Summer Afternoon

Do you find yourself ever passing something, then on second thought stopping and exploring a bit further. I was driving, saw this place, something said "stop!" so I did. It didn't say anything else, but I felt I should "browse" a bit and have myself a familiar "self-walk about."

Being alone with my own thoughts for any period of focused time can be very dangerous, but on this occasion I took the risk. It was such a pleasant and relaxing environment . I found myself thinking about how places like this can cause some many emotions within. There have been numerous occasions where I find a ......."place"...... and there is something about these places in and of themselves that forms a solid memory of emotion inside. It first causes an emotion, then quickly leads to reflection of what the feelings might mean and almost always they lead the mind to wander aimlessly and although only for a few brief moments....it almost always seems like forever, as if time stops.... maybe you know what I mean.

I am not always sure when this will happen, but I always know when it does. It is often most unexpected as in this case. I love that these "postcard" moments can be so moving and convincing..... of deep down spiritual wonderment. To me these moments make up the ultimate slideshow of my life. I can hear the music as each slide transitions to the next.....a long sequence of lifelong moments that truly show the real me... My "Youtube" video that I take with me and keep adding to. No......World hunger wasn't solved, no war's ended and no shattering revelations revealed, but rather a moment to pause and remember who I am. I thrive in these moments!

Birthday Memories

Just had my birthday and got this card....from "Paco". It was hilarious and I loved it. Not only does one benefit from the visual image of Paco dancing, inviting others to join him in the dance of life, but one can also become mesmerized by the sparkles from the actual blue glitter found on the card when in the right light angles!! Wow what a bonus.

Is there a lesson here? Oh absolutely yes, my friend there is..... I have friend that so reveres me that they would go out of their way to sift through thousands of useless, meaningless Hallmark cards and come up with this gem! Hah! Do you have such a friend? Makes one think doesn't it.....? I certainly hope you do.. I am lucky I do......

So, I will join Paco in his celebration of dance and life...........I just won't wear the frickin' tights

Leadership by "Me"

I was at my first Information Technology Conference recently and there was a great keynote speaker Dr. Jackie Freiberg who had some cool spin on Leadership.

I took a picture with my phone of one of the slides that was shown which provoked a lot of thought. Her burning platform is that we "choose" to be leaders, vs. waiting to be assigned that role.

The idea that we are essentiually "designed" to choose is so powerful. I love this notion and I think it goes beyond the work roles we lead within the 4 walls of a work cubicle (...ok mine only has 3...but who is counting?) but has implications and applications in all our roles of life: Husband, Mother, Brother, Teacher, Son, Father, Individual Contributor.....and yes...even those of Twitterer, Texter and Social Networker Extraordinaire.....

If my DNA is designed to be free to choose......then for sure I am completely and ultimately "Defined" by my choices. I am built to stand up and choose.....It is up to me. Although this isn't a new principle, I responded to the strength and emotionality of the "slogan". Sometimes in the work place we "wait" to be "acted upon" instead of "acting". We seem to always want someone to tell us what to do. We want all the expectations and rules to be explained to us....Often they are elusive and not clear...So what do we do in those situations...Blame our boss?, point at the lack of organizational maturity? Sit back and mire ourselves in non helpful rhetoric?? Yes..often we all do this.. We hide behind the excuse that the mission isn't clear, the objectives unknown and the vision blurry. Leaders set the vision, even if that means on our own without any supervision at all. We can choose to define our path, make sense where there is none and march forward. We just have to want to...

I admire people who do this..Not just "mavericks" that throw caution to the wind, but rather Innovative thinkers that decide to reach out beyond their "cubicle" thinking and build bridges between departments and people that wouldn't normally have anything to do with each other. They become "catalysts" or "enzymes" for change. They find ways to replace"Yeah, but!" with "Why Not?" They transform sideways like wildfire....they don't wait for the "top down" approach and the out of reach promise of "alignment".

