Hall of Fame pt. 1

Prelude:  It was the summer of '86.  I had just returned home from serving in Portugal for 2 years as a volunteer missionary.  I was on top of the world.  I had just experienced the best 2 years of my life as I knew it then.  I was with my parents in Northern VA and had turned my thoughts to work in prep to return for fall semester at BYU. I had landed a midnight to 6am job driving a large van to distribute newspapers to about 30 routes for the Washington Post.  I would try and get a couple of hours of sleep before leaving then finish up with a few more on the flipside before going to a second job by 10am.


Story: My dad had decided to for some unknown mysterious reason, to take upon himself a rather "large" paper route.  When I say "large" I mean "humongous"!!  He did it himself with help of my younger brother JJ.  Going to Mom for answers didn't work as she was already banging her head against the wall wondering what on earth my Dad was thinking. Nevertheless, while we were all scratching our heads, Dad was busy designing the absolutely most organized and well orchestrated paper route man has seen.  He did maps on his computer, he had a color coding system that the CIA would be envious of. He was very disciplined and he ran that thing like a well oiled machine. If there were an Oscar for Paper Routes....well...nuff said!  


Sometimes, when he wasn't careful, and you were in the right position and the right time, you could catch a twinkle in his eye and and a little grin that said something like.. "he he... I am the master of my universe..." minus the stereo typical dramatic evil Draculan laugh that one would expect.....


Now, it didn't matter if it was rain or shine or even  "school closing" snow,  he never missed a day and almost never missed a paper. He did this for years.  Every Saturday evening was spent in our living room with a pile of Sunday inserts....which we all rolled and rubber banded while we watched "Star Search"..... (Ok, so there was no Idol then.... k?)  Nothing was funner than getting up super early on Sunday and load up the papers....each one seriously felt like a block of cement.  Then running around delivering those chunks of bricks...it look twice as long and we had to finish quickly in time to go to our next favorite thing on Sunday......right....Church!  Oh Yeah!! and there was much rejoicing throughout the land....


But once I had taken this nightime job, I had to catch more sleep each morning when I got home in order to be halfway ready for my 2nd job.  So, for several months he and JJ were on their own....(except for those bloody Sundays.)     


Then came my last day.... the day I would be returning to school and leaving home yet one more time.  I remember the day so well... I finished my night route, got home and was on my way into the house when something said to my mind "Go find Dad...!"  I immediately decided to follow the voice....I ran the route until I found him.... I didn't have to go too far and when he saw me coming he shouted out "Hey! great to see you..."  I said "Put me to work".  We finished the route in record time, the day progressed and off I went to BYU.


Fast Forward:  Later.... I think it would have been months later... I received one of Dad's letters.  I can hardly talk about Dad's letters without feeling a lump in my throat.... .  I had come to rely upon them much in my life.  No one wrote letters like Dad.  I opened the letter and then read about that last day I left for BYU many months ago.  


He said that he was already not looking forward to my leaving that day, and knowing he wouldn't see me before I left, when I came bounding down the sidewalk in the darkness to find him and help, he said in that moment I "jumped" into his personal "Hall of Fame".  He proceeded to tell me how special that small moment was for him.  It was totally unexpected.


I had to stop and rewind and play the "tape" again in my mind.  My heart got involved this time.  I thought it was nothing....more fun than very important.  He saw it quite differently. He drew me into the feelings that Fathers have, a context that I couldn't quite understand at the time,  but believed him.  


He went on to say for the first of many times how much I made him "Hurt Good".  This has become a very special term that he and I have traded back and forth since that time.  I have come to know how special that feeling is.


That was it, nothing more; simple really when I think of it, but so profound and it has left its permanent mark on my heart.  

Postlude:  I have since thought about my personal "Hall of Fame".... Who is in there?  Who do I let in?  What do they have to do?  Do I need to have one?  I have thought, and felt about it a lot since then.  I have learned there is a door, there is criteria, but I have never written it down.  In fact, I am not even sure I could tell you.... but I can say that my heart absolutely knows what the entrance criteria is.  I never know when it will happen, but when it does, it is as clear as a whistle through a silent sky.  Do you have one?  "Hurts Good" works for me.

So, I have stopped scratching my head about Dad's paper route.  That letter put that question to bed. I secretly smile to myself in a more knowing way as I think about the many times we spent working together, accomplishing something hard - together.  My hat's off to you Dad...You were always way smarter than me  Thanks for taking that paper route in order to teach me a life lesson about "hurting good" It has made all the difference.  

50 Words

When I was a Freshman in college, I had a writing assignment for an English class which was to describe something in great detail but with only very few words. I must have told my Father about it because about a week later I received a letter from him that included a piece of paper that had one paragraph written on it. It was an assignment he had completed in college many years before that he had saved. I was so surprised he had saved it! I read the paragraph and didn't quite understand it. I called him up and asked him about it. He said when he was a Freshman his assignment was to describe his Dad in 50 words.

