Quality:Time

What is QUALITY ? I remember distinctly in a college Org Behavior class when I first heard this question as it was posed to us by our professor..... in the end he said QUALITY = The CUSTOMER I remember pondering that for a long time....at first it didn't make sense to me intuitively. I always associated Quality with words like: The best, high competence, expensive, durable, reliable, excellent....

So, there are many definitions. Here is a generic one that I will use for the purpose of my post today:

Measure of excellence or state of being free from defects, deficiencies, and significant variations. or in other words: "The totality of features and characteristics of a product or service that bears its ability to satisfy stated or implied needs."

So, ultimately, only the customer can say what is or is not "Excellent"....not the producer of said service or product, even if they continuously improve that product or service again and again....it is not up to them to know, rather it is up to the "consumer" or Customer to decide if their needs are truly met or not. That is why some feel McDonalds is high quality - because they know exactly what they get every time they go. Others would disagree and relegate McD's to be on the "low" side of quality. Just as some would rate a Ferrari as extremely high quality, there are others who value reliability, do not.

The other day, I learned something about QUALITY TIME . I was at my in-laws out on their deck, which overlooks the 11th fairway of a golf course. A very peaceful and serene setting with the Red Rocks of Southern Utah as the backdrop against lush green grass and trees of the 11th hole. I was laying down on a comfy lawn recliner allowing the warmth and natural ambient noise gently waft me to a near dozing state. My son Braden came out (10) and he came over and gently moved onto the recliner with me and snuggled in. It was a wordless moment and I put my arm around him securing him in. 1/2 hour passed and we both fell into our own respective dream states and slept. When one of us stirred, it woke the other and as silently as he slipped in, he snuck out and went on his way. No words were spoken, yet I felt incredibly fulfilled and satisfied and my sense was that he did too.

That small experience told me that "The totality of features and characteristics of a product or service that bears its ability to satisfy stated or implied needs" had been accomplished. I wasn't "selling" anything to him...in this case being "quality time" with kids...but rather a service was rendered unconsciously that satisfied impled needs of both of us...not just Braden.

It forced me to re-think what the world calls "quality time". Is there a difference between a spending "time" vs "quality time" with kids? Does spending 12 hours in a car going to Disneyland automatically mean you are spending "quality time" with your kids? Or, the promise of spending a "day" together that is mostly about getting "check boxes" checked off and less of any real interaction? Have you ever spent "time" doing a puzzle or game with a kid, while your mind and heart are really somewhere else? Isn't that still Quality Time?

I don't think the Parent "producer" gets to define what Quality Time is or means......the Kid "customer" does. All the planning for the best "product/service" in a parents mind for quality time will most likely fall short if it doesn't meet the stated or implied needs of the customer. How easy for me to fall into that trap of self-deception convincing myself that by spending "time" with my kids that I would automatically be "filling their needs"....

Sometimes I may get lucky, but maybe it is time for me to start surveying my customers a bit better....spending more time getting insight from Heaven on what their "implied" needs might be, and listening to those they are "stating" that I often gloss over and less about what I think they need...

ab imo pectore....

I find myself at a loss when it comes to articulating that which I am most thankful for....There are the obvious usual suspects: Family, faith, kids, house, freedom and safety etc..... Even though we should treat everyday as Christmas, I for one, typically fall short. But, I am grateful that events like Thanksgiving and Christmas gently "nudge" my soul into remembrance....This year it felt more like a "kick in the pants" so, I figured I would spend a bit of time reflecting and capturing a few special things not often found on the "Top 10" list that I am particularly grateful for:

- Each Breath.... I inherited Mom's asthma, although it took her life, I am grateful she shared some of it with me. At times....when I find myself struggling for air and breath, I find a quiet dark place to relax, focus and recover..... it is in these moments I often feel close to her and draw upon her courage to get through.

- Water....particularly of the "Hot" kind. I find water amazing -- Earth's blood. I have strong vivid memories of playing in the very warm rains of Indonesia with my younger brother. We would climb trees, play basketball and explore during great rainfalls thinking we were great adventurers impervious to the elements! The blueness of cold water and the "green glassnessness" of Lake Powell.... In the end Hot showers when cold are when I like it the most....



- Empathy.... Heinz Kohut defined empathy as:
“the capacity to think and feel oneself into the inner life of another person.”