Someone wise early in my career said "Aaron, rather than worrying about roles and positions, just "find a need and fill it".... I have integrated this as my slogan for my career. It has helped guide me immensely to create new opportunities vs. waiting for them to "magically " appear. I have found that by caring less about position, title and level, and more about needs, delivering value and building relationships that I have had so many doors open to me that have enriched my life, introduced me to new people and ironically enough.....money has never been an issue as a result....it always just followed nicely behind that mantra.

Dance, Love, Sing.....Live

Brice Royer from TCK posted something today about what one would do if they found out they only had 6 months to live. I like walking through these types of exercises because it helps me do something my Father always taught me.... to not only "see" ahead how things might be....but to "feel" ahead as well...

What quickly started out as a list of things "I" wanted to do.....turned quickly into a list of "People" I would want to see and spend time with. Sure, I would love to finally write enough songs and record that "one" CD, and see Italy and Spain, and go to Wimbledon or the US Open, watch Ronaldinho play "ao vivo", and dance! Nothing wrong with that right?

But, in the end, it would come down to people for me. I would spend 2 weeks making lists of names of everyone....everyone in my life that I could recall, and then spend all of my money, resources and time tracking them down and telling them I loved them and how special they are to me...... the more I think about it....it is the only thing I could do without leaving with regrets...

Yes...without question I would trade a peek at Michelangelo's David for a 1/2 hour walk with my daughter........ and......... along the way, I would ask forgiveness of a few as well....

........What would you do?..... I am curious

A Room with a View...

I spent a good deal of time on my roof the past week reshingling...because the pitch is so steep I often had to pause and rest. During these mini-breaks I found myself canvassing the entire neighborhood from a totally different vantage point. I loved the "birdseye" view but the enhanced perspective even more... I could track many people and things going on at the same time, as the circle of my peripheral vision was much wider....

.....then my thoughts would take me back to my younger years in Indonesia where me and my siblings would spend all kinds of time on our roof. It was so large and unique with lots of nooks and crannies for hiding. A favorite game was Hide n Seek. My bro Roland was particularly good at this...he would dissappear on the top of a roof of all places and we literally wouldn't be able to find him. It was great fun and often I would find myself up there just to think and be alone. I loved the perspective of being hidden but up in the sky....... it was different than being in a closet or under a bed. It was a place that would elicit dreams and fantastical thinking....

So....my mini-breaks sometimes turned into major nostalgic moments... I decided then and there that the next time my wife was gone I would take my 3 youngest kids up on the roof and share with them my foreign rooftop stories! Plus I knew they would love going up there. The first time up they were giddy with fear and excitement together. They loved it! I would tell them how to walk appropriately, what to avoid and where they could "hang out" without anyone seeing them, underneath the shade of some large leafy overhangs. I would tell them my stories of hide and seek, and other adventures. The other reason they loved it is becaue their older brother doesn't know it yet! Ha! He will be so ......shocked! So I totally loved the idea of passing the baton to them, now they can have their own rooftop adventures in their own way....(and hopefully not die!)

POSTLUDE:..... God...... must have the ultimate "rooftop" view and perspective. He can see all, all at once. He is 'hidden' only in some ways, but ever watchful. He is so "high" and yet can "zoom" in on any one event or person at will.... I normally don't like the feeling of someone looking over my shoulder or the notion of being spied upon...but yet in this context.....I like it....alot!. I felt a bit of that just being 30 feet higher myself. He, being a 'bazillion' feet higher can only mean He needs to be so He can keep his circle of peripheral vision perfectly sized to see all of us.....

Quality:Time

What is QUALITY ? I remember distinctly in a college Org Behavior class when I first heard this question as it was posed to us by our professor..... in the end he said QUALITY = The CUSTOMER I remember pondering that for a long time....at first it didn't make sense to me intuitively. I always associated Quality with words like: The best, high competence, expensive, durable, reliable, excellent....

So, there are many definitions. Here is a generic one that I will use for the purpose of my post today:

Measure of excellence or state of being free from defects, deficiencies, and significant variations. or in other words: "The totality of features and characteristics of a product or service that bears its ability to satisfy stated or implied needs."

