Sketching the Soul

Hey Roland, it is me again.  You didn't know I was going to be talking to you a lot did you?  Neither did I.... I hope it is ok.  Somehow, I feel as if you are just "there".... that you can hear me, not my thoughts, but my words as I softly talk out loud.  I visited Dad in the hospital this week. He is doing ok... I thought of you....  I am sure you were close by. I won't forget those 3 days with you.  Much like the images of 9/11 will never leave me, neither will those 3 days.

I wonder if you miss it here?

 "Is it possible to miss a place you've never been? To mourn a time you never lived?"

I think about what you would have done had you stayed.... I know there would have been more art.  I wonder what of?  It would have been good, that is all I know.

  

I found a picture, rather a sketch I drew so many years ago... I decided to go with you to one of your college classes at the U.  It was an art class.  You taught me during that entire class how to draw a face... so complicated... where the eyes needed to be.. so much lower on the page, in fact, I remember they were really right in the middle... because you said we forget how much forehead space there is...that the eyes need to be drawn in the middle.  Then there were other things... lips... how hard to draw, ears and nose as well... How to shade in the right places... so nuanced.   Mine ended up looking like a horrible germanic-looking mannequin... but every stroke of that pencil was guided by your coaching.  I kept that face all these years....not because it was my drawing... but because it was all about you.

I could use some coaching now....can you tell me how to chart my next few moves?  I have been wondering how to sketch the next few years and am not sure how to start this drawing....  I am not so sure of myself.  I can't connect the dots so well.   Do I move?  Do I do something different?  Where do I pour my time?  I want to connect, but not sure where...?  I know you wouldn't give me the answers, just like you wouldn't draw that man's face for me, rather you would ask me a few questions.... to see what would I would find...  I have to decide if I am ready for that...to listen that closely while you whisper them to me.... I know that is the way, but I am not gonna lie, I wish you could just put your arm around me and tell me....

I wish you could tell me what do do more of, what to do less of... so I better know how to do what you are doing now.... I wonder... 

Your sketches must be amazing now!  I can only imagine the creativity and quality you render them with now... freed from earthly and human limitations... I imagine you are able to sketch people in such beautiful new ways... to draw them as they truly are, with pure eyes.  You would draw their best spiritual selves... What would that look like?You must see differently....to watch you now would be a gift.  

Maybe you would let me pull out a new sheet of paper, and then tell me now, as you did so patiently then....where to draw the lines, where to draw hard, and where to barely touch the paper, slowly bringing lines and curves of a pencil to life....this time drawing the spirit in those you see....something finite, yet so fine that mortal eyes can't see.  What it would be to see through your eyes now?....I will close my eyes and imagine... squinting just a bit to see if I can really see you, sitting just there...hoping I can, see you put pencil to paper again, perfectly as you see through those amazing eyes of yours....

Love you Roland, for playing the artist's part so well.   I will keep my drawing.... I will look at it from time to time to see if I learn anything new.  Maybe you will whisper something each time I unfold it in the future.... I can't wait.