50 Words

When I was a Freshman in college, I had a writing assignment for an English class which was to describe something in great detail but with only very few words. I must have told my Father about it because about a week later I received a letter from him that included a piece of paper that had one paragraph written on it. It was an assignment he had completed in college many years before that he had saved. I was so surprised he had saved it! I read the paragraph and didn't quite understand it. I called him up and asked him about it. He said when he was a Freshman his assignment was to describe his Dad in 50 words.

Now, with greater context, I re-read his 50 word paragraph describing Grandpa. Wow....! It was perfect. I re-read it over and over....(yes! I did count the words just to make sure too--50). Those few words not only described him well, but captured his "essence", which really surprised me. It was really really good. I was so impressed with how well Dad had managed to choose each word and then string them together so succinctly to capture so much of someone in just 50 short words.... I know I completed my assignment, but can't even remember what I ended up doint it on......obviously it did not have the same impact on me or the professor!

Fast Forward 23 years.......I am rummaging through old stuff, waxing nostalgic ,and I come across Dad's letter and the 50 word assignment he sent me so long ago. I smiled to myself and replayed the short exchange we had so many years before. So, I re-read it again. The power of it had not dwindled with time--There was Grandpa, alive and well forever captured in "ink".

 I had not seen my Dad for about 3 years (longest for me at that point) and I was really missing him. I started noodling about what he had done for his Dad. What a wondrous gift, that 50 word "statue" was now a monument to him, something so complimentary to who he was. I wondered further.....what 50 words would someone choose for me? That quickly turned into an excited notion that formed in my head...."Hey, what if I do one for Dad?" Hmm..... I wonder, could I pull it off? I knew inside that I could never get it quite as right as he did, but a desire grew inside me to try. So, I set off right then and there....I opened up Word and started brainstorming and freeforming; throwing words all over the page like a puzzle,  electronically listing words, adjectives, superlatives etc...... I realized after 1 hour that I had 2 pages full of awesome stuff. Now the hard part....whittling down. Easier said then done! I started the laborious process of trying to condense a lifetime of experiences and characteristics into a couple of paragraphs. It became increasingly difficult and I found myself getting quite upset and frustrated....I started spewing forth not-so-nice expressions under my breath and finally after 2 hours hit "save", pushed my chair out and stomped off to release my pent up emotions with a nice Dr. Pepper. "Dang!@#&!! ; How come it was so flippin' hard??" For the next few nights I continued to tackle the problem at hand.....nothing seemed to flow, there was too much and I just could not emotionally handle the "cutting" that was required. I decided to let it rest after a week.

Fast forward 10 months...... No, I hadn't forgotten. I had continued to think and ponder about it for months but just couldn't wrap my head around it. It had to be a "feeling" and it was like grabbing a bar of soap in the bathtub--very elusive. What started as this optimistic poetic piece that I thought I could knock out in a couple of days had turned into a long, drawn out, focused mission that had pushed me and stretched me in very important ways. I began to pick up where I left off.

Somehow, someway, how, I am still not sure, words started to come together and more importantly their combined meaning created little parts of the "essence" of Dad (if that makes sense?) --at least it seemed that way to me. I started to get a little bit excited and I persisted. It took the next two months to finally get it down into about 70 words. I knew I was close but it just wasn't "perfeito" (perfect). Finally, after simply going over it over and over again I found myself counting ....50! I had done it! I felt so powerful....and then in the same heartbeat I second guessed myself and wondered "Is it even close?" "Is it good?" "Does it capture his soul the way he did his Dad?" .......Probably not, but it was good enough for a non-writer type like me....

I waited almost another year for his birthday to give it to him. I had it done in nice calligraphy and framed it for him. It was my most important gift to him and I considered it a way for me to honor him.

So.......I have thought long and hard about about posting my 50 word assignment on this blog.....I am well aware of the fact that to any reader this will not seem much, because of how personal it is to me. I do not expect anyone to respond as I have, but I share it regardless because I want to extend an invitation......... yes to you! I strongly suggest everyone go through this process. You will learn more about yourself and this person than you ever imagined. You will recall special moments that you may have forgotten, you will see just how amazing the person really is. Feelings and emotions will come as you think about how to capture them with words. It is a wonderful thing.