So, ultimately, only the customer can say what is or is not "Excellent"....not the producer of said service or product, even if they continuously improve that product or service again and again....it is not up to them to know, rather it is up to the "consumer" or Customer to decide if their needs are truly met or not. That is why some feel McDonalds is high quality - because they know exactly what they get every time they go. Others would disagree and relegate McD's to be on the "low" side of quality. Just as some would rate a Ferrari as extremely high quality, there are others who value reliability, do not.

The other day, I learned something about QUALITY TIME . I was at my in-laws out on their deck, which overlooks the 11th fairway of a golf course. A very peaceful and serene setting with the Red Rocks of Southern Utah as the backdrop against lush green grass and trees of the 11th hole. I was laying down on a comfy lawn recliner allowing the warmth and natural ambient noise gently waft me to a near dozing state. My son Braden came out (10) and he came over and gently moved onto the recliner with me and snuggled in. It was a wordless moment and I put my arm around him securing him in. 1/2 hour passed and we both fell into our own respective dream states and slept. When one of us stirred, it woke the other and as silently as he slipped in, he snuck out and went on his way. No words were spoken, yet I felt incredibly fulfilled and satisfied and my sense was that he did too.

That small experience told me that "The totality of features and characteristics of a product or service that bears its ability to satisfy stated or implied needs" had been accomplished. I wasn't "selling" anything to him...in this case being "quality time" with kids...but rather a service was rendered unconsciously that satisfied impled needs of both of us...not just Braden.

It forced me to re-think what the world calls "quality time". Is there a difference between a spending "time" vs "quality time" with kids? Does spending 12 hours in a car going to Disneyland automatically mean you are spending "quality time" with your kids? Or, the promise of spending a "day" together that is mostly about getting "check boxes" checked off and less of any real interaction? Have you ever spent "time" doing a puzzle or game with a kid, while your mind and heart are really somewhere else? Isn't that still Quality Time?

I don't think the Parent "producer" gets to define what Quality Time is or means......the Kid "customer" does. All the planning for the best "product/service" in a parents mind for quality time will most likely fall short if it doesn't meet the stated or implied needs of the customer. How easy for me to fall into that trap of self-deception convincing myself that by spending "time" with my kids that I would automatically be "filling their needs"....

Sometimes I may get lucky, but maybe it is time for me to start surveying my customers a bit better....spending more time getting insight from Heaven on what their "implied" needs might be, and listening to those they are "stating" that I often gloss over and less about what I think they need...

ab imo pectore....

I find myself at a loss when it comes to articulating that which I am most thankful for....There are the obvious usual suspects: Family, faith, kids, house, freedom and safety etc..... Even though we should treat everyday as Christmas, I for one, typically fall short. But, I am grateful that events like Thanksgiving and Christmas gently "nudge" my soul into remembrance....This year it felt more like a "kick in the pants" so, I figured I would spend a bit of time reflecting and capturing a few special things not often found on the "Top 10" list that I am particularly grateful for:

- Each Breath.... I inherited Mom's asthma, although it took her life, I am grateful she shared some of it with me. At times....when I find myself struggling for air and breath, I find a quiet dark place to relax, focus and recover..... it is in these moments I often feel close to her and draw upon her courage to get through.

- Water....particularly of the "Hot" kind. I find water amazing -- Earth's blood. I have strong vivid memories of playing in the very warm rains of Indonesia with my younger brother. We would climb trees, play basketball and explore during great rainfalls thinking we were great adventurers impervious to the elements! The blueness of cold water and the "green glassnessness" of Lake Powell.... In the end Hot showers when cold are when I like it the most....



- Empathy.... Heinz Kohut defined empathy as:
“the capacity to think and feel oneself into the inner life of another person.”

To those who show me they understand me, I am extremely grateful......as not many do genuinely. I have found it cannot be faked, often mistaken with Sympathy and can draw people close to you, even when you only know a smidgeon about them. It has been a good friend to me both on the receiving and the delivery -- as the "Empathy Symbol" illustrates so well it is a 2 way street, can't really be done in selfishness and fosters more love for others when implemented.





