Precious Insights....

I learned something about Braden (15) a few days ago that I wanted to share.....I haven't asked his permission.....crossing my fingers.....

Braden is that certain type of person who decided early in life (like maybe 2) that the best way to live his life would be by doing right things quietly and consistently.  He somehow knew at a very young age that he didn't need to let the world know everything he was thinking or feeling.  He figured out that he really didn't need to know what people thought or said about him either....meaning, whatever they did have to say wouldn't influence or change him in the least.  He came here with an innate sense of self, and ability to see and process people, behavior and actions around him very quietly. One of his strengths is being "quick to observe" which in my opinion is one of those character traits that is difficult to develop much less master.  He came to understand that the most important things are those that are done in quiet, often unseen and almost always not recognized by others.  This is Braden, a fifteen year old teenager that is for all intents and purposes magnetically polarized to recognition, reward, accolades from parents, peers or "men"......Who is this guy?

He chooses his friends with deliberate scrutiny and they are all "shipworthy" souls to a fault.  He didn't need to experiment, or navigate those choppy waters of social groups.  He isn't in the popular crowd, he shies away from the jocks although plays on HS soccer team.  He loves math and science but is not a "nerd".  He isn't a goth, Emo, boarder, druggie, or rocker..... he is exactly what you see and exactly what he knows he is.  It is yes...a bit unnerving, but completely beautiful.

So, with this intro, let me share my story..... it is tiny but as big as the universe for me.

His new Church youth leader came up to me at Church the other day and said he had something to tell me about Braden.  My ears perked up faster than a doberman sensing a nearby squirrel!  Braden is like turning on a light.  You don't run home to tell Mom that there was light in the room.  You tell Mom about all the kids who misbehaved etc... in Sunday School.  Braden is always consistently present and participative, to the point you just expect exactly what he brings every time.  So, this was different.....

He said that he asked the class what would each of them do if they knew for sure that Jesus was coming like in a few weeks.  He let each of them simmer on that for a few minutes and then went around the room and earnestly asked each one what that would mean and what they would do.  One said "I would repent!" "I would be nicer to people" said another... there was "I would try and get myself ready", then there was "I don't know what I would do".  Most were about looking inward, reflective of their own standing and behavior in nature, entirely what I would expect from kids or anyone for that matter. Then came Braden's turn and he quietly and stoically said without hesitation 

"I would go tell people"......

The leader said that there was an immediate change in the ambience in the room.  It was so quietly said, but everyone noticed with their inner ears.  A different and distinctive spirit was felt.  I felt it just hearing the story.

That was it.  That was all....  so simple, so piercing and so insightful.  I was so grateful to get this precious insight from a thoughtful and caring leader.  It said so much to me beyond answering a hypothetical question.  It affirmed to me that all I thought I knew about Braden might actually still be true.  He doesn't talk about these things.  You won't get them at home.  We spend most of our time wondering and hoping if everything is good and solid when it comes to figuring him out.  What a nice moment of validation.

They say it takes a village to raise a child....I believe it.  I knew along time ago (like when the first kid was born) that I was in trouble thinking that I could do very much as a parent.  I am convinced that it is takes touches from a thousand people to shape each person. I live in a pretty cool "village" made up of very special people like this volunteer leader to spend any of his time at all helping teach and counsel my son.  I am very grateful for him, for sharing this oh so exquisite tidbit of insight into Braden's mind and heart.  

Braden, you made me think twice about how I would have answered that question.  You were the teacher and I the student and you don't even know it.....  Once again, just your way....quietly and effortlessly doing and "thinking" right things without looking for validation.....a bit of burden lifted....

How you came to our family I will never quite understand but we obviously needed you.  Thank you for choosing us and being exactly who you are.  I hope you never change.....

Guitar Moments....

McKenna (17) had spent the long weekend "re-imagining" her room.  It was going through a much needed transformation from a pre-teen "girly" look into a very cool modern hip uptown extravaganza, so she was pretty excited and tired after painting, moving furniture, going through old stuff, making tough decisions on whether to keep clothes that she almost never wears or not...you know, hard teenage issues!

The very cool part of the day came at night when she came into the music room/den and asked me if I would play my guitar to put her to sleep.   I immediately felt a familiar quickening of the pulse, and a little jump of excitement in my heart!  Wow, it had been literally at least 4 solid years since I had done that for any of the kids.  I immediately got serious and pulled out songs from the past that I used to always play to put them all asleep at night.

The notion that this was probably one of those very precious, never-to-happen-again moments was not lost on me at all.  In fact, I knew deep inside that this could very well not happen again.  Just look at the facts:

1. She is halfway through her Junior year  
2. She likes boys almost more than eating
3. She is dreaming of college already
4. She is focused on so many other things.....almost every thought and action moves her to look forward vs. any lingering backward looks at her childhood past, including that of paying attention to parents.... 
5. She is seriously 3 inches from becoming all grow'd up and gone...

So, all this was flashing through my mind as I tuned up old faithful, the guitar I have had since I was 19.  Yes.....cheap, classical, but comfortable and warm.....  I pulled out sheet music that I haven't played for forever.  

