Hi Dad! How's it going....? It's been a year since you decided to leave here and take a walk with your sweet Jennie. I spent the day thinking about you.... It was profoundly quiet and yet so full of incredible memories.....
It isn't the same without you, but I bet Mom felt the same way for a lot longer... I know who is going to win that battle for sure... I couldn't be happier for you!
I have a couple of images that I carry around with me of you: One is this picture of Don Quixote. I read part of his story today stopping often to picture how you would react to different parts of this beloved story you identified with so much. I thought I saw your smile and heard your familiar laughter. That was pretty fun to experience again. I re-read "Or I'll Dress You in Mourning" and found you all over the place. I wish I had talked to you more about that book and what it meant to you. I know it was deep and you connected with Cordobes' plight in a personal way. I believe it is your deep empathy of the "underdog". I have looked at underdogs with a different perspective since you parted and I hope that I feel what you may have as you so often rooted in their behalf with great hope for anyone that found themselves resembling or fully wearing that title.
I miss you..... terribly!
How grateful I am for.....the early Saturday morning trips to the AERA Club to play tennis all morning in Jakarta. Often, it was just you me driving in that huge station wagon in the early gray mornings. I loved watching you play even before I knew how.....What was at least as much fun was listening to you socialize in the clubhouse with all the people in between matches. Your wit made the time pass so well for all. I remember the crazy spins you would make on the court completely driving people crazy... I think you loved that even more than winning!
Those early days shaped my own love for tennis. Remember later in Brasilia, when we would make those late night runs to the Embassy courts where we would play for hours? Saturdays there were even funner because I got to play with you... How many doubles matches did we play? Many! How lucky was I...? Completely!
I miss the lazy Sunday afternoons in Monterrey when you would get on the piano, which was rare and play your own special versions of chord progressions and turn them into sonatas and etudes extraordinaire!
I loved being around you... you didn't say much often, but there were those long deep drinking sessions where you would reveal everything and a new universe opened up to me. To get a peek into your heart and mind was so special to me. Normally the only way there was through your poems. But I will treasure forever the you and me late niters that were like drinking from a deep cold clear well of water.
Today I thought of you and thirsted mightily again.... Oh! The need for another long drink with you is so strong I can feel it. I know you would if you could. I will close my eyes and pretend that you are right here, quietly and knowingly listening to all the contents of my heart and then with great kindness watch you blow the chaff away.... leaving only that which is bright and pure to shine light and your particular brand of big picture perspective into my life, reminding me how I should see things and consider others.
....I just want you to know that you will always be so close by to me. I lean into you often and I know you know that. I appreciate your help when things get hard here. I feel you close and it means a lot.
Maybe I can find you in the woods for a stroll one day. I know a place..... Not sure if you will be there, but I will try. I will let you know so you can put in your calendar ok?
I miss you Dad. The aching continues.... and will always burn in the very best of ways. It is certainly glorious....
Much love and affection,
Aaronius Maximus, your 5th
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