Now, with greater context, I re-read his 50 word paragraph describing Grandpa. Wow....! It was perfect. I re-read it over and over....(yes! I did count the words just to make sure too--50). Those few words not only described him well, but captured his "essence", which really surprised me. It was really really good. I was so impressed with how well Dad had managed to choose each word and then string them together so succinctly to capture so much of someone in just 50 short words.... I know I completed my assignment, but can't even remember what I ended up doint it on......obviously it did not have the same impact on me or the professor!

Fast Forward 23 years.......I am rummaging through old stuff, waxing nostalgic ,and I come across Dad's letter and the 50 word assignment he sent me so long ago. I smiled to myself and replayed the short exchange we had so many years before. So, I re-read it again. The power of it had not dwindled with time--There was Grandpa, alive and well forever captured in "ink".

 I had not seen my Dad for about 3 years (longest for me at that point) and I was really missing him. I started noodling about what he had done for his Dad. What a wondrous gift, that 50 word "statue" was now a monument to him, something so complimentary to who he was. I wondered further.....what 50 words would someone choose for me? That quickly turned into an excited notion that formed in my head...."Hey, what if I do one for Dad?" Hmm..... I wonder, could I pull it off? I knew inside that I could never get it quite as right as he did, but a desire grew inside me to try. So, I set off right then and there....I opened up Word and started brainstorming and freeforming; throwing words all over the page like a puzzle,  electronically listing words, adjectives, superlatives etc...... I realized after 1 hour that I had 2 pages full of awesome stuff. Now the hard part....whittling down. Easier said then done! I started the laborious process of trying to condense a lifetime of experiences and characteristics into a couple of paragraphs. It became increasingly difficult and I found myself getting quite upset and frustrated....I started spewing forth not-so-nice expressions under my breath and finally after 2 hours hit "save", pushed my chair out and stomped off to release my pent up emotions with a nice Dr. Pepper. "Dang!@#&!! ; How come it was so flippin' hard??" For the next few nights I continued to tackle the problem at hand.....nothing seemed to flow, there was too much and I just could not emotionally handle the "cutting" that was required. I decided to let it rest after a week.

Fast forward 10 months...... No, I hadn't forgotten. I had continued to think and ponder about it for months but just couldn't wrap my head around it. It had to be a "feeling" and it was like grabbing a bar of soap in the bathtub--very elusive. What started as this optimistic poetic piece that I thought I could knock out in a couple of days had turned into a long, drawn out, focused mission that had pushed me and stretched me in very important ways. I began to pick up where I left off.

Somehow, someway, how, I am still not sure, words started to come together and more importantly their combined meaning created little parts of the "essence" of Dad (if that makes sense?) --at least it seemed that way to me. I started to get a little bit excited and I persisted. It took the next two months to finally get it down into about 70 words. I knew I was close but it just wasn't "perfeito" (perfect). Finally, after simply going over it over and over again I found myself counting ....50! I had done it! I felt so powerful....and then in the same heartbeat I second guessed myself and wondered "Is it even close?" "Is it good?" "Does it capture his soul the way he did his Dad?" .......Probably not, but it was good enough for a non-writer type like me....

I waited almost another year for his birthday to give it to him. I had it done in nice calligraphy and framed it for him. It was my most important gift to him and I considered it a way for me to honor him.

So.......I have thought long and hard about about posting my 50 word assignment on this blog.....I am well aware of the fact that to any reader this will not seem much, because of how personal it is to me. I do not expect anyone to respond as I have, but I share it regardless because I want to extend an invitation......... yes to you! I strongly suggest everyone go through this process. You will learn more about yourself and this person than you ever imagined. You will recall special moments that you may have forgotten, you will see just how amazing the person really is. Feelings and emotions will come as you think about how to capture them with words. It is a wonderful thing.

Should you accept this homework assignment, may it wring your insides out and frustrate you only because at the end of the day, your love and appreciation will be bigger, deeper and more meaningful.....at least that was my experience. I pray it be yours.....

When the time came to place my 50 word gift in his hands....I was wearing my heart on my sleeve and was "brimming" with emotion....he would never know how long it took or how hard it was for me...he didn't need to. I knew how much he loved his Dad, and I wanted to let him know how much I loved mine.....

Normally greets with a pun. Although avoids advice,
His wisdom pierces and lingers.
Soulful and Eloquent,
Would rather be driving a long haul rig.
Darts of self doubt only set the grit more firmly in his teeth
Never sweats the small stuff.
Passionately paints with poetry.  Melodic;
.…aches for Daddy

Aaron L. Brown -- Jan’05