To those who show me they understand me, I am extremely grateful......as not many do genuinely. I have found it cannot be faked, often mistaken with Sympathy and can draw people close to you, even when you only know a smidgeon about them. It has been a good friend to me both on the receiving and the delivery -- as the "Empathy Symbol" illustrates so well it is a 2 way street, can't really be done in selfishness and fosters more love for others when implemented.





- Music.... What can I say? I know people who console themselves with pets.... especially

during sad times..... For me it has always been music. Music has taken me to places that are not on "Mapquest"....Music is the Sister of Imagination... Music often ignites my imagination and then takes me on fantastical journeys. I can say I know what it is to fly, because music has given me wings. Music inspires, comforts, enobles, and has been a light in dark times. It speaks to my spirit and stirs my soul in inexplicable ways..... I love getting lost in its' spell....




- The perfect pair of jeans.... So vain..I know, but it is true. They only come around ever decade or so, maybe even a lifetime.....and you know when you have them.....because all your others ones "aren't them"..... right? You try to hang on as long as society lets' you (ahh...the holes) and the way they just make you feel.....well, it is like you can do no wrong!! My best are still folded up....
unwearable, but a man can dream right....?

“Blue jeans are the most beautiful things since the gondola.”




- Discovering paths less travelled.... no explanation needed..... Here is one of my faves .... The Gardens of Versailles, France. I got lost this day....but "found" some important things in the end. I am grateful for parents who loved getting "lost" and experiencing new things..... what wonderful doors they opened up to me. I haven't yet found a door that I didn't find "interesting".....





- The right Dance with the right Music with the right People..... well, the perfect Trifecta! (oh yeah...with the right jeans) *see previous blog post about Dancing. I am thankful that it is ok to express the joie de vivre through dance. That it is ok to do anywhere and anytime with no apologies....even if your kids call you weird. I am convinced there will be dancing in Heaven






- Spending a night with my good friend Francisco at "Chez Frankie" in Atlanta.... We have literally talked all night, slept, brunched, and resumed talking, listened to music, reminisced on old times, talked about life and the pursuit of happiness, shared secrets and our hearts..... We have done it about a 1/2 dozen times....Hallmark memories for me. (*I discovered Gibran on my first visit to Chez Frankie's in Atlanta.) I can't wait to come to his housewarming party as he intiaties his new home.





- Memories..... To me they are a lifeline, a constant reminder that I have lived and loved others...that I have mattered even as a tiny dot in a big world...that my heart was engaged, that I contributed....not only "consumed". They validate my existence and help me remember who I am.

"Mister God this is Anna".... Is it too silly to keep a childhood dream alive by hoping I can meet Anna one day? Few things have broken my heart open and turned it inside out as Anna did in this book. She was meant for another world and time.....but I am grateful for the few moments God shared her with us.....and how she spoke directly to me, I will never forget.







Chelta..... No ordinary love, from an extraordinary woman....only a few know how much she is willing to sacrifice and......only 1 knows how she can "save" someone from the depths of despair. God's consumate daughter. Beauty that takes your breath away, a spirit that will shake your soul and clarity of purpose that never wavers. She is unmovable, unquenchable and possesses a fire for life that never flickers. How I am with her I will never fully understand......

te amo ab imo pectore

"You" by Schiller feat. Colbie Caillat

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6nrPbQxIpU - hope you enjoy

I have followed Schiller for a while mostly for his ambient pop dance tunes....But came across this one late last night and it kind of captivated me in a more soulful way. (He does some great collaboration with many artists including Lisa Gerrard and others......)

Although the overall beat makes me tap to the rythm, I like the lyrics, they remind me of two things:

1. Unrequited love.....which is always interesting to me. Alot of my friends are dealing with this right now.....I guess people always will.

