The Archer's Bow

I felt it first with Landon, and each new that came after has been the same.  I have always felt, way down deep, that these amazing five fingered humans never came from us, rather...through us. I have never felt that they were 'mine.'  The process that brings each one here is too cosmic, too crazy, too mindblowing to think that they could be anyone else's but His, from Heaven.

One might ask, "Does that change your love for them?"  

I would say that is has influenced and shaped the way I see and love them.  

Mom always taught me that when we 'borrow' something we treat it differently, more carefully, in fact, if you can, give it back better than when you got it.  There is a greater sense of mindfulness I believe that occurs when someone lends you something very special to them.  

Usually, there is a hesitation I think.... when someone asks to borrow something of you that is like...one of your favorite things and you are kinda like "Oh crap.... really?"  You think you might want to say "no" but you don't know how....Does that happen to you?  You end up saying "yes" and then you wonder and worry if you are really going to get that thing back, or in the shape that you expect.   I have always admired the 'instantaneous lender', that person that joyfully gives, with almost no regard for hesitation... they have somehow already worked out all that worry stuff that normally gets in the way... they don't have it.  They start from a very different place.  A wonderful place that when you see it in someone else you marvel....a place that seems more difficult for you....thus the admiration.

So Heaven lent us these four...  cream of the crop, grade A quality, top of the line.... He gave us the best of the best.  What does one do with the best of the best??   Eventually, after alot of hand wringing and over analyzing, it comes to you in a flash.....you just get out of their way.  The most simple hard thing ever a parent does.   It is a sophisticated form of letting go, without abdicating any responsibility.  This kind of letting go actually changes you .... you step aside a bit, but you are doing all the learning, fumbling around to find your new foothold, to find the banister that is no longer there.  Never has there been so heavy a burden of turning over the bricks to God, one by one realizing He knows where to place each one, in the building of their future pathways.  

Gibran calls them arrows and us bows and He is the archer.  I connect strongly with his metaphors.  I identify with what he describes in a powerful way.  I love how he makes me think differently, about trajectory and how I can help them with that.  Trajectory is long-term mindedness, not short-term.  It keeps my eyes looking further ahead than normal.....  So I pull back as hard as I can, I try and aim while my arm quivers a bit... looking out without seeing everything, hoping, praying, learning to not worry as I let loose of each arrow... each one going on a different path, a path designed especially for them.  

With one arrow left in the quiver, I ponder about the other 3 that have soared through the air finding their mark...How will I know if I bent back far enough?  Misjudged the aim? Am I strong enough to get them to where they are supposed to go?  I must leave it up to the archer.  He can see... He knows....

So we return those that were sent through us, borrowed... one at a time....feeling the temporary loss, but filled by the experience we had with each.  The greatest gifts.... what an honor, what a privilege.... to have been part of your flight.  Fly sharp, fly true, fly far and find your mark.

On Children

 Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts, 
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, 
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, 
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, 
and He bends you with His might 
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, 
so He loves also the bow that is stable.