New meets Ancient

This is one of my favorite pictures and it led to one of the most thoughful gifts I have received....from Chelta.

It was only a few years ago when I found this amongst my father's trunk full of slides and photos. I had never seen it before. When I was told the little dude was me I was so glad that I had some momento of Iraq. We lived there in late 60's and were eventually evacuated due to the 6 day war. But before that happened, my parents, who had a penchant for all things cultural, had the good sense to take some excursions and family field trip while there. This was one of those. I do not know the name of the place, but it was just a really cool place that they stopped one afternoon and with the setting moon and snapped this shot of these ruins.

I have always liked the juxtaposition of the "new" (me) against the "old" (ruins)..... There is something about the innocence and naivete of the small child being in the forefront of the dramatic backdrop of ruins. Surely battles have been fought here, hordes of people have passed through these walls each with their own story written by each passing footprint. Time has eroded the structure, but it hasn't diminished the majesty and noble "personality" it still maintains. Sometimes Americans make reference to "old" things in this country....They don't really know what old is.....and then there is "ancient". To me this feels....."ancient".

I can't tell you how delighted I was when Chelta surprised me with a valentines gift of a wonderful 18" x 24"enlarged photo with crystal clear colors. She had taken that slide from my Dad which was cracked and old, then had it digitally recreated and retouched. It hangs in my home as a constant reminder of some of the cool places we were able to experience.

McKenna's Museum of Whimsical Art...

This is just a small tribute to McKenna.....I love your work....Keep it up!!


Spring



Polka Dots

Mountains

Fireworks


Dots


Dots on Squares


3 Ducks

A Window to Her Soul

I was looking through some of my kids files tonight....mostly just curious what they were up to....browsing around and I opened up my daughter's (McKenna 12yrs) folder where she keeps her artwork.... I was so surprised at what I found. Years ago when she was little I showed her how to use MS Paint to draw basic shapes and lines etc... I really hadn't paid much attention since. She isn't the showy type anyway, so that made my late night discovery all the sweeter.... The one posted here is called "Bunny". Funny...huh? Most of her artwork is labeled very matter of factly -- exactly what it is...nothing more. In this case I am not sure why the ears are 'hovering' disconnected above Bunny's head or why her front paws are so tiny. It almost seems as if Bunny just got spooked, but the poker face doesn't quite sell that all the way. Although Bunny's eyes are also disproportionate to the size of his/her head, they still manage to pierce through with the shade of blue she chose.....The wonderful placement of the whiskers and mouth.....a subtle wry skewness really comes through. I appreciate the contrast of the roundness of the circle shapes of the Bunny with the very angular, hard straight lines of the green background. I just love the Picasso-esque modern abstract portrayal of such an unassuming creature.

I thought I would share this because anyone who knows McKenna knows she would NEVER prance her art around, not even to family. She is fiercly private and has a 24x7 guard posted at her well of emotion, only giving glimpses here and there on her terms.

You know how you come across a new song that takes your breath away and you can't stop listening to it? Or discover a new unsuspecting favorite movie that sings to your soul and marks you in a special unforgettable way? Well....for me this is very much like that. It helps to know the artist doesn't it? I do know that I felt a deeper level of appreciation for Michaelangelo's work after I read "The Agony and Ecstasy" because I knew him better and began to "see" him more through his art aside from the art itself. Therefore, I don't expect anyone to "feel" anything from this piece other than a whimsical bunny figure....which is just fine. For me this is one of those special "finds".....Often, when asked, she is unable to completely articulate the feelings and emotions she experiences. Art is a way for her to do that......

If this were only really about a Bunny...but it isn't. It is more about stumbling across a small clue about who she is and what she feels. I thank God in Heaven for the ability to create, so that this Dad can glimpse through the window of art, and peek into her soul......... McKenna, you will probably never understand the power of this "moment" for me. Thank you so much..........I cannot recall ever feeling so intimate about art until now.....or closer to you.

Kewl New Vibes.......

....Just came across a great new band: Thriving Ivory. Someone really nice clued me on them....Great new sound, the lead singer has a very unique vocal quality. Check out their new video "Angels on the Moon" I put a few new songs on the playlist....

Shoes Rock!

What is it about shoes that make me feel I can never have enough ?? I am not going to say how many pair I have...but all I know is that there is always at least one pair lurking out there......just out of reach, consuming me, making me wonder how I can pull the potential purchase off and still feel justified!! 

I love shoes, like seriously.  

I wonder what Mr. Cole Haan will do with his extra time in the next life.....

Amizade......

I read today something that made me think:

"Friends are the brothers/sisters that God let us choose".

It made me think about friendship from a different angle. I do feel we are all brothers and sisters in God's family, but friends aren't family necessarily. Sometimes family can be friends, sometimes not.