2. From a different perspective, it is also reminds me how I have often felt about being a TCK (Third Culture Kid) -- feeling alienated at times in my own country. The process of "repatriation" was the most difficult in my life. The one place I always thought would be "Home" .....at last, after all the years of being overseas turned out to be the most "foreign" of them all...especially Utah, home of my faith and family. So, I replace the word "YOU" in this song with any place I lived that I still long for. Mostly this would be Brazil. So, I still long for Brazil, my friends, the music, the culture, my incredible experiences there with other TCKids and friends at church and school. I have moved a few places in the US thinking that would be a way to "scratch that itch" and that has helped. But feeling completely at "home" is still elusive.......for the most part I am reconciled to the reality that I have made choices that will most likely keep me here in Utah for a long time. I am pretty ok with all that comes with those decisions.....But still down deep, from time to time, I take out a bottle of "saudade" (nostalgia) and open it up and wallow in the heady aroma of my unique past and am grateful that I still have longings...and this song captures that for me.

YOU
Turn down the silence, Inside my head Bring back the colors Were you insane?
Further from where I´ve started
Further to go Keeping my heart under control
Why do I still feel you? Feel you.... And though you´ve gone I still feel you, feel you All I need is you......All I need is to feel you, feel you
Why did you change your mind and run away? Thoughts of you by my side are starting to fade I know that you should be mine, So I wont let you go Everyday I´m trying to get close
Why do I still feel you? Feel you ......And though you've gone I still feel you, feel you.
All I need is you All I need is to feel you, feel you
Stop running all the time don´t fight the feeling inside Cause when you try to hide don´t matter where you go it´s deep in your soul

First Time in Heels....

Last Sunday I was coming down the stairs and McKenna (daughter) brushed by me on her way up....Something caught my eye and I looked back and she was wearing heels.....! The image stopped me in my tracks.... The words started out of my mouth without thinking...."hey, what do you think you are doing in those?" I said. She smiled and said "I am wearing Mom's heels". Obviously...but that wasn't what I was really asking.

Nevertheless, at the moment my mind was confused....ok, she was now 12 and all, but still....HEELS?? Not yet right? Isn't that more like 15 - 16?? Geez!

She proceeded to clunk up the stairs. I meandered down and kept getting ready for church, but the image wouldn't leave me and something was bothering me......

So what was I asking her? I think what I was really asking was "Hey, what do you think you are doing being all grown up enough to wear heels already." All of a sudden, here I was in one of those surreal moments, those "rites of passage" that we all go through. I didn't know there was one for "First time in Heels" but this experience definitely qualified as one. A few minutes later I walked back up and found her, I asked her to turnaround so I could see all of her in this "moment" she was having.... She was smilliing, also now wearing one of Mom's jackets too.... Wow, she looked beautiful. I finally swallowed hard and smiled back at her...I said to myself "Ok Aaron, it is going to be ok......I think". She wasn't very elegant in them, but it didn't matter....it felt right in the end. It was time for McKenna to pass through that special door in her life -- leaving her childhoold in one room, while embracing young womanhood in the the next -- excited to embrace the new experiences and opportunities that would shape the next phase of her life. Amazing what a small pair of shoes can do to transform a little girl -- She would never be the same again.....and neither would I.

"Spread your wings and fly"

It's the Little Things that Count......

I came home the other day from a meeting and there was a big yellow 8x10 sheet of paper taped to the front of the gargage....It said:

"Hi Dad, we are playing in the back yard...

so don't worry when you go in"

I am not sure why, but I stopped and smiled...I examined the poster more closely, I could tell by the detail and the balloon letters that they had taken some time to do it "nice"...it wasn't a hurried note. Of course it was my two girls that did it. But more importantly, I loved the way it made me feel inside. That they took the time to concern themselves with what I might feel coming into an empty house and maybe worrying about them.... What amazing Emotional Intelligence kids have. 

 What is it about adults sometimes that makes us regress or lose our ability to just be in the moment...everything gets "scripted" and we live out these stupid roles and we forget or just don't do the little notes that go such a long way to making one feel cared for and concerned with... I know many of us do those things...but it was a beautiful and simple reminder to me that a few key words can put a smile on the face, change a heart for the better and bring peace to a Dad. 

Yes, I didn't even go check on them....I wanted to honor their note and although they didn't have to do it, it made all the difference for me......

I wonder if God leaves us notes all over, trying to get us to notice His hand in our lives....Simple "notes" posted here and there, with simple words that when found and read make all the difference with just a little attention from us. If He feels anything like I felt then His heart would be full of joy and peace. I hope I don't miss too many of His yellow notes....

Walking in NYC...