I turned out most of the lights.... enough to be able to glance at words and chords to keep myself straight and moving forward, because when you are lulling someone to sleep, much like a baby in a cradle, there is a certain movement....a sway......a rock that must be consistent long enough to make the lulling actually take effect...so, I needed to find that rhythm and keep it going.  

I began..... the first couple songs were ok-slash-rusty.  It took doing a few more to finally get into the right rhythm.  Then that most amazing thing happened that doesn't occur often, but when it does it is just exquisite.....  I entered into that elusive "zone", where nothing can go wrong.... the words come, the fingers know every chord, the picking hand just moves as if it has never stopped.  It all comes together, you find yourself "in" the song, gliding along, riding it like surfing a long curling wave, as if you are traveling in and on the song itself...you somehow have found a way to "weave" yourself into the words and melody and you are one with it.  It knows you and you know it.  Time stops, and there is only oneness with the music.  It is very much like finding an old friend... everything seems so familiar, as if you just saw them yesterday even if 20 years have actually passed....do you know this feeling?  

Commercial Break:  How do I explain my love for music?....  I really believe I wouldn't be near the person I am today without music in my life.....maybe that is a totally silly thing to say.... I guess I really don't know, but just know my life would be different.  Man I love music.....I would like to think it likes me a bit too...  I know people who love animals as much as people.  I understand why.  They find complete acceptance and no judgement.  They can share love with them.  They are tremendously loyal and consistent. Although I do not share the same affinity of feeling for animals, I find strong parallels with music. My experience is that music always accepts me, no matter what my proficiency of singing or playing is.  It doesn't matter how much time has passed, the old familiar songs are always ready for me, and always bring the same feelings when first learned.  Music accepts me unconditionally, and is always ready to embrace me on my terms.....Music takes pain away....it softens my heart, brings clarity to my thinking, reminds me that I can feel so deeply, it helps remember amazing memories....for me music is an aural photo album.  I can remember people, places and feelings so vividly by hearing certain songs. Yes, music elevates my spirit and enables me to feel spiritual things almost more than anything else.

Back to McKenna....

So, I play all the songs that I used to when they were little kids.... many songs bring a smile to my face as I would often try to get the kids attention by switching words up or making up verses that they never heard before....they loved that... they would always want me to do more of that which often ended quickly because my creative stretch often found its' limits with only a verse or two... but that was fun.  This night there was only silence....me, the guitar, and McKenna in the other room, quiet and just listening....

In high school I often fantasized about playing in a band.... how cool the idea was then!  I have never been a "performer" per se.  I don't really have the voice or complete pkg to do that. I have alway just loved playing and singing for myself and maybe a very small group.....  I never needed more.  

As performances go however.....this night was my finest.  Alone, me and the music, with a perfect audience of a girl snuggled in her bed letting the old tunes soak in, letting her mind wander, unwind and relax.  All these familiar songs gathering around me like old friends me reminding me of treasured memories, people I love, feelings I hadn't felt for a long time.....Mostly though, making me feel as if my "offering" was being accepted, as if I had found "home".

Was it all for McKenna?  Yes....  Did I lose myself in the process?  Yes.  Did I achieve the intended outcome?  Yes....she was fast asleep by the time I was done....how much time had passed?  Who knows, who cares....The music for sure didn't and neither did I.  In the end I am so grateful to McKenna for that particular invitation, more so than all the dozens of others that came often back in the day...because this may have been for the last time, to participate with her in something that means so much to me but that had meaning for her too.  What I will treasure more than my own personal journey is if this becomes a lasting memory for her that will make her smile later in her life when she gets invited by her 17 year old girl to play and sing her to sleep....

God is good...

For Good......no comment, it's perfectly written

Click here to hear audio while reading

FOR GOOD

I've heard it said

That people come into our lives for a reason

Bringing something we must learn

And we are led

To those who help us most to grow

If we let them

And we help them in return

Well, I don't know if I believe that's true

But I know I'm who I am today

Because I knew you...

Like a comet pulled from orbit

As it passes the sun

Like a stream that meets a boulder

Halfway through the wood

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

But because I knew you

I have been changed for good

It well may be
That we will never meet again

In this lifetime

So let me say before we part

So much of me

Is made of what I learned from you

You'll be with me

Like a handprint tatoo on my heart

And now whatever way our stories end

I know you have re-written mine

By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from its mooring

By a wind off the sea

Like a seed dropped by a skybird

In a distant wood

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

But because I knew you

Because I knew you

I have been changed for good

And just to clear the air

I ask forgiveness

For the things I've done you blame me for

But then, I guess we know

There's blame to share

And none of it seems to matter anymore

Like a comet pulled from orbit

As it passes a sun

Like a stream that meets a boulder

Halfway through the wood

Like a ship blown from its mooring

By a wind off the sea

Like a seed dropped by a sky bird

in a distant wood

Who can say if I've been

Changed for the better?

I do believe I have been

Changed for the better

And because I knew you...

Because I knew you...

Because I knew you...

I have been changed for good...


Thank you

Deixar ir.....

Sometimes letting go is the only way to find out if you are meant to.....