Should you accept this homework assignment, may it wring your insides out and frustrate you only because at the end of the day, your love and appreciation will be bigger, deeper and more meaningful.....at least that was my experience. I pray it be yours.....

When the time came to place my 50 word gift in his hands....I was wearing my heart on my sleeve and was "brimming" with emotion....he would never know how long it took or how hard it was for me...he didn't need to. I knew how much he loved his Dad, and I wanted to let him know how much I loved mine.....

Normally greets with a pun. Although avoids advice,
His wisdom pierces and lingers.
Soulful and Eloquent,
Would rather be driving a long haul rig.
Darts of self doubt only set the grit more firmly in his teeth
Never sweats the small stuff.
Passionately paints with poetry.  Melodic;
.…aches for Daddy
Aaron L. Brown -- Jan’05

Know Thyself.....

I walked in the door last night coming home from work and as I passed through the entryway I turned my head, saw a few of the kids watching TV and greeted them with a passing: " Hey Dudes.... how goes it?"

As I continued my forward motion and started to head up the stairs I heard a retort behind me that said emphatically: "Hey!... I am NOT a Dude, Dad!!"

I turned around and......yes, there was Alexa with her arms crossed across her chest, hips bent one way, with one of her "Bring it on Dude" attitudes written all over her face. (.......Do they always come with red hair!!?)

I could tell she was waiting for the "right" answer from me. I squirmed uncomfortably realizing she was making me nervous! (Like getting caught stealing cookies from the cookie jar). I realized it was FEAR! ......How could a tiny little girl cause make me sweat??!!

She just sat there and waited while I fumbled to come up with the right words. I began to explain to her that she was my little "Dudette"(....he he, nice recovery I thought.....) WRONG! That did not fly at all - in fact, her only response was to shift her weight from one foot to the other, now showing signs of growing impatience..... "Quickly Aaron" I thought..."you are striking out here". The only thing I could come up with was a feeble "It just means I love you honey!" .... If there had been a referee right there I would have been presented with a "Red Card" and ejected from the game for such a weak performance! Needless to say, she realized how pathetic I was, rolled her eyes and walked away.....

but not before she reminded me that she was a "GIRL!!!!! and that her name was ALEXA CHELTA BROWN".....

Now, all kidding aside. I sat down on the steps right there and let my mind take in the power of her few words.... What came clearly to my mind was: "Know Thyself"

I sat there and marveled at the fact that Alexa, who is 8 yrs old, not only knew who she was, but did so with great "enthusiasm" and conviction!

No, she most definitely is not a "dude" in the strictest sense of the definition. I may think of her as my "little Dude" but in the larger scope of reality -- No, she is not!

What caught me was how quickly she responded and the mighty attitude she said it with. She knew exactly what she was NOT--which really is a reflection of knowing who she really IS right?

I reflected upon the world that she has to grow up in....a world that is more confusing with every passing day. A world that I feel has often confused the "who am I? " question. It is less clear for young people today to "know who they are" because there are so many influences pulling them this way or that. The only way to make sense of anything the world "defines" is to: "Know Thyself"

As I sat there and let the full extent of her self-knowledge wash over me like a flood and I received a calm feeling and a lump in my throat. She didn't get that from me or Mom did she? No..... she came hardwired with that information, at least I hoped so, and also hoped that maybe Heaven had a hand here, helping her after all -- to know who she is, where she came from and what she is supposed to do.

Can she put her faith and belief in a simple still, small but powerful "feeling"? Is she prepared to face the world that might tell her she is any number of different things?.......... Yes! There is no question at all. She knows....... and anyone, including her silly Dad, that tries to tell her otherwise has another thing coming, that is for sure.

....After a few moments, I got up, continued where I had left off, and a knowing smile started to form on my face replacing the lump in my throat. I said a quiet prayer of thanks for that reinforcing feeling, not so much that I knew she knew, but more importantly that she knew she knew. I did an instant quick "check" internally, to see if I still knew as she seemed to know........Ahh, .it was a good moment for me, to remember too, who I was and to have that feel right.

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. -- Dr. Seuss

No, Lexi, I will never mind when you speak what you feel, I consider it a blessing to know you, associate with you and to constantly learn from you....May you never lose that sense of identity and courage -- My money is on you -- never the World!!