So....I find it interesting that certain big cities have their own way with me....ok, that sounds a bit weird...but it is true. In Amsterdam I ride bikes everywhere, in Paris I metro all over, see the sites, stop in at a cafe and watch people. In Munich I drive the autobahn and find a great bierhaus and make dinner last all night. In Jakarta I immerse myself in the pungent markets, bargain for curios and shop..... In Shanghai you get a car and a guide and go browse 200 tailors shops and bargain for hours until you find a complete custom suit for a $60.00 completed overnight.....ok and then stop in for a little neck and shoulder massage. In Brazil it is all about the beach, churrasco and dancing all night long.

NYC, it has always been about long timeless walks for me. Even though the first time was all about seeing the sights....I had long walks going from one to the other. There was so much to see, so many sounds it is as if the city "requires" you to be on the street.

It is January 23rd, I am standing on the sidelines, getting my bearings, setting the grit in my jaw, gauging the pace of the never ending stream of people and calculating the right first step.........I slip into the fast paced stream of the streets. The ever present sounds of industry and traffic are ever present, but in a short while they all seem to fade into background ambient white noise. The steam of the cities' underbelly rises from every vent and grate as if an active volcano is reminding you that the city's heartbeat is very much alive and just below the surface. I start walking briskly, to keep up with the flow and energy.

Everyone is in black, except for me... I have my 80's black and white tweed extra long overcoat (Dick Tracy-esque....yes people tease me, but I love it) pulled around me, tied at the waist with my collar flipped up around a wool scarf. I am warm, but the artic wind gusts unpredictably and whips at my face and ears, giving me an intant full body chill. I am going to have to quicken my stride in order to get into the necessary groove and vibe of the flow. I start at 48th street and head east for 4 long blocks. Right before I turn left to go north, I have found my stride and am in a drafting position--ready for any slight change in the "peloton" of people all around me...people are in the own worlds although only inches apart.. cell phones, texting, eating, reading, living their lives as they walk. They only sleep for a few short hours in the studio boxes high above the teeming life of the sidewalks and streets. It is in the street where they truly "live". Although I am able to keep up with the pace, I know I don't belong...it is not my "country" and I am just an alien observer taking a snapshot of someone else's world. But the energy is infectious and I want to be a part of it...so I walk on.....

I head towards 69th Street. As each block passes I transition from watching everyone else and begin to recede into my own thoughts. I find that in no time at all I am lost deep into my mind's eye playing out stories of what it might be like if I lived there....what would I do.....who would I meet and what would I see and eat.... would the city "harden" me? ....Would I get burned out?.... would NYC live up to it's reputation. This particular night I meet a wonderful friend of a very very close friend. We find a small quaint wonderful Italian place and share an authentic margherita pizza... the tomatoes and cheese are just right....the basil and olive oil complete the circle. We talk for hours about our mutual friend. Time stops for a while....the the inevitable phone rings... kids need tending and friends need to leave.

I find myself back on the streets with a long walk back to the Hotel. I relish the idea of losing myself again in my thoughts, now fueled with a brand new moment to fuse into my existing memories. I contemplate the beauty of friendships, how one simple connection can lead to so many others....how we are all really all connected in one giant web....we just don't have the time here to meet everyone of us, so we reach out and make memories with a few choice ones a long the way.... and hope that is enough to get us through.

As the late night noise lessens around me, my thoughts deepen, I am now living the lives of my two friends... two friends who have found each other and have been together for many years, but never really together... My mind plays out scenes of their lives...completely randomly...I can see each of them vividly in specific situations, imagining how they found each other, how they have become close and the things that keep them from becoming closer. My mind wanders as if it knows where it should go, unaided by any scripts or prompts....it takes me to places that shed light on what might make them tick, I can all of sudden see why they form the opinions and thoughts they do, I can see it from their perspective, I can almost feel their joys and pain.....and I find myself with wet eyes realizing that they have so much to offer one another yet they aren't able to see what I can see in my mind, because they can only see themselves.

I feel my heart hurting a bit....with the realization of what "could" be...but probably won't be... It is heavy feeling that seems to match the cold city and icy wind.....This is NYC, it isn't bright and "fun"...it is brutal and true. Ironically, I realize that I don't feel sad a at all but rather a rich sense of melancholic honesty...a hurt that still feels "good" because it isn't sugar coated -- just like the City.....A refreshing look at what is "real" and not what is "ideal". I am not sure why it only happens here... all I know is that walking in the Big Apple brings out emotions and feelings that mean a lot to me.....