I feel that I am not only a product of my family, but of my friends as well. I realilze that isn't an earth shattering news flash by any means....but because I lived a life of a diplomat-brat in many different countries, I was particularly influenced by different cultures, surroundings and people beyond just my family.

There is something quite unique about arriving in a 3rd world country, ripe with new and interesting smells, sounds, people and to top it off -- not being able to communicate. The nice tight lines of your "known" comfort zone become very fuzzy and you can't quite make them out no matter how much you "squint"! It is like holding on to slippery soap......You feel out of place, out of sorts, and maybe even out of "sight" at times. A good friend told me recently their experience of moving all over made them feel "invisible". It was a terrible feeling that lingered far too long.

I was lucky, no matter where we moved we had a built in "Transition Kit" it was called Family. Funny how fast you start to look at your younger punk brother who you normally wouldn't want to spend more than the required "30 minutes for dinner" with through different eyes. All of a sudden he is the only thing that seems to make sense in this new place. How ironic that it becomes so easy to find interesting things to do together in this new context. Moving bonded me to my siblings and parents. What fantastic memories I have and we often draw upon them during get togethers and reunions.... Moving wasn't the only reason, but definitely a factor in facilitating my family to become "friends".

It is difficult for me to even talk about how much my friends have meant to me over my life. I know that no matter how many words I may write, it will sell them short with respect to their total influence on me. My parents led by example....they seemed to always see the best in all people and cultures. I couldn't begin to list the number of wonderful people that I have come to know over my life. So many hundreds of faces and names that significantly impacted my thoughts, my heart and my life.........and continue to.

Friendship for me is as real as drinking deeply from a cold water fountain when in dire thirst. It is almost palpable and tactile for me. Spending quality time with friends is what I would do with most of my time if time was what I had. Even with family, work and church responsibilities I find I can still carve out time for friends. It is never enough, but sometimes just a few moments can really "hit the spot".

My Dad once told me in a note that it "hurt good" to be my Dad. It was a compliment to me. The metaphor stuck forever. It made immediate sense to me both mentally and emotionally. It is a "heart" feeling. It is the feeling I aspire to when it comes to my friends. Not in every exchange, but to have occasional moments where we both may find a lump forming in our collective throats. An all knowing, unspoken spiritual connection of meaning that binds, edifies and enables our spirits to soar because we have simply been willing to be open and share, despite the risks.

I love my friends, old and new. They add spice, variety and depth to my life. I love them for their unconditional acceptance of me and all that I bring to the table....(baggage included).

They are in my thoughts often and I catch myself asking Heaven to consider them in all of its doings. I am forever grateful and indebted to them for helping my life's journey be ever sweeter.

Thank you for making my heart "hurt good"........

50 Words....Post lude

By request of an interested family member, I am adding to my previous post. Since very few people see this blog, I am very prone to fulfilling any request, especially since in this case it sheds more light on both my Grandfather and Father.

I am including my Dad's original 50 word assignment he did for his Father: Earl Marion Brown, who grew up as a pioneer rancher from Southern Arizona/Northern Mexico. Those who knew him will appreciate this snapshot of who he was from my Dad's point of view.

“He was tall in the saddle, but when he landed, he was short and, somehow, seemed more firmly planted than those around him. His gaze was steady and direct, and his natural good will was masked by what looked like a scowl to anyone who didn’t know him well.”

In addition, I am including two other sets of 50 word snapshots of my Dad. When I decided I was going to do this for my Dad's birthday I issued an invitation to others in my family to see if there were anyone else wanting to join me. Part of the allure for me was to see what others would write about my Dad so I could learn more about him, while at the same time, thinking that several 50 word descriptions would just make the gift for him even better! So, I thank my brother Roland and my Aunt Earlene Porter (Dad's youngest sister) for contributing to the cause and supplying 2 beautiful works of prose that I included in Dad's birthday gift. Enjoy:

He's affable and accepting;
Admirably astute, yet always unassuming.
While eloquently Erudite, his evenness sets all at ease.
Faithful and facade-free, he faces forward.
A wizard with words, he wields well-worn Wisdom
and Wry wit equally well.
In poetry and practice, the pure is pronounced,
The paltry, purged.
Earlene Porter – Mar ‘05

Disguised as a simple, globe-trotting Cowboy,
He is salt of God’s final sprinkling.
Cloaked in unassuming human-ness,
He maintains sweet savor
While thousands of improved lives,
Trail quietly behind.
E.Roland Brown – Nov ‘05

50 Words

When I was a Freshman in college, I had a writing assignment for an English class which was to describe something in great detail but with only very few words. I must have told my Father about it because about a week later I received a letter from him that included a piece of paper that had one paragraph written on it. It was an assignment he had completed in college many years before that he had saved. I was so surprised he had saved it! I read the paragraph and didn't quite understand it. I called him up and asked him about it. He said when he was a Freshman his assignment was to describe his Dad in 50 words.

