dancing, inviting others to join him in the dance of life, but one can also become mesmerized by the sparkles from the actual blue glitter found on the card when in the right light angles!! Wow what a bonus.

Is there a lesson here? Oh absolutely yes, my friend there is..... I have a friend that so reveres me that they would go out of their way to sift through thousands of useless, meaningless Hallmark cards and come up with this gem! Hah! Do you have such a friend?  Makes one think doesn't it.....? I certainly hope you do.. I am lucky I do.

So, yes, today, I will join Paco in his celebration of dance and life...........I just won't wear the frickin' tights

Thanks friend

It's the Little Things that Count......

I came home the other day from a meeting and there was a big yellow 8x10 sheet of paper taped to the front of the gargage....It said:

"Hi Dad, we are playing in the back yard...

so don't worry when you go in"

I am not sure why, but I stopped and smiled...I examined the poster more closely, I could tell by the detail and the balloon letters that they had taken some time to do it "nice"...it wasn't a hurried note. Of course it was my two girls that did it. But more importantly, I loved the way it made me feel inside. That they took the time to concern themselves with what I might feel coming into an empty house and maybe worrying about them.... What amazing Emotional Intelligence kids have. 

 What is it about adults sometimes that makes us regress or lose our ability to just be in the moment...everything gets "scripted" and we live out these stupid roles and we forget or just don't do the little notes that go such a long way to making one feel cared for and concerned with... I know many of us do those things...but it was a beautiful and simple reminder to me that a few key words can put a smile on the face, change a heart for the better and bring peace to a Dad. 

Yes, I didn't even go check on them....I wanted to honor their note and although they didn't have to do it, it made all the difference for me......

I wonder if God leaves us notes all over, trying to get us to notice His hand in our lives....Simple "notes" posted here and there, with simple words that when found and read make all the difference with just a little attention from us. If He feels anything like I felt then His heart would be full of joy and peace. I hope I don't miss too many of His yellow notes....

Life's Monkey Bars

I went on a spur of the moment bike ride with my two youngest today; Braden (10) and Alexa (8) and we decided to bike over at their former elementary school. We had a fun time playing follow the leader and chasing each other all around the playground and parking lot. Then when it was time to go, Alexa said "Just a minute Dad, I have to go do something". I wondered what that might be. She sped off to get on with it with deliberate urgency.

I came around the corner and saw her scaling across the monkey bars hand over hand. She made it across and said at the end with great gusto "I did it!!" Having seen her scale many monkey bars before I wondered what was different about these. I asked her. She said that she had never been able to do it here before she transferred schools. I understood. She had tried and tried and tried to cross while there, but never could. In that moment my heart did a little jump for joy, for her.

This had been on her mind for almost 2 years and she was intent on not leaving any unfinished business. She was going to get her goal and she did. I was so impressed with her sense of wanting to accomplish that, the urgency she felt and desire to fill a gap and not delay further.

It was such a brief and small moment, but it left a lasting impression on me.

What gaps have I not closed? What have I left undone?  Do I have what it takes to create the urgency sufficient to "finish" the things that are still undone in my life, now.. not later? As I reflected more on this I found that that there were a number of things in my life that I had not taken care of yet or “finished”.  There were relationships not yet mended… goals not achieved…. mistakes not corrected….sins not repented of completely…... Do I have what it takes to create the urgency sufficient to "finish" the things that are still undone in my life, now... not later?

As I have reflected on this my mind turned to the scriptures. There are many great examples and stories of others who also experienced their own reflective moments on this topic. The apostle Paul wrote in 2 Timothy 4:7:

"I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith"

Then, the best example of all, Jesus found himself near the end of his course, he was in the Garden of Gethsemane and offered the most sublime intecessory prayer as he atoned for the sins of the world.  In John 17:4 he said:

 I have glorified thee on the earth: I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do.

Then, the final closing remark of his life was in John 19:30.  He was the ultimate "finisher".....

 "When Jesus therefore had received the vinegar, he said, It is finished: and he bowed his head, and gave up the ghost."

We all have our own fight, our own course and our own faith to find and finish.  I have often found myself wanting to skip to the end, look for shortcuts, or wander off on seemingly interesting side roads that can be distracting to my real purpose and path.....

At the end of the day, there is no question what I need to do.  I have been given a clear line of sight.  I know this inside of myself.  I feel as if Heaven has confirmed it.  I have to follow Alexa's example, even if I missed somethings here and there along the way, I am reminded by all the examples above that I can still "finish" no matter how many times I fall when trying to cross the monkey bars of my particular life.......

Until then, thanks Lexi, for a beautiful small moment and your example of finishing what you started.