- Music.... What can I say? I know people who console themselves with pets.... especially

during sad times..... For me it has always been music. Music has taken me to places that are not on "Mapquest"....Music is the Sister of Imagination... Music often ignites my imagination and then takes me on fantastical journeys. I can say I know what it is to fly, because music has given me wings. Music inspires, comforts, enobles, and has been a light in dark times. It speaks to my spirit and stirs my soul in inexplicable ways..... I love getting lost in its' spell....




- The perfect pair of jeans.... So vain..I know, but it is true. They only come around ever decade or so, maybe even a lifetime.....and you know when you have them.....because all your others ones "aren't them"..... right? You try to hang on as long as society lets' you (ahh...the holes) and the way they just make you feel.....well, it is like you can do no wrong!! My best are still folded up....
unwearable, but a man can dream right....?

“Blue jeans are the most beautiful things since the gondola.”




- Discovering paths less travelled.... no explanation needed..... Here is one of my faves .... The Gardens of Versailles, France. I got lost this day....but "found" some important things in the end. I am grateful for parents who loved getting "lost" and experiencing new things..... what wonderful doors they opened up to me. I haven't yet found a door that I didn't find "interesting".....





- The right Dance with the right Music with the right People..... well, the perfect Trifecta! (oh yeah...with the right jeans) *see previous blog post about Dancing. I am thankful that it is ok to express the joie de vivre through dance. That it is ok to do anywhere and anytime with no apologies....even if your kids call you weird. I am convinced there will be dancing in Heaven






- Spending a night with my good friend Francisco at "Chez Frankie" in Atlanta.... We have literally talked all night, slept, brunched, and resumed talking, listened to music, reminisced on old times, talked about life and the pursuit of happiness, shared secrets and our hearts..... We have done it about a 1/2 dozen times....Hallmark memories for me. (*I discovered Gibran on my first visit to Chez Frankie's in Atlanta.) I can't wait to come to his housewarming party as he intiaties his new home.





- Memories..... To me they are a lifeline, a constant reminder that I have lived and loved others...that I have mattered even as a tiny dot in a big world...that my heart was engaged, that I contributed....not only "consumed". They validate my existence and help me remember who I am.

"Mister God this is Anna".... Is it too silly to keep a childhood dream alive by hoping I can meet Anna one day? Few things have broken my heart open and turned it inside out as Anna did in this book. She was meant for another world and time.....but I am grateful for the few moments God shared her with us.....and how she spoke directly to me, I will never forget.







Chelta..... No ordinary love, from an extraordinary woman....only a few know how much she is willing to sacrifice and......only 1 knows how she can "save" someone from the depths of despair. God's consumate daughter. Beauty that takes your breath away, a spirit that will shake your soul and clarity of purpose that never wavers. She is unmovable, unquenchable and possesses a fire for life that never flickers. How I am with her I will never fully understand......

te amo ab imo pectore

"You" by Schiller feat. Colbie Caillat

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6nrPbQxIpU - hope you enjoy

I have followed Schiller for a while mostly for his ambient pop dance tunes....But came across this one late last night and it kind of captivated me in a more soulful way. (He does some great collaboration with many artists including Lisa Gerrard and others......)

Although the overall beat makes me tap to the rythm, I like the lyrics, they remind me of two things:

1. Unrequited love.....which is always interesting to me. Alot of my friends are dealing with this right now.....I guess people always will.

2. From a different perspective, it is also reminds me how I have often felt about being a TCK (Third Culture Kid) -- feeling alienated at times in my own country. The process of "repatriation" was the most difficult in my life. The one place I always thought would be "Home" .....at last, after all the years of being overseas turned out to be the most "foreign" of them all...especially Utah, home of my faith and family. So, I replace the word "YOU" in this song with any place I lived that I still long for. Mostly this would be Brazil. So, I still long for Brazil, my friends, the music, the culture, my incredible experiences there with other TCKids and friends at church and school. I have moved a few places in the US thinking that would be a way to "scratch that itch" and that has helped. But feeling completely at "home" is still elusive.......for the most part I am reconciled to the reality that I have made choices that will most likely keep me here in Utah for a long time. I am pretty ok with all that comes with those decisions.....But still down deep, from time to time, I take out a bottle of "saudade" (nostalgia) and open it up and wallow in the heady aroma of my unique past and am grateful that I still have longings...and this song captures that for me.