Now, with greater context, I re-read his 50 word paragraph describing Grandpa. Wow....! It was perfect. I re-read it over and over....(yes! I did count the words just to make sure too--50). Those few words not only described him well, but captured his "essence", which really surprised me. It was really really good. I was so impressed with how well Dad had managed to choose each word and then string them together so succinctly to capture so much of someone in just 50 short words.... I know I completed my assignment, but can't even remember what I ended up doint it on......obviously it did not have the same impact on me or the professor!

Fast Forward 23 years.......I am rummaging through old stuff, waxing nostalgic ,and I come across Dad's letter and the 50 word assignment he sent me so long ago. I smiled to myself and replayed the short exchange we had so many years before. So, I re-read it again. The power of it had not dwindled with time--There was Grandpa, alive and well forever captured in "ink".

 I had not seen my Dad for about 3 years (longest for me at that point) and I was really missing him. I started noodling about what he had done for his Dad. What a wondrous gift, that 50 word "statue" was now a monument to him, something so complimentary to who he was. I wondered further.....what 50 words would someone choose for me? That quickly turned into an excited notion that formed in my head...."Hey, what if I do one for Dad?" Hmm..... I wonder, could I pull it off? I knew inside that I could never get it quite as right as he did, but a desire grew inside me to try. So, I set off right then and there....I opened up Word and started brainstorming and freeforming; throwing words all over the page like a puzzle,  electronically listing words, adjectives, superlatives etc...... I realized after 1 hour that I had 2 pages full of awesome stuff. Now the hard part....whittling down. Easier said then done! I started the laborious process of trying to condense a lifetime of experiences and characteristics into a couple of paragraphs. It became increasingly difficult and I found myself getting quite upset and frustrated....I started spewing forth not-so-nice expressions under my breath and finally after 2 hours hit "save", pushed my chair out and stomped off to release my pent up emotions with a nice Dr. Pepper. "Dang!@#&!! ; How come it was so flippin' hard??" For the next few nights I continued to tackle the problem at hand.....nothing seemed to flow, there was too much and I just could not emotionally handle the "cutting" that was required. I decided to let it rest after a week.

Fast forward 10 months...... No, I hadn't forgotten. I had continued to think and ponder about it for months but just couldn't wrap my head around it. It had to be a "feeling" and it was like grabbing a bar of soap in the bathtub--very elusive. What started as this optimistic poetic piece that I thought I could knock out in a couple of days had turned into a long, drawn out, focused mission that had pushed me and stretched me in very important ways. I began to pick up where I left off.

Somehow, someway, how, I am still not sure, words started to come together and more importantly their combined meaning created little parts of the "essence" of Dad (if that makes sense?) --at least it seemed that way to me. I started to get a little bit excited and I persisted. It took the next two months to finally get it down into about 70 words. I knew I was close but it just wasn't "perfeito" (perfect). Finally, after simply going over it over and over again I found myself counting ....50! I had done it! I felt so powerful....and then in the same heartbeat I second guessed myself and wondered "Is it even close?" "Is it good?" "Does it capture his soul the way he did his Dad?" .......Probably not, but it was good enough for a non-writer type like me....

I waited almost another year for his birthday to give it to him. I had it done in nice calligraphy and framed it for him. It was my most important gift to him and I considered it a way for me to honor him.

So.......I have thought long and hard about about posting my 50 word assignment on this blog.....I am well aware of the fact that to any reader this will not seem much, because of how personal it is to me. I do not expect anyone to respond as I have, but I share it regardless because I want to extend an invitation......... yes to you! I strongly suggest everyone go through this process. You will learn more about yourself and this person than you ever imagined. You will recall special moments that you may have forgotten, you will see just how amazing the person really is. Feelings and emotions will come as you think about how to capture them with words. It is a wonderful thing.

Should you accept this homework assignment, may it wring your insides out and frustrate you only because at the end of the day, your love and appreciation will be bigger, deeper and more meaningful.....at least that was my experience. I pray it be yours.....

When the time came to place my 50 word gift in his hands....I was wearing my heart on my sleeve and was "brimming" with emotion....he would never know how long it took or how hard it was for me...he didn't need to. I knew how much he loved his Dad, and I wanted to let him know how much I loved mine.....

Normally greets with a pun. Although avoids advice,
His wisdom pierces and lingers.
Soulful and Eloquent,
Would rather be driving a long haul rig.
Darts of self doubt only set the grit more firmly in his teeth
Never sweats the small stuff.
Passionately paints with poetry.  Melodic;
.…aches for Daddy

Aaron L. Brown -- Jan’05

Know Thyself.....

I walked in the door last night coming home from work and as I passed through the entryway I turned my head, saw a few of the kids watching TV and greeted them with a passing: " Hey Dudes.... how goes it?"

