"And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?"
Chi, a classmate of mine from high school in Brazil. He was from Nigeria. This past week I received a text from a close friend regarding his death and passing. I immediately called to get more details. It was very surprising to hear, we were both bewildered and saddened by the news.
I was not very close to "Chi" as I remember us all calling him. I do remember a few things: He seemed like he was 7 feet tall. He was always happy and seemingly could make friends with anyone anywhere. Very unassuming and very gracious for a diplomat's kid that had lots of benefits. He sought after friendship vs waiting for it to happen. Most of what I know comes from what others have shared about him, especially my close friend recently in his FB tribute to him.
My goal is not to honor Chi in this post...... rather my close friend Francisco, who did that in his own most significant way....
What is interesting is that Chi actually passed away last summer, but none in our global village seemed to know. That piqued my interest.... I asked my friend how he found out.
I N S P I R A T I O N
He said that he just kind of suddenly came upon the idea as he received a skype update message that had Chijoke's name which then triggered an immediate impulse to send an email to his account to say "hi" as it had been about a year since last contact was made. What came back was a response from Chi's wife explaining the situation. Wow... "that was inspired" I thought. "How cool..... How beautiful"
E M P A T H Y
"And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;"
My friend then spent the next 1.5 hours just talking with her, letting her unwind the details, letting the story flow, the events that led up to and since his sudden passing. He said it was almost as if she hadn't really completely gone through the grieving process, as if it has just happened. She spoke of the sudden diagnosis followed by 3 quick killer weeks that took hi before she knew it. She poured out the contents of her heart and my friend just listened and was "there", present, soaking it all in, absorbing the pain, the emotion....yes even the quiet spaces in between the words, where the silent seconds sear the heart... not knowing what to say... wondering where the words would come from. He was completely "there" for her. It was unexpected, uninvited....but drawn desperately in for sure, even if only for a brief moment, in order to relieve the bottled up pain and expression needing release.
G E N E R O S I T Y
"It is well to give when asked, but it is better to give unasked, through understanding;"
I believe the resource we all possess that is the most difficult to give liberally is that of our time and heart. People will part with money before they will give up their time. Then there are those that show some type of pretense of sharing their time, but is easily seen through as a weak smoke screen that fades quickly with even the softest faint breeze. True generosity to me means giving your all in that moment when the moment requires it. That moment that requires 100% immediately..... total immersion or nothing. It also means it seeks nothing in return for that gift.
"For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught."I loved that my friend understood this. No question. When the time came, the need was surfaced, he dove in.....all in, and it made all the difference.
D E V O T I O N
"And let your best be for your friend."
So, because of his devotion and esteem for his friend, Chi, he decides to do the unthinkable....yes, he posts a FB memorial in behalf of Chi. My friend doesn't do FB. He doesn't post, he doesn't poke and doesn't like.... but this day he didn't "post" -- he honored. Thanks you for showing your best for your friend and to the rest of us of how we should treat each other.... I learned a lot about friendship today.