YOU
Turn down the silence, Inside my head Bring back the colors Were you insane?
Further from where I´ve started
Further to go Keeping my heart under control
Why do I still feel you? Feel you.... And though you´ve gone I still feel you, feel you All I need is you......All I need is to feel you, feel you
Why did you change your mind and run away? Thoughts of you by my side are starting to fade I know that you should be mine, So I wont let you go Everyday I´m trying to get close
Why do I still feel you? Feel you ......And though you've gone I still feel you, feel you.
All I need is you All I need is to feel you, feel you
Stop running all the time don´t fight the feeling inside Cause when you try to hide don´t matter where you go it´s deep in your soul

First Time in Heels....

Last Sunday I was coming down the stairs and McKenna (daughter) brushed by me on her way up....Something caught my eye and I looked back and she was wearing heels.....! The image stopped me in my tracks.... The words started out of my mouth without thinking...."hey, what do you think you are doing in those?" I said. She smiled and said "I am wearing Mom's heels". Obviously...but that wasn't what I was really asking.

Nevertheless, at the moment my mind was confused....ok, she was now 12 and all, but still....HEELS?? Not yet right? Isn't that more like 15 - 16?? Geez!

She proceeded to clunk up the stairs. I meandered down and kept getting ready for church, but the image wouldn't leave me and something was bothering me......

So what was I asking her? I think what I was really asking was "Hey, what do you think you are doing being all grown up enough to wear heels already." All of a sudden, here I was in one of those surreal moments, those "rites of passage" that we all go through. I didn't know there was one for "First time in Heels" but this experience definitely qualified as one. A few minutes later I walked back up and found her, I asked her to turnaround so I could see all of her in this "moment" she was having.... She was smilliing, also now wearing one of Mom's jackets too.... Wow, she looked beautiful. I finally swallowed hard and smiled back at her...I said to myself "Ok Aaron, it is going to be ok......I think". She wasn't very elegant in them, but it didn't matter....it felt right in the end. It was time for McKenna to pass through that special door in her life -- leaving her childhoold in one room, while embracing young womanhood in the the next -- excited to embrace the new experiences and opportunities that would shape the next phase of her life. Amazing what a small pair of shoes can do to transform a little girl -- She would never be the same again.....and neither would I.

"Spread your wings and fly"

It's the Little Things that Count......

I came home the other day from a meeting and there was a big yellow 8x10 sheet of paper taped to the front of the gargage....It said:

"Hi Dad, we are playing in the back yard...

so don't worry when you go in"

I am not sure why, but I stopped and smiled...I examined the poster more closely, I could tell by the detail and the balloon letters that they had taken some time to do it "nice"...it wasn't a hurried note. Of course it was my two girls that did it. But more importantly, I loved the way it made me feel inside. That they took the time to concern themselves with what I might feel coming into an empty house and maybe worrying about them.... What amazing Emotional Intelligence kids have. 

 What is it about adults sometimes that makes us regress or lose our ability to just be in the moment...everything gets "scripted" and we live out these stupid roles and we forget or just don't do the little notes that go such a long way to making one feel cared for and concerned with... I know many of us do those things...but it was a beautiful and simple reminder to me that a few key words can put a smile on the face, change a heart for the better and bring peace to a Dad. 

Yes, I didn't even go check on them....I wanted to honor their note and although they didn't have to do it, it made all the difference for me......

I wonder if God leaves us notes all over, trying to get us to notice His hand in our lives....Simple "notes" posted here and there, with simple words that when found and read make all the difference with just a little attention from us. If He feels anything like I felt then His heart would be full of joy and peace. I hope I don't miss too many of His yellow notes....

Walking in NYC...

So....I find it interesting that certain big cities have their own way with me....ok, that sounds a bit weird...but it is true. In Amsterdam I ride bikes everywhere, in Paris I metro all over, see the sites, stop in at a cafe and watch people. In Munich I drive the autobahn and find a great bierhaus and make dinner last all night. In Jakarta I immerse myself in the pungent markets, bargain for curios and shop..... In Shanghai you get a car and a guide and go browse 200 tailors shops and bargain for hours until you find a complete custom suit for a $60.00 completed overnight.....ok and then stop in for a little neck and shoulder massage. In Brazil it is all about the beach, churrasco and dancing all night long.

