A Walk To Remember...

This is Rob...  he is a walker, he is a thinker, he is a feeler, he is a dreamer......he is my brother....

He feels everything....if he could, he would rather be in the mountains, in nature expressing everything inside...  He would sing praise to Heaven for all living things... for all creations. His heart is big enough to fill the whole world, he can't always say everything he feels...but sometimes he tries and it is amazing to watch his face... it gets big, it gets smiley, it gets happy...especially when his arms and hands get involved.

In a parallel universe, he lives in Zion national park.....with bare feet.  That is his Heaven on Earth, his happy place....(ok, a good find at the DI might be a close second.)

I first knew him more as a metaphor than anything else. To an 8 year old he was simply: "The Oldest".  He was 10 years older than me. He was first of six.... It had to be that way,  thank goodness. We all needed him to fill that role and he did, and still does.  Then, he was more like a "figure" then a real person......that changed......

THE WALK:
He became more real to me when one day we were in Jakarta, Indonesia and we had to catch a becak

(Betch-ahk: A tricycle version of a taxi...cheaper and way more fun) in order to get home from wherever we were.  He bargained for the right price. There were 4 of us, 3 could fit....so we got in and he decided to walk behind all the way home.... I was 8... I was like "Woah...can he really do that?" I was afraid for him, worried that  he would get left behind.... So, every few minutes I remember glancing back to see if he could keep up, if he would be there. Every time I looked I could still see him...there he was...not close, but there...never really gaining ground, but always there, within sight.  I didn't know how he did it... but all the way home I kept throwing furtive glances back to see if he was still there, no matter how many corners we turned....he was always there.   Oh yeah....one more little detail... he did it in sandals, not a big deal, but it was for a reason I didn't understand then, but would later....   That experience told me something about him... 

I didn't know why, but my little brain didn't forget and my little heart wondered....why was that walk so important...?

THE WATER: 
Next, I remember being excited that he was going to baptize me when I turned 8.  It was a little font in front of a little building we rented to go to church in Jakarta.  It was a great day....it was quick, simple and incredible....  I felt differently that day....special.  I won't forget it... my second major memory of "The Oldest."

MY FIRST WALK:
Before I knew it, he was gone, serving his mission in the country we lived in.  One night Dad wondered how we all felt about his being on a mission.  He had this great idea, why not ask each one of us to share how we felt. I had never done that before, so when it was my turn, I had my turn to walk.... those few feet to the front of the room....might has well as been a mile..... but I did it....I turned, faced my family and searched quickly for Rob inside.  What did I feel?  What did it mean for him to be out doing that work?  

I can't quite describe what happened to me during those few moments I searched, but I couldn't speak, my whole body filled with emotion in a way that kept me from forming words... it was very powerful, I was embarrassed...but I knew something important happened.  His being out there, doing what he was doing caused those emotions inside myself, even though I had no idea they were there, waiting to be triggered.  I just knew he was doing some important and I knew Heaven wanted me to know that by the way I was feeling.  That single experience has defined much of my spiritual personality throughout my life...  My little walk that day was because of the missionary 'walk' my brother chose to take...my third major memory of "The Oldest".

I didn't know why, but my little brain didn't forget and my little heart wondered......Why was that so important?

WALKING TOGETHER:
Later, I find myself on a camp out with my other brothers... something "The Oldest" has, of course, orchestrated.  He would do that.....He rounds us up and we find ourselves in southern Utah mountains and canyons. There, he shares with us, in his own knowing way, why native American Indians must have worshiped nature... he revels and radiates in the natural surroundings he finds himself in... I don't completely understand for myself...but I get it. This is his thing...his place....yes, this is his church.... He easily finds God here.  He loves hiking, but that isn't his focus....No, he wants us to talk about "love".  "What does love really mean?" he asks us?  "Why is it so important?" He beckons the best from us, even when we just want to eat s'mores, he wants to delve into the deep mysteries of God and heaven....he wants to swim in its' deep waters and soak it all in. He is nature's spiritual sponge....

I watch and my little brain remembers....and my little heart wonders..... There is something important here... I am not quite sure what it is, but boy am I glad I came....yes...this is number 4.

MORE WATER:
He became extremely real, when.....back then, when there was darkness all around me, his hand was there... just within reach....one of the only ones.  He waits for me to take it and when I do, it is sure and sound.  He guides me to more light.  He sees things in me I don't.  That is what he wants for me... to be my best self....... Suddenly, there is a familiar rush of water....followed by more light...

My little brain hasn't forgotten, my little heart is continues to wonder.... something very important happened there.... I do know what it is this time....it has become clear.

Walking and water have woven themselves into the tapestry of his life... Like patterns....
patterns to learn from, patterns to live by. 

There is another.... Someone else I first knew as a metaphor.  To me, he was simply: "The Oldest".  He was older than me.  He was the first of all of us....It had to be that way, thank goodness.  We all needed him to fill that role, he did...and still does.  Then, he was more like a 'figure' to me then a real person...that changed....Rob made sure of that.

These two "Oldest's".....they resemble each other. They have familiar patterns.   They both spent time walking....in sandals..  They both are familiar with water....In fact, in one very special moment, One of them even walked on water, to teach a similar message....one about love.

I will never forget that solitary walk behind the becak....  it is a walk to remember, a most generous gift it was to me to help me pattern my life after my "Oldest" brother in life and my "Oldest" brother in Heaven.  

My tiny brain will always remember....my little heart will always wonder.....

Thank you for always being just within sight every time I look back for you....