I am who I am
How many times do we hear the world saying that to us.... over and over. After all, don't we have the right to be who we are or whatever we want to be? Why should we be anything different than who we are?
There are those that spend inordinate amounts of energy first finding out who they really are. Others, seem to already know without spending any time at all.
Once found, then what......? We just keep being "us", staying in that state of "am"ness forever? Then what about change? Isn't life about constant change? How to reconcile change with that of just "being" who we are? Is change supposed to change us, who we are, or does change just happen around us without really touching us?
Growing up overseas I remember knowing other American expats who would come to these amazing countries and cultures and live there for years but would never let themselves be "touched" by their experience. Very much like being in a plastic bubble.....breathing? Yes, but never "inhaling". Alive? Yes, but not "living". They didn't want anything to touch them, to leave any impressions or fingerprints, or in other words......let anything dare 'change' them......They wanted the warm safe and dry of their cocoon of convenience and comfort.
Personally, I never understood that mentality. What a tremendous fraidy pants waste.
I had to sand McKenna's door frame on Saturday..... finally! She hasn't had a door to her room for forever....( I know, bad Dad.... ) So there I was, trying to find the right grit of sandpaper. I was too lazy at first to bring up the electric sander, so began doing it by hand. In order to get the door framed as square as possible, I needed to refine a few rough edges here and there. I thought I would pop this gig out in just a few minutes. I started.....hard to get a rhythm going at first. The position in the corner door frame was super awkward. I folded the sandpaper to get a better angle....slowly the fine dust started to appear, but only after ALOT of Mr. Miayagi "up and down" strokes. I felt the burn in my hands and and shoulders. I kept switching hands. Over and over and slowly the pile of super refined saw dust sprinkled down on on the floor over my shoes. Frequently I would stop, brush my fingers against the rough edges to see how level they were getting. I was surprised how much effort it took just to get a few little rough patches smooth and level.
30 minutes later, I was perspiring and my arms ached and burned. I stopped and reflected on my work.
Two things happened:
1. I noticed how beautiful smoothly sanded wood looked, smelled and felt.
2. I realized that I was smack dab in the middle of one of God's metaphors.....once again.....
I wasn't sanding McKenna's door.... He was sanding down some of the rough edges of my soul.
I realized in an instant that the effort I was exerting to "change" the physical nature of that door frame was proportionate to the effort He was exerting to change the spiritual nature of "who I am". I sat there pondering this principle. What did I need to "change" in order to frame the perfect fit for my soul's door.
I am who He wants me to be
Is this the real me? With this new definition, it would mean that I would have to believe in knowing myself just well enough to know that I need to change, to smooth out my own rough edges. Some I came with, some I acquired like barnacles on an old boat. Edges that would need ALOT of effort, hundreds....maybe thousands of Mr. Miyagi "up and down" strokes. The more I realized, the more I realized what was actually sprinkling down around me onto the floor and over my shoes was, truth.....little bits of refined truth hitting me and then finding their way down to their resting place. The little piles of truth were the reality of how much effort it was taking for me to realize just how much sanding I stood in need of.....
30 minutes later..... I was crying and my spirit ached and burned. I stopped and reflected on my thoughts.
Two things happened:
1. I noticed how a beautiful smoothly sanded soul could look, smell and feel like
2. I realized that I never want to stop being smack dab in any of God's metaphors.....ever
This will be a special door McKenna.... I will call it the "Door of Rough Edges" because just like your door, we are worth sanding...
No comments:
Post a Comment