As I continued my forward motion and started to head up the stairs I heard a retort behind me that said emphatically: "Hey!... I am NOT a Dude, Dad!!"

I turned around and......yes, there was Alexa with her arms crossed across her chest, hips bent one way, with one of her "Bring it on Dude" attitudes written all over her face. (.......Do they always come with red hair!!?)

I could tell she was waiting for the "right" answer from me. I squirmed uncomfortably realizing she was making me nervous! (Like getting caught stealing cookies from the cookie jar). I realized it was FEAR! ......How could a tiny little girl cause make me sweat??!!

She just sat there and waited while I fumbled to come up with the right words. I began to explain to her that she was my little "Dudette"(....he he, nice recovery I thought.....) WRONG! That did not fly at all - in fact, her only response was to shift her weight from one foot to the other, now showing signs of growing impatience..... "Quickly Aaron" I thought..."you are striking out here". The only thing I could come up with was a feeble "It just means I love you honey!" .... If there had been a referee right there I would have been presented with a "Red Card" and ejected from the game for such a weak performance! Needless to say, she realized how pathetic I was, rolled her eyes and walked away.....

but not before she reminded me that she was a "GIRL!!!!! and that her name was ALEXA CHELTA BROWN".....

Now, all kidding aside. I sat down on the steps right there and let my mind take in the power of her few words.... What came clearly to my mind was: "Know Thyself"

I sat there and marveled at the fact that Alexa, who is 8 yrs old, not only knew who she was, but did so with great "enthusiasm" and conviction!

No, she most definitely is not a "dude" in the strictest sense of the definition. I may think of her as my "little Dude" but in the larger scope of reality -- No, she is not!

What caught me was how quickly she responded and the mighty attitude she said it with. She knew exactly what she was NOT--which really is a reflection of knowing who she really IS right?

I reflected upon the world that she has to grow up in....a world that is more confusing with every passing day. A world that I feel has often confused the "who am I? " question. It is less clear for young people today to "know who they are" because there are so many influences pulling them this way or that. The only way to make sense of anything the world "defines" is to: "Know Thyself"

As I sat there and let the full extent of her self-knowledge wash over me like a flood and I received a calm feeling and a lump in my throat. She didn't get that from me or Mom did she? No..... she came hardwired with that information, at least I hoped so, and also hoped that maybe Heaven had a hand here, helping her after all -- to know who she is, where she came from and what she is supposed to do.

Can she put her faith and belief in a simple still, small but powerful "feeling"? Is she prepared to face the world that might tell her she is any number of different things?.......... Yes! There is no question at all. She knows....... and anyone, including her silly Dad, that tries to tell her otherwise has another thing coming, that is for sure.

....After a few moments, I got up, continued where I had left off, and a knowing smile started to form on my face replacing the lump in my throat. I said a quiet prayer of thanks for that reinforcing feeling, not so much that I knew she knew, but more importantly that she knew she knew. I did an instant quick "check" internally, to see if I still knew as she seemed to know........Ahh, .it was a good moment for me, to remember too, who I was and to have that feel right.

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. -- Dr. Seuss

No, Lexi, I will never mind when you speak what you feel, I consider it a blessing to know you, associate with you and to constantly learn from you....May you never lose that sense of identity and courage -- My money is on you -- never the World!!

Thanks Mom, for Dance...

I recently attended a high school reunion in D.C. and couldn't wait for the pinnacle activity of the event: "The Dance". It was incredibly fun and most of us didn't want it to end. I love dancing and can't remember when I didn't. I am not sure why, but I find it interesting.... What is it about dancing that makes me feel what I feel? If I were an alien sneaking a peek at our world and saw a bunch of people moving and contorting to loud noise I would probably re-think any invasion strategies. I have often wondered why certain songs can actually make my body move impusively and unconsciously often resulting in a sense of excitement, exhiliration and sheer joy. It is a wondrous thing I think, which I owe to my mother.

She was a professional dancer. She taught her 6 kids all styles and techniques: ballet, tap, charleston, swing, fox trot, square dancing and yes, even synchronized swimming.... She instilled in us a love for all styles and often she would look for any excuse to get up and dance, even if in a restaurant. I loved her uninhibited way of expressing herself through dance and I would like to think I have been "imprinted" by her. It was the creative process she loved and then to see her joy in watching her students perform was something to behold.

Some music is great as background to conversation, or just to "chill" to, but some music is designed to specifically be expressed on the dance floor preferrably with one's best friends. That is what I experienced last week. "Freak Out" says Le Chic...well, they definitely got that right!!

Dancing with my good friends from EAB High School (Brazil) is more than casual dancing...it is an extension of our friendship and ultimately a group celebration of life itself. Thank heaven for music and dance....it makes the dance of life so much more sweet! ......and thank you Mom for the music you made in my life...I miss you.