The Mighty Oak

I was browsing FB tonight and came across a post from a friend from high school in Brazil.  Let's call her Mary....

I had been following a series of recent posts from her which all came from a hospital room.  It started with some acute pain on Day 1 and then quickly led to an urgent all of a sudden kidney removal surgery a few days later.  The surgery was successful.  She is recuperating well..... Really well.  That is what caught my eye.

Do you ever just "watch" certain people? (I am totally aware of the creeper alert I just triggered in every reader....please walk with me in a different place I plead....)

There are some you just scan for fun sakes, others you track for interest sakes and then there might be those few that you observe over time to see if they are really that "good".  These are they who seem to never have drama, suffering or adversity like the rest of us have.....They seem to be so positive, so full of cheer--they have managed to find a way to see life through a different lens than so many others.  

Mary lives in that space......I have  have paid particular attention to Mary over the years.  We were good friends in high school.  She was so friendly, really smart.  No guile.....what you saw was what she was--no airs, no ego....simple, straight, and slightly just outside the mainstream social circles.... but she wouldn't "change" or pretend in order to be somewhere else, she made her place there.... where she was.  

I liked that place....

It was refuge from the "brat pack." From the tiresome places where coolness seemed to matter a bit too much.  It was a place that invited your true self... so comfortable.  No fear, no judging, no risk, no intimidation, no comparing......just you could show up and it was very nice.... 

She helped me with homework....alot!  She was so patient...I remember the smile with braces.  I still remember sitting next to her in Science and History.

She didn't alway get picked first for softball......or dances.  If that ever mattered to her, you wouldn't have known it.  Pretty amazing for high school.  No drama, no whining, no playing hurtful games.

Mary moved on, like we all did.... some new country, new school, new culture.....new friends.

She landed in CA where her folks were from.... went to school, got married...started having kids.  She was always excellent in her work.  So dedicated, so loyal.....  

I visited her twice there in CA many years later.... got to know her family.... and her horses.  I never knew about horses in Brazil.... but they have been a central part of her life.  She LOVES animals....horses are particularly near and dear.  I remember walking out to her corral after dinner and just watched her talk and interact with her horse.... I remember smiling at the symbiotic relationship... I could tell there was a lot going on between them.... I didn't understand it.  But I could tell somethings special was there.....all I remember is that it made me happy inside.  I felt content.... for her.  I remember thinking....Wow!  She deserves all this happiness.

The days and seasons passed.... life happened.  Next thing I knew she was going to Al Anon meetings because of her aloholic father and siblings.  I learned of the truly ugly things that she had endured over the years... oh my!  I was almost embarrassed for not knowing... but of course that was dumb, because we really weren't that close and I realized I didn't deserve to know those things....I hadn't really invested that much... it made me wonder about that though....

...But, then there was the slow methodical and horrific demoralizing and physically abusing suffering she experienced from an alcoholic husband.  I will just say that 911 was called too often.

Somehow she persevered through years of this....meanwhile never missing a soccer game, a surfing lesson or a horse show.   

Finally.....the last 911 call was made... by her 10 year old son, while Dad slammed his mom's hand in the car door and wouldn't let it go.

They aren't together anymore.... when presented a choice of having him go to jail or therapy, she chose the latter... the effervescent spring of hope that somehow he hadn't killed played out in hopeful attempt to "help him" despite what he had done.  It didn't work.... he still hasn't accepted any responsibility for his actions and demonizes her as spiteful, selfish and despicable for keeping him from his kids.

Because she chose to stand for something, she alienated her entire family.  Alcoholism is an abomination..... Because she called him out, they all felt the guilt and associated that call out to each one of them... they couldn't take it.  They sided with him.

Her Dad was ill, he passed away.... they barred her from attending the funeral.  They had a memorial service as well....they finally allowed her to come to that, but only after ponying up $700 to contribute to the open bar.... the irony makes me sick to my stomach.  She couldn't sit at their table..... That was this past Spring.... in the fall she had hernia surgery.... just now she finds out her kidney needs to come out and they were wondering about cancer....

She has 30 minutes to make a decision... she goes under not knowing what she will wake up to.

She does...all goes well.  No cancer.  You read her posts and you think she was having a grand ol' time in the hospital.  It has been two weeks.  She keeps taking pictures of how beautiful it is outside and that she "only" has to stay 2 more days.  

Tonight, something hits me inside when I read her post and I immediately ask Siri to call her hospital. I need to tell her how amazing she is, right now! The phone rings.....she answers.  I hear the familiar voice.....feels so good to talk.  She goes through the details... she adds a bit more about kids and family....... I try and put myself in her shoes.... I can't.   I feel some emotion well up as she calmly talks about her job ending in a month but knowing that God will help her find something.  She talks about each of her 3 kids.  She feels horrible about missing one of their little singing things....I can tell that this is like her first miss ever.  I try and soothe her by saying this and that......

I don't want to talk long, so I find the words and I tell her what a bright light she is in this world.  I tell her that I know her adversity is God's refining fire.  I praise her for her incredible positivity and the example she is, at least to me.  That she is so strong and what an amazing mother she is. I tell her I will continue to pray and send my best thoughts her way.  She thanks me.  She says she hopes she is like a great oak tree that has been made strong by being blown by the winds of life...  yeah....no doubt.

For just a few minutes I was in that place again... that familiar place where time doesn't care how many minutes have passed.  That place that I could just be me and say me things.  

She was....after all of this..... still there, in her place.

Yes... I think I will continue to watch this oak tree go through its seasons..... Yes... I think this is a good place to watch...

                           If only I could be as mighty an Oak....