New meets Ancient

This is one of my favorite pictures and it led to one of the most thoughful gifts I have received....from Chelta.

It was only a few years ago when I found this amongst my father's trunk full of slides and photos. I had never seen it before. When I was told the little dude was me I was so glad that I had some momento of Iraq. We lived there in late 60's and were eventually evacuated due to the 6 day war. But before that happened, my parents, who had a penchant for all things cultural, had the good sense to take some excursions and family field trip while there. This was one of those. I do not know the name of the place, but it was just a really cool place that they stopped one afternoon and with the setting moon and snapped this shot of these ruins.

I have always liked the juxtaposition of the "new" (me) against the "old" (ruins)..... There is something about the innocence and naivete of the small child being in the forefront of the dramatic backdrop of ruins. Surely battles have been fought here, hordes of people have passed through these walls each with their own story written by each passing footprint. Time has eroded the structure, but it hasn't diminished the majesty and noble "personality" it still maintains. Sometimes Americans make reference to "old" things in this country....They don't really know what old is.....and then there is "ancient". To me this feels....."ancient".

I can't tell you how delighted I was when Chelta surprised me with a valentines gift of a wonderful 18" x 24"enlarged photo with crystal clear colors. She had taken that slide from my Dad which was cracked and old, then had it digitally recreated and retouched. It hangs in my home as a constant reminder of some of the cool places we were able to experience.

McKenna's Museum of Whimsical Art...

This is just a small tribute to McKenna.....I love your work....Keep it up!!


Spring



Polka Dots

Mountains

Fireworks


Dots


Dots on Squares


3 Ducks

A Window to Her Soul

I was looking through some of my kids files tonight....mostly just curious what they were up to....browsing around and I opened up my daughter's (McKenna 12yrs) folder where she keeps her artwork.... I was so surprised at what I found. Years ago when she was little I showed her how to use MS Paint to draw basic shapes and lines etc... I really hadn't paid much attention since. She isn't the showy type anyway, so that made my late night discovery all the sweeter.... The one posted here is called "Bunny". Funny...huh? Most of her artwork is labeled very matter of factly -- exactly what it is...nothing more. In this case I am not sure why the ears are 'hovering' disconnected above Bunny's head or why her front paws are so tiny. It almost seems as if Bunny just got spooked, but the poker face doesn't quite sell that all the way. Although Bunny's eyes are also disproportionate to the size of his/her head, they still manage to pierce through with the shade of blue she chose.....The wonderful placement of the whiskers and mouth.....a subtle wry skewness really comes through. I appreciate the contrast of the roundness of the circle shapes of the Bunny with the very angular, hard straight lines of the green background. I just love the Picasso-esque modern abstract portrayal of such an unassuming creature.

I thought I would share this because anyone who knows McKenna knows she would NEVER prance her art around, not even to family. She is fiercly private and has a 24x7 guard posted at her well of emotion, only giving glimpses here and there on her terms.

You know how you come across a new song that takes your breath away and you can't stop listening to it? Or discover a new unsuspecting favorite movie that sings to your soul and marks you in a special unforgettable way? Well....for me this is very much like that. It helps to know the artist doesn't it? I do know that I felt a deeper level of appreciation for Michaelangelo's work after I read "The Agony and Ecstasy" because I knew him better and began to "see" him more through his art aside from the art itself. Therefore, I don't expect anyone to "feel" anything from this piece other than a whimsical bunny figure....which is just fine. For me this is one of those special "finds".....Often, when asked, she is unable to completely articulate the feelings and emotions she experiences. Art is a way for her to do that......

If this were only really about a Bunny...but it isn't. It is more about stumbling across a small clue about who she is and what she feels. I thank God in Heaven for the ability to create, so that this Dad can glimpse through the window of art, and peek into her soul......... McKenna, you will probably never understand the power of this "moment" for me. Thank you so much..........I cannot recall ever feeling so intimate about art until now.....or closer to you.

Kewl New Vibes.......

....Just came across a great new band: Thriving Ivory. Someone really nice clued me on them....Great new sound, the lead singer has a very unique vocal quality. Check out their new video "Angels on the Moon" I put a few new songs on the playlist....