Sadness

I need to feel strong.... but I don't know how.

Everything about today was different, more like....."not right".  There was no flow, no familiarity, no consistency.

I "brushed" by everything as if I wasn't really there, just my empty body, no spirit, no soul.....no Aaron.

Unpleasantness clung to me like cobwebs....

Everywhere I looked today I saw things pulling me down.  I feel sadness way down deep... the kind that is beyond tears.... I feel I should be crying but it seems too easy .  People very close to me are suffering and I find myself without.... empty handed like a handcuffed bystander... my screams are muffled, no one can hear, like a bad dream.

And yet, I cannot despair, or else all is lost, even hope.  And that I will not let go of....

no matter what.