NYC, it has always been about long timeless walks for me. Even though the first time was all about seeing the sights....I had long walks going from one to the other. There was so much to see, so many sounds it is as if the city "requires" you to be on the street.

It is January 23rd, I am standing on the sidelines, getting my bearings, setting the grit in my jaw, gauging the pace of the never ending stream of people and calculating the right first step.........I slip into the fast paced stream of the streets. The ever present sounds of industry and traffic are ever present, but in a short while they all seem to fade into background ambient white noise. The steam of the cities' underbelly rises from every vent and grate as if an active volcano is reminding you that the city's heartbeat is very much alive and just below the surface. I start walking briskly, to keep up with the flow and energy.

Everyone is in black, except for me... I have my 80's black and white tweed extra long overcoat (Dick Tracy-esque....yes people tease me, but I love it) pulled around me, tied at the waist with my collar flipped up around a wool scarf. I am warm, but the artic wind gusts unpredictably and whips at my face and ears, giving me an intant full body chill. I am going to have to quicken my stride in order to get into the necessary groove and vibe of the flow. I start at 48th street and head east for 4 long blocks. Right before I turn left to go north, I have found my stride and am in a drafting position--ready for any slight change in the "peloton" of people all around me...people are in the own worlds although only inches apart.. cell phones, texting, eating, reading, living their lives as they walk. They only sleep for a few short hours in the studio boxes high above the teeming life of the sidewalks and streets. It is in the street where they truly "live". Although I am able to keep up with the pace, I know I don't belong...it is not my "country" and I am just an alien observer taking a snapshot of someone else's world. But the energy is infectious and I want to be a part of it...so I walk on.....

I head towards 69th Street. As each block passes I transition from watching everyone else and begin to recede into my own thoughts. I find that in no time at all I am lost deep into my mind's eye playing out stories of what it might be like if I lived there....what would I do.....who would I meet and what would I see and eat.... would the city "harden" me? ....Would I get burned out?.... would NYC live up to it's reputation. This particular night I meet a wonderful friend of a very very close friend. We find a small quaint wonderful Italian place and share an authentic margherita pizza... the tomatoes and cheese are just right....the basil and olive oil complete the circle. We talk for hours about our mutual friend. Time stops for a while....the the inevitable phone rings... kids need tending and friends need to leave.

I find myself back on the streets with a long walk back to the Hotel. I relish the idea of losing myself again in my thoughts, now fueled with a brand new moment to fuse into my existing memories. I contemplate the beauty of friendships, how one simple connection can lead to so many others....how we are all really all connected in one giant web....we just don't have the time here to meet everyone of us, so we reach out and make memories with a few choice ones a long the way.... and hope that is enough to get us through.

As the late night noise lessens around me, my thoughts deepen, I am now living the lives of my two friends... two friends who have found each other and have been together for many years, but never really together... My mind plays out scenes of their lives...completely randomly...I can see each of them vividly in specific situations, imagining how they found each other, how they have become close and the things that keep them from becoming closer. My mind wanders as if it knows where it should go, unaided by any scripts or prompts....it takes me to places that shed light on what might make them tick, I can all of sudden see why they form the opinions and thoughts they do, I can see it from their perspective, I can almost feel their joys and pain.....and I find myself with wet eyes realizing that they have so much to offer one another yet they aren't able to see what I can see in my mind, because they can only see themselves.

I feel my heart hurting a bit....with the realization of what "could" be...but probably won't be... It is heavy feeling that seems to match the cold city and icy wind.....This is NYC, it isn't bright and "fun"...it is brutal and true. Ironically, I realize that I don't feel sad a at all but rather a rich sense of melancholic honesty...a hurt that still feels "good" because it isn't sugar coated -- just like the City.....A refreshing look at what is "real" and not what is "ideal". I am not sure why it only happens here... all I know is that walking in the Big Apple brings out emotions and feelings that mean a lot to me.....